Winter of Love
by BelleDean
Summary: The Year is 1969. Change is in the air and, in rural Washington, love is in the air when small-town values collide with freewheeling teenagers. Canon Couples, All Human, Drug Use & Lemons.
1. Chapter 1 Changes

**Thanks to Twanza & Reamhar - my betas for this chapter. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or its characters - obviously.**

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**1. Changes.**

It was January 2nd, 1969. Changes it seemed were ahead, but the Vietnam War was still in full swing. In just over two weeks, Richard Milhous Nixon would be sworn in to replace Lyndon Baines Johnson as President of the United States. No good can come from a man whose middle name is Milhous, that much I knew, but it wasn't up to me. I wasn't allowed to vote in the last presidential election, and Renee, my mother, the only person legally allowed to vote in our household, had given up on the election process after the assassination of Bobby Kennedy. And what do you get when people give up? You get Dick Nixon.

The bright California sun was shining through the window of the crappy little bungalow we'd spent the last eight months in, and Marvin Gaye's "_I heard it through the Grapevine_" was blaring on the radio, while my twin brother Jas and I packed up our measly belongings into our worn-out duffle bags. Another move was ahead, and we knew this one was different from the others in the past. The lyrics of the song seemed oddly poignant to me, as I stuffed the only dress I owned into the bag.

We were about to return to our father or, as we referred to him, Charlie - a man we hadn't seen in almost 16 years. What we knew about him was limited. He was the Chief of Police of a tiny town with almost no crime, he had never remarried, and he still called Renee every month. It started to dawn on me while packing and listening to the lyrics of the song that Charlie's love life mirrored the lines of the song._ Yeah, he heard it through the grapevine that his wife had left him for another man and he sort of never got over it._ Renee had dumped him, unceremoniously, all those years ago, without so much of a notice to where she was dragging his children off to.

Renee and Charlie had both grown up in Forks, Washington – a small, cloud-covered town in the Olympic Peninsula of the Pacific Northwest. They had known each other all their lives and had started dating during their senior year in high school. Renee barely ever talks about Charlie or why she started dating him. Unlike our father, our mother had always hated living in the small town in the middle of nowhere, but I think after we were born it got worse. When opportunity knocked, she decided to leave our father to run off with some wannabe beatnik named Jack and us in tow.

Jack promised Renee a new life and a one-way bus ticket out of Forks. The bus ticket represented for Renee an escape route away from our father, the little house they lived in and the daily monotony of a housewife's duties in the 1950's in the town she hated.

I know I make her sound like a bad person, but to be honest, I can't really say I blame her. She got married to Charlie at 18 when she found out she was pregnant with my sister Rosalie. Her choices were limited and society made most of them for her. Renee was a dreamer who always yearned for the day she would be able to leave her hometown. She had it all planned out. She had saved every penny she ever earned from all her jobs and, once she'd graduate high school, she would take the first bus out of town. Anywhere but here, she thought.

But then, three months before graduation, she found out she was three months into her first pregnancy. You could say teenage hormones had crushed my mother's dreams. Abortions, though legal in the state of Washington, were hard to come by and before she knew it, it was too late to have one. So there she was, 18 years old, knocked up by the son of a local cop and before she had any time to protest - married. Life wasn't pretty. She felt like the walls were closing in on her.

Still her ambition of leaving Forks could not be squelched and between cooking on a low budget, cleaning and taking care of the baby, Renee kept on searching for a way out. As if the universe hadn't conspired against her enough, she was pregnant again soon after Rose was born – this time with twins. Jasper and I were born in February of 1952. Now she was truly stuck. Nowhere to hide or run. Even her daydreaming and searching had seized. She said she never regretted having us, but it cannot have been easy for her. A small part of me feels guilty that maybe her life turned out the way it did because she decided to keep us.

Then she ran into Jack at the local diner. Jack thought he was a misunderstood poet, but really - he was probably simply a drunken dreamer who wanted to escape the uptight constraints of small town living just like Renee. He fantasized of a place where he would live off the air, write crappy poetry and just enjoy himself; no 9 to 5 rut, no traditional constraints of marriage, no mortgage and no bills to worry about. Incidentally Jack's dreams and Renee's seemed alike – or so she thought – for like five minutes, which was enough time for Renee to take Jack up on his offer to run away with him to a commune in Oregon. Sometimes I don't know whether I should be grateful for the fact that Renee was so attached to us that she wouldn't dream of leaving us with Charlie, or whether I should be mad at her for dragging us across the country for the next 16 years of our lives only to leave us to go back to the same place she'd fled so many years ago.

Living in a commune didn't turn out to be what Renee had dreamed about after all. If she thought life was tough in a small house with electricity and running water, life had gotten a whole lot tougher at the commune. No electricity and no oil equaled no light, no radio and no heat in the winter. Assuming her share of farming duties was even worse than cooking and cleaning for Charlie with the aid of a gas stove and washing machine. When Jack got with the "free love" program of the commune and started sleeping around with other women, Renee realized that her dreams and his dreams had probably no common thread at all. She was stuck – yet again. No money and no place to run to. Finding a job and getting the hell out of there, didn't seem like a viable option with three small children in tow and no real work experience.

Before Renee had to contemplate in earnest how to leave the commune life behind, she was notified that both of her parents had tragically passed away in a car accident and had left her a small savings account and the deed to their ram shack in her hometown of Forks. Renee had no intention of ever returning to Forks. So she sold the house and collected the money quietly and, without bidding farewell to anyone in the commune, she packed up our stuff and bought four one-way bus tickets to San Francisco.

From that point on Renee, Rosalie, Jasper and I still moved around a lot depending on Renee's latest aspirations and ideas, but we stayed mainly in one state – California - and we stayed together. In an effort to escape the clouds that had overshadowed her old life, she picked a place where the sun was supposed to shine 350 days out of the year. For a short period when I was about 10 years old, Renee dated a banker and we all did a brief stint in New York City; but mostly we stayed in sunny California even though it turned out not to be the Promised Land Renee and, I guess countless other people before her, had envisioned.

We never owned much and we never stayed in one school system long enough to form friendships, but life was never dull or boring with Renee. Asides from following various movements and different gurus over the years, Renee held numerous jobs with not much success and countless men with equal success. Since the failure of her relationship with Jack though, she made sure never to entirely depend on men again and never to move in with them. And from my own observations at the time, I would say she made the right choice – at least in that learned not to get too attached to anything or anyone beside the four of us because before we knew we would have to move again anyway. My siblings and I survived by becoming mostly self-sufficient in the daily routines that were essential to get by. I sometimes cooked and made sure Renee enrolled us in school; Rosalie cleaned and made sure we were clothed and Jasper was the glue that held us women together.

Although we moved a lot, there was an odd continuity or pattern, if you want to call it that, to our life. We knew what to expect and we'd established a routine in dealing with Renee.

That was until last summer. We were living in Venice Beach at the time. Jas and I had found summer jobs at a local record store and Rose was dating a mechanic named Joe. When Jas and I were not busy working in the record store listening to The Doors, we spent our time at the beach smoking, people watching, pondering politics and trying to figure out why or what convinced our beauty queen sister to date average Joe, the mechanic. The guy had greasy hair, the vague outlines of a growing beer-belly and he wasn't exactly the sharpest tool in the shed. Rose on the other hand was smart, blond, blue-eyed, tall and thin – in short: every guy's dream girl. We later found out that he taught her how to fix cars – a skill that would came in handy soon after.

You had to give it to Rose; on the outside she appeared to be all shallow beauty queen and smiles, but behind the façade was a girl that planned ahead and anticipated Renee's follies better than Jas and I ever did. While the two of us were so wound up in our own little world that we didn't notice when this latest change happened, Rose did.

Renee had met someone. His name was Phil and he was a roadie with The Grateful Dead. According to Phil, they first met at some event in the summer of 1967 when we were living in San Francisco, though Renee's memory of that meeting, she declared, is slightly foggy and she can't remember ever meeting Phil that summer. At any event, they reconnected at a concert in L.A. a year later. He was ten years younger than Renee and, as the nature of his job suggested, he traveled a lot. His chosen profession, his appearance and his age made him prime Renee-dating material. Nothing out of the ordinary I thought when I first met him. He seemed nice enough in comparison to the various douchebags Renee had dated over the years and I only ran into him every now and then when he came to pick up Renee from our house.

I didn't give the guy any further thought, but I did notice little, subtle changes in Renee. For the first time in as long as we could remember she appeared to be genuinely happy. Jas and I however never managed to put two and two together to figure out that Renee's new found happiness seemed to coincide with the appearance of Phil. That I didn't fully recognize what was going on was really no surprise, since I lived mostly in the world of my books, away from reality, but Jas has a quasi-6th sense for people's emotions and how he didn't see the shit coming a mile away before it hit us, I still don't understand. Rose, however, had seen the writing on the wall and had set the wheels in motion to plan ahead for the inevitable.

Renee started spending all her free time with Phil when he was in L.A. and when he left she sulked. I didn't recognize Renee's strange melancholy as lovesick moping - Rose did. Jas later on told me he noticed it, but thought it was just a phase and eventually it would blow over. Worst-case scenario we would move, he thought. No such luck.

By Christmas 1968, we were all stuck in Phoenix where Phil had invited us to a visit with his folks for the holidays. That's when we received the announcement. It was clear when we got to Phoenix that Phil's parents really didn't care for Renee or her baggage, but they were polite until Christmas dinner. In retrospect I should have known in the weeks leading up to the holidays that some major change was about to occur, because her odd mood swings were getting way out of control. When Phil was around, Renee was bouncing around like she was on happy pills, when he was gone she acted like a manic depressive. But I hadn't. I was too busy busy studying and getting stoned with Jas. So of course I was entirely unprepared for the reality that was about to hit us during this fateful Christmas dinner.

Blissfully holding hands and smiling like two idiotic teenagers in love, Renee and Phil announced their engagement. Incidentally, that's when I recognized it looking at them. Considering all the shitty romance novels I had read over the years from Austen to the Brontës, I should have come to this realization much earlier; Renee was in LOVE.

You could hear the crickets chirping for the next ten minutes while everyone digested the doomsday news of their engagement. Everybody kept on eating and pretending they hadn't heard the announcement. I kept quiet because frankly - I didn't know what to say. Phil's parents were clearly still in denial that their only son had taken up with an older woman with almost grown kids and we didn't know where Renee's latest decision would leave us.

Nobody said anything until Jas held up his glass and yelled, "Well, I think Congratulations are in order!" Stiffly Phil's parents held up their glasses and toasted to the newly engaged couple, but you could tell they were just putting on a show and the true confrontation would follow later. Nothing further was discussed at the dinner table, but later on that night Rose, Jas and I had a long overdue chat and the current plan was set in motion.

Living with sulking Renee or traveling the country as deadheads were not options we were willing to live with we decided quickly and Rose, ever the pragmatist, suggested that we hit the road and settle with Charlie for our remaining high school careers.

Other than the telephone calls and gift packages we all received for our birthdays and the holidays, we had basically lost touch with Charlie, but as Rose explained to us, living with Charlie would provide us probably with enough stability to finish high school, a goal that seemed unrealistic if we spend the next year traveling around the country with Renee.

Rose had it all planned out and even if Jas and I had the slight inkling that this wouldn't necessarily work out so well for us, we were just too dumbfounded by the latest turn of events to fully protest. Dear Joe from last summer apparently had gifted Rose an old, red Chevy truck hoping that she would never figure out how to fix the clunker and that seeing her try would offer him ample opportunity to convince her to permanently move in with him after she finished High School. He clearly didn't know what Rose was all about. Not only did she have the truck running in no time, but she also had no intention to ever hang around him again once that thing was fixed.

We sat down the next day with Renee and told her our plan to live with Charlie so that she could travel with Phil. To my amazement she not only agreed to our plan quickly, but also seemed to be kind of pleased about it. Upon our return to L.A., Phil and Renee wasted no time and got married in a small ceremony three days later. They were just so freaking cheery and happy that I couldn't even be mad at them. All that was left for us to do now was to start gathering our belongings for the move ahead. After all the drama of the last 16 years traveling around with Renee, I felt a small pinch of pain that she let us go so easily.

Which brings us to this fateful January morning when we are about to leave sunny California for dreary, rainy Forks, Washington. Renee hated that place with a passion, but apparently she saw nothing wrong with our plan of moving there. There wasn't much to pack – a couple of ratty t-shirts, some jeans, my books, Jas's record collection, the record player and we were done. While Jas and I had spent our summer job earnings on pot, records and cigarettes, Rose in her never ending wisdom had saved up money from various jobs, so that we had some extra spending cash and possible money for winter clothes, which we would definitely need. We packed the truck bed late that afternoon and started driving up the coast; an old Dylan tune was playing in the background on the car radio - "_for the times they are a-changin_." Oh, and we knew they were changin, although in ways that we never expected.

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	2. Chapter 2 Charlie

**I don't own Twilight.**

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**2. Charlie**

While driving through Oregon, contemplating the newest set of changes, a wave of panic slowly started to take hold over me. We'd never before followed any parental guidelines.

Up until now, we'd had no curfews, no hygiene or clothing restrictions - not even mandatory family dinners. The liquor cabinet was never locked, and Renee seemed to be fine with her underage teenagers having sex, so long as "protection" was used. Even pot smoking was acceptable. We had no rules whatsoever. Nada. Zilch.

Yeah, we always went to school, but even that decision was entirely ours to make. Renee would not have cared if we suddenly announced our intention to home school ourselves. According to loopy Renee, nothing good was to be gained from public education anyway. Formulaic learning taught and planned by government bureaucrats would only cripple and entrap our free minds – or so she would have us believe. We had enough sense, though, not to follow that path, but technically the option still remained for us to call it a day and just drop out.

I was pretty certain that this was about to change now.

It wasn't like I ever took too many liberties, yet the weird feeling that you get when you don't know what to expect took over as we drove toward our new home. What would Charlie expect?

In California, I went to school and I did my homework. Despite the fact that we switched schools frequently, I always managed to maintain an "A" average and was proud of it. Extracurricular school activities, however, were not my strong suit by any means, even though they looked good on college and scholarship applications. And let's face it - I would need a scholarship to pay for school, but those things were hard to follow through with if you moved as often as we did. In the end, if you joined any clubs or got involved in activities and then left without completing them, you just seemed to leave people with a bad taste in their mouths for unceremoniously dumping stuff on them that they had not signed up for. I never wanted to do that to people - just dump stuff on them like Renee had pretty much always done to us.

Constant change and its consequences were one of those unfortunate side effects of living with Renee, sort of like the hangovers you get when drinking one too many of her martinis. A new apartment, a new boyfriend, a new job with changing hours and a new cult or movement to follow – those were just a few of the things that serendipitously changed. For us, those changes meant a new school, a new apartment in a different area or town, a new daily routine and occasionally a new boyfriend that tried to fill the shoes of our absent father. Rose, Jas and I tried to adjust as best as we could.

As a result, our personal lives were somewhat stunted; Jas had learned to play guitar at age five, but he never got to join a band because we never stuck around one place long enough. Given that Renee was horrible with money, Rose was burdened since the age of twelve with handling our meager finances. I guess my lack of extracurricular activities for college applications really wasn't such a raw deal in comparison.

Nevertheless, I loved my crazy mother, and the freedom and small liberties that living with her allowed for. Jas and I frequently went to parties, concerts or the movies whenever we felt like it. By the time Rose turned sixteen and discovered the power of her vagina, as Jas and I like to joke, she came and went as she chose. No permission required.

For the first time in as long as I could remember, I was not prepared for the kind of change we were facing. What if Charlie went all authoritarian on us? _'My house – my rules!' _He was a cop after all. I wasn't sure how I would survive this. Images from last year's Democratic Convention in Chicago started flooding back; Cops beating the crap out of people who looked a lot like us. Those images did nothing to calm my nerves. I tried to stop myself from letting this panic cloud my thinking. The more I was afraid about what was ahead, the more I was tempted to run back to Renee at the first truck stop.

In the end, the irrational feeling of fear was pushed away by reason. What kept me in the car was the fact that staying with Charlie was my one and only realistic shot of finishing high school. I learned from firsthand observation of Renee that going to college was an absolute necessity for any woman's independence. Renee herself never managed to go to college, and her job options had always been limited because of it. No high school degree meant no college, and no college degree equaled shitty jobs with little prospect for betterment. I was sure as shit that I wasn't going to fall into the same trap Renee fell in. Countless men, children and crappy jobs. No way, no how. I was a sometimes stoner, but I had enough sense to see that this was not the road I wanted to head down. I knew, not only would I have to stay in this truck heading up to some podunk town, I'd have to make this Charlie thing work so I could stay there and graduate.

I knew Jas' goal was college as well, since he wanted to avoid the draft. I had no idea what Rose's plans were. Perhaps I should have been a little more curious about them before I agreed to follow her suggestion of moving in with Charlie.

By the time we reached the Washington border, the weather definitely changed into the dreary cold rain Renee had often described to us. Jas was asleep next to me and Rose focused solely on the road ahead. Though I convinced myself that staying in the car was the only logical choice I had, I was still anxious about what was ahead and shifted nervously around in my seat.

"Sit still, Bella. You're starting to annoy the shit out of me," Rose snapped out of nowhere. I hadn't realized that my nervous energy was so outwardly apparent. Rose sighed.

"Relax, Bella. I don't think this is going to be all that bad. Sure, the weather will suck and it may take awhile before we get used to the town, but we'll be together. It'll be fine. I spoke to Charlie a couple of times over the last few months, and he seems to be looking forward to this. We're basically all grown up and I think he knows that he can't undo 16 years of Renee's upbringing - if you can call it that. Come on, sis, stop worrying," she said, as she squinted at the road ahead of us.

"Can I ask you something, Rose?" I felt slightly ashamed that my unease was this apparent, and that Rose managed to guess the reasons behind them without much effort. I made a mental note that I had to work on my poker face - this would not do.

"What? Ask away. I need something to keep me awake anyway."

"How did you see this coming? I mean, I expected to keep moving around with Renee to a different towns, but I never thought she'd give us up so easily, you know. It was so out of the blue. She dragged us around with her for so long, constantly telling us that she could never leave us, and now she's given us up without a second thought. How did this happen?" I looked at her with a frown on my face, still not fathoming how and with whom we were going to live now.

"Cut Renee a break, will ya? I don't think this was an easy decision to make for her. I think she's fell in love for the first time in her life. Better late than never I guess. Not that I have any concept or clue of what love is about, but even I could tell that when she met Phil, she seemed happy and at peace. You know she wasn't really in love with Charlie and all the losers afterward. She never had many options after she had us. Yeah, I agree, she dragged us around a lot, but you know that wasn't always her choice. Really, Bells, she had a shitty deal in life, she deserves this. Charlie loved her, I'm sure, but she never felt that way about him."

I felt like a silly child, which was really not a role I was used to playing. Hell, I was responsible enough to keep us all enrolled in school for all these years and cooked most, if not all, of our meals. We all knew Renee, as much as we loved her, was entirely incapable of making sure we were fed, clothed and attending school on a regular basis. As far as I was concerned, love was such an overused and over-emphasized four-letter word that it really didn't count for much. What made this idiot, Phil, so different from the other guys Renee has been dating? Why did love make people change their whole life around and forget about everyone else but that one person they loved?

Eager to change the subject, I asked, "So, do you remember anything about Charlie? Because I have to tell you – I would probably walk right past him, not recognizing him, if I saw him on the street."

"Nah, I don't remember much either. I get a sense from our phone calls, though, that he's a pretty mellow guy. It will be a good thing for us to get to know him. Sometimes I feel like I'm missing part of the puzzle of who I am, and living with him - I think – might give us the opportunity to figure stuff out about ourselves as well." Rose paused, and looked at me before she continued, "You know, I think you have his hair color and his eyes." Renee, Rose and Jas were blond, blue-eyed and pretty. As far as looks go, they were the genetically blessed people. I wasn't ugly, but in comparison to them, I paled, literally. After years under the California sun, the only thing I ever got was a sunburn and some freckles. I was made up of pale white, nearly translucent skin, with mahogany hair and brown eyes. I guess I had my father to thank for that.

"Well, at least I'll be more likely to fit in here, with my pale skin," I proposed. Rose kept on driving, eyes on the road, humming along with the radio, and too soon it was Saturday evening – twilight, to be exact – and we were hitting the town of Forks. Of course it was still raining. I groaned inwardly. Everything was green; ferns, moss, and trees were sprouting up everywhere.

No, none of us fit in here. We were all dusty, dry, glassy-eyed, and dirty as we arrived in front of Charlie's house, exhausted.

It was a regular white house with a veranda. We climbed hesitantly out of the truck, not knowing what to expect from our biological father. Before we could knock on the door, it opened.

There stood Charlie: middle-aged, brown hair, and a handle bar mustache. There was a twinkle in his eye as he noticed us slouching on the stairs of his veranda all wet with our soaking bags lagging behind us. He greeted us, but – thank god – did not attempt to hug us. We all knew that would have just been awkward.

"Hey, guys. I heard the truck. Where did you get it from? Never mind, why don't you get in here first and I'll show you up to your rooms." He motioned for us to come into the house as he scratched his neck nervously.

"Hey, Charlie," Rose greeted him first and we all nodded in his direction, smiling and trying to be friendly. He led us to the second floor of the house and showed us the first room.

"So I thought Rosalie and Isabella – you could have this room – and Jasper could maybe have the room across the hall?" He pointed to one room with two twin beds. Before I could protest, Rose spoke with authority and determination in her voice.

"Charlie, thanks for taking us in. I know we really haven't been in touch and I know it must be strange for you to have to deal with almost grown up kids. At any rate, Jas and Bella," she emphasized the short versions of our names we preferred and winked at us, "Well, Mom kind of never separated them and they always share a room together. I know this may seem strange to you, but to keep this all open and honest while we're here, I'm sure they would appreciate it if we could keep it this way. This will work smoother for us, so just leave them be. Usually whenever there was an extra third bedroom available, I got it. So I'll take the single."

Jasper and I were both staring at our feet and the floorboards beneath them, expecting the first new rule to be drawn up immediately. People who'd visited our home had pointed out to us that our living arrangements were unorthodox past the age of twelve, but we'd never before been forced to live with anyone besides Renee, and it wasn't like it ever mattered to her.

Silence followed Rose's announcement and she started walking towards the smaller room with the single bed as if she'd already predefined the natural order of our living arrangements. I heard Charlie sigh.

"Okay, I guess. You're too old to follow any new rules now." He smiled at us uneasily.

The real reasons why Rose almost always got the single when it was available were still a mystery to him, because I'm sure otherwise he'd have protested. Among the three of us, Rose was the only one that seemed to have any interest in the opposite sex and routinely took the guys home. To Renee's disappointment, Jas and I never brought anybody home. Sure, I'd fooled around with some idiot boys from school and I'm sure Jas had been through some escapades, but neither of us ever cared enough to drag them back to our house. To be honest, after some lousy, wet, sloppy kisses and inexperienced groping, I was quite turned-off by the whole idea of sex. Jas had plenty of girls following him around, but mostly he didn't pay them too much attention.

Either one of us would've loved to snatch up the single bedroom on occasion just to get some privacy, but usually we were too lazy to protest. By now we also had gotten used to sharing a room. Let's face it, if we didn't give Rose what she wanted, she would make our lives hell. There would be a litany of complaints about our sloppiness, and she would go on a cleaning strike. And God knows neither Jas nor I wanted any extra chores. If it kept her happy, it would work for us.

Jas and I started tugging our bags towards our new room and I turned around to face Charlie, suddenly feeling the urge to thank him for not being the uptight small-town, narrow minded cop that I'd envisioned him to be and for going with the flow. Our flow.

"Thank you again, Charlie. I mean I know it's kind of weird and strange, but thanks."

He looked down at me with a smile and then added "Well, do me a favor, kiddo, let's keep these living arrangements within the confines of this household. Otherwise the gossip will never end in this town. I've registered you all with the local high school and I'm sure the gossip mill is already spinning into overdrive."

"No problem." I smiled, and just like that, I knew that at least our living arrangements would work out. With that he turned around and walked back downstairs. I had to hand it to him. Charlie just accepted us for who we were. He didn't hover around, but just left us to our own devices.

To show our gratitude, Rose and I cleaned up the entire house on Sunday while he was out fishing and I cooked dinner for all of us. We even ventured on a trip to the local grocery store where the town's populace promptly stared like we were an exhibit at a museum. I was used to stares when I was with Rose, because she was so damn pretty that every man within a 10-foot radius started drooling (while every woman gave her the glare of envy). But there was something off about the looks we were getting here. It wasn't only Rose's beauty they admired. No, they stared at us because we were different. Slouchy jeans, flower tops, flip-flops in January and unkempt hair were fine in Venice Beach, but were clearly a little out of place in Forks, and inappropriate considering the weather.

Add to that, neither Rose nor I wore a bra and the local yokels practically had their eyeballs popping out of their eye sockets at the sight of us. During Renee's feminist phase three years ago, she joined a "Burn Your Bras"-campaign; consequently Rose and I never owned a bra.

A middle-aged fat woman grabbed the elbow of the guy who must have been her husband and pulled him out of our aisle. The cashier girl was the first and only person who had a smile on her face when she saw us. She can't have been much older than we were. Brown hair like me, glasses, tall and skinny – probably another misfit, I thought.

"Hey," she greeted us as we approached the cash register. "You guys must be Chief Swan's children." Rose and I both nodded, smiling before Rose took the opportunity to introduce us. _Clearly word of our arrival had spread._ Not a difficult feat in a town of 500 people at best.

"Hi! And yes, we are. I'm Rose, and this is my sister Bella. We'll be starting school tomorrow. What's your name?"

"I'm Angela. I guess I will be seeing you tomorrow at school then."

"Nice meeting you, Angela," Rose said with an angel's smile on her face.

We paid for our groceries and stepped out in the cold rain. Rose shrugged. "See, this isn't that bad. She seemed nice. Now if it would only stop raining." She groaned, looking up at the sky.

"Fat chance, Rose. You know that's not going to happen. And yeah, she may be nice. But what if she is the exception and not the rule?"

"Come on Bella, a more positive attitude please!" She started backing up our behemoth of a truck, when I noticed a guy about our age sprint across the parking lot to the entrance of the grocery store. He was really tall with brown, curly hair and from what I could see an athletic build. Rose followed my eyes, and started smiling.

"Not bad, not bad." She tapped her fingers on the steering wheel.

I couldn't help it – I rolled my eyes. "Oh, please Rose, we all know why you wanted the single room…. Just make sure the moral squad of this town doesn't find out what you are up to. Because trust me, in a town this small rumors will spread and I can't imagine that Charlie would be pleased to hear about your exploits." Rose huffed and drove along the entrance of the store towards the street. Like every heterosexual male on this planet earth, the tall guy stopped and stared when he saw Rose drive by.

Rose probably saw dimples, pretty brown eyes and a nice ass; I saw trouble.

When we arrived back at the house Jas was in the kitchen stringing some chords together on his old guitar. Rose began to do some laundry and I started cooking.

"So how's the town, Bells?" Jas inquired without looking up.

"Town? Really? I'm not even sure I can call it a town. I haven't even seen a movie theater or a record store. You'd probably have to drive to the next bigger town for that. Rose, however, has already discovered her new object of affection. I hope Charlie doesn't get wind of what she is up to, because I swear he will kick us out when he does and you know what's coming then."

"Well, let's hope she keeps it quiet then and that she doesn't dump the dude after a week, because you know in that case he'd be tempted to talk," Jas commented. I silently agreed and started the dinner.

When Charlie arrived home for dinner, saw the clean house and smelled the steak, he was positively beaming. _We had to make this work_, I thought to myself. Most of my fears passed and all I could think about was that we could stay put for a year and a half without a single move. Jas and I smiled at each other. I knew the smile would fade a little the next day, but for now we were good.

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	3. Chapter 3 High School

**Special thanks to my Beta BMD & PTB. **

**_Disclaimer_**_: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media _

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**3. High School**

Right in front of our bedroom window was a huge tree that almost covered the view of the outside world; not that there was anything to see out in the yard, just more of the same green. For a brief moment as I woke up, I wasn't quite sure whether this was all a dream or if it was reality. Had we really returned to the place Renee had run away from? And on our own volition no less...? Gazing out of the window from my bed, any doubts that this was all just a weird dream disappeared. All I could see outside of the window was green, but the surreal thing was that it had stopped raining. I could no longer hear the patter of raindrops as they fell onto the roof. Excitedly I jumped out of the bed and ran to the window, only to discover that there was no sun either, as far as I could see. Thick clouds still covered the sky. Renee was correct – the sun seldom made its appearance here.

"Jas, wake up. We have to get ready," I yelled over to the bed at the other side of the room. I waited until I heard him grumble a response and then started to drag myself to the bathroom.

By 7:15, we were showered, wearing clean clothes, and standing in the kitchen, ready to pay Forks High our first official visit when the phone rang. Before we could start arguing about whether or not to pick up the phone, Rose answered it. "Swan residence," she chirped into the receiver.

"Good morning, Charlie! … No need to remind us about that . . . Yeah, we're standing at the door right now, ready to leave." She rolled her eyes, looking back at us.

"No, really Charlie... No worries. We usually get up by ourselves and make our own breakfast. We'll see you tonight." She hung up the phone and turned towards us waiting at the door.

"Man, oh, man. He was worried we wouldn't get up. Can you believe it? I'm beginning to believe he thinks we're retarded." I laughed at Charlie's concern; no grown-up needed to explain to us that we needed to be at the new school's office early on our first day to pick up our schedules. We were pros at that.

Rose, true to form, wore a tight pair of jeans and a red shirt, leaving her long blond hair hanging down her shoulders. She swayed her hips from side to side on her way to the door while Jas and I slouched behind her. I'd found my pair of Converse sneakers last night and Rose had washed my jeans. I also managed to locate a clean white t-shirt and a sweater. I decided my outfit should pass muster – it wasn't as though we were going to be attending Beverly Hills High. Besides, I didn't want to stand out – I was trying to blend in and hide.

I was wrong about the outfit.

When we pulled into the school parking lot and looked at the place, I knew that – just like during our visit at the supermarket – we would stand out here, no matter how hard we tried. Why Renee had left this town became painfully clear to me. If the people at this high school were any representation of who lived in this town, running away seemed like a sensible option. It was as if this freaking place was stuck in another era, a time when Elvis Presley shaking his hips was scandalous and the hair length of 'The Beatles' was still thought of as outrageous. Jas' own hair reached his shoulders – that alone would qualify us as outcasts here. The girls still used hairspray and dressed in pumps and pencil skirts. The guys didn't look much better; wearing varsity jackets and jeans, which looked like their mothers had ironed them.

What a horror! I truly didn't care about fashion, but the look here just screamed uptight, backwards and narrow-minded_. I_ felt like screaming – "It's 1969 people – wake up and smell the coffee." Elvis is over. Hell, even The Beatles were kind of over after The White Album – they would never produce anything better. I wasn't the only one that seemed petrified by the sight of the school and the students.

A side-glance at my siblings told me that we were all in a small state of shock. Our terror-struck eyes sized up the school building and the size of the parking lot. This was, without a doubt, the smallest high school we'd ever attended. Renee may have moved a lot, but she stayed in big cities where we blended in easily and students came and left too randomly to pay any attention to new ones. Jas was the first of us to muster a response to the display before us.

"Holy cow – I think we may be stuck in a time warp. In which case, our truck at least should totally fit in," he commented with a grin.

"Yeah, no shit," was my only response. Our car was apparently built in 1953.

"Well," Rose sighed, stretching her shoulders and moving her hair back. "I'm only here for a very, very short stint, my friends. But you guys? You better make nice here."

"You have a point, Rose," Jas acknowledged. I punched him for it as we started making our way towards the small building.

"What?" he looked down at me, "When she's right, she's right, and you know she is." And I had to admit that Rose was right – again.

We were completely stuck.

We had 18 months of the same high school misery ahead of us. I guess the Charlie thing sure was too good to be true – something else had to hit. I knew it. Lucky for us, we had gotten to this hellhole before the crowds arrived. Although I was fairly certain that whatever the count of the student body was, it would have barely qualified as a crowd at the other schools we'd attended.

The students who were here this early must have been total losers, I figured. Who gets to school 30 minutes before classes started unless you had to pick up your schedule? Some blond chick, who was wearing way too much make-up, glared at us as we walked past her, while some loser kid sporting slicked back blond hair practically undressed Rose with his eyes. _Yeah, like she is going to give you the time of day_, I thought.

We reached the school office to pick up our schedules without incident. The chubby lady that stood behind the counter was actually sweet when she handed them to us.

"Welcome – you must be Chief Swan's children. I'm Ms. Cope. We've heard a lot about you guys. Your dad is so proud of you. I'm sure you'll find Forks a very welcoming and friendly town. If you need anything or have any questions, please come by here and I'll be happy to help you," she said, beaming a smile at us.

_Dear, oh, dear._ She was just too cheery to be real. I almost fell into the old pattern of rolling my eyes, but Rose pushed me in my shoulder before any expression of annoyance reached my face. We smiled back at her, even managing to murmur a 'thank you,' and walked towards our respective classrooms.

Jas and I only had first period English together.

This was going to be an easy class. I'd already read all the material: Shakespeare, Brontë, Chaucer, Faulkner again. While glancing at the syllabus, I contemplated briefly whether Renee had been right after all about the uselessness of a public school education.

My next class was Spanish, another easy class. The Spanish teacher's accent was the worst I'd ever heard. Just further affirmation that my loony-bin mother's convictions about public schools might be more on point than I'd previously cared to admit. The classes so far were all comfortingly easy as well as numbingly boring. At the end of the class, the grease ball boy, who had ogled Rose in the parking lot, walked up to my table to introduce himself.

"Hi, I'm Mike Newton – you must be either Isabella or Rosalie Swan," he said, holding out his hand to me. _Was he for real?_ Before I could come to any conclusion on that, I remembered Rose's words, so I forced myself to shake his hand, saying, "Hi, I'm Bella. It's nice to meet you!"

Letting go of his clammy hand as fast as I could, I started to get up and walk to my next class, thinking that this would be enough polite conversation for one day – but I was wrong.

"So Bella," he continued, not leaving my side. "What other classes do you have on your schedule? I can help you get to your classrooms and if I know the teachers, I can let you know what to expect."

I really wanted to tell him to go away. _You are not getting into Rose's panties! Hell, she won't let you touch her feet by being nice to me_! The words were almost on the tip of my tongue, but I held it back. I don't know what came over me at that moment. Maybe it was because I wasn't used to somebody actually paying attention to me. In any case, it forced my mouth to come up with an uncharacteristically polite response.

"Well, I have math next, followed by biology and gym after lunch," I finally replied as I walked towards the door.

"I'll walk you," he offered a little too eagerly. _Yeah, like I could get lost in a place this small._ With the look of a stupid Labrador plastered on his face, he walked right beside me to my next class. He stopped in front of what appeared to be my math classroom.

"So I think this is it," he said, shuffling from one foot to the other and then continued, "Well, I'll see you during lunch then." I was beyond pleased when he finally left. _What kind of drugs are you on, _I wanted to scream. _Share them with me! _Whatever he was on must have left him so delusional that he thought he'd have a chance with Rose if he talked to me. There could be no other explanation for his behavior

I wasn't sure how well I'd d do in this class and decided not to sit in my usual spot in the last row. I picked a table in the front and dropped my bag onto the floor beside the chair. I was busy doodling along the sides of my notebook when a short chick with bouncy curls plopped herself next to me.

"Hi, I'm Jessica. So are you Isabella or Rosalie?" she asked while simultaneously unpacking her notebook.

"I'm Bella – just Bella."

"You know you guys are totally the big news in this town right now. I mean everybody has heard the story about your mother and how she left your dad to go live in some Hippie Commune. Is that actually true?" she asked with a serious expression on her face.

I almost laughed.

"Mmmh, yeah, I guess, kind of." I wasn't going to give her more of an answer. It already felt like she knew way more about me, before I even knew her last name. She kept on rambling all class long about her Christmas break, her church and some dance for Valentine's Day the school was planning. I noticed after a quick glance on the syllabus that I probably would get by in this class as well without much effort, if only this Jessica chick would stop talking my ear off.

I started wondering in earnest whether I could move to the back of the classroom tomorrow to get away from this girl or whether she'd be pissed. And yet I wasn't sure whether I could take any more of her small talk. As we walked out of the classroom with her still talking a mile a minute, the Newton kid showed up at the door for a repeat performance.

"Hey, Jess," he greeted her, "so you've met Bella already. You should sit with us during lunch, Bella," he said looking at me before continuing, "So I heard you lived in California before, is that true?"

"Yeah," I replied, starting to look around for Jas or Rose, but when I needed them, they were of course nowhere to be found.

"Now please don't be offended," Jessica added, "but you look kind of pale for a California girl." Apparently she was still talking to me.

"Yeah, my mother is part Albino," I answered absentmindedly. It occurred to me that she might not find my response funny and I waited for the awkward silence to follow, but the Newton kid saved the situation by laughing like a hyena.

"That's hilarious!" he managed to say before the silence following my joke became discernible. I gave him with a weak smile. Maybe this boy wasn't so bad after all. Looks were deceiving in his case, though. His hair was slimed back with some hair product and he just looked so average. I took an apple out of my bag and started walking along with Mike and Jessica to their table. I noticed the girl from the supermarket sitting at the same table and the blond chick with way too much make-up.

"Hey, Angela, Lauren – this is Bella," she introduced me, "one of Chief Swan's children who just moved here." I nodded to both of them and then sat down next to Angela.

"So Bella... is that all you are eating? If that's all you're having – I can see why you guys are all so skinny," the Lauren yapped, pointing to my apple. I was about to say something snappy back, but then I remembered the new mantra I'd created this morning. _Be nice, don't make enemies,_ I chanted to myself. So instead of giving Lauren the evil eye, I just smiled.

"I ate a lot for breakfast, so I'm not hungry yet," I responded.

"So, Bella," Lauren continued, "is it true your mother abandoned you guys for a musician she's now touring with? Anybody famous we may have heard of?"

"Phil's not a musician, and no, she didn't abandon us. We just decided it was time to spend some quality time with Charlie." I wasn't sure how long I could be nice to that girl.

If the suggestion that Renee ran off with a borderline famous musician wasn't actually so hilariously ludicrous, I would have been royally pissed at the suggestion that our mother had abandoned us. Renee was so not attracted to success.

Thankfully Jas and Rose arrived just in the nick of time, before Lauren could come up with more obnoxious questions, and walked straight to the table I was sitting at. Finally, all attention could focus on someone else! True to form, Rose introduced herself and the jaws of all three guys sitting at that table dropped.

"Hi, I'm Rose and this is Jas," she announced with a smile, pulling out a chair across from me to sit down. "And I see you've met Bella already." I smiled back at her raising my eyebrows. The banter around the table continued and people started quizzing us like they'd never met anybody not born and bred in this town. Apparently they'd all known each other since kindergarten.

I was too bored to pay attention to all the questions these people came up with and Rose was more than willing to answer them. Hell, she was practically glowing from all the attention she was getting. I was almost certain that, had I not shot it down, she would have jumped at the musician story and run with it. She was used to getting all the attention and the more she could get, the better. Jas and I just sat back and watched the show.

I looked around the cafeteria, checking out the other students when I saw Mr. Brown & Curly with dimples strutting along our table. I glanced over to Rose, but there was no need to make her aware of his presence. She'd already shifted her focus from the kids sitting at our table to the bear of a boy walking past us. He was even taller than I remembered from the brief glimpse I got of him at the grocery store. He didn't fit in with the rest of the people here. He was too tall, his appearance too striking and, somehow, he seemed older then rest of the people in this crappy little school. Since he was the only remotely attractive guy I'd seen in this town so far, I knew it would be Rose's mission to get his attention above all. In fact, just as I was thinking it, the huge guy turned his head to look back at her. But my focus had already shifted to the boy who was walking closely behind him.

He was tall with pale skin and untidy copper-brownish hair. Unlike dimple boy before him, his body wasn't bulky, but lean. They both sat down at a table at the other end of the small cafeteria. A skinny girl with short black hair and fairy features was already seated there. They seemed to know each other, but didn't talk much to each other.

I stared at them. I couldn't help myself. I didn't think I'd ever seen such strange looking teenagers before. Rose and Jas were good looking, but the kids sitting around that table with dimple boy almost looked like they could be featured in a television sitcom. Scratch that, they were good looking enough to be in a full feature length movie. Or maybe one of those glossy fashion magazines Renee bought when she wanted to experience luxury without actually spending more than a dollar.

The Jessica chick noticed the direction I was staring and, without further ado, gave me the whole scoop. "Those are the Cullens. They're twins, although you wouldn't be able to tell by their looks, and the tall one is Emmett McCarty – he's the son of the Principal and the captain of the football team. The Cullens moved here two years ago from Alaska. Their father is a doctor," she said, chewing on her sandwich. I wasn't sure how much more info she would spill and so out of curiosity I prodded further.

"What's the name of the guy with the strange bronze hair color?" I pointed with my small finger in the direction of the boy who'd followed Emmett into the cafeteria. Just as I asked the question, he looked up. I tried to avert my eyes quickly, feeling my cheeks turn the same color as our shitty clunker. But I gaped long enough to catch a glimpse of his eyes. They were green. If I hadn't been so embarrassed, I would've stared longer at those eyes. They were mesmerizing.

"That's Edward Cullen. He's indeed total eye-candy, but just so you know and don't waste your time, he doesn't date – like ever. Apparently no girl at this school is good enough for him and he doesn't talk to anyone either," she stated and I swore I could detect some disappointment and bitterness there. I guess he didn't give her the time of day.

"I'm not interested in dating anybody," I responded, looking straight at the apple that was still in my hands. Apparently, over-processed hair with too much make-up girl had listened to our conversation and felt the need to contribute.

"So what? He's handsome, but no respectable girl from around here would wanna date him anyway, considering what kind of doctor his father is. My mom told me he works at a clinic in Port Angeles once a week. You know . . . the kind where women with loose morals end up having to go to. And Emmett is only friends with them because he feels bad since they've no other friends," she said with a fake, evil smile on her face. I made an immediate mental note to stay as far away from Lauren as possible. If she was talking badly about kids whose parents actually belonged to a respected profession, I was sure she'd come up with something worse to say about my siblings and me.

Rose just rolled her eyes and mumbled "Whatever, loose morals? Really?" she sniped, shaking her head. "What does that even mean?" And just like that, she picked up her bag from the floor and started to walk away.

Apparently her mumblings were loud enough for people to hear. Lauren almost choked on her soda and I swear I could hear some of the other people around the table snicker.

Jas and I stared at each other for two seconds and decided that before getting into trouble by association, it was better to ditch this table. Feigning that we had to get something from our lockers, we grabbed our bags and got up.

As we walked out of the cafeteria, Jas starting humming and I laughed as I recognized the melody.

_People are strange when you are stranger, _

_Faces look ugly when you're alone…._

"So, what's next?" my twin asked.

"Biology," I answered. "So far, nothing too challenging here. Same shit, different venue I guess." I shrugged my shoulders. "Anything that's holding your attention?"

A smile crossed his face, and for a second he looked like the cat that had caught the canary. "Well, nothing academic so far, but extra-curricular activities seem promising." I raised my eyebrows.

"Okay, twin, I'll see you later and you'll have to spill what you mean by that. After mandated torture, that is." I started to walk away.

"Gym?" my twin guessed correctly and I nodded as I walked into the direction of my next classroom. I was beginning to wonder whether I should've waited for Newton to help me find the biology classroom because I had a hard time finding that darn room and the teacher had almost started the class when I finally reached it.

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	4. Chapter 4 Biology Lessons & TV Dinners

**Okay, this chapter took a really fucking long time to complete, so I hope the finished product is acceptable. I owe many thanks to my betas** **Reamhar, Twanza and BMD for pre-reading! Any remaining spelling & grammatical errors are totally my own fault.**

_**Disclaimer**__: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

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**4. Biology Encounters & TV Dinners**

When I arrived almost late at my biology classroom, I dropped my registration slip off with the teacher who was standing in front of the classroom. The teacher saw no need to introduce me and I was grateful for that. The last thing I needed was further attention – lunch had provided enough of that. I searched for an empty seat and noticed that the ones in the back row were all taken. I panicked a little. Someone turned a fan on behind me and my hair suddenly fluttered in front of my eyes. I took a step forward and tripped, almost falling on my face. _Way to make an entrance!_

I straighten up to find an empty seat fast, but before I had a chance to look up, I heard the teacher instruct me: "Ms. Swan, why don't you take the seat next to Mr. Cullen? Right there to your left. It's the only seat not yet taken."

Pulling my hair away from my face, I noticed Edward Cullen had his eyes trained on the notebook in front of him. Glancing sideways at him, I started walking towards my seat. From this distance, just a few feet away, he looked even more handsome, if that was humanly possible. To set the record straight, he was hands-down the most beautiful boy I had ever seen in a high school. Usually the boys you ran into in these institutions were nothing to pine over. The deadly combination of greasy hair, pimples and uneven puberty stubble growing along the upper lips of most of my classmates made them for the most part utterly unappealing to me. But he was different, I could tell. No weird facial hair and not a single blemish. Nothing about him was out of place, awkward or repellent. In fact, everything drew me in.

I chanted my new _be nice _mantra even though it wasn't necessary, because I wanted to be nice to him. Seeing Edward sit there, in all his glory, suddenly made the prospect of being stuck in this shit little town bearable. With each step I took toward the table, my stomach twisted into an even bigger knot, and I could feel my cheeks heating up. It was rather sad actually, considering he hadn't even opened his mouth.

The rational part of my brain tried to take countermeasures by sending off warning signals, reminding the irrational part of my brain that there was no way in hell that a boy like him could possibly develop an interest in me – a plain, brown, mousy girl. That Jessica chick wasn't entirely unattractive and he obviously had rejected her.

Still, I figured it probably wouldn't hurt to make an effort to be friendly, so I smiled in his direction as I sat down next to him and said, "hey."

He nodded stiffly and replied with a short, "hi."

I thought for a second that I could detect a blush on his cheeks, but that was probably wishful thinking on my part. Boys like him don't blush. I wanted to add something more to our introduction, but the teacher started his lecture.

Either the teacher was naturally boring or maybe I was just incredibly distracted by the demi-God sitting next to me, maybe it was a bit of both. The end result was the same; I couldn't pay attention to the lecture for more than five minutes at a time before stealing another glance at him.

Trying to be inconspicuous, I let my hair fall forward, creating a curtain through which I could continue to catch glimpses of him. I took notes for a while and tried to focus on the lecture, but my eyes were always wandering over to him. Halfway through the class, he caught me in one of my surreptitious glances and stared back at me. I blushed furiously, but couldn't avert my gaze and it took forever before I managed to tear my eyes away.

When I dared to make another glance back in his direction five minutes later, he was still staring at me with a curious expression on his face. His stare made me uneasy. I knew I checked him out because he was darn fine to look at, but I, on the other hand, was too plain and average to cause any kind of commotion. So I started wondering what might be wrong with me today that could cause him to stare.

I knew I didn't fit in here. This was _Ozzie and Harriet _territory. I didn't belong to a normal family; my twin brother was a pothead, my sister the licentious girl who just could not keep her legs together, as this town would soon find out, and my mother traveled around with The Grateful Dead for crying out loud! I was just guilty by association.

Nonetheless, with the exception of Lauren, everybody here had been friendly. I started looking down at my shirt and then my jeans, trying to figure out what it was about me that would cause him to stare. I even sniffed my hair, but it was freshly washed and smelled like the fruity shampoo Rose had bought. My sweater maybe smelled a little bit like the clove cigarettes Jas and I sometimes smoked, but I couldn't detect anything that could have caused his stares and it made me nervous. I tried to pay attention to the class again, but feeling his gaze almost burning holes into my body made me queasy. Needless to say, I was totally flustered for the rest of the lesson.

I felt pathetic, dejected and unattractive. The only way I would get over this, I decided, was to ask him at the end of class what his deal was. While planning this, I heard him utter, "bye, Bella," but then he practically evaporated into thin air the second the bell rang, if such a thing was possible. Before I had a chance to contemplate whether I should sprint to the door and go looking for him, Newton appeared, like a faithful dog at my side. I've noticed that the kid has started to form an unhealthy attachment to me.

"I'm sorry that you're going to be lab partners with Cullen," Newton said as we walked out of the classroom.

"He really never talks to anyone, so if he gives you any trouble let me know and I'll talk to him."

"I'm fine, really," I answered, trying to sound nonchalant. The last thing I needed was this dude going around harassing someone on my behalf. Whatever Edward's reasons were for staring at me, I would figure it out by myself.

I walked with Mike to the gym and he continued chatting on and on about biology and how if I would have come earlier to class he would have loved to partner up with me. To be honest, I would have preferred to be by myself, but I could see that this guy was like chewing gum stuck to my shoe -- hard to get rid of. As predicted, gym class in Forks was just as awful as it had been at all of my other high schools. I have zero coordination and trip over my own feet while walking across a flat surface, so anything that requires physical activity was outright dangerous for me. I survived the class without any serious injury, aside from a bruise I could feel forming on my leg where Lauren had hit me with a dodge ball. When I walked out of the gym entrance, Jas was waiting for me leaning against the wall.

"I see you survived, Bells," he said, smiling as I closed the gap between us.

"Barely," I mumbled. "Let's find Rose, so we can get the hell out of here."

"I have the keys to the truck. Rose already scored herself a ride home while you were in the locker room changing," he chuckled as he said it.

"Whoa, that was quick. Let me guess – curly brown hair, dimples, captain of the football team?"

Jas just nodded with a smile.

As we walked to our red Chevy truck, I noticed the bronze mop of hair that belonged to my biology partner walking to an incredibly shiny, pearl-grey Volvo station wagon. Leave it to him to be the only dude with a European car in this town, albeit one more suited for ladies pushing prams and grocery carts. On the other side of the car I could see his pixie sister skipping with the grace of a ballerina towards the car. Jas and I had to walk past the Volvo to reach the Chevy and I could swear that Jas actually winked at the pixie.

I would have to confirm that later, in our room, over a cigarette or some old joint, _if I could find one somewhere in my duffel bag_. Her brother gave me another one of his weird indiscernible looks that made me blush, just for good measure, as we made our way past them to the truck.

Jas started the car and turned the radio on. I could hear The Beatles singing,

_Love, Love, Love._

_Love, Love, Love._

_Love, Love, Love_

"Oh such cheese!" I complained, annoyed at the music as I reached for the dial to switch the radio station. Jas caught my hand before I could reach it.

"Leave it, Bella!" he snapped and then he actually started to sing along. He opened up the windows even though it wasn't warm in the car or outside for that matter and cranked up the volume. I wanted to die of embarrassment.

"Jas, seriously, did you take something during lunch? Maybe one of those acid blotted papers that you dragged with you from LaLa Land?"- I cringed - "Only somebody seriously high can sing along to this shit."

"Belle Bella, sing along with me. _Nothing you can make that can't be made, nothing you can sing that can't be sung_…" he just kept on at it.

"Shit, Jas - are you still in there?" I started laughing. In the end, I gave up and sang along as we left the parking lot feeling slightly elated that school was over for the day and that I had survived. I looked at my twin sitting next to me; his skin was still tanned and parts of his hair were almost white from the sun. Plus he had this silly grin on his face. I started to wonder how living under this cloud cover would transform him. I could already detect changes in his personality.

To our surprise, when we got home, Rose was already sitting on the sofa in the living room watching the "Monkees."

"How did you get back here so quickly? I could have sworn you had some afternoon plans that involved someone about 6 feet tall, brown hair, captain of the football team. . ." I asked as I plopped myself down on the sofa next to her.

"Emmett just dropped me off. Relax, Bella, I wasn't about to drag him off into Charlie's house. Charlie does own a gun after all." I smirked and Jas laughed.

"You have a point there, Rose," Jas added.

"Color TV, not bad!" I nodded appreciatively towards Charlie's TV set. Renee had never invested in a new color TV no matter how many times we begged her and so we were stuck with our ancient black and white one.

"So school really wasn't too bad, right?" Rose asked for confirmation.

"It was okay, I guess. The only person I really cannot stand is that Lauren girl. She's a bitch. I'm going to totally have to avoid her," I commented.

"No shit. That girl's horrible. And by the way, I already heard the school gossip in the bathroom about how the chick gave half of the guys on the football team blow jobs. If you ask me, it fits into the category of – you know – people who sit in glass houses. But whatever, I guess as long as it can't get you knocked up, it's okay," she said in a slightly agitated voice.

"Meow," Jas screeched sensing Rose's irritation.

"Yeah, Rose, you can retract your claws. She's no competition from what I can tell. Unless you think your boy Emmett took her up on that offer too?" I asked with a grin on my face. This town was a lot more gossipy and risqué than I had imagined. Go figure. It's a small town, what else is there to do here but to have sex?

"He better not have," Rose hissed in response.

"That sounds slightly possessive, Rose. I mean the dude just drove you home, right? And you are already all territorial about him?" I asked, curious now about what brought about Rose's attitude.

"Well, let's just say this town has slim pickings, to put it mildly. And he seems like the only viable option. Although, come to think of it, driving me home without even asking me about a later make-out session or a kiss on the cheek was kind of strange. Whatever, he'll come begging soon enough," she stated with a smile on her face.

I agreed with her about the slim pickings part. The only other attractive option in this town was my biology partner. I don't know why, but the thought of Rose moving from Emmett to Edward made my stomach clench.

"Shit, this really is a dumb ass show, ladies," Jas announced after five minutes of watching those clowns on TV prancing around in ridiculously bright-colored suits. I needed a distraction, and sitting in front of the TV would just leave me to wonder whether Rose would move on to Edward when she was done with Emmett. There was no doubt in my mind about the _if_ part, she would leave him or lose interest soon enough, that was Rose. It was just a matter of when.

"Yeah, somehow they seemed less awful in black and white," I agreed absentmindedly with my brother and followed Jas out of the living room. I grabbed my school bag and started walking towards our room.

Jas had turned on our record player when I entered our room and I could hear The Beatles again.

_Who knows how long I loved you _

_You know I love you still_…

"Seriously, Jas, I remember not too long ago you giving me a speech about how The Beatles were contrived, old and so over. What happened?"

"Sis, I think they might be growing on me again and, to answer your previous question in the car, no, I didn't smoke anything or take papers. Although, I definitely wouldn't mind some grass right about now. I was wondering whether you might have dragged something along in fact."

I started shuffling through the items left in my duffel bag and found the old cigar box I was looking for.

"Yeah, I did. It's not much though," I responded as I showed him the five joints I had left.

"Well, I think that should hold us over, until this little plant starts blooming," he snickered, pulling out a small marijuana plant from behind his bed.

"Ha, ha! Jas, you know this is never going to grow in this weather. We would actually need some sun to grow this shit. And I'm pretty sure Charlie would be none too pleased if he ever found this... I mean, seriously, are you planning on growing weed in a freaking cop's house? He's cool and all, but no cop is that cool. He'll kick us out if he finds it – and you know what's looming if we get kicked out."

"You're probably right, but I don't have the heart to just toss it. And you know there is no way we are getting extra supply in this town. I figured we could just grow it somewhere – hidden away? You're right though, there ain't no way in hell this plant will survive this shit weather," he muttered, petting the pot of the marijuana plant.

"You got that right." I started putting some of my clothing that was still lying over a chair into the closet, when I noticed the light bulb in our closet. My mind started working. The thought of not being able to get to a stable source of grass had clearly sent my brain into overdrive. I looked around for the switch and found a string at the side of the closet and pulled. Voila, the light turned on.

"Jas?" I looked over to him, still petting his plant. The sight was just too pitiful for words. "Check out the light in the closet here. If you position the pot directly under the light on this shelf and we just leave the light on and the closet door slightly open, it might work. It might grow. Besides, if we were to plant it somewhere behind the shed outside, you know that thing would die."

"No way," he jumped up in enthusiasm. Jas started to arrange his plant in the closet and I pulled out my math book.

"Shit, Bella, this is genius. It might actually work," he said with a pleased expression on his face.

Joint in hand, I grabbed my coat and my math book. Jas did the same and we started heading towards the woods behind our house. If we were still at Renee's house we would have just smoked the joint in our room while doing our homework, but considering our new surroundings we decided that exploring the outdoor world would probably be the wiser choice.

We walked for a while into the forest surrounding Charlie's house, but everything was so darn damp that we finally just leaned against a tree and smoked the joint without bothering to open up the books and sit down.

"Tell me, Jas, what exactly is going on? Beatles' love songs, and did I catch you there winking at Alice Cullen, the fairy?" I cocked my head in his direction while exhaling.

"Mmmh, the 'fairy' is in my French Class and I sure think she might be magic, Bella." I smacked him over the head. If he continued talking and acting like someone who was stuck on a permanent LSD trip, I would have to beg Rose to move into her room. His behavior was starting to irritate me.

"Hey, what merited that response? You know violence is not the answer," he said rubbing his head.

"Oh, please, Jas. By the way, I have bio with her brother and there ain't no magic there. He stared at me like I smelled funky or something, and he sprinted so fast out of the classroom that I couldn't even confront him about it. Jackass!"

"Well, Bella," he said sniffing my hair, "your hair smells like a good concoction now, strawberries and grass. I'm lovin' it. Trust me, he likes it too."

"Oh, whatever. Sell crazy somewhere else, Jas," I huffed. "Besides, I don't care whether he likes me or not." I continued with as much venom in my voice as I could muster. I knew that last part was sort of lie. That boy was too hot for me not to care. In fact, I doubted whether there was a girl within a 100-mile radius of this town who didn't care. I bet even Lauren secretly had a crush on him.

"He was checking you out in the parking lot when we left. Trust me, he likes you." Jas carried on undeterred.

"What?" I asked in disbelieve.

"You heard me, sis, he was checking you out." I wasn't sure how to respond and while my heart started beating faster upon Jas' announcement the pretty boy might actually like me, my brain rationalized that my brother was probably just trying to make me feel better.

"Please, if he liked me he would have actually made an attempt to talk to me, don't ya think?"

"Mmmh, I think things here work differently. I think it all moves along at a slower pace here, so maybe he needs some time to work up the guts to talk to you. My sixth sense tells me that he likes you, and my eyes confirmed it on our walk to the truck."

"_Right_. Don't tell me the pixie has been able to withstand your charms and you think her rejection is a sign of her love for you?" My brother did have a wicked logic. "Exactly. She likes me, I'm sure it will dawn on her soon." Jas announced with conviction. As hard as I tried, I just couldn't keep it together any longer so I started laughing uncontrollably. My brother had officially gone crazy.

"Charlie is pretty okay, right?" I asked, trying to change the subject after I had recovered from my laughing fit.

"Yeah, amazingly enough the guy is totally mellow considering that he's a cop. Who'd have thought that out of the all the people living in this shit town, he'd be the most relaxed?" Jas answered, shaking his head, and I nodded in agreement.

We finished our joint and stumbled back to the house. After stuffing ourselves with cookies, we started our homework.

………..

Rose and I had bought sandwich stuff the day before, so when Charlie came home, Jas and I offered to make sandwiches. Charlie wasn't really used to eating regularly with people around the kitchen table, and to be honest neither were we. I was relieved when we all settled in front of the TV with our sandwiches; I knew we wouldn't have to talk much. The last thing I wanted to discuss was my day at school. What could I say? People appear to be all on happy pills, asides from this girl Lauren who is a bitch? Regrettably, during commercial breaks, Charlie felt it was his duty to inquire.

"So, how was the first day of school here for you guys? Did everything work out all right? I hope the other students were friendly."

"It was fine, Charlie. Really you don't have to worry about us. Mom might have been a little bit of a firecracker, but we always went to school and she always encouraged us to read. I think I can speak for all of us, if I say we won't have any trouble academically. So stop worrying, we won't make you look bad," Jas tried to reassure him. I could see Charlie smile now.

"I wasn't worried about you guys, in that way. I just know it's sometimes tough, you know, new school, small town and the kids here all have known each other for ages. The parents all know each other. I know this can't be easy for you guys."

"Well the, Cullens, are also somewhat new, I suppose, and from what I've seen they're a whole lot more interesting than we are," I commented. "We can handle ourselves, it's three of us, so that makes us somewhat resilient. I mean we don't need to make friends. We just stick together. Plus, we kind of have experience with the whole being the new kid thing."

"Yeah, I know kiddo, but they gave those kids a hard time until Emmett McCarty kind of befriended them. The little one, Alice Cullen, they gave her an especially hard time. I guess she wasn't all that talkative and they did some really nasty stuff to her. I don't understand people in this town sometimes," he sighed taking a sip of his beer.

"What exactly happened to her?" I asked, suddenly wanting more information.

"I don't know what happened at school. I only got involved when these idiot kids followed her car one day and scared her so badly she drove straight into a tree. They all claimed it was just a joke afterward. She nearly died from the injuries. I straightened those kids out, even though I reckoned I couldn't prove they did anything."

"Who was it that did that to her, just so I know who to avoid like the plague at school? Somebody with the last name of Mallory wasn't involved by any chance?" Rose asked suspiciously.

"It doesn't matter, Rose. There is no reason for you to make any judgments about those kids. James Mallory has graduated, so you don't have to worry about him anymore. I heard he is about to be shipped off on his first tour to Vietnam," Charlie replied.

"So, I guess Lauren is his sister?" Rose inquired further, and I could see Charlie was starting to get uncomfortable.

"Yes, that's his sister, but she's just a girl. Her mother is the town's gossip and she does spew some poison, but everybody knows it's best to ignore her. Whatever that poor girl says she has probably picked up at the dinner table. You just let her be."

"I have no issue with that. Trust me, I have no intention of talking to her," Rose answered a little bit snippy and her reaction ended the conversation. I would have loved to question Charlie some more about the _other_ new kids, but it seemed like he was already regretting the rumors he had just spread, so I left it at that.

We all got up soon after our little dinner chat and went to bed. While staring at the ceiling above my bed listening to the rainfall on the roof above me, I thought about the Cullens and I was grateful that Lauren's brother no longer was at the school. I swore I would make more of an effort to get to know my lab partner tomorrow, even if he hadn't been exactly friendly.

I looked over to Jas lying on his bed reading Jack Kerouac's "On the Road" for the thirteenth time in his life. How boys could gobble up that misogynistic BS like it was the gospel was beyond me, but I repressed my comment. An argument this late at night would just be futile. Jas would tell me that I'm just not getting it, because I'm a girl. _Whatever!_ My time was better spent thinking about Edward Cullen and how I could get him to talk to me.

I may have a twin brother, but boys mostly remain a mystery to me. One I was now determined to unravel.

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If you are reading my ramblings, **PLEASE feel free to review**.

Also want to send a shout-out to Annichka who reviewed, commented & gave me "pimping" advise! THANKS!


	5. Chapter 5 Disillusioned

**This chapter would suck without the thoughtful comments and suggestions from my betas Twanza & Reamhar!**

_**Disclaimer**__: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

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**5. Disillusioned**

The next day arrived and, true to form, it rained again. I found a pair of rain boots in the basement and decided to use them; judging by the weather, those boots were a necessity in this town. Most of the girls at school wore skirts or dresses, so in an effort to blend in at school, I decided to wear the only dress I owned, a blue mini dress. Unfortunately I really wasn't sure whether if it was actually a better choice of clothing for the purpose of "fitting in." Rose seemed to think that it was an improvement, so I left it on.

Relying on her opinion on how to dress was just plain stupid of me, at least if my sole goal was to fit in with the tiny masses of Fork's High. Since Rose's general motto when it came to fashion had always been the more skin revealing and tighter, the better, I should have been prepared for the discovery that my attempts to dress according to the mass appeal by wearing a mini-dress were entirely misguided, if my only goal was to remain inconspicuous.

If I was being honest with myself, it wasn't my only goal. Some other part of me also wanted to impress Pretty Boy, who'd be sitting next to me in Biology. If I had learned anything from observing Renee and Rose, it was that showing a little more skin than necessary would probably help in getting the attention of the opposite sex. The dress ensured that my legs would be on full display. I made sure I bathed, washed my hair and smelled the dress before I put it on. I had come to the conclusion that the jury was still out on what was going on with him staring at me, but in case those stares were really gazes of admiration, it was best to be completely prepared.

The information I reaped from the gossip session at the lunch table and Charlie's TV chatter, just added to my fascination with Edward Cullen. He didn't seem to fit in here either and the fact that he didn't talk to anyone there made him sort of a mystery. The other side benefit he had going for him, of course, was the fact that he was so freaking good to look at. The trick would be to get him interested in me. I still wasn't sure how I would accomplish it, even though I had spent half the night staring at the cracks in the ceiling thinking about it. The dress, I figured was a first step in the right direction.

I grabbed my jacket and followed Jas out the door. I could tell Rose had already started the car by the noise of the engine, as I trudged towards the red clunker. We drove to school in anticipation of what the day would bring. As we parked our car, that brand new Volvo pulled into the parking spot next to us. Alice and Edward Cullen stepped out while we were still gathering our stuff together, and by the time we were all out of the truck they were a couple of feet ahead walking towards the school building.

Watching them, it started to dawn on me what made them stand out at this place, not only were they both unbelievably beautiful, but there was also something about the way they carried themselves and the clothing that they wore; it all reeked of money. Alice in her trench coat and black boots looked like she was going to some tea party at a country club rather than high school. Edward wore jeans with an expensive looking suede jacket. His clothing looked like it was tailored for him. With all that they had going for them, I wasn't sure why they weren't the most popular kids in school. They disappeared so quickly that none of us had a chance to say anything like _Good morning_ to them and I was pretty sure Jas was dying to talk to the Pixie.

Jas and I decided to go to our lockers first to drop off some books before heading to English class. While we were standing in front of our lockers, Jas suddenly poked me into the ribs with his elbow.

"Edward Cullen is staring at you again," he said snickering.

"What?" I responded, my eyes searching for Edward. I found him standing at a locker a couple of feet away and, indeed, he was looking in our direction.

"Oh, please, Jas. Give me a break and shut up. He barely talks to me and I'm his fucking lab partner!" I hissed and stomped off into the direction of our classroom without waiting for him. While I was secretly elated by the possibility that Pretty Boy was checking me out, I hated the fact that Jas was taunting me with it.

Classes were painless in the morning, maybe because I spent the entire time ruminating about Edward Cullen. To my dismay, Jessica and Mike were waiting for me after classes. I had no idea why they were still vying for my attention, which made me feel even more awkward. I still couldn't fathom why they were so intent on talking to me. To make matters worse, the dress made me feel more conspicuous. I felt like I constantly had to focus on not bending over and keeping my legs together, so that I didn't flash people with the sight of my derriere. I was certain nobody wanted to see today's selection of white cotton panties with pink flowers.

I started to panic a little when lunchtime came around because I sure as shit didn't want to sit at the same table as that Lauren chick again. On my way to the cafeteria I thought of ways to politely ditch Jess and Mike in the event they sat down at the same table again. To my relief, my brother and sister were already sitting at another table, picking at peanut butter sandwiches I'd made for them that morning. I excused myself from the welcome wagon that was permanently following me around and rushed towards their table.

I slammed my books down on the table and dropped my bag on the floor. "I'm so glad you found a separate table. There's no way I can sit with a straight face at the same table as Lauren. She's just all wrong."

"Yeah, totally concur. Glad you lost your minions. By the way, the dude, what's his name, Mike? He's totally crushing on you," Rose said, as I unpacked my peanut butter sandwich.

"_Oh, please_. No, he isn't. I think they're both just trying to be nice which is okay, I guess, it's just that they both talk _way_ too much." In an effort to change the subject, I added, "So Jas, made any progress with the Pixie?" I knew Rose would get a kick out of Jas's crush. Jas didn't blush.

In fact, he didn't even get uncomfortable. He just raised one of his eyebrows in my direction, but before he could say anything Rose butted in. I was sure I would get a speech later on about _outing_ him in front of Rose, but I didn't care. This would be fun to watch.

"Who's the Pixie?" Rose asked curiously. "Be careful who you romance in this town, I say. There's too much inbreeding going on here and people are all kinds of strange. That being said, I think it's probably a good idea to find some girl to have fun with. God knows, there's really not much else here to do for entertainment, so I say go after whatever girl your chasing. Now, if we could only find someone to spike the interest of our frigid little Bookworm over here and we'd be all set."

"Whatever, Rose. You know I will never find a guy until the day you leave town. And I'm not frigid," I retorted. "The Pixie is Alice Cullen, who Jas has a crush on."

"Be careful, Jas. She obviously has some issues to overcome, from what I could tell from Charlie's stories. I'm wondering what those idiots did that made her drive her car into a tree. I mean, shit, from our lunch table experience yesterday, you know nothing good can come from someone with the last name Mallory."

Jas cringed when he heard Rose's words of advice and I snickered at his reaction. I kind of thought Rose was right. Jas couldn't just pull the whole 'I'm so cool, mellow and smooth' stuff I saw him try with other girls. Asides from the fact that Alice's experiences with male population of this town obviously hadn't been positive, there was something else about her that made me think she would see right through my brother.

"I asked her to go to the movies with me on Saturday, but she didn't exactly give me a straight answer," Jas said. "She said she'd have to think about it. She kind of seemed uncomfortable when I asked, so I didn't want to push it. Then she sprinted away so quickly that I couldn't add anything further. Do you guys think it was too straight forward?" he asked, seeming unsure.

Rose and I stared at him. Jas had always been more than self-assured, cocky even, with girls. He winked. They swooned. Case closed. Rose and I started laughing moments later.

"What, Jas, you _like_ her - like her?" Rose asked trying to keep a serious face, but letting out a snort. She was clearly amused by Jas's failure to score a date.

"Yeah, I guess I like her, whatever that means, Rose. She seems different. We have French together and, damn, she has the whole French accent down, and she wears these cute little outfits, and…" he rambled on, but was interrupted by Rose and I falling over with laughter again.

"Man, Jas, you got it bad for her." I laughed. Rose composed herself, glanced at him and got serious.

"Well, yeah, Jas – maybe that was a little too forward. Maybe you should try to talk to her at school first. Maybe walk with her out of class and try to make small talk. I mean, you're no idiot, you know how to sweet-talk the girls. Don't even deny it, I've seen you do it before. So just walk with her after class or something. I mean, try to get to know her before you invite her to a grope fest at the movies. This is a small town high school, after all," she advised.

Jas rolled his eyes at her. "I tried, but dang, for a small person she walks pretty fast. She bolted both times after class and when I caught up with her in the hallway, I couldn't come up with anything else to say, so I asked her to the movies. And no, I have no intention of making this into a grope fest as you so eloquently put it," he snapped back at her.

"Tough cookie, Jas. You know what I say, if you fail? Try, try again," I commented, trying to sound hopeful. "Look on the bright side, you still have 18 more months to score a date. God knows, that's the longest time we have ever stayed in one school. I'm sure she'll give in to your charms eventually. You know nobody can resist that smile."

"Where are they, anyway?" Rose said all of a sudden. She hadn't mentioned their names, but I was sure she was talking about the Cullens. We all looked around, but didn't see them anywhere.

Then we saw Emmett strutting towards our table. He smiled at Rose as he approached and then nodded to Jas and me.

"Hey," he said to Rose before he sat down next to her.

"Hi," he said smiling at us now, "you must be Bella and Jas. Nice to meet you guys, I'm Emmett McCarty. Do you mind if I drive your sister home again today after school?"

"Hi," I managed to squeeze out and looked at Jas. "Mmmh, sure. Fine with us, right Jas?"

"Yeah, totally." Jas nodded, finishing his sandwich.

"So how do you guys like Forks so far?" Emmett continued, giving us his best-dimpled smile. I still wasn't sure why he had asked us for permission to give Rose a ride, but I chalked it up to strange small town behavior.

"It's okay I guess, although, the weather kind of sucks," I replied. I didn't know what else to say about a town that I had spent a grand total of three days in. If I was honest with myself, I was also past my quota of small talk for the day since I had to endure Jessica and Newton.

Emmett seemed nice and genuine, despite the fact that he was the captain of the football team, which, judging from my previous experience, almost automatically made you an asshole jock. I felt bad that I couldn't come up with something more to say.

Emmett just chuckled at my response and said, "yeah, you got that right. The weather does suck in this town, but other than that, it's really pretty okay. There are lots of outdoor activities – like hiking - that this place is great for. Maybe we could all go on a camping and hiking trip together." At that suggestion Rose started to cackle again and, to my disgust, Jas joined her.

"Yeah, Rose and I may take you up on that offer, but I wouldn't recommend taking, Bells, here hiking. She has a slight coordination problem, and you might have to carry her all the way to the hospital after that trip. The last time we went hiking, she fell into a bush of poison ivy and sprained her ankle as we tried to pull her out," Jas informed him and Emmett joined them in their laughter.

"Yeah, that's right, go ahead and make fun of people with challenged motor skills," I sighed. "I better get going to bio now."

To my astonishment, as I got up, Emmett smirked and said "I'd take you camping and hiking anyway. You're a funny girl."

I rolled my eyes, but couldn't hide my smile. People like him were usually never nice to me.

"Well, I'm glad I could provide entertainment. See ya later Jas," I said, walking away.

I strolled to my biology classroom trying to figure out how to approach my lab partner. The trouble was that the boy was too darn handsome for his own good. I kind of had the feeling that if I attempted to talk to him, my stomach would plummet, my heart would skip a beat and anything I would say would come out as a stutter. _Pull yourself together, Bella, this is ridiculous_. The trick would be to get _him_ to talk _to me_. I figured a simple 'hey' on my part as I sat down would suffice. Maybe I would feel adventurous enough to try one of Rose's old tricks: drop something on the floor next to me and hope that he would pick it up. I had always laughed about girl's who tried maneuvers like this, but now I found myself contemplating the same pathetic actions just to get his attention.

When I reached the classroom I found that my table was empty. I wasn't sure whether to feel relief or disappointment. Biology dragged on, and my Pretty Boy never showed up for class. All my efforts of showing skin and showering before school were going to waste.

Jas was waiting for me outside of the gym. Class had been slightly more bearable than yesterday because Lauren was assigned to a different group this time and was nowhere near to torture me

"So how's Edward?" Jas asked teasingly as we walked towards the truck.

"Actually, he was MIA," I snapped back. _Damn my twin brother and his sixth sense_, I cursed. Without any grand confessions on my part, he had already figured out what was going on.

We drove home listing to Tommy James and The Shondells' 'Crimson And Clover' on the radio.

Strangely, Rose was already sitting at the kitchen table with her homework in front of her when we got home.

"So Rose, what's the deal? Second ride home and still no invitation to la casa Swan?" Jas asked as we entered the kitchen. "I mean, don't get me wrong, I actually like him but why aren't you inviting him in? I kind of expected to run into him in this house by now. Possibly even in his underwear. Isn't it kind of rude not to invite people in that drive you home?"

Clearly our dear brother was still miffed at Rose's comments about the fact that she had dared to equate his movie invite to a grope fest proposal. This was payback time.

A slight blush appeared on Rose's cheeks and all of a sudden her homework demanded all of her focus.

"It's kind of not like that." She was avoiding giving him an answer.

"What do you mean?" I asked, now curious.

"Okay, he drives me home and then we talk for a little while sitting in the car and then he just says 'I'll see you tomorrow at school.' I have some classes with him and he carries my books. It's kind of cute and harmless and …I think I like it."

Jas spit out the sip of soda he had just taken out of the fridge and gave her a weird side-glance.

"Mmmh, sis," he said as he wiped off the rest of the soda from his mouth, "strange, very strange."

"Yeah, you're right," she sighed. "As much as I feel flattered by his whole spiel, I also think it is kind of strange. Even stranger is the fact that your Pixie became hysterical after you asked her out. Her brother had to take her home."

"What?" Jas asked looking truly confused now.

"Emmett told me that she thought you were totally screwing with her. Emmett even asked me whether you were just kidding around, you know, making fun of her . . . " Rose continued, looking apologetically at a puzzled Jas.

"I'm sorry – come again? He asked you whether I was kidding? I'm sorry - what?" Jas stammered.

"Don't worry, I totally snapped at him when he suggested it. I told him I wasn't sure what kind of shit the people here are smoking or what kind of games they played, but you're not some mean jackass. I told him that you liked her and wanted to ask her out. Whatever, like I said, she must have issues," Rose answered calmly.

"Weird. Why would she think that?" Jas said, shaking his head.

"Mmmh, yeah, issues doesn't even cover it. That just sounds crazy," I mumbled, walking over to the fridge to grab a soda as well. "What exactly happened anyway? I don't understand why he had to take her home?" I asked Rose.

"Apparently the girl freaked, started hyperventilating and crying and locked herself in one of the stalls of the girls' bathroom until a teacher found her and called her brother."

Jas looked at Rose wide-eyed, scratching his head. He seemed more concerned now, rather than confused. I felt bad for him.

"That sounds pretty bad, Jas," I said, sitting down at the table and pulling out my books. "Although I can't imagine that you asking her out did that to her."

"Emmett said it did," Rose reiterated. "It happened right after you asked her out. She thought you were just fucking with her and for some reason that sent her off the edge. Don't worry about it though. It's not like you knew she'd react that way. It's really not your fault."

We all settled around the kitchen table and started doing our homework. I completed my assignments pretty quickly and then sat there staring blankly at my book, wondering what made Alice Cullen react like that. This morning, when I saw them walking to school, it had seemed that they were perfect. Now I began to the see that appearances where deceiving.

When we were younger, I always dreamed that Renee would find a nice guy, actually like him and settle down; they would buy a house where we would have our own bedrooms and we would go to the same school every year. Of course, that never happened. Renee didn't date normal people with regular jobs who would actually have had the potential to stick around. No, instead she dated artists, wannabe writers or actors and yoga-gurus. There was nothing wrong with any of them, in fact they were perfectly nice guys, for the most part. Her boyfriends were just not the types of guys that held 9-5 jobs with a regular income. They were all in transition just as much as Renee was. Renee was like a child with a new obsession every five minutes, always moving and never staying still. Looking at other people outside of our own bubble, it always seemed that our lives were chaotic and sometimes crazy.

While traveling with Renee, I craved normalcy. Now, after three full days of living in this town, I wasn't so sure anymore that normalcy was good. Everybody's parents were happily married here, or so it seemed. They apparently went to church on Sundays and ate dinners around the kitchen table together every night at 7 o'clock; all nice normal married activities. There was no crime to speak of in this town, no hostility, and everyone looked the same. The outside world - the demonstrations against the war, the feeling of unrest mixed with hope – almost seemed like it barely intruded here. I guess you could read about it in the newspapers, or watch it on the evening news, but it almost seemed like it had little effect in Forks.

The kids living here all had what I always wanted, yet I was slowly starting to get the feeling, for the first time, that this appearance of married bliss combined with perfect children was just a charade, and that these people were way more screwed up than anybody I ever met.

The Cullens in particular were the epitome of everything I always thought I wanted growing up. They were smart, beautiful, with rich successful parents and yet their daughter had a panic attack when a boy asked her out on a date. If that was what normal American life was all about, I no longer wanted it. They could keep their pretty clothing, their nice cars and their probably even nicer homes. I'd take crazy any day of the week over that.

After staring at my books for a long time, I got up and cooked dinner. Rose started cleaning up the table and Jas pulled out his guitar and started singing Dylan songs.

_No, and I ain't lookin' to fight with you,_

_Frighten you or tighten you,_

_Drag you down or drain you down,_

_Chain you down or bring you down._

_All I really want to do_

_Is, baby, be friends with you._

We all ate dinner with Charlie while overdosing on color TV before we went to bed. I slept badly that night. I had weird dreams; they were too green and I was cold. I missed my mother and the sun.

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I was tired the next morning and my reflection in the bathroom mirror confirmed it. I had blue circles underneath my eyes and my skin looked even paler than usual. I showered quickly, more as a wake-up exercise today, rather than to smell nice. I'd stopped caring about what I looked like since any attempt to fit in would fail miserably and getting to know the Cullens just seemed too complicated. If Jas couldn't get a date with Alice Cullen, I most certainly couldn't attract the attention I wanted from Pretty Boy. We drove to school in comfortable silence and followed our morning routines without interruption.

Not much was different about Day Three of Forks High School hell. Apparently Newton still hadn't gotten tired of following me around, the skies were still covered with clouds, and the classes were still mediocre and boring. That Spanish teacher of ours seriously needed to take a trip south of the border or across the ocean. Hell, a trip to East Los Angeles might even do. While I was walking to the cafeteria with my _minions _in tow, as Rose had anointed them, I stumbled upon my siblings standing at the door in front of the cafeteria entrance.

"Hey, what's going on? Are we going in there or are we waiting for anything or anyone in particular?" I wondered out loud, looking around.

"I kind of need a word with you, Bella," Jas said with a forced smile on his face.

"Well, actually, I'm gonna go now and have lunch with Emmett. I'll see you guys later!" And with that Rose disappeared with the masses into the cafeteria.

"What's wrong, twin?" I asked, worried about his slouched shoulders and generally somber mood.

"Nothing really. Can we just get out of here for a second? I think I need to ask you a favor." Jas hands were deep in his pockets and nodded in the direction of the building's exit. We walked out to the parking lot and then towards the football field. There really wasn't far to wander in this small school.

"So what's wrong? Tell me!" I inquired again impatiently.

"Nothing's wrong, but my request is kind of embarrassing, okay? So, Alice comes up to me after French today and pulls me away to her locker. She's all shy and uncomfortable, from what I can tell, and I feel like such a tool for making her feel that way. Then she says she'd love to go to the movies with me, but that her parents won't let her go on a date. So she'd only be able to go if her brother comes along. I know, Bells, don't even roll your eyes. I know this sounds strange. I mean, what kind of parents don't let their 17-year-old daughter go on a date, right? So she said she could go if her brother comes along, but in order to make this not too awkward she requested that I bring you along. So _please, please, please_ Bella, will you come to the movies with me on Saturday with Alice and her brother? I know you think her brother is a jackass, but it's just for one night. I know it's a lot to ask, but please?" Jas pleaded with me.

I was seriously starting to wonder what it was about Alice Cullen that made my brother beg and plead. I could never turn down my twin, even if I wanted to, but I also don't feel like going on a double date that wasn't even a double date. Pretty Boy would probably ignore me and Jas would be busy with the Pixie. Never mind that Pretty Boy would probably not even bother to ask me himself, if I wanted to come along. I wasn't sure how much lower my self-esteem could sink.

"Don't fret, if there's no other way, I'll come along, but why don't you ask Rose and Emmett to come along on a double date with you instead? I mean her parents might be okay with that, right?" I sighed, looking at my eager twin.

"Well, actually she was very specific about bringing you along, saying that she'd like to get to know you and her brother already knew you, so please? I also think the dude likes you. So it could totally work out as a double date, if you were interested," he said with really annoying grin plastered on his face.

"Mmmh, yeah, Jas. He kind of doesn't really know me. He barely even says hi to me and I'm pretty sure he doesn't like me. I think you're just trying to convince me to come along. But, fine I'll go. If you want my personal opinion, this whole thing sounds bat-shit crazy. Do the parents even know their darling offspring will be going to the movies with the crazy Swan kids?" I asked with a chuckle, sitting down on a bench near the football field. I resigned myself to the fact that my first official date in this town would be a double date with my twin brother. Don't get me wrong I actually wanted to go out on a date with Edward Cullen; I just wanted him to ask me. _Was that too much to ask_? I wondered.

"I've no clue. I'm almost thinking they don't know. Or maybe they do. It must be this town. Everything here is just backwards. At any rate, I totally owe you. So I'll be your slave in the kitchen if you want to or I'll clean our room for the next two weeks . . . " he started rambling.

"Two weeks, are you shitting me, Jasper Swan? Really? Two weeks of cleaning duties of 'our' room – which, mind you, the majority of the mess in that room is from you - is all I'm going to get for going to the movies with the Pixie and Pretty Boy?" I snapped in mock outrage.

"Ahhh, you think he's pretty! I see. Okay, a month?" He smirked at me.

"Of course he's, handsome, whatever the hell you want to call it. So is Alice. You will forget the whole cleaning deal by the end of the week, so I don't care. Don't do it. It's okay, but know _this_, brother – you owe me!" I said, pointing my finger at him.

We sat there for a while on the bench in the drizzle that was beginning to fall on us before heading back to class. Jas ran to the Pixie's class to tell her that we were all set for Saturday. Since she was back, I assumed that her brother would be back at our table today, so I started walking especially slowly to Biology.

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**Reviews are nice.**


	6. Chapter 6 Elation

**It's taking me way longer to update this story than I initially thought it would…sorry!**

**Thanks to my sweet Betas: Twanza, Reamhar and Bellamydarling! **

_**Disclaimer**__: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

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**6. Elation**

With each step I took towards the biology classroom, I grew wearier. I'd have to talk to him now. That thought made me jittery with excitement and incredibly uncomfortable all at the same time. Yesterday I had been eager for this encounter that I was about to face, but now I wasn't so sure. I was conflicted on how to handle the whole situation. I obviously had a little crush on him and wished I could be as ballsy as Rose and just act on it. On the other hand I really didn't want to put myself out there and give him the chance to reject me.

I guess I could just ignore him during class, but ignoring him today, would only make it worse on Saturday and the whole event even more awkward. I looked down at my outfit and seriously started lamenting the fact that I hadn't given a shit about my appearance this morning. After Jas's failed attempt to ask Alice out, I had been dead certain that I wouldn't have a shot at getting Pretty Boy to notice me. So I'd donned the oldest pair of jeans I owned. They were so old that they barely fit me anymore. The first shirt I'd reached for in my morning rush was worn-out and had several holes in it. It's a shame that I hadn't bothered to notice that fact earlier. My hair smelled okay, but the shirt smelled like a mixture of patchouli oil and grass. _Holy crap_, even for my low standards I had outdone myself today; I truly did look like a hobo.

I started contemplating whether I should tell him that neither of us really had to go with Jas and Alice to the movies. As long as he pretended, for his parents' sake, to go to the movies, he could drop Alice off at our house, and then be on his merry way. I mean I'm certain he didn't want to chaperone his sister on her date and hang out with me.

If Lauren and Jessica got something right in their lives, it would be saying that he was definitely the hottest guy at this school, asides from maybe Emmett. Hot guys, in my experience, were not single or at least not without plans for Saturday nights. Especially not hot guys in a bumble fuck town. So he wasn't dating high school girls, but maybe college girls from some nearby town were more up his alley? Were there any colleges nearby? My head was spinning with doubts and questions about my 'double-date' with Edward Cullen as I walked in slow motion towards biology. I couldn't fathom why I was wasting so much time thinking about a guy that had barely even said a word to me.

_What the hell was wrong with me?_

I got to the classroom just as the teacher was about to start, and I quickly rushed to take my seat next to Edward who was sitting there in all his glory. I dared a quick glance at him as I sat down.

Tussled, sexy, bed hair; check.

Perfect skin; check.

Tall and nicely built; check.

He had on a tight grey sweater, sans holes of course, which he had shoved up past his elbows showing off his perfect forearms. I sank into my seat glancing down at one of the bigger holes in my sweater.

I noticed a microscope standing on our table. Evidently we were doing some lab work today.

Then the unimaginable happened. Before I could utter my perfunctory 'Hey', Pretty Boy turned to me and started talking in this husky voice that made my knees weak. If my butt hadn't been already planted securely on my chair, I'm sure I would have wobbled and stumbled right there.

"Hi, Bella," he said, turning his head in my direction and looking at me with a smile. "I'm sorry I didn't introduce myself last time, I'm Edward." My jaw dropped and I blushed.

I pulled myself together and managed a small response "hey, Edward." Before I could think of anything clever to add, Mr. Banner, the biology teacher, dropped the slides we were supposed to examine on our table.

Edward moved the microscope in my direction and said, "Ladies, first?" I was still a little in shock over the sound of his voice and half-drooling because of his close proximity, so it took me a second to figure out what he was even suggesting.

"Sure," I said, slowly moving in front of the microscope and placing the first slide on the tray. I glanced at the slide for two quick seconds and announced, "prophase."

"Do you mind, if I check?" he said, seeming a little unsure about my quick assessment. My attraction turned to irritation at the boy. _Did he think I was stupid?_ He glanced through the microscope at the slide and nodded, then jotted the answer down on the report sheet and placed the next slide under the lens.

Edward looked at it for an even shorter time than I had before he announced his answer and wrote it down. I was tempted to request a second look, but decided not to stoop to his level. The lab we were working on was pretty elementary, even though the other students in the class took forever to complete it. There was a small chance Edward could get this wrong, but I'd take that chance rather than double check whether his answers were correct.

We finished our lab, long before anybody else. Mr. Banner picked up our slides and looked at our report. All the answers were correct, and he made some comment about how it was probably a good thing that we were partners. Before I could lapse into my daydreams for the rest of the class, Edward started talking again.

"So how do you like Forks so far?" he asked with his elbow on the table and his head leaning on his hand turned in my direction.

_Oh, no, not again_, I thought. On Monday, I would have humored him with a standard, polite answer. Yesterday, I would have been eager for any words coming out of his mouth and would have found the patience to respond, but today I was just about done answering _that_ question.

"Everybody keeps on asking me that and you'd think I'd have come up with a witty answer to that question by now, but I haven't, sorry." - I shrugged - "Other than the weather kind of sucks."

He chuckled. "So you don't like the rain, mmh? Where did you live before you moved here?"

"Well, before we moved here we lived in Los Angeles, but we moved a lot. Mostly in California. For a short period we lived in New York." I gave him a longer reply than I would give most people, because it seemed like he was interested. He looked at me with curiosity, as he leaned closer in my direction. I wanted to lean closer too. It would have been sort of the automatic, natural response for my body, but I pulled myself back. The thought that he might just get a good whiff of my shirt, which reeked of pot, made me keep my distance. At least for now . . .

"Why did you move to Forks?" he asked. I thought by know the entire town must have heard the story of our mother and her new husband, but maybe the gossip hadn't reached his family yet.

"Don't tell me the town gossip hasn't reached you yet?" I asked, with a little too much sarcasm.

"I heard your parents were divorced and that you are living with your father now," he said stiffly, with an earnest expression on his face, as if he truly hadn't heard any stories yet. From what I could tell from the questions the other students threw at me, Renee's follies and her exodus were legendary in this town. But then again, he was a little bit of a newbie to this place as well. I resolved to give him the benefit of the doubt.

"I'm sorry, I thought everyone in this town knew," I said looking at him. "I guess we wanted Renee to enjoy her life as a newlywed and thought it was a good chance to spend some quality time with Charlie."

He stared at me with those green eyes of his and I could feel goosebumps forming on my arms. He was listening to me, as if I was telling him the most fascinating story ever.

"So your mother remarried and you didn't like the man she married?" I had to give it to him; he was persistent in his quest to find out what brought my siblings and I to this town. I stared at him incredulously for a second and then continued to talk, contrary to my nature to keep quiet.

"No, not exactly," I laughed, as I continued, "I'm not sure why I'm telling you this, but I'm sure the gossip will eventually reach you anyway, considering the size of this place, so I may as well just lay it out there. Phil, the guy my mother married, he works as a roadie for The Grateful Dead and it kind of comes with the job to travel a lot. He's actually pretty nice, I think, although I can't say I know him all too well. A little too young for her maybe, but who am I to judge, right? So we had two options: one – we could make Renee stay with us in LA and let her be all miserable and sulking – or – to just let her travel with him. We didn't want to see her moping around the house all the time and traveling kind of seemed like a bad option for us considering that we had to finish high school and all. So we told her that we would stay with Charlie, while she travels. So that kind of sums up why we moved here."

I finished the saga about our move to Forks. I noticed, while I was talking, a frown line had formed between his eyebrows and I wasn't sure whether it was pity or just concern I saw when I looked at him.

"So, you moved here to make you mother happy?" he asked, as if he was confused about something.

"Yeah, kind off, I guess. Is that so hard to understand?" I asked, not expecting an answer. I was leaning now on my hand, mirroring his position.

"No, I guess not," he replied.

He looked at me as if I was some charity case that needed urgent help. I wanted to be annoyed with him, but I couldn't. Instead I stared into his eyes. They were a deep, dark green with little specks of black in them. _Kaleidoscope Eyes_.

I let go of any inhibitions and instinctually leaned in closer. We were so close at that point, I swear, I could almost feel his breath on my face. It smelt minty and sweet all at the same time. I felt like I had indulged in one too many joints with my brother; I was in a total haze taking him in, my head spinning.

"So you like 'The Beatles'?" he asked, looking at me with a slight smirk on his face, and bringing me effectively back down to planet earth. I was wondering whether he had any idea the effect he had on me and probably on most other girls at this school.

"Well, at least my brother has rediscovered them," I said laughing, while I still recovered. He smiled and seemed kind of embarrassed.

"I heard you listening to them in your truck," he explained with a shy smile, looking at the table in front of him.

"Yeah, I figured that much. The song was playing on the radio and Jas didn't let me switch stations. To make it worse, he made me kind of sing along."

"I gather, you're not a big fan?"

"No, no – it's not that," I said, puzzled by all the questions, and still slightly delirious, "but that song just wasn't my favorite. I don't mind them really, for the most part."

The bell rang at that moment and, as I started reaching for my bag, I half expected him to vanish again with a short 'bye.' Instead, he just collected his notebook and stood next to our table waiting for me.

"Bella, I was wondering whether I could ask you something?" he asked so quietly, I almost didn't hear him as I pushed my chair back. I looked up at him and he seemed nervous somehow.

"Yeah, sure," I replied, biting my bottom lip now anxiously in anticipation.

"Do you mind, if we talk while I walk you to your next class?" he said, starting to turn towards the door.

"Sure," I replied, as coolly as possible, even though my mind was going into overdrive now, wondering if he would actually ask me whether I would be willing to come along on the date.

_Breathe, Bella, breathe. Maybe, just maybe, I would get what I want._

"So, I know your brother asked my sister on a date," he started, restlessly clutching his hands into fists by his side, "and my mother insisted that I drive her and bring her back home." He looked at me, somehow seeming both insecure and apologetic.

"Yeah, so I heard," I added, wanting to move the conversation along. Would he suggest that we didn't have to come along, that he would just drop Alice off and pick her up later on, effectively canceling our 'double date'? Doubts were starting to nag me again.

_Why was he nervous?_

"I know you probably have better plans for Saturday night," he added, looking around the hallway at the other students who were passing by and looking at us with curious expressions on their faces.

_Really – what plans would those be? Sitting around with my brother getting stoned?_

"But if you've nothing else planned yet, I was wondering whether you'd mind coming along." Edward was almost stuttering at this point. "If you have other plans, I totally understand," he added quickly looking down at the floor.

Part of me wanted to just admit that, no, I had nothing planned and, yes, I would not mind coming along at all, as long as yours truly would be present for me to drool over. Some other part of me was too proud to just give in that easily. _Would I mind coming along?_ It wasn't really an invite and it sounded kind of lame.

"That depends," I hedged, trying to infuse casualness into my next words. "Are you asking me to come along, so that you won't be the fifth wheel, or are you asking me out on a date?"

I was pretty certain he didn't yet know that I had already agreed to come along, and, hell, I was enjoying this moment a little. He blushed furiously and looked away. I was happy to notice that I wasn't the only one that blushed like an idiot.

"Well, would you go out on a date with me?" he asked, still not looking at me.

_Dude, I hate to break it to you, but I'm pretty damn sure that almost the entire female population of this school, including the teachers, dream about not only dating you, but doing all sorts of things with you._ Could he be that oblivious?

"That's not fair, Edward. You can't respond to a question with another question," I replied looking up at him, trying to figure out what exactly was going on here. There was this boy, who I'm sure was every girls fantasy, stammering along, when all he had to do was to request my presence for a double date. Actually, he didn't even have to do that, but no need to let him in on that little secret.

"I don't think you'd want to go on a date with me, but it would be my pleasure to take you out on a date to the movies on Saturday," he said with a sad expression on his face looking down at me. I stared back at him, almost getting lost in his eyes once more. Being with him made me feel so permanently high, I almost stumbled.

"Okay," I said quickly, before he'd notice I almost fell, "it's a date then."

We reached the exit of the school building and he started walking with me to the gym. When we reached the entrance, he turned to me and whispered, "Bye, Bella, I'll see you tomorrow."

I nodded and Pretty Boy gave me his handsome crooked grin. I blushed and walked, dazed and confused, into the dressing room, seriously deliberating whether they put some kind of love potion into the water supply of this town.

The haze that Edward Cullen induced in me was unfortunately cut short, when Lauren hit me with full force square in the stomach, this time with a basketball. It seemed like she had clearly aimed that one at me. I toppled forward for a second clutching my stomach and then fell back flat on my ass. To my distress, the entire class was now staring at me and forming a circle around me. My stomach hurt like hell and the impact had knocked the wind out of my pipes. I was trying to breathe, but my lungs burned and I could sense a feeling of nausea coming on. I vaguely remember hearing Newton volunteer to take me to the school nurse as he put his arm around me in an effort to get me to stand up and walk.

With Mike's help, I walked on trembling legs out of the gym. When the fresh air hit me I started feeling better.

"Mike, do you mind if we just sit here on the grass for a second? I think I'll feel better in a second," I said as I dropped myself on the grassy patch near the gym entrance.

"Better?" he asked worried, lowering himself to sit next to me.

"Yeah, I'm okay. Just need a minute to recover," I said, pushing myself back against the wall of the building and leaning my head on the cool stone.

"I'm sorry about Lauren. It seemed like she was aiming right at you."

"Yeah, you got that one right. I guess I'm not one of her favorite people," I answered acerbically.

"Ignore her. She's just jealous that you and Rose are getting so much attention," he replied apologetically.

"I get why she'd be jealous of Rose, but I'm not sure why she'd be jealous of me," I added.

"Well, Bella, I don't think you see yourself clearly. Rose is pretty, I grant you that, but she comes across," he said with a wink, "as if, you know, she's been around the block."

"_Right_." I rolled my eyes at his lame come-on and felt anger bubbling up in my gut. The whole line about 'been around the block' never sat well with me and for the dimwit to make that comment about my sister just wouldn't do.

"So we're clear, Mike, don't make assumptions about people that you know nothing about. Rose is my sister, you moron! What does that even mean 'been around the block'?" I huffed. "Just because you haven't been down the street? Really, why would you say stuff like that?" I looked at him, as he leaned away a bit, staring at me slightly astonished. I thought for sure, he'd leave and I'd be rid of him permanently, but he just sat there and looked at me like a deer caught in headlights.

"I'm sorry, Bella. I didn't mean to insult your sister," he mutter a little while later, but I wasn't sure I bought his apology. As far as I was concerned, I was done talking to him.

"So you and Cullen are actually talking now?" he inquired, all of a sudden. The fact that we had a conversation while the others were busy figuring out basic biology didn't go unnoticed. Or maybe he had seen us walking together to the gym. I didn't care.

"Huh?" I looked at him not knowing why he cared whether I was talking to Edward Cullen or not. "He's my lab partner, so of course we talk. " _And I'm also going out on a date with him!_ I wanted to scream, but I didn't feel like sharing that information with Newton.

"Well, it's just kind of strange. Cullen kind of never talks to anybody. He was in my Chemistry class last year and didn't talk to his assigned partner the entire time. I'm pretty certain he'll be our Valedictorian next year, but he thinks it's beneath him to talk to anybody here. He's just such a smarty-pants know-it-all; I'm surprised that all of a sudden he's talking to someone," Mike stated.

I didn't care one bit what he was mumbling on about. "Whatever, Mike. He's perfectly nice and talkative from what I can tell. I think I'm feeling better now. We can go back in," I added with another eye-roll, while I pushed myself up to stand and stomped off toward the gym.

####

Both Rose and Jas were waiting outside the gym entrance when I came out, and we all trotted to the truck.

"What happened to the Bear driving you home?" I asked Rose as we reached the truck.

"Football practice," she answered with a smile. "Are you all set for your date on Saturday, Missy?"

"Mmh, yeah, kind of." I beamed at Rose.

"Hey, guess what? He's actually kind of nice and said it would be his 'pleasure' to take me to the movies on Saturday. I was in shock for like five seconds when he started talking to me in bio todday."

"No, way Bella. Mr. Smarty-Pants actually asked you out? You've got to be shitting me," Rose responded laughing. "I thought the guy would definitely be too chicken-shit to ask you."

"Very funny, Newton just called him the exact same thing. How would you know, Rose? Did you even talk to him?" I inquired, upset at Rose's comments about Edward.

"Oh, please, Bella, give me a break. I just spent the entire lunch break with him, while you and Jas were discussing your dating plans. He's totally a know-it-all-full- of-himself-little-nerd. I admit, his looks are deceiving, but trust me – that's all he really is. Honestly, I feel for you. I cannot imagine how boring it will be to spend an entire evening with him. I had to listen to his lecture about some piano recital during the hour we spent together in the cafeteria and he totally bored me to tears. To top it off he started arguing with me about cars. Total ass! _Edward_ – the name alone says it all."

"I see somebody didn't enjoy themselves during their lunch break!" Jas quipped giving me a knowing glance. We both knew that anybody who didn't worship the ground Rose walked on, and dared to contradict her or – even worse - argue with her, would be deemed a lower form of life. And from the sound of it, Pretty Boy had done just that.

"Do you need the car for Saturday, Jas?" Rose asked as we drove off the lot. "Because I'm not sure whether you want to ride around with the brat in his mommy wagon." I was almost sad I had missed that lunch table conversation, because whatever Edward had said at that table sure had ticked Rose off.

"Yeah, about that. Alice said they'd pick us up around 5 o'clock on Saturday, since we have to drive almost all the way to Port Angeles for the nearest movie theater. I'm assuming that means we are taking their car," Jas said grinning. He was probably wondering as well what had transpired during that lunch.

We all hung around the kitchen table doing homework, listening to music and eating peanut butter with a spoon straight out of the jar. When dinnertime rolled around, Jas and I decided it was time to cook a complete meal. We drove to the grocery store, did some shopping and cooked. Charlie was surprised to find us cooking when he got home, but in a good way, I assumed. We all ate together around the old kitchen table. I felt strangely like we had finally come home or something.

Jas went to our room early that night. When I entered the room he was sitting on a chair with his feet up on my bed smoking a cigarette. He held the cigarette out of the window and blew the smoke outside as he exhaled.

I pulled out the Beatles' '_Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band_,' carefully placed it on our record player, found the third ridge on the record and slowly placed the needle there to play '_Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds_.'

I had been listening to the song for a while, when Jas interrupted.

"Groovy tune, sis. Why that one?" he asked.

"I don't know." I lied.

'_Picture your self in a boat on a river with . . . marmalade skies . . . kaleidoscope eyes.' _

Except in my case in wasn't a girl, it was a boy. Jas used to own a kaleidoscope. I think it came with one of the packages Charlie used to send.

"Whatever happened to the kaleidoscope you used to have? Do you still have it somewhere?" I asked.

"I think I lost during one of our moves. It's gone. Too bad, really. Why?"

"I don't know. I guess I wanted to look through it again," I answered. "So what's Alice like? Did you get to talk to her today, or did she sprint away again?"

"Promise not to tell Rose or Charlie?" he asked.

I rolled my eyes at him. We never really shared our secrets with anyone and I only brought up Alice in front of Rose, because he annoyed me with his comments about Edward.

"Yes, of course I won't tell them. What's the big secret?"

"I cut class today with her. We just hung out underneath the bleachers."

"Oh, Jas, you're already a bad influence on the girl. Her parents will wanna kill you."

"It was her idea, but I think you're right about the parents. From what she told me they are kind of weird. She's really nice, Bella. I think you'd like her."

"Yeah, I hope so. So I guess since she suggested cutting class with you, she's really not that shy after all?" I looked over to Jas sitting on our chair. His cheeks flushed and I smiled.

"Ahh, I see. Not shy at all. It was all just for show," I teased.

"Naah, you're right. She's definitely not shy. Actually she is kind of straight forward," he answered laughing. "But I think her brother is a whole different story. I'm surprised he had the guts to ask you out. Alice says he's sort of scared of girls."

"Yeah, right. I'm sure he could get a date with any girl he likes. What would he be scared of? Rejection? I don't think so."

"I dunno. I think Rose is right though. His appearance might be deceiving."

We listened to the rest of the album and went to bed.

I slept better that night. The place no longer felt as new and things were starting to become familiar. I was no longer confounded when it rained the next morning.

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	7. Chapter 7 Planning & Scheming

**Okay, next chapter….**

**Twanza, Reamhar, BMD & ****Zillanxio – THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU for all your help, comments etc…any remaining error, typos bla, bla, bla are totally my own fault!**

_**Disclaimer**__: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

* * *

**7. Planning & Scheming**

When we drove into the school parking lot the next day, I saw the Volvo already parked near the building. Rose spotted it too, and I swear she made an effort to find the spot farthest away from _that_ car. Rose sure as shit could hold a grudge. We ended up parked at the opposite end of the parking lot and had to walk some distance to get to the entrance of the school.

I was seriously looking forward to lunch, where I would hopefully be able to witness a repeat performance of Edward versus Rose. I was rooting for him. I love my sister, but she could be pretty obnoxious and opinionated. My hopes were dashed, however, when I arrived in the cafeteria and found Jas and Rose sitting at a table alone. I didn't see Emmett, but the Cullens were sitting at a table far away from them.

"So, I guess you are not looking for a rematch over car repair skills with Edward?" I asked as I sat down to unpack my lunch.

"Whatever, he can go screw himself," Rose replied with a shrug of her shoulders.

I was slightly peeved by Rose's behavior. Really, did she have to pick a fight with the _one_ guy I liked? Not to mention the fact that Jas and I could really use some friends at this place, since we'd be stuck here long after she'd skipped town. I was certain Rose would ditch this place the minute she graduated high school.

Rose looked perfectly content sitting across from me, checking her long hair for split ends showing no concern whatsoever. I deliberated about saying something that would ruffle her feathers a little – my own personal form of payback, so to speak.

"Where's your boyfriend?" I asked, wondering whether she would rip my head off for the title I'd just given Emmett.

Rose didn't 'date' high school boys. No, she was usually way _too cool_ for that. In spite of that, she didn't seem to mind the implications of my question at all.

"He had some football stuff to attend to," she answered casually. My mission had been unsuccessful; she didn't even care. "I actually wouldn't mind sitting with Alice during lunch. She seems nice, but I'm not in the mood to listen to her brother again. You'll see what I'm talking about after your date."

"Wow, Rose. I'm really starting to regret that I missed your little lunch table debate yesterday. It must have been quite an argument you guys had there. If I didn't know that you really dig the Bear, I would think it almost sounds like a lovers' quarrel," Jas commented, attempting a better stab at Rose than I had managed.

I knew what was bugging him; it was the exact same thing that caused my immediate mood shift from perfectly content to borderline grumpy when I entered the cafeteria. Rose was messing with our plans. Jas wanted to sit with Alice during his lunch break. I guess he could have just left Rose to her own devices and sat with Alice and Edward, but he knew that would land him in a world of shit. I wouldn't dare move to the other table by myself anyway, but if Jas had taken the first step I probably would have followed. Rose always found a way to make your life a living hell if you crossed her. Leaving her sitting at a lunch table by herself in this place would definitely count as crossing her.

When we lived with Renee, Rose had developed a wide variety of tactics to make sure we stayed in line. She'd stop doing her share of the housework, give us the silent treatment, and, if all else failed, she'd bitch and moan about us to Renee. It wasn't intimidating as much as _tiring_. Rose was an expert at just wearing us down. The thing was that Renee, for the most part, didn't care that much about the things Rose complained about. Charlie might be a different story altogether and neither Jas nor I were willing to test Rose. For now, we both settled on staring from afar across the cafeteria.

Before Rose could snap back at Jas, I managed to blurt out, "so you are fine with the title 'boyfriend' already? I honestly can't remember a time when you called a guy your boyfriend. Actually, Rose, I can't remember a time you would have considered even hanging out with anyone who was still in high school. I'm missing something here . . . "

"Shut up, Bella. I like Emmett. I don't know whether he's technically my 'boyfriend' yet, but I wouldn't object," Rose said with a giggle and a blush on her cheeks, which was usually reserved for the face of yours truly. "And just so you both know, I bet the real reason Edward doesn't hook-up with girls and only hangs out with mommy and daddy at home, is that he is so boring and self-absorbed I doubt any girl could take him for longer than five minutes before having to take a nap." Rose gave Jas an angry look. I glanced over again to where Edward and Alice were sitting and noticed her smiling in our direction.

"I think their parents are actually kind of strict, so it's not like they have that much of a choice. And let's get real, Rose, I cannot imagine that any of the gatherings with the people of this high school are worth attending, which might be another reason why they hang out at home a lot. Seriously, what have we done since we got here?" Jas stated.

Reminiscing about my still-vivid first impression of the students here, Jas was probably right on the money about the fact that none of us would be too eager to attend any parties with them. Never mind that Rose actually hadn't been to a high school party in forever.

"Well, according to Emmett there are some parties on the Indian reservation nearby that are pretty cool, not that I'm saying I'd go to a party with the gossip table over there," Rose said, pointing to the table Lauren, Jessica and Mike were sitting at.

"I think we can all agree on that one," I said to end the confrontation that I knew was simmering. We were quiet for the rest of the break. It would take more time than I had during one lunch break to convince Rose that maybe she was judging Edward a bit prematurely; instead I focused my energy on how to start another repartee with my lap partner in biology. I had found a pair of not-too-tight jeans and a clean t-shirt this morning. I felt prepared; at least I didn't smell like pot today.

I got up a little earlier than usual from the table and made an effort to get to the classroom faster, hoping that it would leave me more time to talk to Edward. About what, I still wasn't sure. When I got to the classroom, Edward was drawing something in his notebook, which he closed quickly as I approached.

"Hey," I greeted him, as I dropped my bag next to our table.

Unfortunately Newton came over to our table the second I sat down and started talking. The boy sure did have the most inopportune timing. The sound of his voice alone was starting to bug me.

"Hey Bella. So I just wanted to apologize again for what I said yesterday. It was inconsiderate. I'm really, really sorry."

"Fine, Mike. I don't even care anymore. Don't worry about it," I responded, hoping that a short reply would prompt him to leave.

"So, a bunch of us are going to La Push next Sunday and I was wondering whether you're interested in coming along," he asked, eagerly standing next to me, hovering, and not moving an inch.

"I'm sorry, but what's La Push?" I looked up at him, tired of him and wishing he would just go back to where he came from and sit down. Honestly, I didn't even care about the answer to my question. If it involved Newton and the gang, I wasn't interested in going.

"Oh, it's a beach not too far away from here on the reservation and a bunch of us might go surfing."

I was staring at Newton at that point. I'm pretty sure that somewhere between our walks down the school corridors and joint gym class he must have noticed that I'm uncoordinated, to say the least. Why he was inviting me of _all _people to go surfing was incomprehensible. Did he really think that because I lived in California, I must know how to surf? I was getting really tired of him.

_Really, Newton? The beach? I want you to go away now. _

"Going to the beach in barely 50 degree weather in January? I don't think so. And I don't surf. I can ask Jas and Rose, but I kind of doubt they would wanna go, and without them I don't have a ride." Which was a lie, since I could have presumably driven the truck myself.

"Oh, I could totally pick you up in the morning before we head out there. Relax, Bella, I think most of the people coming are just going to hang out and maybe make a campfire. You don't have to go surfing and who knows, the sun might come out too."

I was starting to feel uncomfortable sitting there with Newton trying to drag me off to some beach outing, but I sucked at saying 'no' to people. Edward was of no help at all in getting me out of the situation. He just kept on staring straight ahead, as if Newton and I didn't exist.

"Well, I don't really know. I think I may have a paper to write, too." I tried to wiggle myself out of it without mortally offending Mike, even though I wasn't sure why I still cared at this point. "I'll let you know next week okay?"

Thankfully Banner walked in and Mike had to finally abandon his attempts. It also meant that I had been robbed of my opportunity to chat with Edward. I was wondering whether I should write him a note during class, but he had moved to the other side of the table. I let my hair fall into my face and looked at him every now and then. Edward still looked perfect. His hair looked a little bit more disheveled today and I saw some stubble growing along his jaw line. If possible, he looked better today in this less groomed stage than he had yesterday. He was wearing a button down shirt with rolled up sleeves and faded jeans. It looked like he had dressed down a bit. I really should have concentrated on the lecture, but I couldn't stop myself from staring. I could have stared at him for hours. Nobody asides from maybe the sight of Jim Morrison at the Whisky-a-Go-Go had ever made me lust this way.

Was I _lusting _after him? The warm and fuzzy energy that was set off in my stomach and floated down to settle between my thighs told me YES, I sure was.

His eyes never wandered back in my direction during the entire class. Longing for the stares that only four days ago made me feel uncomfortable, I consoled myself with the fact that at least I still had the date to look forward to.

The rest of the day passed uneventfully, and that night, while lying in bed I began scheming about how to get rid of Newton without offending him. For the most part, Mike Newton had been perfectly nice to me and if I told him to take a hike now, I feared I would just create another enemy at school. I was already on Lauren's shit-list, even though I had done nothing to her, and I certainly didn't want another person ticked off at me.

Most of my time, though, was spent thinking about Edward. I wasn't so sure anymore whether he actually asked me out because he liked me or whether he felt obligated to. Yesterday, I could have sworn that I saw his cheeks turn crimson when he asked me out. That had to count for something, unless he was just embarrassed. I thought briefly about asking Jas whether the Pixie had told him anything else about Edward, but I could hear a low snore coming from his side of the room. I didn't want to wake him, just to quiz him for the sake of calming my insecurities. Eventually I drifted off to sleep thinking about what Edward's lips would taste like. If this 'date night' was anything like my previous dates, I'm sure I would get a taste of them.

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The next morning came and I still hadn't come up with a course of action to get rid of Newton. I wasn't too concerned, getting rid of Newton could wait. My priority was to get to bio early enough again to talk to Edward. I wanted to hear his voice again. The tingling feeling that settled in my belly when I remembered the sound of it, and managing to recapture that feeling, was my new obsession.

I brushed my teeth, gathered my hair up in a ponytail and put on a pair of jeans and a clean sweater. It didn't rain, but it wasn't exactly sunny either. After today I would have officially survived one week of high school hell.

The morning classes dragged along slowly and then in Spanish, Newton came waddling over to my table to ask again whether I would come to this damn beach party with him. I told him that I needed to pass on going to the beach because I had to cook dinner for Charlie. Thankfully, he bought the story and left. Jessica Stanley talked my ear off the entire Math class. No clue what about, since I'd stopped listening after the first two sentences, trying to focus my attention on the lesson. I wondered how she passed any exams, because she obviously didn't pay attention in class. I walked with her to the cafeteria scanning the room for my siblings.

I saw Rose sitting with Emmet, the Cullens and Jas.

_Bingo, Bella!_

Even though Edward appeared to be reading a book, I was cheering inside as I walked over to the table.

"Hey." I sat down next to Jas and pulled out my sandwich.

"Hey, Bella, I heard you are going to La Push next weekend?" Emmett asked immediately. He looked at me with a flicker in his eyes, like there was something funny about it.

"What? How did you know?" I asked, rolling my eyes at him, shocked that Emmett knew about Newton's attempts to drag me to a beach outing. "If you must know, no, I'm _so_ not going, even though Newton seems to have a hard time taking 'No' for an answer. I honestly don't see the appeal of going to the beach in January."

My response seemed to amuse Emmett, because a wide grin spread across his face. I'm not sure what exactly happened next, but I swear he must have kicked Edward under the table or something because the next thing I saw was Edward yelp and a slight blush appearing on his skin. Something was going on below the table that I clearly was missing out on. Two seconds later though Edward had focused his attention back on his book.

"Well, a bunch of people are going I guess, and Mike has been talking in the locker room about taking you along. In fact, he kind of didn't shut up about it," Emmett added.

"Whatever. There's no way I'm going to a beach in January. Brr… No thanks!" I shivered just thinking about it.

"I don't know whether you should tag along with Newton, but I'm going and I wanted to take Rose. You should come. It's usually fun. You don't even have to hang out with the people from school. A bunch of the kids from the reservation are usually around. It's mostly good times."

"I'll think about it, but I really don't see the appeal," I said grudgingly.

I also kind of doubted Rose wanted me to join her and the Bear on the ride there. She wasn't exactly giving me an invitation and I figured it would be good to give her some privacy. I think since there was so little to do in this town, we had all been on top of each other over the last week.

"So what movie are you guys going to see tomorrow?" Rose all of a sudden asked, looking at Jas and me.

"Well, our dad had already tossed last Sunday's newspaper away, so I couldn't check, but there's only one drive-in theater close by, so I guess we'll see whatever is showing," Alice chimed in, before Jas or I could respond.

I looked over to her sitting next to my brother with a smile on her face. She had bluish-grey eyes and was as pale as her brother; other than that I couldn't really see any similarities between them. Jas and I didn't look like we were related either, but at least next to them we looked tanned. These kids looked like they had truly never seen the sun. I guess living in Alaska first and then in this rainy town would not allow for that. Today, Alice was wearing a grey sweater that looked expensive and a short, black, pleated skirt. I felt under-dressed and sloppy as I compared myself to her. I could see she had used some eyeliner and mascara to highlight her features. _Straight out of a movie_, I thought.

"Bella," Alice continued, now looking at me with a curious expression, "if you don't have anything planned for that Sunday yet, maybe we could hang out? I'm not really a beach person myself, either."

"Uh, sure yeah," I blurted out without thinking about it further. She didn't look like the type of girl that would be interested in hanging out with me. I obviously didn't put half the effort into my appearance than she did. "What would you want to do, Alice? I guess our options are kind of limited considering this town."

"You could just come over to my house or we could go shopping in Port Angeles," Alice's face lit up when she mentioned shopping and I really didn't want to disappoint her. By the look of her, shopping for clothing was something she took seriously; although I was pretty sure what she was wearing today came from an expensive department store from a bigger city.

I could indulge her and go shopping. There was, however, the little problem of my lack of funding for such a shopping spree. Never mind that I can't say I really ever enjoyed shopping. Renee and Rose occasionally dragged me shopping, usually kicking and screaming. Department stores gave me hives. There were too many people and I never felt like buying anything.

"Well, yeah, shopping, we'll see, I guess. We can definitely hang out." I was about to continue that I would come with her to Port Angeles, but Rose, who couldn't hold her laughter back, interrupted me.

"Bella hates shopping, Alice. Generally speaking those two," she said pointing at Jas and me, "only spend money on records, books and, well … I guess I'll leave it at that."

I definitely got the feeling that Rose wanted to out us as the stoners she knew we were, but stopped herself just in time before announcing to the unsuspecting students of Forks High School that the kids of the local chief of police were consumers of illegal substances who spent most of their extra cash on it. Jas kicked me under the table and rolled his eyes.

"Oh, there is a bookstore and a place that sells records in Port Angeles," Alice announced cheerfully. "Those are the only stores that Edward will go to as well." She smiled over to her brother who looked up from the book he was reading. I'd been wondering ever since I'd sat down at the table what book it was that had him so wound up that he could focus on it in a loud cafeteria. I kept on checking whether I could make out the title on the cover, but he kept the book flat on the table. I was hoping it wasn't Jack Kerouac.

"I'll come along Alice, even though I'm totally broke and should probably look for a job before I go on any shopping expeditions," I quipped and stuck my tongue out to Rose.

"It will be fun! And we can totally just go window-shopping. The stores aren't that great in Port Angeles anyway and there is probably nothing worth spending any money on," Alice continued enthusiastically and I started to like her. The cafeteria began emptying out and Edward still hadn't contributed a single sentence to our lunch conversation. I was wondering whether I should get up and go to bio by myself. _Maybe ask him to come along?_ I couldn't come to a decision.

"Bella," Edward suddenly said, standing up looking at me, "do you want to get going to class?"

For some reason he always spoke to me when I least expected it and so I just stared at him like an idiot until Jas stepped on my foot. I glared at Jas and got up.

"Yeah, sure…"

He still held his book in his hand as we walked side by side out of the cafeteria and I dared another glance at it. Albert Camus,"_L'Étranger_," I read.

"So are you reading Camus for class or for fun?" I asked with relief that it wasn't the latest beatnik literary celebration he was devouring.

"For fun, I guess. It's not assigned for any class," he answered, giving me that smile again. I felt my knees weaken a bit, but caught myself before I tripped.

"So, you understand French well enough to the read the original version - for fun?" I mocked. Reading the original did kind of seem pretentious for a high school student.

"Yeah, but our mother, Esme, speaks French fluently. She taught us when we were little. We were homeschooled by her before we moved here from Alaska. Over there the closest school was too far away for us to attend," he said quickly, as if he needed to make an excuse for his ability to read French.

"Wow!" I laughed not fathoming the kind of wilderness they had lived in before they moved here. This place was as close to living in the boondocks as I had ever come. I had to laugh even harder thinking what my siblings and I would've learned, if we would have had to rely on Renee to teach us anything.

"I didn't know it was that funny," he snapped at me with an irritated look on his face. I didn't want to upset him, because after all – shit – I knew what it felt like to be the outsider.

"Well, it's not funny, really," I responded, trying to stop my laughter. "I was just wondering, I think the only thing Renee ever taught us was how to mix a mean martini! We'd be royally screwed, if it wasn't for the public school system."

He smiled slightly bemused, shaking his head. I wasn't paying attention to my feet and his smile made me so freaking weak in the knees that I stumbled. _How pathetic was I?_ I was about to hit my head against the first lab table in our classroom, when I felt someone pull me back up. I steadied myself and noticed that it was Edward who was holding me – one hand on my shoulder and the other on my waist.

I don't usually seek out physical contact with people, but with him I couldn't resist. It was as if there was this pull from him and so I closed my eyes and leaned back into him for a second. He felt warm and firm and he smelled like freshly washed laundry and soap. If it hadn't been for his hands holding me up, I would have crumbled into the floor right there. Jas's comment about how Alice was like magic to him came drifting back to my mind and at this instant I understood completely what he meant.

"Are you okay?" he whispered, and I could feel his breath on my neck. I inhaled and opened my eyes and then I noticed the other students staring at us. Newton got up and walked towards us when Edward let go of me. Miraculously, I managed to stand straight and walked toward our table. Edward followed close behind me.

"I'm fine. I just sorta fall a lot," I said, turning around to look at him and rolling my eyes.

"What happened, Bella? Are you sick? Do you want me to take you to the nurse's office?" Newton asked, standing next to our table again.

"No, Mike. I'm_ fine_. I just stumbled and Edward caught me, so nothing to worry about." I unpacked my notebook and tried to ignore Newton, who was still standing next to me, as best as I could.

"Well, I'll see you after class then," he said and walked back to his seat.

"Whatever," I whispered to myself. I was wondering what Newton's deal was. He just kept on hovering. I seriously started to wonder whether Rose was right and he was developing some misplaced interest in me. I would have to find a tactful way to discourage him from that. He hadn't exactly made any moves on me and he really hadn't asked me out, other than this beach thing he had invited me to which the whole school was apparently going. Technically, I could just tell him outright that I wasn't interested, but it seemed kind of premature and I'd have to risk sounding entirely conceited. What if the idiot just wanted to be friends?

I heard a chuckle come from Edward and he gave me this big smile when I turned to him.

"What?"

Unfortunately Banner had already walked into the room and commenced his lecture.

"Anything you'd like to share with the class, Ms. Swan?" Banner asked with that condescending teacher attitude.

"Absolutely nothing, Mr. Banner," I replied as politely as I could.

"Well, then, if you don't mind, unless it is something you want to share with the rest of us please refrain from chatting with Mr. Cullen."

"Sure," I answered, blushing a thousand different shades of red. I was so embarrassed by the whole exchange and I don't even know why. For the rest of the class I was just staring straight down at my notebook. That's it. This whole week had just been attention overload. So much so that even the teacher now knew I existed.

When class ended, Newton was once again standing next to my table. Getting rid of him would be my number one priority, effective immediately.

Edward got up and walked towards the door, but before he reached it, he turned around and said, "bye Bella. I'll see you tomorrow around five?"

"Yeah, sounds fine."

Edward smiled, nodded and walked away. Newton stared at the direction Edward had disappeared in. I got up and began walking towards the door as well. Newton followed me a second later and walked alongside me.

"So, you're hanging out with Cullen tomorrow…mmhuhh….to study?" he stammered as we left the classroom.

"Nah, I don't think so," I responded, not wanting to elaborate.

Knowing Newton's inclination to follow me around like a dog, he'd probably show up at the movies. I was happy that he didn't ask any further questions. Apparently my short response had temporarily transformed him into a mute.

Jas, Rose and I went to the grocery store after school to pick up stuff for dinner. Angela was working at the checkout counter again.

"Hey, Angela," I greeted her as we approached.

"Hey, guys. So how's Forks High been treating you so far?"

"Not too badly, actually," Jas answered with a smile. Angela looked at him with a funny expression on her face for a second, before smiling back at him.

"Are you coming to La Push next weekend, Bella?" she asked, looking at me as I packed up our groceries into a brown paper bag.

"Nah, I don't think so."

"Mike Newton told everyone that he's taking you," Angela added with a big smile.

"Yeah, no. I don't know why he keeps telling people that."

"Duh, Bella, how blind are you?" Rose snapped. "I told you from the get go the boy has a crush on you."

Our little exchange totally amused Angela, who was now laughing.

"I'm with your sister on this one, Bella. You may have to be blunt with Newton and tell him you're not interested. It'll come as a total newsflash to him. He's not used to rejection. If you ask me, he's kind of dense, so that may be why he's not getting it. "

"I already told him that I'm not going. Not sure what else there is to say."

"Yeah, that's not going to deter him," Angela added.

"Well, what else am I supposed to say?" I said, looking at Rose. It's not like I had encouraged Newton's behavior or given him any reason to think that I'd have any interest in him.

"You're going to have to tell the little creep that you're not digging his style and have another date. That's not even a lie," Rose advised.

"Okay, I'll try that," I added quickly, rushing to get out of the store _now_. I grabbed one of the bags I'd packed and walked towards the exit.

"Have a good weekend, Angela," I yelled, almost out the door. I was attracting attention from all the wrong people today.

Jas and Rose walked behind me and we made it back home without any further questions or suggestions from Rose. Cooking was a team effort, and by the time Charlie came home we were ready to eat.

As we sat down for dinner, Rose handed Charlie a can of beer.

"If any of you wants one, help yourselves," Charlie said pointing to the beer. We didn't let that opportunity pass and all went to grab a can. Living with Charlie really did turn out to be a lot more easy-going than I'd expected. Charlie was cool about everything so far.

"So do any of you have any plans for tonight?" he asked, looking around the table at us.

"Jas and Bella are going to the movies with the Cullen twins tomorrow night," Rose volunteered, "And I'm going out with Emmett McCarty. Not sure what our plans are exactly."

Neither of us had yet figured out how tolerant Charlie would be about us going out. We all had sort of assumed that he'd be all right with it.

"That sounds like fun," he said, winking at Jas and me. "Make sure you don't get home too late, 'cause it gets kind of dark out here and I don't want you to get lost. I wasn't sure how quickly you'd all make friends here, but it looks like I've got nothin' to worry about. I was actually planning on going on a little fishing trip tomorrow, coming back home in the evening, but since you're all busy tomorrow night, I may stay the night and come back on Sunday."

"I don't think any of us are planning on driving, so I'm sure we won't get lost," Rose assured him, just as the telephone began to ring. Rose looked to Charlie, who just nodded.

"Yes," Rose answered. "Renee, where are you? I can't believe you're calling?...How's Phil?...Yeah, no really, everything is fine. Charlie is great. Don't worry about us. School is working out…Yeah, of course, hang on a second."

"Charlie, Renee wants to talk to you for second to make sure we're not totally getting on your nerves and are pulling our own weight around the house," Rose announced, over to the table.

Charlie grumbled something, trying to stop the appearance of a small smile that was forming on his face and got up to take the receiver from Rose.

"Renee, don't worry. They're no trouble at all. In fact, I feel guilty that they're doing so much around the house. It's really not necessary….Yeah, I'm sure… Sure, sure, let me hand you back to her," he said handing the receiver back to Rose.

"No, Renee. Everything is great. I'd tell you if it was horrible here. We're all set for a night out tomorrow too. You won't believe it, but even Bella found a guy to take her out tomorrow night. Jas and Bella are actually going on a double date." Rose raised her eyebrows looking at me with a devious smile.

"Ugh, Rose, no!" I screamed.

"Yeah, you wanna talk to her?" she asked nodding and smirking.

"Sure," Rose said holding the receiver in my direction. I got up slowly. I knew what was coming. "Bella, Renee wants to talk to you!"

"Yeah, whatever," I took the phone from her and cautiously held it to my ear. "Hey Renee, what's happening?"

"_Bella, baby, how are you? I miss you, darling. Now tell me all about the boy you're going out with. Is he handsome?"_

"I miss you too. I don't know, Renee, I've only just met him at school. Where are you right now?"

"_Oh, Bella, don't be such a tease. We're in Austin, Texas. Nice town. I think you'd like it. Baby, don't make me fish for information. You have to tell me more about this boy. Is he nice?"_

"Yes, he's nice, I guess," I answered, annoyed by the fact that Rose had brought the Spanish Inquisition on me. I looked over to Jas who was rolling his eyes at me.

"_Well, remember to use protection. Have Rose take you to a doctor, get the pill and use condoms. I'm too young to be a grandmother."_

"Yeah, I know, I know. Don't worry about it. Do you want to speak to Jas?"

"_Yes, darling, please. But we're not finished with this conversation. I'll call again next week to get all the details, do you hear me? I want to know whether he is a good kisser and all the rest."_

"Yes, Renee. No problem. Let me get Jas."

Jas was already standing next to me. I was sure he'd get the slightly modified version of the 'I'm too young to be grandmother' speech.

If anybody else would have given me that lecture, I probably would have turned red like a tomato and been mortified, but Renee had already given me five slightly different versions of this speech since I'd turned 14, even though there had never been a need a for it. I'd never been tempted to lose my virginity. It's not that is was anything I was holding on to; in an odd way, I would be happy to just get it over with.

My problem was that the guys I was even remotely interested in, always seemed out of my league, and the guys that were obviously interested in me never tempted me. I guess I could have gotten it over with plenty of times by now. I probably should have grabbed the opportunity when I had it last summer. I ended up making out with this dude who worked at the local surf shop a couple of times, but for some reason every time he stuck his fingers down my pants, it just felt uncomfortable. It might have had something to do with the fact that we were always making out on the beach and there was sand everywhere: in my socks, in my hair, in my underwear… just everywhere. On second thought, even without all the sand, it probably would have sucked. He was kind of a sloppy kisser, too. Really, the only redeeming quality about him was the fact that he was sort of attractive in a very conventional sense. His attractiveness though paled in comparison to Edward Cullen.

_Pfft, if he was interested, virginity would be a thing of the past for me._

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**Reviews make my day! Same deal as last time – anyone who reviews will get a teaser!**


	8. Chapter 8 Date Night

**Sorry for the delay in updating! Life sort of caught up with me….**

**Without the help of Reamhar & ****Zillanxio I may never update at all – I totally owe you! Any remaining errors & typos are all my own doing – as always.**

_**Disclaimer**__: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

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**8. Date Night**

I woke up late the next day happy that I wouldn't have to deal with school. No Newton, no Jessica and no boring classes to get through. Nothing to distract me from my new obsession: Edward Cullen. Images of Edward kept on floating in and out of my head: bronze hair, the smell of soap, his smile… My preoccupation with him was borderline unhealthy. Weren't there more important things to ponder than some boy who I'd known for no more than a week?

What had happened to me? I vaguely paid attention to what was going on in the real world: the war, protests at universities, riots…people dying…assassinations. I needed to think about getting into a decent college and making sure that Jas did so as well. If Jas didn't get into college, his ass be would be drafted and I'd have to go visit him in Canada. The whole world seemed in turmoil when we left LA, and after one week in this weird little town, all I could do was pine over some dude. How superficial and pathetic had my life become?

I lazily stretched in my bed and glanced over to Jas's side of the room. Jas was awake but still lying in his bed reading a magazine.

"Hey, how long have you been up?"

"Not very long. Have any plans for today …asides from you know, tonight?" he mumbled, not looking up from his magazine.

"Nah, not really. What are you reading?"

"Rolling Stone, article about Rob Tyner from 'MC5.' "

"Never heard of them. New band?"

"They haven't released their album yet and they've only toured on the East Coast. They played during the DNC in Chicago last year. We should go to Seattle sometime to check out some record stores. I doubt they have this shit in Port Angeles."

"Yeah, definitely."

My unhealthy obsession, I decided, was at least partially connected to the fact that aside from the TV and the radio, we were shut off from the rest of the world. After a week in the boondocks, the things I missed most were anonymity and record stores. Anonymity, by virtue of the fact that it allowed you the freedom to do things privately; L.A., San Francisco and New York allowed for complete anonymity, because you could hide, blend into the masses. Nobody really knew you or cared to know you. In contrast, everywhere you went in this town, everybody knew our complete story already. No secret days in Forks. I missed record stores, because whenever I was bored or in need of a diversion from life in the past, I would browse the aisles of a nearby record store or sometimes a used bookstore, but this town barely had a library.

No wonder I was fawning over my lab partner; there was nothing else to do. _Who was I kidding?_ I probably would have had a crush on him irrespective of where I lived, but the fact that there was nothing to do with my time in this town definitely didn't help. _What would he look like tonight? How fast could I get him to kiss me and drag me to the backseat....wait, does he even like me? _

I felt uncomfortable lying in bed pining away over Edward with Jas next to me. He always kind of knew where my head was and right now, I really didn't want him to pay too close attention to me. Rose's single bedroom would have been lovely right about _now. _Hiding my face instead behind a book would be better and would provide as a good a distraction as any. I looked down on the pile of books next to my bed to find something to read. "Jane Eyre" was the first one on top of the pile. I'd read it before and couldn't say I loved the story; naïve, poor governess, but from a 'good family' (whatever that means), falls in love with rich, old dude with creepy, sick wife hidden in the attic of the manor. I almost felt bad for the crazy wife. I decided to reread it nevertheless, since it was listed on our syllabus for English. The beginning chapters about her miserable childhood were just too much to stomach, so I skipped them.

I only wanted to reread the parts where she was coveting brooding Rochester - at least I could empathize with Jane on that one. Barely through chapter thirteen, however, I noticed Rochester's first name: Edward, _how could I forget_! I tossed the book back down on the floor. Too close for comfort! The next book on the pile was "The Great Gatsby." Much better, now there is a good distraction: Jay Gatsby!

In the middle of the third chapter, Rose came in without a knock. Knocking on doors had always been frowned upon in our household. Too much effort and everything could be done in the open anyway. It had never bothered me much, but now it irked me. Even Jas reading his magazine next to me was starting to bother me.

"Bella, do you wanna help me make breakfast? I'm starving - wait for you downstairs, 'kay?"

"Fine," I grumbled.

I didn't feel like cooking and my obsession had effectively killed my appetite for the past week, but I guess it was as a good a distraction as reading. I stumbled over to the chair where I had tossed my jeans the night before, put them on and followed Rose into the kitchen. We ate and hung around the kitchen for a while, before we all moved to the sofa in the living room to watch TV. Outside it looked like water came down in buckets from the sky. We watched 'The Flintstones', followed by 'Bonanza', followed by 'The Beverly Hillbillies.' We were TV-ed-out after the last show finished and it was only two o'clock in the afternoon.

I was starting to get nervous halfway through our TV marathon. I'd barely even paid attention to the last show, my mind always wondering back to tonight. _When would he kiss me? Wait_ _–weren't we going to a drive-in theater_? It started to dawn on me that there would be little privacy, if any, in a car with Jas and Alice. Would we sit in the back? I highly doubted it, since Edward would probably drive. _Shit, wasn't there a regular movie theater around?_ From what Jas had told me the other night, it was safe to assume Alice and Jas would be busy in the backseat. They had obviously already passed the first kiss stage. The last thing I wanted to do was witness my brother make-out with her...ugh.

Nervous energy transformed itself into panic. I had been fantasizing about Edward Cullen's lips half of last night and now I discovered that I wasn't even sure I would get to taste them. But what else would we do if Jas and Alice were making out?

"I'm bored," Jas announced. "There's nothing to do in this butt-fuck-town, and we can't even do anything outside 'cause it's raining!"

"I kinda agree," I nodded, fiddling with the seam of my t-shirt.

"Yeah, I hear ya. And it's still so freaking early. What're we gonna do for the next three hours?" Rose said, twirling her hair around her fingers over and over again.

"I saw a bottle of Jack standing in the kitchen cabinet. We could just have an afternoon drink, girls?" Jas asked, pointing towards the kitchen. Getting drunk would definitely provide a distraction.... but did I want to be wasted when I met Edward? Before I could weigh out the pros and cons in my head, Rose put the kibosh on it.

"Right, Jas. Good idea. Let's all get wasted before we go out, so we can reek of booze on our respective dates. Make a good first impression. Alice is going to love it!" Rose rolled her eyes.

"Do you have a better idea, Rose?" Jas shrugged his shoulders.

"Bella, any joints left?" Rose asked. "You look all anxious, so it might be a good idea to loosen up a little."

"Whatever, I've only two left and I'm not anxious to at all," I snapped back.

"You've been chewing on your fingers all morning, Bella. You're totally wound up tight and jittery. I guess someone is excited to hang with smarty-pants?" Instead of subjecting myself to further teasing, I acquiesced.

"Fine, Rose." I got up to walk upstairs to get one of the last two joints I had left. Rose was right: I was a nervous wreck. I wanted that boy to kiss me so badly that I could barely think straight. I ran back downstairs with a joint and a lighter in my one hand and my jacket under my arm.

"Ready?" I asked looking at Jas and Rose who were still lounging on the sofa.

"Charlie is not coming home. Let's just smoke it in the house with the back door open. We can air the place out before we leave, just in case," Rose suggested.

"Fine," I said, dropping my jacket on the floor, walking towards the door that led into the back yard and opening it. Plopping myself back on to the sofa between them, I lit the joint and took the first drag. I took another one before I handed it to Rose. I could feel the effects nearly immediately.

"See, much better, right?" Rose nodded in my direction and I rolled my eyes at her.

"Why are you smoking with us anyway, Rose? I thought this wasn't your 'thing'?"

"Just because. When we're done with this," Rose said, coughing, "let's go upstairs and get you ready, Bella." Something was off about Rose's behavior, but I couldn't put my finger on it. The only person who was behaving like his normal self was Jas. He puffed at the joint leisurely and seemed to be totally relaxed.

"Dude, Jas, don't bogart the joint. Hand it back!" Rose snapped her fingers in Jas's direction.

"Whoa, Rose. Seriously what's going on?" he sighed, as he passed the joint back to her.

Rose took a couple more drags before handing it back to me. My mind kept on going back to the date. I was lost in my thoughts and absentmindedly finished smoking what was left of the joint.

"I'm getting a shot of Jack," Jas announced, and walked to the kitchen.

"Bella, go take a shower," Rose ordered. "I'll be out up in 30 minutes and you better be done by then."

I had no energy to argue with Rose. I really didn't want to shower. The house felt cold, and I wasn't looking forward to running around with wet hair in this damp house, but convincing Rose that I could go on a date without a shower and different clothes wasn't going to happen. Maybe it was a good thing she was taking charge; considering whom I was obsessing about, putting some extra effort into my appearance probably wouldn't hurt. Out of the two of us, Edward had the market cornered in the looks department - that much was for certain.

I walked up the stairs to the bathroom, turned the shower on and walked back into our room to grab some clothes to wear. Steam was filling the bathroom when I entered.

"Don't use all of the hot water!" I heard Rose yell from downstairs. I ignored her and stepped into the bathtub, closing the curtain behind me. I washed my hair slowly and dropped down to sit on floor of tub, letting the steam engulf me. I had given up on guessing how the evening would go and started daydreaming about Edward again. _What would it feel like to kiss someone that you are really into?_ That tingle in my belly that spread to that spot between my legs was present when I looked at him for longer than two seconds. I summoned his image - green eyes, long fingers...I slipped my hand down between my legs, as I started fantasizing about Edward's hands on my waist and moving up to my breasts while we kissed...

"Bella, get the hell out of the shower _now_," I heard Rose bellow behind the door.

"Rose, what the hell? Whatever happened to privacy in the bathroom," I said loudly.

_Rose, I want to switch rooms with you, now!_

Since our move to Forks, the last vestiges of any form of privacy had been lost. At least when we lived with Renee, even in small apartments, each of us had other stuff to do and we seldom were at home all at the same time. I didn't dare to continue to spin my fantasy. Rose would just walk in and I hadn't locked the door. I groaned and got up with shaky legs to rinse my hair one more time. I climbed out the tub and nabbed a clean towel. I'd barely dried myself off, when Rose walked into the bathroom with a blue blouse in her hand.

"Ugh, Rose I'm barely done, I still have to dry my hair. I'll be out of here in five minutes!"

"Here, wear this shirt," she said as she handed me the blouse. "The color goes with your skin. Bring the hairdryer into my room. I'll blow it out for you."

"Thanks, Rose, but it's not like I'm going to the prom you know? You don't have to do this."

"I want to, silly," she answered, as she undressed and stepped into the shower. Rose had no shame in showing off her body, and I envied her lack of self-consciousness. Renee was the same way. It's not that I constantly covered up, or was paranoid about my skin showing. I just always felt average next to Rose, her perfect C-cup boobs and pink nipples that looked as if two half grapefruits had been glued to her chest. Her hips were perfect and her legs long. I was just skinny. Standing next to her naked or even in a bikini just made me hyper-aware of my flaws and her perfection.

I put on the shirt, underwear and the pair of jeans she gave me before taking the hairdryer and going to Rose's room. I lay down on her bed waiting for her, my eyes wandering around. Rose had made a little more effort to decorate her room than Jas and I had, but that was usually the case wherever we lived. I noticed that her whole closet was stuffed full to the brim with clothing. Her priorities and mine were so different. Jas's and my clothes both fit comfortably into a closet of about the same size with enough space left for our pot plant. Some cosmetics were arranged on the dresser and a picture of the three of us with Renee was standing next to it. A mirror hung over the dresser. In contrast to the disaster Jas and I lived in – we had records, books, cigarette butts and clothes strewn around the room – everything in Rose's room was organized and clean.

Rose walked into the room three minutes later, wrapped in a towel with her wet hair dripping down her back. She walked over to the dresser and pulled out some underwear.

"So why are you nervous?" Rose asked, while putting on underwear and a tight sweater.

"I don't know. I guess I just don't know what to expect. Plus the more I think about it, the whole double date to a drive-in doesn't sound like such a good idea…I mean – like it has a total potential for awkwardness," I answered honestly, shrugging my shoulders.

"Yeah, Jas will definitely be in the backseat and you'll be in the front with smarty-pants. I don't think there'll be any action in the backseat either though, so I wouldn't worry about it."

"Na-uh, you got that one wrong." I didn't want to divulge that Jas had already cut class with Alice to spend time under the bleachers. Obviously more than just holding hands goes down on a trip to that area of the school.

"Really?" Rose said with an astonished look on her face, while she wiggled herself into her jeans. "Go figure that he's the only one in this house that's gettin' some," she added snippily.

"Why? What exactly are you and Emmett doing on the rides that he gives you back to here?" I asked, now curious.

"That's the thing. So far, absolutely nothing has happened. It's a little frustrating. I think he likes me, but then he never makes a move and I am not going to make the first one. To be honest, I'm more than a little frustrated. He better make something happen tonight or I'll give up. I know that sounds harsh after only a week and I don't want to because that would mean six months of celibacy, but I'm tired of it already. I don't know what it is - it's not just good manners - something is holding him back." She motioned for me to sit down on the corner of the bed toward the dresser. She pulled out a comb and starting untangling my hair.

"What do you mean - something is holding him back?"

"It's like he can't quite make up his mind whether he should be with me or not. I can't explain it. He leans in as if he is about to kiss me, but then he remembers something and pulls back. I'll find out tonight. He better spill what's going on.

"So do you like Edward? Is that way you're so antsy or are you just worried about being stuck in the car with Jas while he's making out with his date?"

The honest answer would have been:_ Yeah, Rose, I like him. And I'm terrified that this will be awkward and he will never ask me out again!_

"Ughh, Rose. Let's just not talk about it. I don't even want to think about it. I can't believe Emmett hasn't kissed you on all those rides you two took together," I said, before she turned on the hairdryer and started pulling my hair down with a brush. She let it go for now.

Once my hair was dry, Rose pulled me up by my hand and moved me in front of the mirror. I looked groomed in comparison to my sloppy weekday look. My hair was naturally a little wavy, but now it hung straight down my back and it was shiny.

"Thanks, Rose," I said, inspecting myself.

"Let me put on some mascara for you and you're ready to go. Look up," she instructed me as the pulled the mascara brush over my eyelashes. Once she was done, she squinted her eyes and looked at me. She pulled out some other plastic tube and started applying something to my lips.

"Smack your lips for me." I did and tasted strawberries.

"Rose, I think you may have gone overboard here. I doubt Edward is even going to notice, and I'm only going to a crappy drive-in theater in bumble fuck. I mean, nobody's going to care."

"You bet your ass princess that he's going to notice. You look delicious, Bella."

Rose dried her hair and applied some makeup, while I continued to lounge on her bed. After Rose finished her 'getting ready ritual', we headed back downstairs. I could hear Jas in the shower when we passed the bathroom.

"Looks like someone is making an effort," Rose commented.

"Yep. Wondering whether he even goes so far as to wash his hair." Jas washed his hair maybe once a week. Even I on occasions had commented how greasy it was and I'm usually not the one to talk about greasy hair, since I couldn't be bothered to wash my hair every day either.

"Yeah, you know he's already a little whipped if he does that. I still cannot get over the fact that he's already hooking up with the Pixie."

I looked at the clock on the kitchen wall. Still a whole hour left before Edward and Alice would come to pick us up. Upstairs I could hear Jas stepping out of the bathroom.

"I think Jas did have the right idea," Rose quipped, eyeing the bottle of Jack and the shot glass standing next to it on the kitchen table. She poured a shot, drank it down, filled another one and handed it to me. I put the glass to my lips and let the liquid hit my tongue, feeling the unpleasant burn go down my throat.

"Ugh," I grimaced, "this shit's disgusting." Rose popped a chewing gum in her mouth and handed me a piece as well

"Let's just watch some more TV," I suggested, moving into the living room.

We both sat down on the couch and stared at the TV screen without paying attention to the show that was on. I'd been chewing on the skin next to my fingernails since this morning and had successfully bitten the first layer of skin off. Inspecting my handiwork on my index finger, I glanced over to Rose who was chewing on her fingernails.

"Crap, Rose. I've never seen you chew your fingernails. Cool it – I'm sure you have nothing to worry about it. He likes you, trust me." I couldn't believe that I, the mouse, the bookworm, the virgin, had to assure my beauty-queen sister that her 'date' was into her.

Rose sighed and we both went back to staring blankly at the TV screen. At exactly half past four, we heard a knock on the door.

"Do you think that's Alice and Edward already?" Rose asked, looking at me. I shrugged my shoulders and got up. I could feel the effects of the joint and the Jack now. Ironically I was calmer and more composed in my intoxicated state than in my sober one. So I walked to the door without tripping over my feet.

I opened up the door and saw Alice standing in front of me in a dark blue coat with a double row of gold buttons. "Hey, you guys are early. Jas is still getting ready." I said, as I looked towards the car and noticed Edward inside the car, before I yelled, "Jas, Alice is here. Are you ready?"

"I'll be right down!"

"I know - I'm sorry we're early. We thought we take a chance and drop by. If we get going soon we'll be able to get something to eat before the movie starts." Alice said, looking excited, bouncing from foot to foot.

"Don't worry about it. I'm sure he'll be right down. Getting something to eat actually sounds like a good idea. Let me get my jacket." Jas was already at the bottom of the stairs when I grabbed my jacket and a scarf.

"Alice thought we could get something to eat before the movie if we leave early enough." I explained to Jas while he picked up his parka.

"Sounds like a plan. Let's go."

Jas went out the door and gave Alice a quick peck on the mouth before he strolled with her hand-in-hand towards the car.

I followed them and saw Edward stepping out. We were still a distance away and so I shamelessly checked him out. He wore a dark green jacket, a pair of dark jeans and a blue sweater.

"Hey Bella, Jas," he nodded in our direction with a half-smile, as he walked towards the passenger side. I noticed that Alice and Jasper went straight to the back door; Edward opened the passenger door and waited there looking at me expectantly. I was wondering why he'd gotten out of the car and was holding the door open now. _Strange._ Then I got it._ Stupid - he is holding the door open - for you! _I thought the only people who did that were limo drivers, but whatever. I walked passed him and slid into the seat and whispered, "Thanks." He closed the door and walked around the front of the car to the driver's side.

"So what did you guys do during the day?" Alice asked, as Edward pulled out into the street.

"We watched a shitload of TV and did nothing," Jas responded. "What else do people do here when it's raining puppies and kittens?"

"Edward plays the piano a lot or reads. I'm usually just as bored as you guys are and we don't even have the option of turning on the TV. Mom would have a melt down if I turned it on before the evening news."

"Why is that?" I turned around looking at Alice. "You're not allowed to watch TV?" I was starting to wonder whether Jas was correct and their parents were really strict.

"No, not before the evening news. She strongly believes watching too much TV will corrupt us."

The Pixie's comment sent Jas and me over the edge and we laughed like the stoned idiots we were.

"Well, come over to our place, if you like. I'm sure Charlie won't mind," Jas volunteered, when he stopped giggling.

"Yeah, totally come over, but trust me, the boob-tube gets pretty lame after awhile as well," I added, tongue-in-cheek.

"Well, I will if Edward here," she pouted, kicking Edward's seat, "would let me borrow his retarded mommy wagon."

"Alice," Edward hissed.

"I'm just kidding, Edward."

"You can borrow the car if you like as long as she…"

"Yeah, yeah, I know. Let's not talk about it." Alice said, rolling her eyes.

I looked at Jas in the rear view mirror and he shrugged his shoulders. I had no idea what was going on between them, but I wasn't curious to find out. Avoiding socially awkward situations was key to keeping a straight face in my condition.

"So I bet there was lots of stuff to do in LA. Did you go to the movies often?" Alice continued her inquisition.

"Sometimes." Jas nodded.

"What was the last movie you saw?"

"Barbarella," I gulped out, laughing. I remembered that day. Jas had whined for months to go see it. On a rainy day, before we left for Phoenix, we finally got tickets.

"Okay, guilty as charged. I wanted to see Jane Fonda dance around in skimpy little outfits." Jas admitted.

"Oh, I heard about that film. What's it about again?" Alice asked, looking at Jas.

"It's some crazy sci-fi story. Barbarella lives in the 40th century where the inhabitants of planet earth only seek sexual release through pharmaceuticals. She gets sent on a mission …" Jas babbled, until I interrupted.

"Oh, please. Nobody cares about the story. The point is: Jane Fonda, in almost no clothes, is romping around with some Martians. So lame!"

"SoGo, planet SoGo, Bella. Not Mars," Jas corrected.

"Honestly, what's the difference, Jas?" I turned my head around looking at him and noticed that he had his arm around Alice's shoulder and she was snuggled into his side.

"Your mother let you go see that?" Edward asked with a serious expression on his face.

"I'm sorry, why wouldn't she?" I asked, glancing at him, his hands gripping the steering wheel tightly and his brows furrowed, as he looked straight ahead at the road.

"Renee was pretty easy going," Jas explained. Alice whispered something to Jas and he whispered back. They had started their own little private conversation and I didn't want to disturb them.

Edward and I fell into silence while we drove through the green trees that stretched so tall that the sky was only a small slither above us. It felt like driving through a canyon of green. I noticed that the rain had stopped. Occasionally I would look at him; he was still staring straight ahead barely blinking, one hand gripping the steering wheel, the other hand on the stick-shift. Alice and Jasper's voices murmured softly in the background, and I wanted something to drown them out.

"Do you mind if we turn on the radio?"

"Yeah, sure. You can turn on the radio, or," he answered, leaning forward to open up the glove box in front of me, "or you can pick a tape to play."

"Far out, you have an eight-track-tape player!" I stared at the tapes in front of me and then looked at him, a smirk on the corner of his lips.

"I don't have that many tapes in there, but check whether there is anything you like."

I looked at him for one more second before diverting my eyes to the glove box in front of me, leaning forward to decipher the titles listed on the side of the tapes. I read the first two titles feeling exited and intimidated; good looking_, _excellent taste in literature and in music – how could any girl not want to drop her panties right there and then. My hands felt clammy as I reached for the first tape.

" 'Cream' okay?" I asked, pulling my hair nervously behind my ear.

"Yeah, you can pick whatever you like." I held the tape, not sure which direction to insert it into the tape player. He noticed my hesitation and, in response, held his hand out. I handed him the tape and he inserted it into the tape deck. 'White Room' started playing seconds later.

_And I'll wait in this place where the sun never shines;_

_Lie in the dark where the shadows run from themselves_

We had been driving like this, with the music playing in the background for a while, when I noticed the whispering in the backseat had ceased and the trees were clearing. Shortly after, small houses began appearing here and there on the side of road. We must have been nearing the town of Port Angeles. Single houses became clusters of buildings and soon we where driving down a small street with stores on both sides.

Edward pulled the car up in front of a diner. I didn't want to leave the car. I wanted to sit there next to Edward and listen to all his music tapes, but I heard Alice shuffling over to the door leading out towards the sidewalk.

"We've arrived," she squealed excitedly, skipping over the sidewalk. A quick peek at the driver's seat told me that Edward had already left the car as well and I looked for the door handle to open up my door. I found the lever, pulled it, and the door flew open onto Edward who had one hand on the outside handle of my door already.

"I'm sorry, didn't see you coming," I murmured, stepping out of the car. He didn't move; we were close and I stared at his chest. I realized that I barely reached his shoulders. I didn't want to leave my position, but realized that I should so he could close the door. Clumsily I sidestepped, walking around him and brushing against his arm in the process. I heard the door slam behind me, and a moment later Edward appeared next to me. Alice and Jas had already stepped into the diner.

"Shall we," he said, taking a step towards the door and pushing it open ahead of me.

"I guess so."

We walked to the booth that Alice and Jas were sitting in and I slid in towards the window opposite them. A pretty, strawberry blond waitress came over to our booth the minute we sat down. She looked the same as age as us, with her hair bound in a high ponytail and she had bangs that looked like they were cut with a ruler. Her nametag read Tanya.

"Hey, how can I help you guys tonight," she asked a little bit too cheerily, batting her eyelashes at Edward.

"Can I get a burger with a side of fries and a coke, please," Jas responded quickly.

"I'll have the same," I added without looking at the menu. I wasn't hungry. Edward placed his order, but thankfully Tanya didn't give him a second glance. Her eyes had darted over to Jas, where they remained until Alice started placing her order with a death glare on her face.

I would have been slightly intimidated by our waitress's looks if not for her hideous blue and white-striped uniform and her chipper, bouncy attitude as she skipped away from our table. No, I wasn't intimidated; girls like her just annoyed me.

"Bella, do you miss living in a big city? I mean Forks must feel awfully small to you," Alice asked.

"Yes, a little bit. It's only been a week though and Charlie is kinda okay."

"Did you know your father before you moved here? And why do you always call your parents by their first name?"

"Well, I think Renee was kind of young when she had us and she really wasn't comfortable with the title "mom," so she was always just Renee and she always referred to our father as Charlie," Jas interjected, before I was forced to explain.

"So is it true that your mother ran off with some guy to live in a commune?"

"Alice, really!" Edward shushed.

"It's okay, yeah, kind of. I think Charlie and Renee only got married because she was pregnant – or at least that's why _she_ married _him_. I think she always knew that she didn't want to live in Forks, and so when someone offered her a way out, she took it," Jas explained.

"Oh, can't say I blame her. I hate living in Forks and can't wait to leave. What's she like, your mother, I mean?" Alice asked.

"She's funny, carefree and pretty. You'd like her," I replied, before Jas responded.

"You miss her," Edward stated, looking at me.

"Yeah, but Charlie is okay and actually pretty cool. It's fine," I answered, looking back at him, getting lost in his eyes.

Tanya came back to serve our sodas and the food, her attention still fully focused on Jas, who was leaning back into the booth with one arm on the back of the seat, enjoying himself a little too much. I picked at my food a bit, but barely ate any of it.

Jas and Edward had some discussion about music that neither Alice nor I cared to join and we left the diner upon Alice's rather urgent insistence to get to the movies. I didn't know why she was in such a hurry. Even if Tanya was ogling my brother, it was plain obvious that he wasn't interested. He was practically all over Alice the entire time we were sitting there, holding her hand, his arm around her shoulders or kissing her. The touch-feely behavior on the part of my brother was almost too much for me to watch and it seemed to make Edward downright uncomfortable. He kept on glancing at the ceiling and sometimes he would turn to me, but it felt like he was just looking in my direction to avoid looking at the lovey-dovey couple across from us.

The discovery that they were showing "Rosemary's Baby" at the drive-in made dear Edward cringe again. Jas and I had already seen it and both confirmed that the film was totally harmless. I found his behavior strangely endearing, but was also wondering why he was so uptight.

Edward also continued to do the whole holding-the-doors-open-for- me thing, helped me into my jacket, and he even insisted on paying for my food. To say that I felt slightly embarrassed would have been an understatement. I also thought his behavior was a little overbearing, but I didn't bother to argue. I mean, shit, I liked the guy! Renee had instilled in us that we'd always be better off paying our own way, even on a "date." I preferred to keep it that way. I just felt odd about doing so with Edward.

Once we were parked and the movie started, any pretense on Jas's or Alice's part that they were going to watch the movie flew out the window. As Rosemary and Guy Woodhouse entered the Dakota on the screen in front of us, I dared a glance in the rearview mirror that made me wince. I looked at Edward next to me who had his arms stiffly crossed in front of him. His eyes darted to mine and he recognized the expression on my face. I blinked in the direction of the back seat and then rolled my eyes at him for emphasis.

"Do you want to get out of here?" he whispered.

"Yeah, but where do you want to go?"

"The roof of the car?"

"Okay," I agreed, grabbing the door handle. As I stood next to the car, it dawned on me that I wasn't sure how to get onto the roof. "Edward, how do you want me to get up there? I mean I can walk over the hood, but I'm sure that's going to leave dents." He had already moved to my side of the car and walked past me.

"Come to the back, we can step on the bumper and I can pull you up, if you need help."

I followed him to the rear of the car. He stepped on the bumper and swiftly pulled himself up, sitting on the roof with his feet dangling over the rear window. It looked totally effortless when he did it, but I kind of got the feeling that pulling myself up to the roof would be more of a struggle for me. Still unsure on how to tackle the task at hand, I tentatively stepped on the bumper with one foot and grabbed the roof rack with both of my hands. Before I had a chance to contemplate my next step, Edward grabbed my hands and pulled me up without much effort. Unfortunately he let go of me the minute my butt was secured on metal.

"Thanks," I breathed as I slid myself further onto the car, turning around to face the screen.

"So what is the movie about?" he asked, sitting next to me with his arms around his knees.

"Well, the young couple there moves into the Dakota, which is this totally famous, expensive building in Manhattan. I have no idea how they would be able to afford an apartment there in real life, and then… wait, I would be giving away the whole movie. I can't do that. You'll be bored," I exclaimed, nudging him with my elbow. He laughed.

"So did you like living in New York?"

"Yeah, it was nice because you could just walk everywhere or take the subway. I liked that a lot. You've never visited a city before?"

"Our parents lived in Chicago when we were born and I vaguely remember it. I think we lived in the suburbs, though. Mom and Dad are both from New York originally, but they never go back, except for two years ago when my mother's parents died. They went to the funeral, but they left us with some neighbors for a week until they came back. Shortly after, we left Alaska to move here."

"What was Alaska like?"

"It was fun when we were younger, I guess. We used to go on long camping trips during the summer months with Dad, but now we barely ever see him anymore."

"Why is that?"

"He works long hours at the hospital and at a clinic in Port Angeles, so he often stays overnight at his office here." His voice sounded sad when he talked about his father. I didn't want to intrude and didn't know how to respond. It was pitch dark now except for the lights from the movie. I could see my breath in the air as I exhaled, but I didn't feel the cold. The air felt like it was charged with electricity and all I wanted to do was to lean into Edward. I don't know whether we both had inched closer together or whether it had been just me, but by the time the devil raped Rosemary, our shoulders touched and I noticed he was staring at the sky above us to avoid looking at the screen.

"It's over now, you can go back to watching the movie," I whispered, suppressing a giggle. Strange, he was definitely the first guy I had ever met that looked away when a topless woman appeared on the screen. I always thought the scene had borderline comedic value; the devil just looked like he had escaped a freak show and would he really have reptile hands? When Rosemary was about to give birth to the devil's spawn, I knew the movie was almost over and disappointment hit me. Soon we would leave and he hadn't even made an attempt to hold my hand. Our shoulders and arms were touching as we sat in identical positions with our knees drawn to our chests.

We were still frozen in the same position by the time the closing credits started flickering over the screen in front of us. I sighed and shivered as I stretched my legs out in front of me, not wanting to leave my spot here alone with him.

"So did you like the movie?" I asked.

"I'm not sure. It was unsettling and there wasn't much gore."

"Yeah, scary shit. Unsuccessful husband sells his wife out to further his career, objectifies her and belittles her; all the while she is serving his every whim. Scary to watch, but I imagine things like that happen all the time, minus the devil worshipping of course." I shrugged my shoulders. He chuckled as I finished my short speech. "What?"

"Nothing, it's just… you know, that comment you made, makes you kind of sound like a feminist."

"Why would any human being with a double x-chromosome not be a feminist?" I countered.

"I guess you are right, except, probably only _smart_ human beings with a double x-chromosome would have that conviction."

I blushed the minute the compliment left his mouth; except for the fact that he was so super uptight and stiff sometimes, he was really too perfect.

"Bella, are you guys sitting on the roof? I think we should get going, the car behind us just pulled out and it's getting kind of cold without the engine on," Jas yelled with his head sticking out the window.

"Yeah, Jas, we are up here." Truth be told, I wanted to shoot my oblivious brother to the moon. First, he blatantly makes out with Alice the entire time, and now he bitches about being cold.

"We'll be right down," Edward announced in Jas's direction as he slipped off the roof on the passenger side. I scooted over to that side as well and when I reached the edge, Edward put his arms on my waist and gently lifted me down to the ground. On second thought, I kind of liked the attention when it involved physical contact with him. He could skip holding the doors open though; I could manage that shit all by myself. He stayed for a second inhaling and exhaling audibly above my head while we were so close that my nose touched his chest, before stepping aside and opening up the passenger door for me.

_You know, Edward, politeness can become too much of a good thing?_

I briefly contemplated pulling myself up to my toes and kissing him has he held the door, but I chickened out and just plumped down into the seat, resigning myself to the fact that he really may not be interested in kissing me. He sat down next to me with a smile on his face, as he replaced the Cream tape with a different one. A few moments later Aretha Franklin's voice filled the air.

_R-E-S-P-E-C-T  
Find out what it means to me_

I started laughing hard. "Edward, are you trying to make fun of my sociopolitical orientation?"

"Woah, Bella. That sounds really…"

"…Loaded," I murmured, snickering.

We drove home through the darkness, listening to Aretha belt out her heartache. Edward occasionally smiled in my direction and Alice slept in Jas's arms. Time flew by and we pulled up in front of our house way too soon. I didn't want to leave him. Jas must have fallen asleep as well, because his eyes were closed and his head was propped up against the window.

"Jas, wake up! We're home." He opened his eyes and rubbed his face. Edward was already pulling my door open, as Jas woke up Alice who was curled into his side. I didn't want to witness their good-bye smooch fest and got out of the car quickly.

"So, … I had fun tonight," he started, as we walked toward our front porch.

"Yeah, me too." I smiled like an idiot.

"Do you want to do this again sometime?"

"Sure, but…" I was just about to explain that we should leave Jas and Alice at our place the next time, when Rose stepped out with the bottle of Jack in her hand; the bottle was half-empty.

"Bella," Rose slurred, "Where's Jas?"

"He's still in the car, but we'll be right in, Rose. Why are you home already?"

"I'll tell you when I'm finished with this bottle." She took another gulp from the bottle and walked back into the house, leaving the door open as she swayed in the direction of the kitchen.

"Oh, shit," I murmured under my breath as Edward stared in the direction Rose had just marched off in.

"Jas, get the fuck out of the car," I yelled into the direction of the car.

"Yeah, what's going on with Rose?" he asked, walking over to the house.

"She is polishing off Charlie's bottle of Jack in the kitchen right now. I don't know why." Jas walked passed me into the house, leaving me alone with Edward again.

"So, I gotta go," I said, wondering whether he would at least kiss me goodnight. Edward was still looking into the direction of the door. "So, goodnight." I walked up one step, turned around and looked at Edward, whose eyes were now riveted to mine.

"Bella, are you coming in or what?" I heard Jas yell from inside the house. I was undecided. I didn't want to let this moment pass me by. Edward was right there in front of me, with his perfect tussled hair and his lips... I exhaled and took a chance, the extra step putting me in just the right position. I leaned forward, but slipped, missed the target and kissed him on the cheek instead. I managed to steady my stance as I leaned back. I looked up and noticed that Edward was looking down at his feet.

"Night, Bella," he said quietly, and walked briskly back to the car.

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**I know I've said this before… PLEASE, PLEASE REVIEW! **

**Awkward ending – I apologize... but everything I remember about my teenage years is outright cringe worthy – so I figure I run with that.**


	9. Chapter 9 Crumbled Ambitions

**Thanks to Reamhar & ****Annichka for beta-ing this chapter with such speed, even though they had snowstorms and earthquakes to deal with!**

**BMD – hope you did well on you exam!**

_**Disclaimer**__: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

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**9. Crumbled Ambitions**

After Edward and Alice had left, I stood on the steps leading up to our front porch for a while, inhaling the cool night air, silently fuming, before stomping off into the house. What had just happened? Had I just offended Edward by attempting to kiss him? Could I just play it off on Monday at school as a harmless goodnight kiss on the cheek? God, worse, what if he confronted me about it? I highly doubted he'd say anything though.

_And hell, that's all it was anyway. _Technically I was aiming for his lips…

Would the whole situation have turned out differently if Rose and Jas hadn't interrupted? He actually seemed embarrassed, shit–he didn't even look at me or try to kiss me back. I should have just said 'goodnight' and walked away.

_Why-oh-why_ _did I have to take the 'nothing ventured, nothing gained' approach_? For some reason I'd thought he wanted to kiss me too, but I was more and more certain that the pull I felt when I was around him was a one-sided thing. _Jeez, how pathetic was I!_

I felt rejected and tired as I entered the kitchen where I found Rose and Jas with shot glasses in their hands, sitting at the kitchen table, chucking back the fast dwindling remains of the whiskey bottle. I wanted to be mad at Rose in particular. Did she have to make such a spectacle of herself at the front door? But then I really couldn't. Rose looked horrible. She looked more like a ten year-old version of herself who'd just watched Bambi's mother get shot than the 18 year-old sex-goddess I knew so well. Her eyes were puffy and red and her skin was blotchy. It dawned on me right then that her date probably had ended on disastrous terms. Possibly worse than mine. No, mine wasn't bad–more like deathly embarrassing.

"So what happened, Rose?" I asked, feeling utterly deflated and hopeless. After all, if my sister's love life turned out to be a disaster in this town, I knew there was no hope for me.

"Well, apparently Renee's reputation precedes us..." she slurred, as she pulled out another shot glass from the cabinet.

"I don't understand, what do you mean?" I sat down, taking the filled shot glass Rose handed me.

_Might as well get thoroughly wasted now…_

"Apparently, Emmett's father has a stick up his ass about his son hanging out with Rose," Jas explained, rolling his eyes.

"That's not even all of it, lemme tell you..." Rose attempted to explain, as she poured herself another glass of Jack. "His dad thinks our mother is a 'slut' and, yeah, just to save you the question, Emmett repeated that to me verbatim. Consequently, her children are rotten apples as well, and that," Rose pointed now at Jas and me, "includes you two as well."

"Oh well, Rose, come on, it's not that bad. Emmett doesn't actually believe whatever bullshit stories his father is telling him, right?" I asked in disbelief.

"Yeah, no. He not only believes the whole story about how Renee was the town slut, he also agrees with it. He thinks I'll distract him from his 'goals' −whatever those are −and it's best if we just stay friends. I told him to shove it and take a hike." She hiccupped and I continued to gawk at her.

"Town slut?"

"Yeah, Jas, don't look so surprised. Slut, floozy, tart… whatever you want to call it. Apparently that's the general consensus about Renee in Forks. I don't think it's just Emmett's father either. He said something about how we didn't exactly help ourselves by looking 'unkempt' and 'neglected'–don't ask me what he means by that."

"Shit, no way! Really?" Jas laughed.

If I hadn't felt utterly pathetic after my front porch action, I may have joined him, but right now I couldn't even smile about all the ridiculous stuff Rose was dishing out.

"Too bad, I kinda liked Emmett. Who knew he'd turn out to be such a prejudicial ass?" I looked at Rose, feeling bad. My initial hunch had been right; her evening _had_ turned out worse than mine.

"Whatever, good riddance. Had I known what a toootalll aaasss he would turn out to be, I wouldn't have bothered wasting my time. Might as well focus on getting decent grades. 'Nough about my shitty evening out. How did yours go?" Rose slurred.

"Well, Jas' went splendidly. In fact, so splendidly, that it was totally unappetizing to watch. Don't ever ask me to come out with you guys again, Jas! You could have shown some restraint." I answered.

"I've no idea what you're talking about, twin."

"Ugh, gross, Jas, I had to watch you put your hands up her dress. Seriously, you couldn't wait for that shit until you knew you were alone?" I complained.

"Yuck. I'm with Bella on that one, Jas. You fingered your girlfriend in the backseat of a car with your sister in the front, don't you have any shame?" Rose chided.

"Oh, spare me. Who cares? If you guys hadn't acted like total nerds, you wouldn't have even noticed, because you would have been too busy. What did you do on the roof of the car anyway?"

"Mmmh, yeah, Jas, we did what people who pay to see a movie usually do–we watched the darn thing. Besides, what do you think I should have done? He only asked me out as a favor to his sister and I'm not about to throw myself at a guy who isn't interested in me. Is this the only liquor bottle left in this house?" I asked, pointing at the almost empty bottle of Jack.

"I'm not going to argue with you about whether he asked you out as a favor, 'cause really, Bella, you know that's not true. Anyway, yeah, the closet underneath the stairs is full of bottles of Jack. I'll go get another one and some cigarettes from upstairs."

Ten minutes later we sat silently around the picnic table in the backyard, smoking cigarettes and guzzling down Charlie's liquor supply. I found it slightly odd that Charlie had a picnic table in the backyard even though from my observation of the weather during the past week you could hardly ever eat outside here.

"It's kind of weird that everybody still remembers Renee from way back in the day, don't ya think?" I asked, looking at Rose.

"Yeah, that's because nothing ever happens in this shit town, so Renee leaving Charlie was like the _big story_. And that one fling is all it took to ruin her reputation." She said, sniffling a little. I took a closer look and noticed that there were tears running down Rose's cheek again.

"Rose, I'm sorry. I'm sure he's not even worth it and I don't care what people think about Renee. We just have to stay here until we finish school." I tentatively put my arm around her shoulder trying to console her.

"Don't worry about it, Rose. I'm sure he didn't mean it. He is just confused and his parents probably gave him an earful when he told him he was taking you out on a date. He'll come around." Jas commented.

"Don't you get it, Jas? I told him not to bother me again. I don't want to be with someone who thinks my mother is a slut and listens to stupid gossip…"

"Hey, I get it. I don't like the shit you're telling me anymore than you do. All I'm sayin' is that you need to relax, ignore the mean, bitchy stuff and just enjoy. Look, everybody has been half-way nice to us, Charlie is cool and we don't have to worry about moving or Renee losing a job right now."

"Jas, you do have a talent for seeing the positive even under shitty circumstances," Rose laughed.

A couple more shots of Jack and five beers later, I forgot about my almost goodnight kiss and fell asleep on my bed fully dressed. No good can come from overindulging in alcohol to keep the feelings of inadequacy and embarrassment at bay, except a night of booze-induced weird, hazy dreams followed by a horrible hangover. In my dreams I tried to seduce Edward by dressing up in Barbarella-like outfits, only to have him run for the woods in the end. As if that wasn't bad enough, the headache I woke up with was easily the worst ever. I blinked at the window to see rays of sunshine beaming through the tree and then looked over to Jas. He was lying on his bed, facing me.

"Oh, thank god you woke up, Bells. I want breakfast and I totally need to find a bottle of aspirin. I've the most massive hangover ever." He squinted and groaned, as he started to straighten up to sit on his bed, scratching his chin. He was still wearing last night's clothes as well, which made me feel slightly better about my state of dress. At least I wasn't the only one who had just fallen straight into bed, too wasted to bother to slip on some PJs.

"Same here," I sighed, as I rolled myself over onto my stomach, wincing at the invasion of light, "total hangover. I don't feel so hot. Let's go downstairs and see what there's to eat. Should we check on Rose?"

"Yeah, probably a good idea." He walked out the door of our room and opened Rose's door across the hall slowly, taking a peek inside, before closing it quietly again. "She's not up yet. I think we should let her sleep."

"I think so."

We both went down to the kitchen where I made eggs, bacon and coffee in a half-conscious state. Jas thankfully managed to locate a bottle of aspirin in the bathroom cabinet, a total lifesaver. However, no amount of coffee, food or aspirin proved to bring any relief from my headache and the feeling of queasiness that had settled in the pit of my stomach. My head in fact hurt so badly that looking out the window into the sunlight was excruciating. I grasped the abnormality of the weather, as I narrowed my eyes, looking at the murderously painful and bright rays of sunlight on the kitchen table: the sun was shining. I would have been happier if the weather had reflected my mood. Rain would have been welcome today.

After Jas and I finished eating, I took a quick shower and put on some fresh clothes, before checking on Rose again. She was still asleep and I debated for a while whether to wake her up or not, deciding in the end it was probably best to leave her in her oblivious state a little while longer. Consciousness would only bring heartache accompanied by a pretty bad headache if my current state was any indication.

Jas was the first to recover to some scraps of liveliness, allowing him to become the 'cleaning fairy,' while I continued to hover lethargically around the living room, barely able to look at the TV. In no time Jas had cleaned up the bottles from the night before, aired out the kitchen and the living room and mopped the floors. I almost felt bad that he had to do all the work by himself, but then I remembered last night's events and the feeling of guilt dissipated quickly. I wasn't really so mad about the fact that he was all over Alice the entire time. No, what really got me was the fact that he called me into the house when I finally had a moment alone with Edward.

Rose crawled out of bed around noon, looking refreshed and back to normal. A look in the hallway mirror revealed that I, in contrast, looked like hell. I have no idea, how Rose managed to look halfway passable after last night.

"How are you feeling?" I asked Rose, sitting down across from her at the kitchen table, as she shoveled the food I'd just made into her mouth.

"Fine, I guess," she sniffed, her eyes tearing up again, "I'll be fine. Don't worry."

"Yeah, it's going to be fine." I tried to assure her. She looked sad for another second, but managed to put on her game face shortly after.

Jas joined us once he finished cleaning and we sat in silence around the kitchen table, each of us too exhausted to bother to watch TV. In my hung-over state I was even too out of it to think about Edward again, though not quite. He was still there in the back of my head. I was starting to wonder again how badly I'd fucked-up last night and how awkward things might be at school the next day, when Charlie arrived at the house with two guests in tow.

"Hey guys, how was your Saturday night? This is Billy and his son, Jacob. We're going to watch the Super Bowl, you guys should join us." I think we all looked at him with a blank expression on our faces for a second, but then our eyes shifted to the kid with shoulder-length, shaggy, black hair who'd walked into the kitchen behind Charlie, pushing an elderly looking Indian man in a wheel chair ahead of him.

"Hey, I'm Jake," he introduced himself.

"Hey, Jake. I'm Rose."

"I'm Bella, nice to meet you." I waved my hand at him.

"Hey, I'm Jasper," Jas said, getting up to shake Jake's hand. "So who's playing?"

I had no clue why he even bothered to ask. The fact that he didn't know which teams were playing today showed that he obviously didn't care about the sport. None of us really ever watched sports and Jas most certainly had never shown any interest in joining a sports team.

Jake laughed good-humouredly. "Kind of funny that you'd have to ask. Sadly no local team, it's the New York Jets against the Baltimore Colts. I take it you guys are not big football fans?"

I snickered involuntarily and his smile seemed to broaden further in response.

"Yeah, not really. I personally could never see the appeal of guys running around, into each other only to get a concussion in the process. Doesn't that make you kind of stupid?" Rose gave him the answer that probably reflected our general consensus on football. Ironically, just yesterday, she'd contemplated dating one of those guys who were running around a field in search of a good concussion.

"Well, I dunno. I don't play either," Jake laughed, as he dropped off a six-pack into the refrigerator, "I just watch sometimes." Once he'd deposited the beer, he turned around to face us, his hands in his pockets. "So, what have you guys been up to since you moved here?" The TV had been turned on in the living room and I heard Charlie and Billy discussing the teams.

"Honestly?" I asked, smiling at him.

"Try me. Shoot," he said, laughing, quirking his eyebrows challengingly at me. I looked at him, starting with his shoes and moving up until I reached his dark brown eyes, trying to gage whether he was as up-tight as the rest of the crowd in this town, or whether my instincts were correct and he was actually pretty cool. Jake did have the whole "unkempt" look going on that apparently had been attributed to us; slouchy jeans with some stains on them, t-shirt, plaid button down shirt combined with an old army-parka and his hair was pretty long. I decided to throw caution to the wind; I shrugged my shoulder and grinned back at him.

"Okay, truth be told, not much asides from going to school, apparently depleting Charlie's liquor supply and getting stoned. Although, that last thing I mentioned will end soon, since we have about one joint left." I gave him my most serene smile, he smirked and Jas and Rose started laughing.

"Bella, right?" Jake pulled out a kitchen chair, sat down and pulled out of the pocket of his plaid shirt something slender and white. I squinted at the white, long, rolled-up paper in his hand: yeah, it was definitely a joint. "Okay, we can discuss the supply situation of this," he said, pointing at the joint in his hand while eyeing the entrance to the living room, "outside. As for the other 'supply' situation, I doubt you have anything to worry about."

"Sounds like a plan," Jas said, getting up from the table and heading towards the closet in the hallway. I followed him, getting my jacket, relieved that one of our problems seemed to have miraculously solved itself. To my surprise, Rose followed us as well. Before we headed out the front door, Jas walked into the living room to let Charlie know that we are heading out for a walk with Jake. Jake led the way into the forest next to our house as we followed him.

"So, Jake, do you mind if I ask–where do you get your stash from in this place?" Jas queried, once we were a couple of feet into the woods.

"Actually, a friend of mine on the reservation grows the shit in his garage, so it's usually no problem getting some. You can also find mushrooms growing in a certain area on the res. I'll show you where."

"Cool. I guess that solves one of our problems." I nodded, stumbling behind Jas.

"Since a friend of yours is growing the shit, do you have any idea how to take care of the plants? Bella and I kind of have our own biology experiment growing in our closet. We're just not sure the plant will actually prosper, you know?"

Rose loud laughter started ringing through the woods upon Jas's announcement. "Jas, you guys are kidding me, right? You two seriously have the balls to grow pot in a cop's house? Are you trying to get us kicked out or what?"

"I doubt he'd kick you guys out. From what I can tell, he's really happy that he has you staying with him. He'd probably just make you toss it." We arrived at a small clearing and Jake lit the joint while we stood around in a circle. "Which brings me to your other 'supply' situation. I doubt you're even anywhere close to drinking enough that he'll notice."

"Don't tell me our dad is an alcoholic," Rose snapped at Jake, who responded by smiling and handing me the joint calmly. I smiled at him and rolled my eyes about Rose's presumptuous comment. I liked the dude.

"Nah, not at all. Charlie's dad, your grandfather, was the local bootlegger back in the day, but really small-time. Up until the day he died he distilled moonshine in the cabin behind your house. The last time I checked, that whole cabin is still full of that shit. Never mind that all the people livin' in this town give Charlie a bottle of Jack for Christmas, but I've never seen him drink the stuff. So I think it's probably safe to assume that you haven't even put a dent into his liquor supply."

"Whoa, that's some enlightening news!" I said, happy I'd finally found at least one kid with the same mind set living in this town. Charlie all of sudden rose to a new level of 'coolness' as well. "So where do you go to school? I haven't seen you at Fork's High?"

"Separate school on the reservation. Are the kids here givin' you guys a hard time? This town is really kind of backwards, so if they are, just ignore them."

"For the most part they really don't, although, they all seem to come with a set of believes about our mother, Renee," I answered honestly.

"Oh, whatever. This town is so freaking lame. God knows half those people have shit hiding in their closets. Let me guess, anybody by the last name of Mallory? Their dad's a raging alcoholic who routinely beats his wife. Can't stand his wife either though, she gossips too much. Naturally their offspring are mean little fuckers – comes naturally with parents' like theirs. Be happy that you didn't have the pleasure of meeting Lauren's brother. He's a real piece of work."

"Yeah, well, we figured Lauren out pretty quickly. But I think it goes deeper than that." Rose responded, looking sadly on the ground.

"Ignore the people at school. Come hang out with us on the reservation. Which reminds we, we're kind of throwing a party next weekend, and you guys should totally come! Some of the kids from your school will come no doubt as well, but it's easy to avoid them."

"We heard about the party. I'll definitely come and check it out." Jas nodded.

"Do you guys need a ride?"

"Naah, we're good. The old truck in front is ours. I think I'll come as well," Rose answered.

We finished the joint and Jake promised to supply Jas with some grass next weekend, before heading back to the house.

"Rose, there is someone here to see you!" Charlie yelled, as we entered the hallway.

Curious about who in this town of idiots had decided to pay Rose a visit, we all started following Rose like sheep into the living room. My jaw dropped ever so slightly as I entered the living room; on the sofa next to Charlie sat Emmett with some flowers in his hands and a box of chocolate on his lap. He didn't even look uncomfortable. The picture was weird. What was wrong with the people in this town? They called your mother a 'slut' one day and the next day showed up with flowers and chocolate? Emmett started looking a little freaked out when Rose walked in and gave him some finely measured glares that said 'what the hell do you think you are doing here?'

"Rose, I'm really sorry. Can we talk?" Emmett stammered, getting up from his spot on the sofa. Rose just walked out of the room and he followed her. Seconds later I heard the front door click; I was certain he would get an earful now. Charlie agreed with me.

"Looks' like someone's up shit creek. Hope he has a paddle!" Charlie commented laughing. One couldn't argue with Charlie's assessment and we all snickered in agreement.

If it hadn't been for the presence of Charlie and his friends, Jas and I would have probably walked to the kitchen window to watch the smack down, but instead we settled for watching the rest of the football game with little interest or enthusiasm. I occasionally glanced into the kitchen through the living room door, wondering how long the fight would last. About half an hour passed before Rose strolled into the living room without the flowers, but with the box of chocolate in her hands and settled down on the sofa next to Charlie. The look on her face told that she had successfully reclaimed her inner goddess; her smile radiated equal parts superiority and condescension.

"Do you want some chocolate?" Rose offered, putting the box in the middle of the coffee table in front of the sofa.

"Thanks," Jake said, immediately grabbing some chocolates.

"I thought they were for you?" I asked tentatively, taking a piece as well.

"I don't want them. Besides, I don't need to gain weight," Rose answered coolly, shrugging her shoulders and staring intently at the TV in front of her. We watched the rest of the game together, though I couldn't even tell you who won. My mind had wandered back to Edward the minute Rose had returned from her front porch rendezvous. Jake and Billy stayed for dinner and Jake came up to our room to inspect our 'biology project' in the closet. He told us we need a different light bulb, which we could get from a hardware store.

It was almost ten o'clock by the time Billy and Jake had left, and I headed up to the bathroom to get ready for bed. Jas was already lying in bed when I entered our room.

"What's up, Bells? You seem kind of down."

"I'm okay, just tired and still a little sick from last night. Maybe I shouldn't have smoked anything before with Jake. Still, I'm glad we no longer have to rely on our project to actually grow and shit," I said.

"Yeah, I'm happy we met Jake. He seems cool and normal, which's kind of a change. Wonder what went down with Rose and Emmett…do you think she forgave him?"

"I kinda doubt she totally forgave him. I saw the flowers in the garbage can when I looked out the kitchen window," I chortled. "It's a good thing he came by though. Restored some faith that the people are not all bad here. Still can't believe he said the stuff that he did."

"Yeah, but I had a feeling he probably really didn't mean it. He seems nice," Jas sighed and rolled over to his side, looking at me. "Hey, do you mind if I ask Alice to come to the beach with me next weekend? I definitely want to go, but I want her to come too."

"Yeah, totally ask her. I don't really wanna go 'shopping' anyway. Maybe I'll come along with you guys, if you don't mind and you keep your hands off of her while we are driving there."

Jas laughed at my response. "Don't worry. I think I'll be driving and it's kind of hard to coordinate both. Let's go together. It will be fun. So what happened between you and Edward last night? I mean it seemed like you were getting along?"

"Nothing happened, I told you already. We sat on the roof and watched the movie."

"And…" he motioned with his hand for me to continue. I rolled my eyes at him. I really didn't care to share my botched attempt at kissing Edward with Jas.

"Fine, I understand if you don't want to tell me…but he totally likes you and I think you like him too."

"I highly doubt he likes me, trust me, okay?"

"No, trust me. He looks at you like he wants to eat you whenever you're not paying attention. He likes you."

"Mmmh, okay, _trust me_ dear brother, judging from my experience last night, I highly doubt Edward looks at anyone or anything like he wants to 'eat' it. Good Night, Jas."

I really wanted to believe my brother, but I was pretty sure if I'd given him all the details of last night, he would be less sure as well. I turned the light off on the table in our room and hobbled back to bed in the dark. There could be a thousand reasons, obviously, why Edward was looking at me; one of them may have been that we didn't fit in here. All I was to him was probably a curiosity, almost like a circus attraction. In my dreams that Sunday night though, he looked at me with awe in his eyes because he liked me_. _

_Yeah, dreaming of Edward was becoming a regular nighttime occurrence. _ We were running through the forest in that particular dream, he was behind me and I didn't stumble, until we reached a meadow. The sun was shining and Edward kissed me, then we were rolling around in the grass. Just when the dream was getting good, someone shook my shoulders rudely and disrupted my fun.

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Lemme know what you guys think?!

Also, I welcome any music suggestions, period references, slang…


	10. Chapter 10 Monday Mornings

**A big thank you goes out to Reamhar & Zillanxio who have beta'ed this chapter for me. Again, I totally owe you! Any remaining errors or typos are all my own doing – as always.**

**Disclaimer:** All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

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**10. Monday Mornings**

"Bella, wake up," Jas bellowed, his hands on my shoulders.

"Ugh, what's wrong Jas," I moaned, while I tried to rub the sleep out of my eyes. I glanced in the direction of our window and noticed the weather was back to normal; rain splashed against the glass. "Are we late for school?" I sat up groggily, looking for clothes.

"No, it's pretty early," he laughed, "but you must have had some kind of dream or something. Your were… umm… talking… sort of. I'm gonna take a shower, okay? You can have the bathroom afterwards." I was wide-awake all of sudden. Shit, what stuff could I have possibly babbled on about in my unconscious state?

"Jas, wait!" I screeched, as Jas was about to exit our room. "What did I say?"

"Don't worry, I'm not telling!" he said, turning around to face me with a wicked smile on his face.

"What? What the fuck did I say Jas?" I threw my pillow at him, but the louse ducked and ran into the bathroom, leaving me sitting on my bed, hiding my face in my hands. Jas had mentioned to me before that I sometimes talked in my sleep, but he'd previously assured me that it was mostly just gibberish. For some reason, I had the growing suspicion that this morning it wasn't just gibberish that came out of my mouth. Even worse, I vaguely remembered my dream: the object of my obsession and I rolling around in the grass of a meadow. I could feel my face heating up as I remembered.

I collected some clothes and waited in front of the bathroom door for Jas to finish showering, ready to pounce on him to find out anything discriminating I may have uttered. If Rose found out about my nighttime musings, I'd be toast. She'd ridicule me to no end. I had to make certain Jas didn't spill anything. Fifteen minutes later the door of the bathroom unlocked and Jas strolled out without a shirt on and a towel wrapped around his waist. "So what did I say, Jas?" I demanded as I pushed him back with my hand into the bathroom. "Spill, now!"

"Jeez, Bella, I'm not going to tell anyone, okay, but you were mentioning a certain someone's name over and over again… And frankly, it was a bit too much, so I thought it was a good idea to wake you up."

My worst suspicions had been confirmed; I could feel the blood draining out of my face as I sat town on the closed toilet seat.

"Bella, really, who cares? You always talk in your sleep and you've never been this embarrassed. I'm not telling anyone, I swear, not even Alice and it's not a big deal anyway," he said, leaving the bathroom and closing the door behind him.

I managed to calm myself down a little in the shower, but by the time we exited the front door to drive to school I was a complete nervous wreck again. I started envisioning my encounter with Edward; I'd probably turn red like a tomato the minute I'd see him.

********

Emmett apparently had no dignity left, because the fool showed up at our front door before we drove to school. Though miracles to apparently happen; I almost didn't believe my eyes when Rose walked over to Emmett, kissed him, got in his car and drove off to school with him. Jas and I stared for a while before shrugging our shoulders and driving to school in the truck. The fact that my nighttime chatter had confirmed my brother's hunch that I had a thing for Edward made me feel even more self-conscious about facing him_. As if attempting to kiss him hadn't been bad enough…_

_The Mamas & The Papas_ were playing on the only radio station of this podunk town.

_Monday Monday, can't trust that day,_

_Monday Monday, sometimes it just turns out that way_

_Oh Monday morning, you gave me no warning of what was to be_

I felt trapped all of a sudden, claustrophobic driving in our truck through the rain along the dirt road to hell. It seemed like everybody knew my deepest, darkest secrets and I couldn't hide or run away from anyone. Okay, maybe only my brother _really_ knew and maybe my secret wasn't really all _that_ dark. Hell, I just had a crush on a boy that half the girls in this town probably also had a crush on. _No big deal, right? _

I walked with Jas to English and tried to concentrate on class. Unfortunately we were discussing "Jane Eyre" and the name Edward kept on popping up. There was just no escape, and so I was almost happy to see Newton waiting for me outside of my classroom. The boy just couldn't be deterred; you had to give him that!

"Hey, Bella! How was your weekend?"

"Fine, I guess," I sighed. "And yours?" I tacked on to be polite, though my efforts would probably sooner or later bite me in the ass. He'd just get the wrong idea again.

"Great." And then he started babbling on about some football game while we walked to the next class. Briefly I thought I saw a head of bronze, tussled hair near my locker, but then Mike walked in front of me while he continued to ramble at me, and by the time I managed to look over Mike's shoulder, I didn't see him anymore. _Must have been a figment of my imagination_ – apparently I was daydreaming now.

When I arrived at math, Jessica was already sitting at her table with a big, fat smile plastered on her face. With normal people I would have wondered what had her in such a tizzy, but she seemed to be permanently happy, so I didn't suspect anything, until she moved her chair closer to me, as I sat down. She leaned in close and conspiratorially whispered, "so I heard you went out with Edward Cullen on Saturday. How did that go?"

"What? I just went to the movies with him, his sister and my brother. No big deal." I shrugged my shoulders, trying to sound nonchalant. I contemplated briefly whether the information supplied would satisfy her, or whether she would be probing for more. One look at her face told me we weren't done with this conversation.

She promptly rambled on, "so are you two dating? I thought he just didn't date. I mean, Lauren asked him out once and he said he was too busy studying. Personally, I think she's still miffed about it. But then, the Cullens are kind of weird, you know? I guess the mother is okay, but his sister is crazy. She told my mother once it would be safer to postpone a long-planned trip to our grandmother's until the next weekend because the weather was going to be bad."

I shrugged my shoulders, scrunched my eyebrows together, looking at her. _What was she getting at? _

"So get this," she continued, "the bus going to my grandmother's town got into a terrible accident that weekend. My mother didn't go because my dad was sick that weekend, but imagine, half the passengers on that bus died - creepy, right? I still cannot believe you are dating him!" She said, almost clapping her hands with enthusiasm.

"Mmmh, yeah, about that, I hate to break it to you, but we're not dating," I answered blandly, my brain unable to process all the gossip she threw at me while being insulted all at the same time. What exactly was she suggesting with 'I can't believe _you_ are dating him?'

"What? You guys went to the movies and he didn't kiss you? Or he did, but you are not really going out with him again?"

"It's none of your business, Jessica," I snapped, furious about her questions and sensing that I was unfortunately sporting a bright red glow on my cheeks.

"Maybe Lauren is right?" she puzzled, twirling her curls around her finger.

"What could Lauren possibly be right about?" I asked briskly, tired of the innuendo, its implications, and the questions.

"Well, Lauren does think that maybe he prefers, you know," she giggled, "_boys_. I mean you have to admit, Lauren is really attractive and he told her he wasn't interested in taking her to the movies. God, she practically threw herself at him. At any rate… You know the other stuff she says about the Cullens, but she's also been telling me he's weird and probably a homosexual." The last words were barely audible, as if she could catch cooties from saying them.

"So let me get this straight: Edward is gay because he doesn't want to go out with Lauren and his sister is a clairvoyant because she read the weather report? Unbelievable!" I rolled my eyes at her, but secretly I was confused. It hadn't crossed my mind that Edward might not be interested in me in _that way_, because I had a vagina.

Marcus, one of our neighbors in San Francisco, had been a 'flaming fag,' as Renee so lovingly put it, but other than that I had limited experience, you could say, with men who preferred other men. And Marcus was such an obvious case. I mean, he spoke in this high-pitched, affected nasal voice all the time and went out with feather boas around his neck at night. Some of his boyfriends, however, did seem pretty normal.

Could Lauren be right, or was this just one of those ridiculous mean rumors? If half the town called my mother a slut because she'd left my father, this might just be one of those stories cooked up by the people here to make themselves feel better. Or maybe they needed just something nasty to say about everybody. It's not like Renee had slept with half this town, or had done anything else that would have merited the comment from Emmett's father.

I was busy analyzing Edward's behavior to see whether I could come to any definite conclusion about his sexual preference; so he read a lot and was bit of a loner –did that say anything about him other than he was smart? Not really. There weren't any feminine traits about him that I'd come to associate with dear Marcus and his friends.

Lunch hour eventually crept around and I entered the cafeteria looking for at least one of my siblings, or even just Alice. I scanned the room and noticed that Jas and Alice were MIA.

I was still searching for Rose, when I heard a familiar voice behind me say, "Hey, what's going on, Bella? Do you want me to get you anything to eat?" I turned around, to find myself facing dimples and brown eyes.

"I got a sandwich, no worries," I responded, smiling up at Emmett. I figured if my sister could forgive him, so could I and followed him to a table. Unfortunately walking behind the giant Bear turned out to be a bit of a mistake because I couldn't really see who else was sitting at that table until it was too late. Apparently, I was having lunch with Rose, Emmett and Edward. "Hey," I whispered, feeling my blood pool in my cheeks.

"Hey," Edward murmured, but that's where our interaction ended. A second later he pulled out another book and starting reading, while Emmett and Rose flirted tirelessly the whole lunch period. Any hesitation Emmett might have had about my sister must have evaporated overnight. They even fed each other French fries. I winced as I ate my sandwich, darting glances in the direction of Edward, who just kept on reading his book. To say that the lunch break felt awkward didn't even cover it. Had I inadvertently developed a crush on someone who'd never in a million years be interested in me? Before the break was over, Edward packed his bag, got up, and before I could decide on what to do, he headed toward the exit. I took a quick look at Rose, who was just about to kiss the Bear straight on the nose, grabbed my bag and bolted in the direction of the cafeteria door, where I could still catch a glimpse of Edward.

"Edward, wait up!" I yelled, running in his direction, hoping that I wouldn't stumble and fall flat on my ass in front of the entire student body. He stopped walking and turned around.

"Hey," I said, almost out of breath as I reached him, "I thought we could walk to bio together."

"Fine," he answered curtly, as he started walking briskly down the hall, so that I had a hard time keeping up with him.

"So, did you guys watch the game yesterday?" I asked, walking faster to keep up with his pace. _Do homosexuals watch sports?_ Marcus never did, but neither did my brother really.

"No." Before I could come up with a response to his short answers, a door in front of us opened up abruptly, and Jas and Alice came stumbling out of the small, dark space behind it.

"Edward, Bella, what's up?" Jas nodded in our direction, while Alice pulled her shirt down. I looked at the sign on the door my twin had just stumbled out of, before my eye darted to his disheveled hair, her un-tucked shirt and I felt sick. The sign read 'Janitor's Closet.'

"We're just heading over to bio. Later, Jas." I said to Jas and followed Edward, who'd already started walking at an incredibly fast pace again.

"Wait up! Why are you running? We're totally early for class," I finally said exasperated, hoping to at least slow him down. Instead, Edward stopped walking altogether. I walked around him to face him and he looked at the ceiling for a second before his head snapped back down and he glared at me.

"Look, Bella, we don't have to hang out because your brother is dating my sister, okay? I know I'm not going to win any popularity contest at this school and you don't have to feel obligated to hang out with me, or even go out with me." He sighed and looked me straight in the eyes.

"Ahemm, yeah, actually Edward, I totally wouldn't mind being friends and I'm definitely not interested in hanging out just because Jas and Alice decided to hook up. As for the popularity contest, I don't care. I mean, half these people say pretty shitty things about my mother, so it's not that they really like me either." I sighed. _What I really wanna say, you idiot, is that I like you! Do you like me? I like you even if you prefer to kiss boys, but I might have a hard time accepting it._ Before I could make a bigger ass out of myself, he gave me his crooked smile and my knees turned to Jell-O.

"I'm sorry. I was rude and I didn't really mean it. Friends?"

"Yeah, definitely," I said, relieved that we were okay, though his mood swings were starting to irritate me. On Saturday he was nice but today he assumed I only hung out with him because my brother was hanging out with Alice? What gives? Gay or not gay, something wasn't right with him.

"So you watched the super bowl game yesterday?" He asked, with a slight smile on his face.

"Actually, only parts of it, but I think it was the most football I've watched in my entire life. I mean, nobody in our family really ever watches sports, but Charlie does. He kind of seems to like it a lot, but apparently that's not a trait you can pass along to your kids by blood. And the other way– you know by exposure– well, I think it's too late for that now."

"I used to watch a lot of games when my Dad was at home more, but I haven't in a while." Edward responded.

"So, what do you do? I mean aside from studying and reading books and stuff?" I asked.

"Not much else. Sometimes I play the piano." We'd reached the classroom and sat down at our table. "Sometimes I go hiking with Emmett on the weekends," he continued.

"Yeah, Emmett said something about camping trips and hiking. He actually sort of invited us. Although, I'm not certain I should come along. I would probably just slow you guys down."

"No, we should totally go on a camping trip. I'll wait for you and we can pick an easy trail," he said. As I watched, I was surprised when his eyelashes fluttered and I detected and faint blush on his cheeks.

"If you like," he added hastily.

I wanted to just sit there, stare at him and talk to him.

"Okay, I'll come along, but I'm not so certain you'd ask me if you'd seen me in gym class." I answered.

He laughed, his eyes crinkled and his lips stretched over his teeth and I was so hooked. _He couldn't be gay; no way, no how._

Class started two seconds later and I'd decided on ignoring the gossip. I was too far gone at this point anyway– _I liked him_. No way to resist this – whatever it was.

After class ended, Edward walked me to gym. I admit, I was grinning from ear to ear as we walked side by side. _Who gives a shit what Lauren thinks!_

************

After school, Jas and I met up with Jake at the hardware store to get additional supplies for our closet biology project. He also helped us set up the plant in the closet better to increase our chances of actually one day harvesting it. The afternoon was a complete contrast to my day at school: relaxing and easy-going. Jake fit in with us effortlessly; he never asked any weird questions about Renee or where we lived before Forks and he seemed to share our taste in music.

The only person that wasn't entirely enthralled with Jake was Rose. The two of them were bickering from the moment he entered our house and helped us with our plant. I guess she was kind of annoyed at him for helping us. According to Rose, growing the plant in our closet was the dumbest idea we had ever come up with.

Upon Charlie's insistence, Jake stayed for dinner though and I could tell from the expression on Rose's face that she wasn't pleased about it. I'd made meatloaf, mashed potatoes and green beans for dinner; the second I finished putting all the food on the table, Jake loaded up his plate and started eating.

"Jeez, Jake. Were you brought up by wolfs or what?" Rose asked snidely, while dropping some mashed potatoes on her plate. Jas and I rolled our eyes in response.

"Don't worry about it, Jake," I said, trying to assure him that it was okay to start eating. He just winked at me with the knife in his hand.

"So, Rose, if you don't mind me asking, what were the flowers and chocolates for yesterday?" Jake asked, with an innocent smile plastered across his face, once he had finished his plate of food.

"Why? You never bring a girl chocolates and flowers? Typical!" Rose huffed, instead of waiting for an answer.

"Probably not if the flowers end up in the garbage and the chocolates get eaten by someone else. Sort of defeats the purpose, I imagine, don't ya think?" Jake responded.

"Let's just say, Jake, I had my reasons for tossing the flowers into the garbage. And I was taught never to waste food, so I offered the chocolates to other people. If I remember correctly, you enjoyed eating them!"

"So did Emmett and you make up?" Charlie asked all of a sudden, with a twinkle in his eyes.

"Yeah, they did," I added. Rose didn't like my comment and gave me the stink eye in response. "At least it looked like it from what_ I_ could tell during lunch." I shrugged my shoulders.

"Well, it's good that you forgave him, I think. Emmett's a nice kid with a lot on his plate. His dad has high expectation and he kind of has big shoes to fill. I mean his older brother was a local football legend. I'm sure he told you all about it," Charlie said, nodding in Rose's direction.

"No, actually he didn't. I didn't even know he had an older brother." Rose answered. Charlie raised his eyebrows in surprise.

"I'm surprised he hasn't told you. Eric McCarty, Emmett's older brother, he wasn't much of a student, but he sure could play ball. He was the high school quarterback about three years ago. He had a college scholarship and all, but then last minute he decided to forgo his scholarship to marry his high school sweetheart. He couldn't get into any schools based on his grades and I kind of doubted he really wanted to. Unfortunately that made him eligible to be drafted and he died in Vietnam over two years ago.

"His father took it real hard and then shifted all the dreams he had for Eric to Emmett, even though I think those two couldn't have been more different. Don't get me wrong, physically Emmett is just as strong as Eric ever was, but I don't think his heart is in the game the same way."

"I had no idea," Rose said, looking down on her plate, before she got up and started doing the dishes noisily.

Jake headed home on his motorbike after dinner and I helped Rose clean up the kitchen. Charlie stopped by to take another beer out of the fridge.

"So Rose, Bella, are you gals interested in getting a job for the weekends or in the afternoons maybe?" he asked. He opened up his beer and took a sip before quickly adding, "I mean you don't have to. I have groceries covered and if you need money for anything, like clothes or stuff, you can take it from the can over there," he said, pointing. "But the diner is looking for staff. Someone in the kitchen and a waitress, I could put in a good word for you, if you were interested in applying."

"Yeah, that sounds like a really good idea, Charlie. I was already wondering where to get a job in this town. I'm definitely interested in the job for the kitchen," I answered, happy about the possibility of extra income.

"I'm definitely interested as well. Let us know when to come by that place to introduce ourselves," Rose added.

"Okay, I'll let you know tomorrow when to come by to meet Betty, the owner. I'm sure it's just a formality to meet with her."

"Great!" Rose announced cheerfully. She was probably already planning a new outfit to buy from her earnings.

We finished doing the dishes and I went to bed shortly afterward. I heard Rose come upstairs and close the door to her room a little later and I was tempted to knock on her door. Since Rose was a well of information when it came to the opposite sex, I thought she'd be able to give me some pointers in how to figure out whether a guy was into you, just not into you, or just not into girls. But then I chucked it aside as a bad idea. I mean it's not like the information would change anything. What could I do? Attempt to kiss Edward again? _Yeah, not likely!_

I pulled my hair up into a bun, walked to the window and lit one of Jas's cigarettes as I leaned out of the window. The tree in front of me looked almost scary at night, its dark branches reaching the house. The porch light from the front of the house created a faint yellow glow on the grass next to the tree. I took a puff from the cigarette and exhaled the smoke into the crisp night air, when I heard Jas enter the room behind me. He leaned out of the window beside me and motioned for me to hand the cigarette to him.

"So we are all set for next Sunday," Jas told me. "We'll pick up Alice together in the truck and Emmett is taking Rose."

"Sure. Sounds fine."

"Maybe you can ask Edward if he wants to come along?" Jas asked, smiling as he handed me back the cigarette.

"I'll ask him, but not if that means that he's driving, so that Alice and you can make out in the backseat." I answered grumpily.

"Don't worry, sis. I'll definitely drive and may I just say, how very progressive of you to volunteer to ask a guy out."

"It's a party everybody is attending and it's not like it's a date. He's a friend I guess, so please, get over yourself!"

"I don't know, neither of you look like you're 'just friends' when you're together. I hate to break it to you, but you're permanently tomato red and he keeps on staring at you. What's your problem, sis?"

"_Mine_? I don't have one. Whatever, Jas, I'm really not having this conversation again; every night it's the same story. Give it break. Why are you so eager to set me up with him anyway?" I was beyond annoyed at my brother.

"Okay, I give up." He shrugged his shoulders, stubbing the cigarette out on the wall next to the window and leaving the cigarette butt lying on the sill.

"So are you planning on spending every lunch break in the janitor's closet from now on?" I asked.

"Mmmh, I don't know. Meeting up with her after school kind of doesn't appear to be an option. Apparently her dear mother shares the same sentiments about Renee as Emmett's father and she's kinda always at home. She says she has to wait until her Dad comes home one of these days to talk some sense into her to let me come over or for her to come here."

"Really? Man, I had no idea. So did her mother know that we went out on Saturday?"

"No. Apparently Edward told her that they were just going by themselves. She says her dad is cool though and likes Charlie. She thinks he'll take her side."

"Weird. This town is weird. Don't any of these kids just defy their parents and sneak out? Well, I hope for your sake that the dude shows up soon. Why doesn't he come home anyway? Port Angeles is not that far away."

"It's because they fight like cats and dogs whenever he's around, so he basically doesn't come around anymore. From what Alice tells me the fighting got to be really bad at one point, like a year ago. I mean, like dish-throwing-screaming-and-yelling bad. Ever since then her dad only comes home every other weekend. Alice kind of hates her mother, I think," Jas explained.

"Jeez, sounds shitty. Makes you kinda wonder, ya know? I always wished Renee would have just stayed here or found someone, but then really, who wants to live with two people who fight all the time?"

"Yeah, it could have been worse. Trust me, after the stories she's been telling me, I think Renee was actually okay. Apparently, other than going shopping with their mom, they're not really allowed to go out much. Charity functions–don't even know what those are–are also okay."

"Weird. Only normal person I've met so far is definitely Jake." I commented.

"Yeah, he's cool. I bet the kids on the reservation are cooler than the people that live in Forks. Sunday should be fun."

"Mmmh," I mumbled, yawning. "I think I'm going to bed now."

I closed the window and we both went to bed. I really wanted to confide in him and tell him about my botched attempt at kissing Edward, how he'd run away from me, how he was weird sometimes but then invited me on camping trips, how Lauren thought he was gay and all the rest… but somehow I knew I had to try to figure this thing with Edward out myself. Never mind that it just seemed too odd to discuss stuff like that with my brother, even though he pretty much knew everything about me.

Then it dawned on me: it wasn't my brother, and it wasn't Rose who I needed to talk to. It was Alice! She would be the best source of information for anything related to Edward. Considering the shit that I could dish out on Jas, I don't know why this hadn't occurred to me earlier. Now the trick would be to catch her alone.

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**Can you hear the lyrics of Jefferson Airplane's **_**White Rabbit**_** yet? **_**Go Ask Alice….**_

**Reviews are LOVE– as cheesy as it sounds– so lemme get some!**


	11. Chapter 11 Waiting

**I sincerely apologize for the fake-update yesterday! I discovered two typos in chapter 10, couldn't leave well enough alone (no, OCD kicked in full force!), decided to correct them and re-posted the chapter. Ups!**

**Big thank you to my betas Reamhar & ****Zillanxio. I'm sure I've said this before, but the story would suck without their corrections and comments. Any remaining errors, typos etc. are all my own doing – as always.**

**Thanks also to all the people who have put my story on their alert list or added it to their list of favorites! Special thanks to lola-pops who was nice enough to mention my little story on the Twilighted Forum and to my loyal reviewers – you know who you are – THANKS! **

_**Disclaimer**__: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

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**11. Waiting**

My plan to talk to Alice got derailed and failed miserably for the rest of the week. The only times I saw her were with Jas during lunch or running around the halls of school, never alone. My brother and Alice had, for all intents and purposes, become attached at the hip. Luckily for Jas, Alice's dad had graced the family with his presence for a Monday night dinner and, subsequently, Jas was permitted to take Alice out twice a week. Jas and I found the whole concept of a quasi 'date allowance' rather ridiculous. In the end, though, Jas said that he was happy he was able to see her outside of school at all.

I'd contemplated asking Alice to hang out with me after school one of these days, because she came across as nice and funny whenever I did spend time with her and not only because I wanted to ask her stuff about her brother. But all of a sudden I had zero time left to just hang out.

True to his words, Charlie had hooked Rose and me up with jobs at the local diner. Betty, the owner of the place, was truly in need of help; her current waitress was about to pop out a baby and could barely maneuver around the tables anymore and her kitchen help had quit two weeks prior to our arrival. By the time we came by, Betty was desperate for somebody, anybody even, to help her out. So we started working right away. Between work, homework and cooking at home, I had no time left. Okay, I still spent a shitload of my time thinking about Edward.

Our relationship hadn't exactly progressed, at least not in the way I'd wanted it to, but we had developed a pattern, if you will. We spent lunch together, usually with Alice, Jas, Rose and Emmett. We went to class together afterward, and he walked me every day to gym. We talked, we laughed, and I even made some lame attempts to flirt with him, though the boy was intimidating. Not only was he really pretty, but from what I could gather from our conversations, he'd read every book I'd ever heard of, spoke Spanish and French fluently, and had his whole career mapped out: Harvard for college and medical school, just like his father.

Naturally my attempts to flirt were rather feeble. I just couldn't muster the courage to really go for it, as I'd watched Rose do countless times. I thought he'd just see through me. The whole 'look at me I'm so pretty' and 'oh, don't you wish you could have me' routine during which Rose twirled her hair around her fingers, smiled and grabbed the guy's arms, just wouldn't work for me. I thought that shit was so transparent and I had zero practice in it.

As much as I was impressed by Edward's plans for his future, I was also a little shocked that he seemed so completely sure of what he wanted to do. Other than going to college, I really didn't have much of a plan. I figured that was more of a career plan than Renee had ever had and would suffice for now.

To my disappointment, Edward never asked me about my plans for the weekend or to just hang out after school. Lauren's gossip still nagged me, even though I didn't want to admit it. He asked me a million questions every time we met: what books I liked, what music I listened to, etc. Somehow we never ran out of material to talk about. I guess it's a good thing that we liked to talk to each other, though I wanted more. Definitely more. I could never get enough of him. I wanted to look at him all day, I wanted to touch his face, taste his lips… you get the gist! Yet all I was stuck with were the occasional touches– the ones that were almost accidental, like the touch of his hand when he handed me something or his arm brushing against my shoulder as we walked down the hallway.

By Friday afternoon on our way to gym, I still hadn't asked Edward whether he'd come along with us to the beach on Sunday. Honestly, I'd been putting that question off, because I was afraid of the answer. I wanted to hang out with him really badly, but he didn't ask and I was too chicken shit to say anything. If his answer was something along the lines of 'I'm busy because I have to study' or some other silly excuse like that, I knew what that meant: he wasn't interested in me in _that _way. I'd become his school buddy by association with my siblings, but he wasn't interested in me in a sort of wet dream inducing kind of way, I guess. Let's face it, homework and other bullshit obligations were code for 'I like you, but not _that_ much. . . or worse.'

After all, that was what I'd told Newton when he asked me to go to the beach with him. Happily, he'd apparently taken a hint and wasn't bothering me that much anymore. He'd still show up during my morning classes, but he'd stopped bothering to ask to hang out over the weekend or anything like that. Be that as it may, I just wasn't sure I was mentally prepared to hear that tune loud and clear from Edward: 'I don't like you _that way_!'

So when Edward and I stood in front of the gym entrance on Friday, my heart was almost popping out of my chest and my hands were clammy. I knew it was now or never, unless I actually planned on calling him. For some reason, he wasn't looking much better; he kept on pulling his hair back with his hands and he had this nervous twitch around the left corner of his mouth.

"So, you know Jas, Alice and basically everybody else are going this beach thing this weekend. And I didn't want to go, but then Jake said that it's usually cool and I was wondering . . . " I began, my fingers fumbling with my shirt, as I looked at my shoes.

"Hey, Bella, ready for gym?" Newton asked, standing next to me all of a sudden.

"Yeah, I'll see you later," I answered quickly, hoping he'd just vanish, so I could get this darn question out of the way. It must have been my lucky day, because Newton just nodded and walked away.

"Yeah, Alice told me she was going with Jasper . . . " Edward mumbled and I sighed. At the rate I was going, we'd still be standing here when class was over. "Who's Jake?" he asked all of a sudden.

"Oh, he's this kid from the reservation. Billy, his dad, is friends with Charlie and when we hung out together last Sunday, he mentioned that we should go because it would be fun. So I think I'm going. Jas and I will pick up Alice from your place and I was wondering whether you'd come along?" I muttered rather quickly, biting my bottom lip and squinting up at him to decipher his reaction.

His smile had disappeared and he just stared at me, like I'd just dumped a bucket of cold water on him. His eyes were cold, dark almost, and I felt a chill coming over me.

"I'm not really invited and I have stuff to do," he said and abruptly turning around, walked away. I was too flabbergasted to say anything. I just stood there and stared after him. _Didn't I just invite him? What was he talking about?_ Before I could make a decision about whether I should run after him, he was gone. Plus, what was the point really? Why should I be running after him? I'd had asked him to come along to the beach and he had rebuffed me. My shoulders sank and I resigned myself to the fact that the boy was one riddle I wasn't going to crack, even though I desperately wanted to; at least not by myself, I needed help urgently.

I wanted someone to share and discuss my unhealthy Edward problem with, but Jas had disappeared to take Alice out for a movie tonight, though I could have sworn that that was just a ruse. They probably just parked the truck somewhere and made out. I was jealous of my brother. Rose had to work the evening shift and so I ended up spending a Friday night with Charlie in front of the TV drinking beer. _Screw my life! _There was no way I was discussing my boy issues with Charlie. For that matter, I probably wouldn't have discussed them with Renee either, if she'd been around or had called.

"So, Bella, what's going on? No date tonight with the Cullen boy?" Charlie asked during commercials.

"I think it was only a one time thing," I answered, rolling my eyes.

"Don't worry about it, Bella. There'll be plenty of boys running after you in college." Charlie was really kind of sweet in his efforts to console me.

"I'm not worried, Charlie. It's alright. I'm busy anyway with work and school," I justified, more to myself than to Charlie.

"Yeah, don't let Betty give you too many shifts though, okay? You guys shouldn't worry about money that much. I've some saved up, and I think I can swing giving each of you a small allowance during college," he said with a proud smile on his face. I didn't know how to feel about it. No one had ever offered to a pay for anything for me and I felt so grateful about Charlie's offer, but at the same time slightly unworthy. I mean, who was I to just take this man's savings? Thanks to Renee, I hadn't even spent much time with him.

"It's fine for the moment– the shifts, I mean," I said, not sure how to express my gratitude. "And thanks, Charlie, for the offer to help us out with college. That's so . . . nice of you!"

"Don't mention it. Your mother had the bulk of the burden for the last 15 years or so. It's the least I can do," he explained, before we drifted back into comfortable silence.

I was lightly buzzed from the beer by the time I headed to bed. Jas came home around eleven o'clock that night and freely admitted that they hadn't made it to a movie theater and I really didn't care for the details. He inquired whether I'd asked Edward to come to the beach with us and I told him that I did, but that Edward declined the invite. I was half expecting some further annoying question from Jas, but he left it alone this time.

While trying to fall asleep, I thought about Renee and Charlie and why things had ended the way they had between them. Thankfully I fell asleep without replaying this afternoon's events in my head in too much detail.

Saturday morning turned out to be uneventful and on Saturday afternoon I was scheduled to work, which I almost welcomed since at least it got me out of the house. I'd also made up my mind that I would go on a little _fishing_ expedition tomorrow with Alice. I planned to corner her and finally ask her about her brother. From what I could tell from the conversations with my twin, she had no qualms talking about the state of her parents' marriage, so I figured she shouldn't have any problems spilling the beans on her brother. I mean, if the shoe was on the other foot I would help her out as best as I could.

My afternoon shift at the diner that Saturday was really busy, which basically prevented me from daydreaming. The small, crummy diner was filled to capacity and I was busy flipping burgers, cutting potatoes and tossing them into the fryer. If I'd stayed in my usual dazed state thinking about Edward while peeling and cutting potatoes, I could count on fingers going missing and a trip to the emergency room.

By the time my shift ended around eight o'clock I was tired and felt grubby. All I had the energy to think about was that I needed a shower _urgently_. The smell of grease had permeated all my clothes, my hair and even my skin. Thankfully I had the truck, so I could just drive myself home and didn't have to rely on Rose, who was hanging out with Emmett that night, to pick me up. Yet I couldn't shake the feeling of abandonment when I opened the backdoor of the diner and walked out onto the parking lot; first Renee and now my siblings were barely around. It wouldn't have been that bad, if they were just casually hanging out with other people, like they used to in L.A.

No, they'd actually both seemed to have found someone who they were really into, and I wanted what they had. Aside from the feeling of loneliness that had crept over me last night when I was sitting alone with Charlie in front of the TV, I was also a tinge green with envy over their newfound togetherness with their significant others.

I ambled towards my truck, my feet shuffling through the gravel on the parking lot, my eyes focused on the ground, when suddenly I bumped into someone.

"Hey, Bella!" Newton greeted me cheerfully, "I thought you'd see me standing here. I was actually waiting for you." My brain was unable to process what he meant by that. _He_ was waiting for _me_?

"Hey, Mike, what are you doing here?" I asked, looking longingly in the direction of the truck.

"I was wondering whether I could take you out for dinner and a movie. It's only eight o'clock. We could still drive to Port Angeles, or if you're too tired, we could just eat here and hang out?"

_Was he serious?_ I looked around the parking lot and the road running alongside it while I tried to come up with a plan to politely decline without coming off as a bitch. The sight of Edward's Volvo driving by suddenly distracted me. The car passed at a rather fast speed and I wasn't sure if it was him who was driving it.

"Bella, are you alright?" Newton asked, looking concerned.

"Uuh, yeah," I said, shaking my head, "I'm alright, just really tired. I'm sorry, Mike, but I think I need to take a rain check on the dinner invite. Talk to you later!" I half yelled, as I sprinted towards my truck. I hadn't bothered to lock the door and was able to open and close it before Newton could come up with another question. I put the key in the ignition, heard the engine roar to life and steered the truck towards the road. Contemplating whether I could still locate the Volvo somewhere ahead of me, I turned onto the road to drive home. I looked around, but couldn't see the off-white colored vehicle anywhere. I got home ten minutes later.

"Anybody home?" I shouted, as I entered the house.

"I'm home, but if you're looking for Jas or Rose, they're both out!" I heard Charlie respond from the living room.

"I smell like grease, I'm gonna take a shower!" I said, running up the stairs to the bathroom. I'd expected Rose to be gone, but I was pretty certain that Jas had already gotten his allotted two dates per week from Alice. I took a slow shower, not sure what else to do with my time. My bones hurt and I could feel physical exhaustion taking hold.

The hot water slowed my heart rate down and I stumbled out of the bathtub feeling lightheaded. The thought occurred to me that maybe I should have taken Mike up on his offer for dinner. I hadn't eaten since breakfast and I was definitely too lazy to creep back into the kitchen to whip something up. It's not like anybody was waiting for me downstairs, except for maybe Charlie, but he wasn't really _waiting_ for me, I thought. He'd lived for such a long time by himself, he was probably happy when he didn't have to hear us yelling, screaming and listening to music all day long.

I was about to stroll into the living to join Charlie on the couch, now apparently my regular weekend activity, when I heard a car pull up in front of our house. I went over to the refrigerator to grab a soda and noticed that it was Emmett's car. Rose sauntered into the house two minutes later.

"Hey, how was work?" Rose asked, as she grabbed a soda from the refrigerator I was still holding open.

"Really busy," I complained, "I'm totally fried because of it and actually starving, but too lazy to cook." I dropped myself down on a kitchen chair.

"Want me to make you something? As long as it's not too complicated, you know I can handle it," she offered.

"Yeah, that'd be so nice."

"Charlie, I'm making grilled cheese for Bella and me, do you want one as well?" Rose asked.

"Yeah, sure, if it's not too much trouble," we heard him answer from the living room.

Rose started pulling out a frying pan, bread, cheese and tomatoes.

"So you're home early. Don't tell me Emmett has a curfew?" I asked, more to keep myself awake than out of actual curiosity about the answer.

"Yeah," Rose giggled, licking some butter off her fingers, "actually, he has training tomorrow morning. It's all kind of strange how everybody's parents have all these rules for their kids and those idiots here all follow them like freaking sheep." She shrugged her shoulders. "Other than that I'm happy. He's nice and he begged for my forgiveness. What can I say? I feel bad that he has to deal with all this pressure from his dad, so I'm trying to be nice and supportive about this football thing, even though I think his grades are good enough to get into a decent college without breaking all his bones in the process."

"I see. Any idea where Jas is?" I asked.

"Nah, I thought he was home. I know he had his allotted dates this week already."

"Nope, he's definitely not home and I had the truck, so I'm not sure how he's getting around. Maybe he's hanging out with Jake?" I contemplated.

"Yeah, could be. Although I'm certain Jake would have insisted that you come along as well," Rose noted, winking at me.

"Heh? Why would he?" I asked, trying to figure out why she was winking at me.

"You are so oblivious, it almost hurts! Come, let's go eat with Charlie in the living room," she quipped, carrying the three plates with our grilled cheese sandwiches.

After we finished eating, Rose and I did the dishes quickly.

"Wanna go hang out in our room and listen to some music?" I suggested to Rose. I wasn't ready to spend the evening with Charlie in front of the TV again.

"Yeah, let's go," she answered and we climbed up the stairs to our bedrooms. I entered our room shortly after Rose and just in time to witness Rose's expression of disgust. Her nose was crinkled and her eyebrows were raised, as she picked up a dirty t-shirt off the floor.

"Man, Bella, you guys need to clean this room. This is borderline disgusting. Is that pile of clothing there yours or Jas's?" she said as she began to sort through the mound of clothing that had accumulated between our beds.

"I think it's both. I'm too tried to clean. Just leave it be."

"Yuk, come on Bella. You definitely can't take a date up to your room, you know? Not in this condition!" she stated matter-of-factly.

"Oh, please, it's not like I'm dating anyone. Jas is the one that should care. I don't see the point. Why bother cleaning, if it just looks the same the next day anyway?" I answered truthfully, pulling out a Rolling Stones record and putting it on our record player.

'_It is the evening of the day'_– the song started.

"Do you guys smoke in here? It smells all funky. How can you live like that? Look at this disaster," she complained, pointing at the schoolbooks, cigarette cartons, records and clothes there were strewn all over the place.

"We smoke out of the window sometimes. I don't smell anything," I responded, sniffing for any foul odor.

I'd stopped caring a long time ago about what our room looked like. Actually, chaos always seemed to work better for Jas and me. Actually, it was when the room was clean that we had the most difficulty finding stuff.

I sat down at the window sill, opening the window and lighting a clove cigarette I'd found this morning under a pile of clothes, while Rose started cleaning up our room.

"So how are things going with Smarty-Pants?" Rose asked, while creating a dirty laundry pile and folding up the rest of the clothing on Jas's bed. I wanted to talk to someone about Edward, but I was sure that Rose wasn't the right person for that.

"How do you mean?" I hedged.

"Duh, Bella, are you seeing him outside of school? Does he have a date allowance like Alice?" she chortled.

"No, we only hang out at school." Upon hearing my answer, Rose stopped folding our clothes, straightened up and looked at me, clearly trying to figure something out.

"Ahh, I see. Smarty-Pants and you are stuck at− what would one call that?" She pondered. "The platonic stage?"

"I don't know, I guess so." I turned the most violent shade of red and blew the smoke from my cigarette out of the window.

"Let me ask you something. You've fooled around with boys before, right? I remember you hung out with that blond tool all last summer on the beach and I'm pretty certain I saw you two sucking face in front of his store once."

"Yeah, what's your point Rose?"

"I mean Edward and you−he likes you and you obviously have a thing for him. Why don't you just kiss him and get it freaking over with? You two are really kind of sad to watch, both clearly fawning over each other, but never really getting any action. What's up with you, Bells?"

I lost my patience with Rose and her retarded questions and the shit just started bubbling out.

"Okay, I tried. Last week, after you had your meltdown at the front door, remember? But then Jas called and I fucking slipped, okay?" I said, throwing my hands up. "And so I kissed him on the cheek and then he just ran away," I added, my voice barely audible. "I also asked whether he wanted to come along to the beach and he made some lame ass comment about how he was not invited, even though I _asked _whether he wanted to come along. I mean what else can I do? Right? And then Jessica told me that Lauren once tried to ask Edward out and he declined and they all think he prefers, you know," I rolled my eyes, "boys," I finally finished.

Rose looked at me incredulously for a minute, before she started laughing loudly.

"What?" I asked, exasperated by the fact that she found my Edward conundrum amusing.

"Oh, Bella. I'm so sorry darling! It's just that all sounds so horrible and pathetic. I wish Renee was around to hear this."

"Very funny, ha, ha!" I snapped, tossing my pillow at her, but unable to completely keep a straight face at that point either. Rose sat down on my bed and patted the spot next to her.

"Okay, here's my five cents, for what it's worth," she began. "I don't know what exactly Edward's deal is, but I highly doubt he's gay!"

I wasn't about to admit it to her, but I felt slightly relieved.

"Now, first off–ignore whatever Lauren or Jessica told you and second, we need to develop a 'slip-proof' plan for you. I agree, like I said, the boy has some issues, but from what I can tell, those kids were raised in the wilderness, shut off from outside influence and the people of this town haven't exactly been nice to them. There's obviously something's amiss at home as well. I mean there has to be a reason that daddy-o basically doesn't live with their mother anymore." She paused for a moment before plunging on.

"Another thing I'm pretty certain about, sort of related to the fact that he's definitely not into boys, and I know Jas has already told you this a million times to no avail, Edward likes you, and not in the 'let's be friends' kind of way. You have to get him alone somewhere, outside of school, preferably with a bottle of booze in hand and once you are both buzzed, just freaking throw yourself at him."

"Easier said than done, Rose," I answered. That much I'd figured out all by myself as well. Unfortunately the plan presented several hurdles: where and when would I get him alone, outside of school? And, how do I get him drunk? Something about him told me that he was one of those goody goody kids that had never raided their parents' liquor cabinet.

"Worst case scenario, you could always just hook up with Jake. Seems easier, if you ask me," Rose added, getting up and continuing to clean up our room.

"No way!" I wrinkled my nose at her. "He's just a friend."

"Yeah, whatever, Bella. Get yourself a set of glasses – you really have your pickings in this town– Newton, Jake and Edward. They all have the hots for you. You're just too blind to see it. I bet you five bucks, both Jake and Newton will try to kiss you tomorrow night, unless Edward makes an unexpected appearance. In that event you should be prepared with a bottle of Jack!"

"No, Rose, don't say that. Disgusting. I don't want either of them. And I already asked Edward and doubt he'll come." I shuddered at the thought of kissing slimy Newton. And Jake, Jake really was just a friend. I highly doubled he'd make any attempts.

"I know, I figured as much by the color of your face when you're around dear Edward. If you only want him, fucking get off your ass, stop feeling sorry for yourself and go get him!" she instructed.

"Right." I was done at that point with the conversation. She'd just confirmed what Jas had been telling me all along, but neither of them had any idea how difficult this little love project of mine was shaping up to be. Rose cleaned up our room as much as possible and shortly before midnight we heard Jas walk up the steps to our room.

"Look what the cat dragged in," Rose noted, as Jas walked in. "Where have you been-and more importantly, how did you get around?"

"Good evening to you too, Rose. I found a bike in the garage," Jas answered curtly. "Now if you don't mind, I want to go to sleep."

"Okay, grumpy-puss," Rose said, picking up the pile of dirty laundry before walking out the door. "Goodnight then. Night, Bells."

I followed Rose out of our room and entered the bathroom. I quickly brushed my teeth, washed my face, brushed my hair and put on a pair of PJs. When I exited the bathroom, Jas was waiting outside the door.

"Man, Bella, could you take any longer in there? You're starting to take as long as Rose," he bitched, before closing the door. I shook my head in annoyance. Jas came back to our room five minutes later, when I was already lying in bed reading a book.

"What's going on Jas?" I asked, looking up from my book.

"Nothing. Just a weird night. Alice called around 7 o'clock and begged me to come over. She sounded all weird. I was about to just walk over to her house, even though I knew damn well that her mother wouldn't exactly welcome me with open arms, and the walk over to her house really is quite a hike. But then I found the bike. I get there like 30 minutes later and her mother wouldn't let me see her. I was just going to give up and go back home, but then I figured I'd walk by her window and see that she was okay, you know?

"I threw a stone at her window and she stuck her head out and told me to climb up the lattice below her window. I totally busted my ass trying to get up there," he sighed. "To make a long story short, Alice had a discussion with her mother that afternoon about not being allowed to drive anymore, even though she has a license and they own like four cars. Well, the whole discussion didn't go so well and they started fighting. Edward wasn't at home and he's always the one that breaks up the fights. So it all escalated and Alice locked herself into her room. That's all she told me. I don't know, I guess I'm just exhausted, I don't know how to help her and dealing with her mother is just kind of tiring."

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"I can't describe it. She looks at me like I don't deserve to be near her daughter, and, really? I get that! Looking at their house, I know what she means. They're seriously loaded. They've a garage the size of this house with several cars in it and the interior of the house looks so fancy that I wouldn't dare touch anything. If Alice stays with me, and I know this is nothing we should worry about now, I'll never be able to give her a life like that."

"Oh," I said lamely, not sure that to say. "Does Alice care?"

"About what?"

"About money, I guess? Does she need all the fancy stuff? Though I agree, it's too early to worry about anything like this, because hell, Jas, we are barely 17 and who knows where and with whom we'll be once we go to college, right? You've only know her for two weeks."

"I don't know. I haven't really asked her," he said, sighing and turning over on his side to face me. "And you're right about everything else. It's just slightly debilitating to deal with her mother, that's all. You've got to check out their home. It's seriously insane."

"I guess I'll see tomorrow when we pick up Alice. We're still on for that, right?"

"Yeah, we are, and you'll see. Although, I doubt her mom will invite us in. Edward came home around eight and was home all evening, by the way. I didn't see him, but I could hear him playing the piano until I left. He's pretty good at playing, though the stuff he played all sounded kind of depressing."

I fell asleep wondering what Edward had been playing on the piano.

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**Okay, Beach Party is next . . . **

**PLEASE REVIEW – even if it's a flame, go ahead, and knock yourself out!**


	12. Chapter 12 White Rabbit

**Big thank you to my betas Reamhar, ****Zillanxio & BMD. Any remaining errors, typos etc. are all my own doing – as always.**

**_Disclaimer_**_: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

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**12. White Rabbit**

I woke up the next morning feeling antsy; I wanted to get my chat with Alice out of the way. The whole Edward situation was turning me into a nervous wreck. Rose's advice was still fresh in memory and I was hoping beyond hope, and contrary to his announcement, that he'd come to the party. I'd decided to take a bottle of Jack with me just in case.

I jumped out of bed quickly, before anybody in the house was awake, walked downstairs and pulled out a bottle from Charlie's not-so-secret stash. I ended up grabbing two bottles, just in case. With the booze secured, I stalked back upstairs, took a quick shower and, as I exited the bathroom, I noticed Rose and Jas were up and moving around.

The morning hours dragged on as slowly on our 'date night' the week before. I couldn't wait to get out of this place to finally put some pieces of my Edward puzzle together. The weather was abnormally nice, which would have made the fact that we were attending an outdoor party in January more bearable, but it didn't matter to me today. I was too focused on my mission to truly care about the weather. Rain wouldn't have stopped me. I tried in vain to figure out what exactly I would ask Alice. Just asking 'so what's up your brother's ass? I like him, but he makes no moves' sounded a little too straightforward.

My mind wandered back to Jas and our bedtime chatter. He'd stated the obvious: the Cullens were loaded. Yeah, I figured that much from looking at the way they dressed and the car they drove. I'd never spent much time thinking about 'wealth' and the strange effects it had on how you were treated, mostly because I wasn't usually surrounded by people with a lot of money.

Money mattered; I knew that much from living with Renee, because at the end of each month we usually barely had enough to pay the bills. When we were little, Rose always whined when she wanted new clothes or toys that Renee on her meager salary just couldn't swing. I wasn't much of a sucker for new clothes or toys and I was happy with a couple of books that I could easily take out from the library, but I can't lie, sometimes I wished we had more money. Not to buy clothing or to live in a fancy house, but just enough so I knew I could go to college, no matter whether some school gave me a scholarship or not. For Renee, I always hoped she'd be able to earn more money for the long hours she used to work, so that she could buy herself the silly little things that lightened her mood.

Now I wondered whether money mattered in more ways than I'd previously considered. Nobody had ever treated me differently because we weren't rich, and I'd never viewed my family as 'poor.' But now Alice's mother was treating Jas differently, and not only because of who our mother was, as I'd come to expect in this town, but because of our apparent lack of funds. I started worrying whether it mattered to Edward, when I heard someone knock on our front door loudly. I looked up at the kitchen clock and noticed that it was only about two o'clock.

I opened the door and found Emmett standing at our doorstep, his hair a little wet, wearing jeans and a wool sweater.

"Hey, Emmett. Are you here to pick up Rose already?"

"Yeah, I thought we could get there a little early before the crowds from our school arrive, so I came here right after practice."

"Come in," I said, stepping aside from the door. "Do you want anything to drink while you wait? I think Rose is taking a shower." We could hear the sound of water running in the shower upstairs.

"Nah, don't worry about it. Unless you're getting something for yourself."

I walked over to the fridge, pulled out two bottles of soda and handed him one.

"Sit down, why don't you," I suggested. "Rose usually takes a while."

"Sure," he said, sitting down on one of the kitchen chairs, looking at me with a smile on his face. "So Bells, is Edward picking you up soon? I tried calling him, but his mom said he was busy and couldn't come to the phone."

"No, why would he?" I answered flippantly.

"I don't know, he said something yesterday about going to pick you up from work, so I assumed you'd go together to the beach as well."

"He didn't pick… " I halted midsentence, as I remembered seeing Edward's Volvo drive by the diner. "Well, I didn't see him last night and I asked him whether he wanted to come along to the beach, but he said something about being busy."

"Right, dear Eddie is busy." Emmett started chuckling. "If he spends anymore time studying, he'll be bored in college, that's for sure." He laughed out loud now. "Seriously, Bella, you need to grab the darn fool by his shirt and drag him out of house once in a while."

"Yeah, I'm not sure about that," I murmured, embarrassed that Emmett thought I should grab Edward and drag him along. What made him think he'd let me?

"Hey, if anybody can get the boy out of his shell, it's you! And somebody needs to urgently; otherwise he'll stay cooped up at home until he goes off to college," Emmett commented. I thought about what Jas had said about Mrs. Cullen and thought she'd probably be really pissed if her son dated another one of those unkempt Swan kids, barely a step above sewer rats if one were to believe the gossip going around this town.

"Ugh, yeah, Emmett, I don't know about that. I'd doubt I'd be able to drag him anywhere unwillingly and, secondly, I think his mom would be none to pleased if I'd knock on their front door." I shrugged my shoulders and I saw Emmett tense up.

"I'm sorry about that. I guess my father isn't much better in that respect. I'm assuming Rose told you the stuff my dad told me? About your mom, I mean?" he asked, looking all of a sudden unsure and ashamed.

"Yeah, she did."

"I'm sorry. My dad was . . . is an idiot sometimes. I'm sorry I even repeated the stuff to Rose," he stuttered.

"No need to apologize to me. As long as Rose has forgiven you, you're okay with me." It was true. Emmett hadn't really done or said anything to me personally. Before the conversation could get any more uncomfortable, Rose came down the stairs.

"Hey," she purred, when she saw Emmett sitting in the kitchen. "Did you come here right after practice?" She walked over and settled herself on his lap, giving him a kiss on the mouth.

I sat next to them too flustered to move. Did Edward drive by the diner to come and pick me up? Why hadn't he stopped? Could Newton's presence have prevented him?

After two minutes of P.D.A. in the kitchen, Rose and Emmett left and Jas came running down the stairs.

"Let's head over to Alice's place," Jas said, as he took his jacket from the hook in the hallway. I followed him silently to the truck and we drove down the town's one main road until we hit a small dirt road that seemed to disappear into the woods. Jas headed down the little path until we reached a clearing and I saw the road ended in a circle in front of a gigantic mansion, complete with columns, a fountain, trimmed hedges, and flower arrangements. To say that the house looked a little surreal in the middle of bumblefuck Forks would have been an understatement. The whole place looked like it was loaded up on a truck in Beverly Hills and just parked up here. It didn't belong here.

We drove around a flower patch in front of the house and stopped next to marble steps that led up to the main entrance. Jas was about to turn off the engine, but Alice gracefully flew down the stairs and opened the door of the truck on my side and climbed in, beating him to it.

"Hey, Bella, I'm so glad you came!" she said cheerily, as she gave me an almost bone shattering hug.

"Hey," I greeted her, barely managing a strangled whisper, because she squeezed me so hard that it almost took my breath away. When she let go, she winked at Jas quickly before we drove off. No Edward in sight. The bottles of Jack sitting in a bag at the bottom of my feet would probably not come in handy for seduction purposes, I sullenly realized.

I glanced back at the monstrosity behind us through the rearview mirror and saw Edward standing in one of the windows of the ground floor. I wanted to tell Jas to back up, so I could go get him. He looked so lonely and left behind standing there, but I couldn't get my mouth to open. All I could do was just stare, first at the mirror and, then, I turned around and looked out the rear window, not wanting to let go of his image.

We drove through the forest until we reached a road along the coastline where the almost black waters of the sea were crashing on the rocks below us. Jas took a particularly steep curve at the end of the road to veer onto a smaller road, which made the bag I'd brought along fall straight on my foot.

"Ahh, shit," I moaned, as the bag hit me and the pain spread from my toes to the rest of my foot.

"Man, Bella, what did you drag along in that bag that makes it so heavy?" Jas asked, cocking his eyebrow at me questioningly.

"Some Jack," I admitted, pulling one of the bottles out of the bag.

"Groovy, let's open it!" Alice screamed excitedly. Seriously— I'd never seen anybody freak out over a bottle of whiskey. I gave Jas a glance from the side; he rolled his eyes in response. I'd noticed when she jumped in the car that, while she still looked way better dressed than we did, her style had changed slightly. Her hair seemed more unruly and less coiffed; she'd replaced the mini-skirts and dresses with a pair of jeans; and her make up was definitely toned down—no more dramatic eyeliner. It almost looked like she was trying to fit in with us; why was beyond me.

"Yeah, sure," I said, as I unscrewed the top and handed it to her. Alice's small hands grasped the bottle and she started drinking the stuff in big gulps. The sight of the little Pixie guzzling away Charlie's Jack shocked me a little, if I was being honest. She just looked so well mannered and small. I'd envisioned her sipping Sherry out of delicate little glasses, not glugging down whiskey straight from the bottle. I couldn't suppress a smile.

"Did you bring anything else along?" I looked over at Jas, thinking that he wouldn't come unprepared to a party.

"Yeah, I got some gin and some beer in the bed of the trunk," Jas answered, nodding his head towards the truck bed. Alice giggled in response.

When we arrived at the beach a group of people from school was already there, and Jake and some of his friends appeared to be busy arranging wood for the bonfire they'd planned for tonight.

"Hey, Bells, what's going on?" I heard before I was crushed yet again into a hug.

"Hey, Jake!"

"I gotta go, 'cause Sam and the other guys still need my help with the fire, but I got something for you," he said, pressing a small plastic bag into my hand, before sprinting away. I examined the contents of the bag—brown, dried-up mushrooms. I pushed the bag into my jeans pocket and walked over to Alice, Jas, Rose and Emmett who were sitting together on a couple of logs lying around the beach.

"Jas, check out what Jake just gave me," I whispered, as I sat down and handed the bag to Jas. "I think they're mushrooms. Should we take some?"

"Silly rabbit, of course!" he answered, as he popped a couple of the crumbled brown pieces into his mouth and washed them down with gin. I followed his example after he'd returned the bag to me. "Do you mind if I offer Alice some?"

"Yeah, I don't want to take the stuff back home anyway," I answered. Not even a minute later I saw Alice popping some of the mushrooms into her mouth, washing them down with the beer in her hand.

"Man Jas, what are you guys taking now?" Rose said, squinting at the bag that was back in my hand now.

"Just some mushrooms, chill!" Jas snapped.

"Want some?" I asked wiggling my eyebrows at Rose.

"Yeah, Rose, shit might expand your mind a little!" Jas added.

"Come on, Rose. You know this party will just be boring without it!" I tried egging her on.

"I'll have some," Emmett said, before we could further tease Rose. I laughed and tossed the bag over to him.

"Ugh, babe, you're letting those two slackers corrupt you," Rose noted, wrinkling her nose, but Emmett ignored her and chewed blissfully, before washing the stuff down with some beer. Before Emmett could toss the bag back to me, Rose took the bag and dumped the rest of it into her mouth.

"Ahh, I see who's a bad, corrupting influence now!" Jas laughed.

"So how long until this stuff starts working?" Emmett asked, looking expectantly at Jas and me.

"Depends on the mushrooms, but usually it takes a while," I answered, picking up a beer and opening it. The Doors started playing in the background.

_You know that it would be untrue_

_You know that I would be a liar_

_If I was to say to you_

_Girl we couldn't get much higher_

The little area on the beach where the fire was being built started filling up with people rapidly after that. I saw most of the people from our school and some kids with black hair, who I assumed were from the reservation. The music coming from a transistor radio was only background noise behind all the commotion; the waves crashing onto the sand in front of me were barely visible anymore because of all the people standing and sitting around.

After a couple of drinks, I started feeling oddly chilly. Thinking moving around would probably help, I got up to look for Jake to thank him for the mushrooms. Scanning the crowd for someone tall with black hair, I walked past Jessica and Lauren, who were standing around shivering, dressed in mini-dresses and ugly tights, the heels of their cheap pumps sinking into the sand with a bottle of apple schnapps that they were in the process of sharing. Ugh, disgusting sweet shit, how typical, I thought. I nodded in their direction without bothering to actually go talk to them.

"Hey, Bella! Why didn't you let me pick you up?" I suddenly heard Newton bellow behind. I turned around and he attempted to pull me into a hug. My reflexes kicked in and I managed to side step his arms as they came flying toward me, only to grab the air. He'd obviously had his share of booze already and I noticed a half-empty bottle of Johnny Walker in his hand.

"Hey, Mike. I came here with my brother, no worries," I said, turning around and scanning the crowd again for Jake.

I started walking again, when I felt someone's hand on my shoulder. I turned around and saw it was still Newton.

"Belllllaaa, wait, come talk to me," Newton slurred.

"What, Mike? I'm looking for someone…"

"I hope not for Smarty Pants 'cause he doesn't attend any parties with the common folk of this town."

"No, not for Edward," I answered, looking for the fastest escape route.

"Good. So we can spend some time together undisturbed," he babbled, raising his eyebrows suggestively. Next thing I knew, I felt Newton's arm around my shoulder and his was face bending down, aiming apparently for my mouth.

"Fuck off," I snapped, pushing him away. He stumbled back. I was about to leave it at that and walk away, when I heard him whisper.

"Frigid Bitch."

I stopped in my tracks. Anger suddenly took over and I turned around. "Hey Newton, just so we're clear, for future reference: I don't want to date you, hang with you or have your tongue anywhere near me. Do you hear me?" I was yelling by the time I'd reached my last words and I noticed that a bunch of people were staring at us, before I walked away.

I found Jake two minutes later, sitting around with some of the kids from the reservation. I sat down with him, and he introduced me to a bunch of them, but I couldn't remember their names.

"So did you take the mushrooms?" Jake asked.

"Yeah, hope you don't mind, but I gave the rest to Jas and Rose. I wasn't sure whether I was supposed to leave some stash for you." I shrugged apologetically.

"Nah, that's alright. I'm totally set," he remarked as he pulled out a joint and lit it before handing it to me. I took a puff.

"So, no date for this party, Bells? Thought you'd have dragged someone along, seeing how your siblings are all coupled up." He smirked at me.

"Ha, ha, very funny. Nope, no date for me," I admitted. _Not for a lack of trying_, I wanted to add, as I handed the joint back to him. It was starting to get dark and one of the taller kids, I think his name was Sam, started to light the pile of wood in front of us.

The flames quickly spread through the dry logs and I stared at the fire, mesmerized by the yellow, red and blue colors of the flames, while running my fingers slowly through the sand next to me. I don't know how long I sat there, but by the time I tore my eyes away from the fire in front of me, the sky was pitch-black, the sea no longer visible, I could only hear the sound of the waves as they crashed onto the beach. Then the music become louder.

_And you've just had some kind of mushroom_

_And your mind is moving slow_

_Go ask Alice_

_I think she'll know_

"Alice," I whispered, as I started to get up.

"Bells, where're you going? Stay with me!" Jake pulled me back down next to him.

"I've to go and find Alice," I murmured, removing his hand from my arm, about to attempt to get up again, when I saw her. She was standing right in front of me, a small smile playing around her lips.

"Bella, come!" she said, pulling me up by my hands to stand. She didn't let go of my hands. We started spinning around in a circle, dancing, moving next to the fire.

_When logic and proportion_

_Have fallen sloppy dead_

_And the White Knight is talking backwards_

_And the Red Queen's "off with her head!"_

_Remember what the dormouse said;_

_"Keep YOUR HEAD"_

As the last note of the song echoed in the air, I remembered. _Edward_.

"Alice, I need to talk to you," I said, standing still.

"I know." She pulled me down into the sand. "I know. I need to talk to you too. I've been meaning to for a while now. Mmmh," she mused, her hands reaching for my hair and playing with the ends hanging over my shoulder.

"Edward," I began, hesitantly.

"Yeah, my brother, I know," she nodded.

"I think I like him," I admitted. "What's wrong with him?"

"I thought I knew. I thought he was like our mother, but now I know he's not. Not at all," she replied firmly, shaking her head.

"What's your mother like, Alice? She doesn't like Jas?" I looked at her, waiting for a clue to solve the riddle.

"Mommy dearest, you see," she said frowning, "used to stay at Bellevue, before Carlisle, our father, found her and took her away."

"Bellevue," I repeated, recognition setting in, "the hospital in New York?"

"Yeah, she was sick. She'd lost her baby, so her husband and her family abandoned her there on the eleventh floor."

My dazed mind was struggling with Alice's words. I looked at her, her pupils were dilated and the grey surrounding them was just a small sliver.

"Alice, do you think Edward is sick?" I asked searching for answers.

"No, I don't think he ever was, but for a while I used to think so. He'd always sulk, never laugh, and lock himself in his room. He barely smiled. I don't remember him smiling since we moved here.

"But then . . . then you came along. And he's fine. It's as if he was asleep for a long time, and suddenly he woke up. Now he smiles and sometimes he gets angry. I haven't seen him like this, you know, happy, in so long, Bella." She smiled at me, bright eyed.

"What are you saying, Alice?" I looked at her, confused. "Do you think he likes me?"

Alice smiled and then let out a light laugh that seemed to reverberate in the atmosphere, before she knelt in front of me and cupped my face with her tiny hands.

"Edward's in love with you," she breathed, completely confident. "Let's go find Jas."

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**Okay – First Kiss is around the corner…**

**PLEASE REVIEW!**


	13. Chapter 13 Nose Bleeds & Kisses

**Big thank you to my betas Reamhar & ****Zillanxio. Any remaining errors, typos etc. are all my own doing – as always.**

_**Disclaimer**__: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

* * *

**13. Nose Bleeds & Kisses**

My feet struggled to free themselves of a too-tight cover, and I could feel sand under my body. The blanket covering me seemed heavy as I thrashed around underneath it, the combination of cotton and sand brushed like sandpaper against my feet, legs and arms. Disoriented and with an ever-so-slight headache, I vaguely remembered last night: Alice, the beach, and the search for Jas and after that nothing, a complete blank. I panicked: w_here the hell was I?_

In one swift movement, I pulled the cover away from my face, pushed myself up on my elbows and looked at my surroundings. Relief settled in when I recognized where I was. _Of course_, where else would I be? I was in my room, and Jas was still deeply asleep–snoring in fact–in his bed next to mine. I looked at the alarm clock on the table sleepily, rubbed my eyes, and took another look, before I jumped up quickly.

"Jas, wake up! It's 7:30, we're late," I yelled, shaking his shoulders. He smacked my hand away and made grunting sounds. "Wake the hell up! I think it's Monday and we're supposed to be at school in 30 minutes!" I tried again, hitting the back of his head. This technique yielded the desired effect. My words had registered; he blinked, first at me and then at the clock.

"What do you mean you _think_ it's Monday? Oh, shit," he said, crawling out of bed.

"I'm going to the bathroom," I shouted, as I stormed out of our room. I noticed Rose's door was still closed as well. I knocked on her door.

"Rose," I hollered, as I opened the door, "are you up?" I was unprepared for the sight in front of me. Emmett, still deeply asleep, was lying next to Rose, who was holding a sheet up to cover her bare breasts.

"Oh, fuck, Rose. We're late!" I decided not to wait for a response and slipped into the bathroom. One look into the mirror there told me that, although I didn't exactly have time for a shower, one was definitely in order. My hair was matted against my head with clumps of sand in it. Not even _I _would dare to crawl to school looking that bad. I jumped into the shower, washed my hair, causing a pool of sand to form around my feet, scrubbed myself down with soap and grabbed a towel in record time. I brushed my wet hair and, with a towel secured around my body, dashed back towards my room. Jas was already in the hallway and he charged into the bathroom before Rose could reach the door.

"Jas, I need to shower. Hurry the fuck up!" she yelled, as she closed her bedroom door behind her again.

By 7:55 am, Emmett, Rose, Jas and I were racing towards the truck. I took a deep breath as we squeezed ourselves into the seats, Rose settling on Emmett's lap. I exhaled loudly, relieved that we wouldn't be completely late.

"So how did we get home?" I asked finally. Jas scratched his head, looking slightly uncomfortable.

"Oh for fucks sake, he doesn't remember either," Rose huffed, rolling her eyes. "Don't look so dumbfounded, Bella. You and Jas were totally drunk and stoned, and neither of you could sober up enough to drive." I heard Emmett chuckle. "And _you _Mister, have nothing to laugh about! You were just as bad, if not worse!" For good measure, she smacked Emmett over the head.

"Ouch, Rose, that hurt!" Emmett mumbled.

"I drove Alice home, and I drove us home afterward. I would have dropped you off too, but I thought in your condition that wasn't a good idea. Alice said Edward would call your home and say that you're staying over at the Cullen's house," Rose ranted, her arms wrapped around her chest, as she looked down at Emmett with a stern expression. "I just hope for your sake he didn't forget about that, otherwise we are fucked and not in a good way."

"I'm so sorry, babe," Emmett whined. He tried to take her hand in his, only to have Rose slap it away.

"After school, we still have to go and pick up your car from the beach," Rose continued to fume.

Slowly but surely, some memories of last night started floating back to me. Jake, the mushrooms, Newton, Jessica and Lauren drinking apple schnapps, joints, whiskey, Alice . . .

Edward.

He hadn't been there, but I'd talked to Alice . . . about him?

"_Edward's in love with you" . . . _

No, impossible. My drug-infested mind must have made that one up.

We arrived at school five minutes after eight and sprinted to our respective classrooms. My hair was still hanging in wet strings down my back and I felt the cold settle over me like a blanket. _Shit, maybe coming to school with my greasy, matted hair would have been the better option?_

English flew by in a snap. As I walked briskly to my next class, I noted that, for the first time since we'd started going to school here, Newton wasn't waiting for me at the door. I vaguely remembered meeting him last night, though I still couldn't remember what exactly had happened when I'd run into him. I noticed that some people were giving me funny looks, and I touched my hair instinctively, wondering whether it was still a wet mess. I came to the conclusion that my hair was probably not the cause of the curious glances; it was almost dry now.

Thankfully, Jessica enlightened me in math, and her story triggered my recollection of my encounter with Newton. According to accounts Jessica had received (from whom, I wondered?), I'd shoved Newton into the sand, called him a pig and told him not to touch me. I remembered now; I didn't call him a pig if my memory served me correctly and I didn't really shove him into the sand either, but what I did remember doing probably would have had the same effect. I doubted he'd talk to me again.

Jessica seemed to be rather amused, bordering on elated by the whole situation, though I couldn't quite figure out why. I'd always thought she and Newton were friends. Why was she so pleased that I'd humiliated her friend, in front of an audience no less? Not that he hasn't had it coming for a while now.

I walked to the cafeteria with the now-familiar feeling of anxiety and happiness about seeing Edward floating in my stomach. I remembered my conversation with Alice, though I still doubted that she'd really meant those last words. She'd probably been too high to even know what she was saying. And it didn't make sense, anyway: why would he _love_ me, if he barely knew me?

My heart skipped a beat when I entered the room and saw Edward. He was sitting at a table with Jas and Alice. He looked tired; purple rings had formed under his eyes and his skin was paler than usual. Rose and Emmett hadn't arrived yet.

"Hey!" I dropped my bag on the floor and sat next to Edward.

"Hey," he answered, his lips pressed together into a thin line. His mood seemed as somber as his appearance as he picked with his long white fingers at a sandwich in front of him, staring at Alice.

"Hey, guys," Rose said two second later, plopping herself down in the seat next to Alice. She put her tray of food in front of her and looked down for a second. "So, Edward, thanks for covering for Emmett yesterday! We," she poked Emmett in the ribs, "really appreciate it."

Edward just nodded; no smile or joke about the drunken, drug-induced stupor that had rounded off last night. On the contrary, I could almost sense him stiffening next to me when Rose thanked him.

"Yeah, thanks, man!" Emmett contributed, stuffing a hamburger in his mouth, oblivious to the fact that Edward apparently wasn't exactly too pleased about his involvement. "Bells, those mushrooms you got from Jake were awesome! I mean I spaced out for a while . . . Eddie, you should have come, man!"

"Yeah, why didn't you?" Alice asked challengingly, looking up at him. Edward looked up from the table, staring at her for a second, before getting up quickly from his seat and stalking angrily out of the cafeteria. I stared at his back as he left, reaching the door in no time.

I suddenly felt a sharp pain in my shin, as if someone had kicked me. I looked up to see Alice giving me a stern look before quickly jerking her head in the direction Edward had gone. I looked at her for second; she nodded and her expression shifted to an encouraging smile. I guessed it was her way of hinting that I should get up and look for Edward.

I stood, contemplating what do to, before I could ponder what I would say to him, I ran to the cafeteria door. I stopped to look around, but there was no sign of Edward, so I ran to the main exit. When I opened the door, I saw Edward walking briskly around the left side of the school building. I followed him as fast as I could.

Around the corner of the building, I saw him standing perfectly still, his hands braced against the brick wall of the building. He looked like he was hunched over, staring at the ground. I could see his breath hanging in the air as he breathed quickly in and out.

It was raining lightly and there was nobody else around there as I approached him slowly. Somehow he must have sensed me walking in his direction, because I could see his shoulders tense up, as I got closer. His chin slowly tilted up before he turned around, leaning with his back against the wall. His green eyes peered at me from beneath dark lashes, and he looked almost fearful.

"Edward, what's wrong?" I asked, hesitantly.

He sneered at my question, staring at me, with empty eyes. "Did you have fun at the beach with Newton?" he asked spitefully.

I didn't know how to respond, so I rolled my eyes, taking two more steps until I stood directly in front of him._ Could he be jealous of Newton? Impossible!_

"Are you serious?" I huffed, unable to fathom what he was talking about. He stared at me incredulously before turning away with a sarcastic smile playing around his lips.

"Oh, come on, Bella. I saw him picking you up from the diner on Saturday." His arms folded in front of his chest, challenging me.

"Yeah, he tried to pick me up from work," I sighed, as I looked at him. "But I went home alone." His eyes narrowed at me. "What? You think I'd go out with candyass Newton? Seriously, Edward, I was starving, but I still declined the dinner invitation." Our eyes were locked; I couldn't look away, even though I was blushing. I took a deep breath and tore my eyes away before I continued. "If you had gotten there earlier, I would have . . ." I wanted to finish the sentence, but I was too embarrassed. "Why didn't you want to come to the beach with us?" I asked instead.

"I thought you went out with Newton on Saturday," he said, looking up at the sky now. I wanted to touch him, stroke the raindrops that were settling in his hair away and tell him how wrong he was.

"I didn't," I whispered.

"I saw you two cutting gym together."

"What?" I had no clue what he was taking about. I'd never cut gym before. Not with Newton or anyone. Then I remembered the time I'd left gym together with Newton after Lauren had hit me with a ball. I was starting to get annoyed. "You know what, fine! I see something is bothering you, but if you don't want to talk about– don't!" I spat the words out angrily at him. I wanted to turn around and run away, but I couldn't; I wasn't finished yet. "And if you must know, I haven't cut a single class since I got here. In fact, contrary to the popular belief in this town that we are such a bad influence on everyone, I've actually only cut school once in my entire life. Newton left gym with me because he was supposed to take me to the nurse's office after Lauren hit me in with a ball in the stomach. This . . . this is too _silly_ to even talk about."

Fed up, I turned around and started walking back toward the school entrance, when I felt his hand on my arm.

"Bella, wait. I'm sorry. I've been such an idiot. I didn't mean it that way, not at all. I wanted to go to the beach with you, but I didn't want to see you together with Newton or Jake. I thought . . ." he stammered, "but I was wrong, I see that now. Please . . ."

"Please, what?" I muttered.

"You're perfect and . . ." It was barely a whisper, but it was enough to make me turn around slowly.

I glanced at him and his eyes met mine, pleading; for what, I didn't understand.

_Just kiss me, you idiot, _I wanted to scream. I took a step forward until I felt his breath on me. His hand was still resting on my arm, and I could feel sparks on my skin where he was touching me. I blinked at him and tilted my head up. I could feel him moving closer until his lips touched mine slowly. His lips only grazed mine for a second before he drew back, but the brief contact was enough to make my teenage hormones kick in; I brought my hands up to his hair, pushed up on my toes and pressed my lips against his again, opening my mouth and tugging at his bottom lip. I heard a sigh escaping his mouth and I could feel his tongue darting out, licking my bottom lip. His hands had moved to my waist and I tried to pull myself closer, but he tightened his grip, keeping me at a distance. Edward tasted like peanut butter and honey and boy; I wanted more. I wanted to feel him.

Butterflies were raging in my stomach and suddenly he gave in completely. I was flush against him, our tongues touching, as his arms pressed against my back . . .

I was almost out of breath when I pulled away, thinking that kissing Edward Cullen in real life was way better than in my dreams. I inhaled his scent as we stood together in the drizzle, grasping for breath, our lips only a whisper apart.

"We should probably get our stuff and head to class," he murmured, leaning his forehead against mine.

Not yet _please_, I thought. I didn't want to let the newly captured feeling between us vanish, and there were still so many questions I wanted to ask. I wanted to make sure I could come back to this; that tomorrow would not be yet another day where we'd be back to the nice, but lame status of 'just friends.' I'd never wanted to go back to that– specially not after I'd kissed him.

"Wait," I murmured, before he could walk away from me, "so why didn't you just ask me out again or something? I mean last week." I pulled away a little to see his face, resting my hands on his chest. He pulled his hands away from my waist and covered his face with them briefly, before pulling his hair back with one and letting the other fall beside him. His face was flushed pink–apparently I'd hit a nerve.

"I don't know," he answered, offering an abashed grin, scratching his head. "I thought you'd never be interested, and the competition always seemed one step ahead. I'm sorry. I should have and I wanted to. What are your plans for next Saturday?"

"The competition? Really, that's all?" I laughed. _How could he have been so clueless?_

"Sorry, Newton was following you around everywhere and he kept on telling everyone stories about you . . ." I was starting to wonder what stories Newton could have spread. "And then you mentioned Jake Black . . ."

"Wait, never mind Newton. You know Jake?"

"Let's say I know _of_ him. He does have a reputation in this town," Edward continued, his ears still red. I giggled and slapped him on the shoulder. "What?" he asked, raising one eyebrow.

"Yeah, that's just it; everybody has a 'reputation' in this town!"

"I thought you'd want to be with someone more fun, Bella. I don't go out much and I'm pretty boring. And you still didn't answer my question," he responded, touching my waist lightly with his hands again.

"Of course I'm game. I thought that was obvious by now. Whatever you wanna do, I don't care, I'll be there. I don't have to work next Saturday, so I'm free all day." I smiled at him. Actually, I knew what I wanted to do next Saturday, but that was just too awkward to suggest. _I want to kiss you all day . . . and we don't have to stop there . . ._

"Let's get going to class, before we're late. We could go hiking on Saturday, if you like, or we can drive to Port Angeles." He was positively oozing enthusiasm when he took my hand; it was nice. I didn't respond, even though I was pretty sure that _hiking_ was not on my list of things to do with Edward Cullen. Honestly, I was a little in shock about how natural it felt to walk around hand in hand with him. My first worry about returning to the 'just friends' status had apparently been unfounded.

When we walked into the almost empty cafeteria to pick up our bags, Jas and Alice were getting ready to leave. They started strolling toward us, Jas's arm lazily draped around Alice's shoulder. Passing us, Alice winked and mouthed, "I told you so, brother."

Edward looked at the floor, choosing to ignore her, and squeezed my hand a little tighter before grabbing both of our bags from the floor. He made no attempt to hand me mine. I thought about trying to take it off his shoulder, but that would have meant letting go of his hand, and honestly, I just wasn't ready for that yet.

"You know, Edward," I began, smiling.

"Yeah?"

"I'm actually perfectly capable of carrying my own bag," I informed him.

"Oh, I don't mind," he said, shrugging his shoulders.

"I see."

I wasn't sure what to add, other than that wasn't what I'd meant, so I let it go. We got curious glances when we entered the classroom with Edward still holding my hand and me following him close behind. His touch on my skin created an electric current that was vibrating from my fingers through the rest of my body. Even though him holding my hand constantly and the whole act of carrying my bag came off as a tad possessive considering that we'd barely made out once, I sucked it up and just enjoyed it.

Walking to our seats Edward glared at Newton and, for a second there, I thought I heard a growl coming from his chest, but then I figured I must have imagined it. Maybe I was suffering flashbacks from last night.

I sat down and, with deep regret, let go of his hand. Fortunately Banner had decided it was movie time and instructed us to close the shades, before he started a mind-blowingly boring animated film about cell division. Once the movie started and the room was dark, Edward slowly started touching my hand again, until our fingers were intertwined underneath the table.

The minute the movie ended, I grabbed my bag before Edward could reach for it and stood up. He smirked when he saw me and reached for my hand again as he got up. Newton walked by and Edward moved closer to me. I giggled, amused by his ridiculous behavior.

"You know, Edward, if you'd listened a little closer to the gossip stories raging around today, you'd have known that Newton will hardly talk to me again. I mean, like ever, actually," I told Edward, smiling.

"I don't listen to gossip," Edward retorted, seemingly offended that I'd called him out on listening to all this B.S. It should have been quite obvious, even for a thickheaded person, to pick up on the fact that I clearly liked him. If he'd only ignored the rumor mill before . . .

"Oh, really?"

"He's in my French class and usually he talks about you the entire time, so there you go. But you're right– today he was oddly quiet. So what exactly happened?"

"Well to be honest, at first my memory was kind of fuzzy," I started and Edward frowned at my response. "But then I remembered . . ."

"And?"

"I think I told him to fuck off and not to touch me? Yeah, I think that sums it up. Apparently we had an audience, so I'm pretty sure he's done talking to me."

"Excellent choice of words," Edward laughed.

"Yeah, I gather it was funny to watch."

We'd reached the gym entrance and I was tempted to cut class.

"So, I guess it's time to be tortured again," I sighed.

"That bad, huh?"

"Mmmh, yeah, really bad. Let's hope Lauren's not out to get me today!" I could sense Edward tense up when I mentioned her. I was curious to ask him about her and why he hadn't gone out with her, but instead, I pushed myself up on my toes and gave Edward a quick peck on the lips. To my joy he bent down and kissed me back.

"Bye," I breathed, before bouncing away to class, not waiting for Edward's response.

I was on cloud nine walking into the dressing room. Bliss, a feeling one of Renee's yoga gurus once attempted to 'teach' me, apparently _was_ achievable without meditation. I'd tried my hardest to channel those feelings when I sat cross-legged on the hard rocks in the Arizona desert, but the only thing I ever felt was my ass growing numb. Now, without any effort at all, I felt blissfully happy on my cloud far away. Not even the glares Lauren treated me to were bringing me down. Unfortunately the softball she threw directly in my face ten minutes later did.

I didn't even see it coming; I was completely oblivious until it hit me. I'd always imagined what it would feel like to lose consciousness, envisioning it like a scene from a cartoon: black and white stars would pop up and then my body would wobble sideways before falling flat on the floor. None of that happened; I just saw black.

When I regained consciousness, I blinked up at a group of people clustered around me, looking down at me.

"Newton," I heard the gym teacher bark. "Go carry the Swan kid off to the nurse's office. I think she's conscious now." The next thing I noticed was Mike bending down next to me. I squirmed, not wanting to be touched by him yet again. I pushed myself up on my hands and noticed that there was blood dripping on my shirt. When Newton tried to grab my arm, I yanked it out of the way.

"It's okay, I can walk myself," I said. More blood dripped down my face and I could taste it on my lips. I touched my face and noticed that the blood was coming from my nose.

"Put your head back, Swan. Newton, help her up now!"

I wanted to protest, but realized I was having difficulty getting up. Newton just grabbed me and carried me caveman-style over his shoulder out of the gym.

"Mike, please let me down. I can walk," I demanded, working hard on staying conscious. I tried to keep my eyes open and tried to move my legs, but he had me in a death grip, his arms around my backside. When we reached the outside of the building, I tried again.

"Really Mike, put me down, NOW!" I screamed with every ounce of strength I had left and kicking my feet for good measure. When I nailed him in the crotch, he relented and dumped me unceremoniously on the floor.

"Okay, Bella. You've made it abundantly clear that you don't want me to touch you, but we need to get you to the nurse's office because it looks like you may have a broken nose. So let's see whether you can stand up, okay?"

"Fine," I mouthed quietly, feeling like a silly child, and then I saw someone running in our direction. As the figure moved closer, I recognized the bronze hair and his athletic grace.

"Where are you taking her, Newton?" Edward yelled rudely, as he approached. Seconds later, he was at my side bending over me. "What happened? Who did this to you?" He glanced at Newton for a second, before inspecting my face with his long fingers. "Move your head forward, Bella." He propped me up with his arm around my shoulders while his hand skimmed the bridge of my nose.

"Lauren hit her in the face with a softball and I need to take her to the nurse's office. Now move out of the way, Cullen. Just because your father is a doctor, doesn't make you one!" Newton snapped.

"Go back to class, Newton. You're not taking her. I am," Edward said calmly, and with one arm around my shoulders and the other beneath my knees, he picked me up effortlessly and just walked away.

"I think I can walk, Edward. It's okay. I'm just getting blood all over your clothes." I tried to move my head away from his shirt, but he pressed my head closer to his shoulder.

"I don't mind. It's going to be okay," he assured me, holding me tighter as I started shivering in my t-shirt and shorts. "You're cold," he observed. "Once I drop you off and talk to the nurse, I'll get your clothes."

"Thanks."

As we headed into the nurse's office, Edward moved me swiftly to the examining table and set me down, the arm around my shoulders keeping me in a sitting position.

"God, what happened to her?" I heard the nurse asking.

"She got hit in the nose with a softball, but nothing is broken. She might have a slight concussion though. I need an ice pack and a wet cloth to wipe off the blood," Edward instructed the school nurse. "Try to sit straight and lean your head a little bit forward. This might hurt a little." He pinched my nose and started wiping the blood away with the cloth the nurse had handed him. His hands were cool and I could barely feel his touch, only the familiar feeling of electricity running through me.

"I think it's stopped bleeding already. But your nose will probably bruise," he said, standing looking down at me with a worried expression on his face. He put an ice pack on top of my forehead and my nose. "I think I should take you home. Let me go get your stuff from the gym and I'll be right back, okay?"

"I'm fine Edward, don't worry. You can just get Jas if you like. He can drive me home."

"Here, hold the ice in place," he said, positioning my hand on it, "and stay seated. Don't close your eyes and don't fall asleep, okay?"

"I got it. Don't worry," I answered him.

"Make sure she doesn't lie down or fall asleep," he directed the nurse as he left the room. She gave him a slightly annoyed look for bossing her around, but let it go. I felt oddly taken care of as I sat there watching him jog out of the room. Not even five minutes later he came back with both of our bags and my clothes stuffed under his arm.

"Hey," he said, rubbing my arm, "we should find you place to get dressed and I'll drive you home."

"It's okay." I pulled my sweatshirt over my head carefully, putting on my jeans over the shorts and kicking off my gym shoes. I grabbed my chucks from his hands and sat back down on the crappy blue examining table while he watched me with a slightly bemused expression on his face. "Do you mind if we walk by Jas's classroom quickly? I just want to let him know not to wait for me." I stood up, handed the ice pack to the nurse and was about to reach for my bag when Edward snatched it away.

"Don't– really, you're legs still look slightly shaky. In fact, I'm tempted to carry you to the car. I already told Jas that I'm taking you home. He's taking Alice home for me." Edward put his arm around my shoulder and we started walking toward the parking lot.

I was baffled. I wasn't used to anybody doing stuff for me or taking care of me like this and I wasn't entirely sure how I felt about it.

"Thanks, Edward." I figured that was the least I could do, thank him for helping me even though he really didn't have to.

"No, thanks required. My pleasure. Let me know if Newton or Lauren ever come close to you again." He had a tight-lipped smile on his face and I almost laughed a little at the thought of what Edward could possibly do to Newton or Lauren, granted he was a good foot taller than Newton. He just didn't seem the type to throw punches or anything.

"Why? What're you going to do about it?" I couldn't resist teasing him about it. He smiled at me, raising his eyebrows.

"Mmmh, you think I can't handle Newton?"

"Na-uh, I'm sure you could. It's just . . . You just don't seem like the type?" I ventured carefully, not wanting to bruise his ego with my banter. We'd reached the car and he opened up the door for me. Once he sat next to me, he turned sideways to face me.

"Bella," he started, "I won't let them do that to you again." I wanted to protest and tell him that I was perfectly capable of handling Newton and Lauren by myself, even though there was obviously some evidence to the contrary, but then I felt something warm dripping from my nose again.

"Oh, shit, I'm sorry!" I babbled, embarrassed. Edward quickly pulled something out of his bag and held it to my face carefully. I glanced down and noticed that it was one of his t-shirts. "Ughh, I'm so sorry. I'll wash the shirt, okay?" He laughed at my response.

"Seriously stop apologizing. Let's get you home. Don't worry about the shirt."

"Ughh, gross," I sighed, looking at the t-shirt splattered with blood.

"If the bleeding doesn't stop, maybe I should take you to see my father?"

"Isn't that an hour away?" he nodded in response. "Don't worry. I'm pretty sure it will stop soon."

He drove me home at an insane speed and by the time he ushered me out of the car holding my bag, the bleeding had already stopped.

"Are your keys in your bag?" he asked, motioning with his hand.

"Nope." I walked up to the front porch, picked the key out of its regular spot in the mailbox and unlocked the door. I took a step into the house and turned around to let him in. Edward stood in the door, looking slightly unsure about what to do next.

"Come in. Do you want anything to drink?" I asked, once we reached the kitchen.

"You should sit down and let me take a look at your nose again. Do you have any ice?" I moved toward the refrigerator, but he opened the freezer door before I got there and started dropping ice cubes into a dishtowel. I caught a glance of my reflection in the kitchen window as he moved around in our small kitchen and realized that I looked like a freak, with blood smears around my nose and mouth.

"I'm just going to go upstairs. You know, wash my face and put on a new t-shirt. I'll be right back," I uttered and hurried up the stairs, feeling slightly lightheaded. Up in the bathroom, the mirror confirmed what I'd already gathered from my reflection in the kitchen window. I washed my face quickly with cold water. My nose already looked swollen, though I'd looked worse. I started reminiscing about all my previous injuries. Last summer Belinda Loving, the evil gym troll from my last high school, had hit me with a softball bat in the face, giving me a black eye and a swollen cheek. I'd definitely looked worse after that. There had truly been nothing 'loving' about that girl. Her shoulders were as wide as the quarterback's and she was on the softball, swimming, and field hockey teams simultaneously. She was taller than most of the boys in our grade and had black hair growing on her legs. Belinda had always scared the shit out of me when she came running towards me during gym, but I doubted she'd ever really meant to hurt me. I was just one of those small unfortunate people that stood in her way. Lauren, on the other hand, was a different story. But a bloody nose was nothing_. Pfft…bring it on bitch!_

I ran into my room next, put on an old t-shirt and walked back downstairs, not wanting to miss any possible alone time with Edward.

He was leaning with his back against the kitchen counter when I got back down.

"Hey, do you want to go in the living room?" I asked, motioning to the door behind me.

"Sure," he said, following me to the sofa with the ice in his hand. "How're you feeling? Do you feel dizzy?"

"A little, but it's okay. I think I've had worse. I'm kind of accident prone, in case you haven't noticed." I grinned, attempting to look at him from underneath the towel with the ice, which he was holding on my head. I heard him chuckle.

"Are you sure you're okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine, I think." In fact, I wanted to add, so fine, that I'd rather sit on the sofa making out with you than keep the ice pack on my forehead. Edward still looked concerned though, his eyebrows furrowed together.

"Can I use your phone for a second?"

"Sure, it's in the hallway on the table next to the stairs," I directed, wondering who he'd call.

"Here." He took my hand and placed it on the towel with the ice. "I'll be right back."

My curiosity was soon satisfied when I heard him request a Dr. Cullen on the phone.

"I'm fine. I've had three concussions before, Edward. Trust me this one is nothing," I called after him in protest.

"I'd prefer he'd take a look at you," he called back and I couldn't help but feel annoyed. I didn't need a parental figure; I wanted a boyfriend to make out with. Preferably now while nobody was at home. After a brief conversation with his son, Dr. Cullen apparently agreed to stop by our house on his way home. I got up and tossed the ice away before Edward could protest from the phone.

"You should keep some ice on your nose a little longer. It might help with the swelling," he suggested after he'd hung up the phone. I walked over to where he stood and rolled my eyes.

"I'm fine. I don't want to sit on the sofa with ice on my head." I moved closer and kissed him softly, trying to coax him into what exactly I'd prefer to be doing. Unfortunately, I didn't get the reaction I was looking for. He smirked, took my hand and led me back into the living room.

"What?" I asked, frustrated.

"Sit," he ordered, still grinning.

"What's so funny, Edward?"

"Your face is really cold," he admitted.

"Sorry," I sighed exasperatedly, turning on the TV and slouching back into the sofa, propping my feet on the coffee table. But once I'd settled back into the sofa, Edward started touching my hand ever so slightly. I turned on my side to face him. His eyes were downcast, looking at our intertwined hands.

"Don't be. It felt kind of nice," he whispered. His free hand came up and started caressing my cheek and finally, on his own accord, without me leaning in, he kissed me again. I kissed him back, opening my mouth to deepen the kiss, calculating in the back of my head how much time we had left until Rose and Jas would come back. Maybe I should drag him up to my room . . .

But then his tongue in my mouth had this oddly distracting effect. Instead of contemplating dragging him back to my room, I pulled at his shirt to get him closer to me. He let go of my hand and cupped my neck and stroked the skin under my ear. I moved my lips from his mouth along his jaw line to his earlobe. I could feel him panting next to me, which spurred me on and made me giddy. Sure, I'd kissed guys before who'd pant and grind their boners into my stomach at first chance. Strangely it had always felt like they would have had that reaction to anyone with a vagina and boobs. This, however, was different. For the first time, I wouldn't have minded if he tried to dry hump me or grab my practically non-existent breasts. In fact, I wanted him to. He was perfect and he was mine, at least for the moment.

I traced my mouth back to his and started sucking his lip. My actions must have set something off in him; his breathing became more rugged and he pushed himself so close to me that I slowly slid back with my elbows on the sofa and him hovering over me.

"Bella, where are you? Are you okay? I'm going to kill that fucking bitch," Rosalie's voice echoed through the house.

**Please Review! **


	14. Chapter 14 Dr Love

**Thx to my betas for this chapter: Reamhar & ****! U rule & girl-math-nerds in particular!**

**Okay, here we go: back to the 60s.**

_**Disclaimer**__: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

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**14. Dr. Love and How The Cat Was Brought Back To Life.**

"_Bella, where are you? Are you okay? I'm going to kill that fucking bitch!" Rosalie's voice echoed through the house._

While I was still lying horizontally on the sofa, Edward reacted with lightening speed and was sitting upright at the other end of the sofa by the time Rose entered the room. To be frank, after the stuff I'd witnessed Rose doing on various living room sofas, I wasn't concerned about her catching me in the act of _barely_ fooling around. Rose rushed over to me the minute she entered the room to examine the damage. Jas walked in right after her with a grim expression on his face.

"Fucking bitch," she murmured. "You look like shit, Bella. Your nose will be black and blue tomorrow."

"I'm sure it's going to be just fine," I snapped, as I moved myself into an upright position.

"Thanks, by the way, for taking her home," Rose nodded in Edward's direction.

"Yeah, thanks for that," Jas added, leaning against the doorframe leading into the living room with a slightly annoyed look on his face.

"No problem."

"I'm gonna have a word with that little bitch tomorrow. How many times has she hit you now 'accidentally' on purpose?" Rose asked.

"I don't know, Rose. A couple of times. It's gym, so I'll inevitably get hurt. Don't worry about it."

"I'll take care of it tomorrow," Edward murmured under his breath with venom in his voice.

"No, you won't! She's my sister and Lauren's a girl. If anybody has a right to slap some sense into her it's me."

"Hey, guys. It's okay. I'm not some poor little lamb that needs protection. I'll handle it. I'm just going to tell the gym teacher that I don't want to be anywhere near her anymore. It will be fine. I don't need any of you going around talking to her on my behalf. Think about it, if either of you confronts her, she's just going to deny it. Rose, if you slap her, you know she'll run to the principal's office. You'll just get suspended and she's _so_ not worth it," I instructed firmly, before stomping off into the kitchen to grab a soda. For 16 – no scratch that – almost 17 years now, nobody had found it necessary to make such fuss when I got hurt, and I didn't want to start setting any bad precedents.

"Let me take a closer look at your face, Bells," Jas requested, as he walked over to where I was standing at the refrigerator door. "Shit, she hit you pretty hard, huh?" He grabbed a bag of frozen peas out of the freezer and threw them to me.

"Jeez, thanks!" I took the bag and sat down at the kitchen table. Rose and Edward followed us into the kitchen in time to see me fumble with and drop the peas; if this wasn't enough evidence of the general clumsiness that led to me getting easily injured, I don't know what was.

"Regardless of what you think is the best way to handle this, Bella, I think we should do something about Lauren. It's getting out of hand," Rose said, sitting down at the kitchen table.

"I'm not sure there's anything you can do, for now at least, other than maybe try to transfer out of gym. We'll figure something out. And Edward," Jas continued in a tone dripping with equal amounts of condescension and annoyance, "I think you should head home before your mother has a nervous breakdown about you spending time alone with one of my sisters." He took a soda out of the fridge and walked upstairs before Edward could respond. I was starting to wonder what had crawled up his ass.

"I guess I better get going then," he murmured, staring at the kitchen floor with his hands deep in his pockets. "My father will stop by around 6 o'clock to check up on you, okay?" I nodded; I was embarrassed that he'd called his father to check up on my bloody nose.

"I'll walk you out," I said, leading the way out of the kitchen through the small hallway and onto the front porch. "Jas is kind of right about Lauren, so please don't do anything stupid on my behalf, okay? Sorry about your mom. I hope you don't get into trouble on my account."

"No, I'm sorry. I must apologize for the fact that my mother is a so narrow-minded. I'll fix it, okay? What are your plans for Friday night – that, is if you don't mind hanging out with me two days in a row?"

"Very funny. Of course I don't mind hanging out with you two days in a row. You don't need to apologize for your mother. After all, we can't pick and choose our parental units, so we're kind of stuck with who we get. Though it would be awesome if you could trade them in, don't you think? God knows there were times I wanted to shoot Renee to the moon!" I rambled on awkwardly, laughing and remembering all the times when she walked down the street in one of her super skimpy and outrageous outfits, making me want to hide behind the nearest telephone pole.

"See you tomorrow then," Edward smirked.

"Yeah, sure." He gave me a too brief kiss on my lips before jogging toward his car.

All things considered, I should have been in a shitty mood after today's adventure, but I wasn't. Despite a swollen, bloody nose and the generally annoying townsfolk, which included dear Mrs. Cullen, I was still on cloud nine because my lips were a tinge red and puffy from making out with Edward. I went back through to the living room, slumped down on the sofa with the bag of peas on my face, and daydreamed of Edward.

Rose prepared dinner that night, and at 6 o'clock exactly we heard a knock on the door, which Rose went to answer.

"Well, hello there!" I heard Rose chirp, which made me think whoever was standing at the door must have made an impression on her. And when I saw HIM enter our kitchen, I knew what the_ impression_ had been.

I swear, I'd never looked twice at any guy past the age of 25, but I had to admit that the dude who stood in our cramped, little kitchen with a doctor's bag in his hand was a very nice specimen despite his age. He had dark blue eyes and blond hair with sun bleached lighter streaks, and unlike the rest of the people in this town, he had lightly tanned skin. I was still staring at the guy, with a bag of frozen carrots now on my forehead, when Rose walked in behind him.

"Bella, this is Dr. Cullen, Edward's father." Rose roused me from my daze. I couldn't see any striking similarities between Edward and his father, other than the fact that they were both panty-dropping-drool-worthy handsome.

"Carlisle, please. You must be Bella," he said, walking towards me and shaking my hand.

"Yes, that would be me," I answered, dropping the bag for frozen vegetables on kitchen table as he unleashed his smile on me.

"Well, let me see your pretty face, sweetheart," he said with a smirk, as he tilted my chin up with one hand, while continuing to smile at me. Only the faint lines that appeared around his eyes when he smiled gave away a hint of his age. With the same careful touch his son had used on my face hours earlier, he began to examine my nose.

"I've heard a lot about you, Bella. My son seems to be rather fond of you and I can see why now," he stated with a wink, as he continued to examine my face. _Was he flirting with me?_ Rose must have thought the same thing, because I saw her over his shoulder holding her mouth shut with her hand to stop herself from laughing out loud. "Well, I can assure you, after a few days, your face will be as pretty as it was before this little mishap. Nothing is broken and the swelling should go down fast."

"Thanks for stopping by even though I told Edward it was unnecessary." I smiled at him, not sure what to make of Carlisle Cullen.

"No thanks required; it was a pleasure meeting you. I hope I'll see you around our house one of these days. I'll have to ask Esme to invite you over for dinner sometime," he added, standing up.

"Sure. That sounds nice," I answered, shrugging my shoulders. In fact, from what I could gather from Jas and by looking at the Cullens' house, dinner with the Cullens didn't sound nice to me at all.

"Can we offer you anything to drink or eat? Charlie will be home for dinner in ten minutes or so and I've just finished cooking," Rose suggested.

"I'd love to, because it smells really good and I'd be lucky do dine with such pretty young women, but my wife wouldn't be pleased. I promised her I'd come home straight after I checked up on your sister here. So I better get going." He excused himself with a sigh and a smile, as if he genuinely meant it.

"Okay then, let me walk you out." Rose walked ahead of him and he followed close behind, obviously staring at her ass. I heard the door close, and Rose sprinted back to the kitchen just when Jas stumbled down the stairs.

Rose and I both broke out laughing the minute we looked at each other.

"Holy cow, he's hot!" Rose said, grabbing the newspaper from the kitchen counter and fanning herself.

"What the hell did I just miss?" Jas asked grumpily.

"You missed Dr. Love!" Rose laughed.

"What?"

"You know the father of the girl you're dating dear brother? You haven't met him yet?"

"No, Rose. I haven't met him yet. He's like never at home. I've been there pretty often over the last week, both officially picking up Alice and unofficially sneaking into her room, and trust me – he's never there. Alice says he works a lot."

"Right, he _works_ a lot. I bet the ladies keep him busy!" Rose commented, still laughing. "What does the wifey at home look like?"

"She's actually not half bad looking for an older gal; it's her personality that's kind of lacking. Well, okay, the clothes also scream mega uptight bitch, but she's not fat and ugly, if that's what you were looking for," Jas responded.

"I still bet he has a bunch of little girlfriends waiting at his beck and call in Port Angeles. He's not only hot, he flirts like there's no tomorrow and you know what they say: where there's smoke, there's fire," Rose added, while putting dinner on the table.

"It would sure as shit explain the long absences," Jas agreed.

"I'm curious now. I wanna meet Mrs. Cullen," I said as Charlie walked into the kitchen.

"You'll regret saying that, trust me." Jas sneered, before sitting down to dig into his dinner. I settled down to my own plate of food pondering just _how bad_ Mamma Cullen might be in reality. If I gave credence to Jas' and Alice's depictions, she was an unfriendly mental patient.

To my dismay, Charlie was distraught when he heard about my gym fiasco. I think none of us wanted to cause stress or worry for Charlie, so neither my siblings nor I enlightened him about the fact that my swollen, bloody nose came courtesy of none other than Lauren Mallory.

*****

I woke up extra early the next morning, excited to go to school. This was a first for me – looking forward to sitting in a room full of people whom, with one exception, I didn't care to be around. My excitement was slightly dampened when I looked at my face in the bathroom mirror. There was actually almost no swelling around my nose, but instead dark blue circles had formed under my eyes. It looked like someone had punched me squarely in both eyes.

"Woah, you look like shit, Bella!" Jas announced when I walked into the kitchen.

"Thanks! Makes me feel so much better."

"You're welcome."

"Fuck you!"

"Oh, get over yourself. You've looked way worse before, and I'm sure Edward's not gonna run 'cause you look a little . . . mmm . . . like you've been in a boxing match?"

"Ha, ha, very funny!"

"Let's go kids, before we're late for school again!" Rose interrupted, grabbing the keys to the truck and heading out the door. I'd managed to build up my confidence in the bathroom and convinced myself that my face really didn't look that bad. Thanks to my dear twin brother that confidence was now crushed and all I could do on the way to school was stare at my bruised face in the rearview mirror. Later my focus shifted from my bruises to the Volvo that was already parked in the school parking lot as we arrived. I was hoping to get a glance of Edward before class, but no one was there when I stumbled out of the truck. I walked toward the school entrance feeling disappointed as well as hideous, until I saw Edward standing in front of the door waiting; maybe for me?

"Hey, I know I look pretty awful," I greeted him. I attempted to hide my face behind my hands, but he pulled them away.

"It's not that bad. You look pretty to me," he said, kissing me briefly before putting his arm around my shoulder and walking with me to my class.

"I talked to the principal this morning. He promised to talk to your gym teacher and have him watch Lauren to make sure that accidents like this won't happen again." I could feel myself turn red.

"Ugh, you didn't have to do that. I doubt it's gonna help anyway."

"Well, at least someone knows about it, and it can't hurt, right?" He squeezed my shoulders.

"Okay, fine. This is me," I said, pointing at my classroom. "See you at lunch?"

"Or, I could come and walk you to your next class?"

I scoffed, hitting him in the side with my elbow. "Oh, come on. I already look like a gimp; nobody's going to hurt me further."

"That's not why I want to pick you up," he sighed, pushing a strand of my hair behind my ear. "Listen, I'm sure you're gonna get a pretty bad headache from walking around and everything. I just want to make sure that you're okay. I feel like the whole thing with Lauren is partially my fault."

"How's that your fault?" I asked curiously.

"Can we talk about it later?" Edward seemed uncomfortable. I pretty much knew the story already, so I figured I'd let him tell me whenever he felt like it. The fact he'd declined Lauren's invite and that she'd taken her revenge against yours truly still didn't make the whole thing his fault. Unless there was stuff that I didn't know about . . .

"Sure. I'll see you later."

I got a couple of curious glances and questions about my swollen nose and the bruises, but other than that, nobody bothered me. Jessica Stanley was the only one who didn't ask how I'd sustained my injuries or how I was feeling, but rather quizzed me on whether I was now 'going steady' with Edward. I cringed and rolled my eyes at that expression. After much prodding, I finally admitted that I considered him to be sort of my 'boyfriend.'

As promised, Edward waited for me in front of each of my classrooms. It was fine, I guess, but I probably would've liked it better if he had dragged me off to the broom closet at some point instead of just walking me from class to class. Unfortunately, his hands never strayed away from acceptable spots, and he didn't make any attempt to kiss me.

I was hoping for some one-on-one time during lunch, but before I could cook up an excuse to avoid the cafeteria, we were sitting together at a table with my siblings, Alice, and Emmett.

"Oh my God, Bella, your eyes . . . your nose . . . it looks awful . . . If I'd have seen this coming, I'd have warned you!" Alice muttered with concern on her face, as if she could have done something to prevent it.

"Thanks, Alice. It's not a big deal, really. I've had worse; just ask Jas!"

"So Bells, are you up for hiking this weekend?" Emmett asked with a broad smile on his face. I thought he couldn't be serious, but then Rose seemed to go along with it.

"Yeah, we thought we all could go camping together this weekend," Rose added.

"Why are people so outdoorsy this time of year here – out of all places? I mean won't it be kind of wet and cold?" Just as the words left my mouth, I got kicked in the shin for the second time in two days. I glanced at Rose, and her expression told me that I needed to go along with the camping trip.

"Fine," I agreed, "but if it's raining, I reserve the right to stay at home." I'd have to ask her why the hell she was allowed to force me to go on a camping trip when she already had the single bedroom.

"Edward, Alice– you're definitely in, right?"

"Yeah, sounds like fun," Alice chirped. I narrowed my eyes at Rose. From the look on my twin's face, he wasn't entirely sold on the idea either. At least the prospect of sharing a tent with Edward seemed promising

"So Edward, did Bella show you her room yesterday? If you haven't seen it yet, I'd strongly recommend you check out the pig sty those two live in, if Bella insists on staying here."

"Jeez, Rose. Move on. We're coming along. No need to get mean," Jas retorted.

"You two share a room?" Alice asked, which made me think it was probably total news to her.

"Yeah," Jas answered without further explanation.

"Oh, I had no idea." She wrinkled her forehead for a second, but then continued. "So Bella, Rose, I have a favor to ask. Esme has signed me up to volunteer for this bake sale at our church next Friday. The problem is that she promised them I would bake about a 100 cupcakes for the sale, and I don't know how to bake. Neither does she for that matter, so why she signed us up for the project beats me. Jasper mentioned that you guys knew how to cook and Edward wanted to introduce Bella to mother. So I thought it would be a great idea if you could come over on Thursday to help me a little. I don't want to impose though. If you're busy, I understand . . ."

"Don't worry, we'll help!" I volunteered, figuring it would be a good opportunity to check out the woman who'd made my brother so grumpy lately.

"Bella knows how to bake; I don't. But I'll come along and help," Rose offered.

"Yeah, Rose's forte is more in the pesky cleaning department," I laughed and Jas snorted at my response.

"Alice, I totally dare you to take a look at their room, and while you're at it, you might as well check out their horticultural project that's in the closet." Rose could never take a joke.

"You guys have plants growing in your closet? How does that work? What plants grow in a closet?" Emmett asked with a completely innocent and clueless expression on his face.

"Come over for dinner and you can go check it out," Jas suggested, while I took the more mature route of sticking my tongue out at Rose.

Emmett shifted uncomfortably in his seat. "Sure, one of these days, I guess."

Turned out lunchtime chatter, with all of us together at a table, was like a trip through a minefield. Every step and move you took had to be carefully considered before being made, otherwise stuff could just blow up in your face. From the look on Emmett's face, he obviously still wasn't really allowed to hang out with us, and even though I'd seen Alice and Emmett get high and drunk with us, I wasn't sure how they'd feel about the plant growing in our closet. In all honestly, I also had no idea how Edward would react to our consumption of legal and illegal drugs, though, he must have had an inkling about that by now, right?

It was slowly dawning on me that Emmett's cover for this weekend was a camping trip with Edward and that neither of their parents probably knew that we were along for the ride.

I was relieved when Edward asked shortly afterward whether I wanted to head over to bio. He was oddly silent as we walked out of the cafeteria.

"So what's the big mystery about the closet?" he asked suddenly.

"Oh, well, come check it out if you must. But you know what they say? Curiosity killed the cat," I quoted.

"But information brought it back to life," Edward replied.

"Honestly, jeez, I don't know what the big deal is. The plant's gonna die soon anyway I think. It's a pot plant."

"Mmmh, let me get this straight, you're attempting to grow marijuana in a cop's house, correct? And you think it's not a big deal?" He furrowed his eyebrows looking at me in disbelief.

"Whatever. Rose is giving us enough shit about it, plus, like I said, I'm sure it's gonna die. Neither Jas nor I are actually blessed with the proverbial green thumb." I rolled my eyes. "I guess information didn't bring the cat back to life."

"The cat's well and alive I think," he smirked, but then squeezed my hand. "Hey, I'm not trying to pass judgment here, but exactly how often do you and Jas smoke?"

"You know you don't have to smoke it, right? You can make tea with herbal supplements and I have a really good brownie recipe that calls for it as well."

"Seriously?" he asked, as we entered the classroom.

"Totally!" I smiled and class started. Five minutes later, I got a note from Edward, on which he'd written in elegant script:

_How often?_

_**That obviously depends on the supply situation. I'm not stoned every day and never at school, if that's what you're asking,**_I wrote in my chicken-scrawl.

_Okay, sorry. No judgments. _

_**Thanks. No need to apologize**__, _I wrote. Two seconds later, I got the piece of paper back.

_What do you want to do on Friday?_

_**Kind of newbie to this town; any suggestions?**_

_I think I have an idea, if you bring food. Pick you up around 7?_

_**Sure. Will bring food. Do you have a date allowance?**_ I teased.

_I don't need one. My mother trusts me and my dad likes you._

_**No way! What does he smoke?**_

_Very Funny._

_**Oh, come on. It is!**_

_I like you and I'm completely sober ALL the time._I felt flattered, but sober all the time?

_**Na-uh, you've never even raided your parents' liquor cabinet?**_

_Nope. You do that too?_

_**No need to raid; Renee served the stuff freely. She mixed me my first martini when I was 14.**_

The more complete version of the story would have included the occasion for that martini: my first period. Renee had thought it was a cause for celebration. 'You're a woman now,' she'd practically shouted from the balcony of our apartment. Incidentally, it was also the first day I'd gotten the sex ed talk from her. Needless to say, the whole day was a cringe fest for me!

I was going to write _P.S.: I like you too_, but then Banner stared at us and rather than have him discovering our little exchange, I stuffed the piece of paper in my pocket.

Edward walked me to the gym after bio, where he graced my lips with another chaste kiss. I'd been hoping for more, but no need to push for PDAs, I thought.

I was about to walk straight past the girls' changing room, since I assumed my injury would excuse my participation and I'd just have to sit it out, when I heard Lauren's loud and obnoxious voice.

"Oh please, shut up Jessica! He's only dating her because she practically threw herself at him. Look at the way she and her sister walk around -- no bras and skimpy tops -- so all the guys can ogle them. It's disgusting . . ."

"Why are you so upset, Lauren?" I heard Jessica ask. "I thought he wasn't good enough for you because his dad works at that clinic. Now you're acting all jealous."

"I don't want him. I just can't stand those whores, because that's all they are. I mean, look at their mother! It's no wonder at all they turned out the way they did. I mean, in a sense, it's almost not their fault. Didn't you see? The little beast of a girl wore a mini-dress to school! I mean you could practically see her underwear. Like mother like daughter is the only thing I can say," Lauren ranted.

Then a third girl chimed in, "Oh shut up, Lauren! God knows everybody here has heard of the services you provide to the guys you go out with. Seriously, is there anyone left at this school except for Edward Cullen who hasn't received a blowjob from you? Don't even pretend that you're not jealous, and stop harassing that poor girl. She's done nothing to you and you totally hit her yesterday on purpose. I saw you." It took me a second to recognize the third voice, but then I remembered; it was Angela who was given Lauren feedback. I should have been angry about the stuff Lauren said, but all I felt was happiness because Edward had declined not only her date offer, but also her other one. Ha! I made a mental note to make an effort to be nice to Angela.

Both Jas and Rose were waiting for me outside the gym after class. "Hey."

"So did Lauren leave you alone today?" Rose asked.

"Yeah, it's fine, but maybe because of lack of opportunity. I sat on a bench during gym."

"Sorry, by the way, about kicking you. I know you've had your share of physical abuse lately," Rose apologized.

"Duly noted and accepted. I'm sorry, too. I didn't notice how iffy the whole situation is. I take it Emmett is really not supposed to come over to our house and you're not exactly invited to come visit him either?"

"Yep. Trust me, if I didn't like him, I'd have ditched him already, because the whole thing is getting to be really exhausting. Honestly, do I look like I wanna go camping either? Jas, what about you?"

"If I could help it, I'd avoid it too. Jake said he'd be interested in coming along," Jas replied, scratching his chin.

"Uh, don't ask him to come along, just so you can get stoned together. Makes for awkward sleeping arrangement." Rose remarked.

"Ha, ha . . . I guess the Bear hasn't told you yet about the tent situation? You're not getting any alone time either way, unless you really wanna go _au naturale_ in the wilderness in this weather or don't mind the audience."

"What do you mean?" Rose yelled in a panic.

"There's only one tent!" Jas laughed out loud.

"Ugh, you've got to be kidding me!" I grumbled. The trip had officially lost all appeal to me.

"Don't worry," Jas teased, "it comfortably holds eight people! Lemme ask you something Rose, why doesn't the Bear just come visit once his parents are asleep? Seems to me a much easier way to see some action. Charlie is dead asleep by the time it's ten. Trust me, he could walk straight in through the front door."

"I suggested it, but his parents' bedroom is next to his and he swears up and down he'd totally get caught. Plus he's scared of the whole Charlie being a cop thing."

"Tough luck sis!"

"So I take it that when you're not around, you're in Alice's room?"

"You got it. I've become an expert bicyclist and window climber!" he announced smugly.

"If her mother is so uptight and strict, how come she doesn't know that you're in her daughter's bedroom ever other day?"

"First off, Rose, she starts drinking around mid afternoon, so around eight o'clock she's conked out. Second advantage: the house is so huge, even if she was fully conscious -- which I highly doubt -- there's no way she hears us from the other end of the house. And third: where there's a will, there's a way. If that was your boy's motto, he'd be knocking down our door already."

"Oh shove it. I don't see Smarty-Pants knocking down our door either. Which reminds me, in case I underestimate him, we should make a doctor's appointment for you to get on the pill. Don't argue with me either; I promised Renee." Not again! Renee had gone on her road trip, yet her ever-humiliating sex ed talk had stayed on.

"Oh please, Rose. Since you're not getting any, I'm sure there's an ample supply of rubbers left in your drawer. And yeah, I doubt he'll knock down doors as well, but we'll be hanging out Friday night!" I gleefully admitted.

"You've got to be joking. You two dip-shits are seeing more action than I do?"

"It appears that way." Jas smiled proudly. I doubt I'd actually seen more action than Rose, but I wasn't about to correct him.

*********

Later that night, after dinner, while Charlie was snoring on the sofa, Jas made it a point to wave to Rose before he snuck out to get his bike. If she wasn't pissed before, she was truly livid after that. She locked herself in her room, while I took a shower and went to bed early, looking forward to having the room all to myself. I tried to read some magazines, but my mind kept on drifting back to Edward. I thought about Friday and was hoping he'd planned something that offered alone time. In a very pathetic way, the couple of kisses we'd enjoyed had left me all hot and bothered. I heard Charlie climb the stairs, and soon after I heard him start snoring loudly.

With a quiet house and a tickle between my legs, I gave up trying to read and gave into my cravings. I snuck one hand into my underwear and summoned up my best Edward fantasy. But before I could get into the moment and just let go, I heard a sound coming from the window. On a normal day, I probably would have ignored it, but with all the talk about knocking down doors and in Jas' case windows . . .

Hesitantly, I got out of bed looking for the switch of the desk lamp.

"Bella," I heard someone whisper, and then I heard the distinct noise of something hitting the glass. Okay, I was definitely not imagining things.

I switched on the light and looked out the window, half expecting Emmett to be standing in front of our house. Instead I saw Edward hanging off a branch of the tree in front of our window. I opened up the window quickly.

"What are you doing . . . Why aren't you using the front door? You know where the key is?" I asked, shocked.

"Shhh, I don't want to wake Charlie!"

"He sleeps like the dead, Edward. Can you reach the window?" I asked, opening it up completely.

"Move to the side," he whispered, and then in one swift movement he jumped through into our room.

"Hey," I whispered, feeling all self-conscious standing in my PJs in our room that indeed did look like a bomb had just gone off. I almost stumbled over a stack of Rolling Stones magazines trying to get to the window to close it.

"Hey, I hope I didn't scare you. Jas is with Alice and so . . ." he trailed off and started looking at the magazines. "Woah, you guys have a lot of magazines and records!" He sat down in amazement on the floor surveying our record collection.

"I'm sorry about the mess. I guess, Rose was right, huh?"

"I don't care," he said, looking around our room. "I like it. Did I wake you? I can leave. I didn't mean to barge in . . ."

"Don't be stupid. How did you get here? Bicycle?" I asked, sitting down on the floor next to him.

"Yeah, I kind of followed your brother's example. Listen, Bella . . . I'm sorry about Lauren," he whispered, swallowing hard.

"It's not your fault. She'd pick on me even if she wasn't jealous."

"I don't think she's jealous. She just hates me and I think your brother and you hanging out with Alice and me . . . "

"Ehm, Edward, she doesn't hate you. She likes you, hence, she's pissed that you're with me instead of her," I joked, pushing against him with my shoulder.

"Right," he sighed, "you have no idea what she's been saying about me and what her brother did to Alice." He stared at me, furious, his hands clenched into fists.

"I think I have an idea . . ." I carefully countered. "And I heard about Alice. It's not your fault. Sometimes stuff just happens." He looked angry and sad at the same time. I didn't know how to make the guilt he was feeling for something he couldn't have prevented go away. My hand found its way to his shoulder and I pulled him into a hug, because that's what Renee used to do whenever one of us had a shitty day. We sat like that for a bit, him relaxed in my arms with his hands resting on my back and me with my cheek leaning on his shoulder and my hands playing with the hair at the nape of his neck.

"I should probably get going and let you go to sleep," he said after a long while.

"Stay. I don't want you do go," I answered, not moving.

"I don't want to," he admitted. "Our house feels too empty all the time."

I got up, grabbed his hand and pulled him over to my bed. He hesitated for a second, but then he kicked off his shoes and climbed into bed with me.

"Edward, why doesn't your Dad come home more often? I mean . . . Port Angeles is not that far away. If not for your mom, he should come home to be with you guys." I wondered, as we lay in my bed facing each other.

"Sometimes it's worse when he's around, because they fight all the time. At least when he's gone we don't have to hear it."

"That bad?" He stayed silent for a while, before turning on his back, staring at the ceiling.

"He resents her because marrying her ruined his career, and she hates him because he couldn't offer her the life she was accustomed to." His answer didn't make any sense to me.

"Why? I don't understand?"

He sighed before continuing. "They met when he was completing his residency at Bellevue Hospital in New York. She was a patient in the psychiatric ward. Her then husband had admitted her there after she'd lost her first child. She was diagnosed with neurotic depression and treated with electroshock therapy. She was slowly wasting away when my father found her. He helped her and she started getting better. Her first husband granted her a divorce and my parents got married. Dad graduated first in his class from medical school, but his parents weren't rich and when mother married him her family cut her off financially. Her parents were really rich and she was accustomed to getting anything she wanted.

"It was fine for a while. They moved to Chicago where my father had found a decent job and Alice and I were born. It didn't last for very long though. My mother's first husband was wealthy, with lots of ties to hospital boards, and he basically made sure that my father lost his position and couldn't find a job at the bigger hospitals anymore. Her ex-husband wasn't upset so much about the fact that he'd lost her, but I think it bothered him that he not longer had access to her trust fund. I guess you can never have enough money . . . My Dad never made enough and my mother hated the life she was leading. When her parents died about two years ago, she inherited all their money. Turns out they'd never changed their will after all. I thought since she had money now, she would get better, but it only got worse after that. She's never satisfied with anything."

"I'm sorry. That must suck, living with people who hate each other." I offered, stroking his cheek with the back of my hand. It all sounded so depressing that I didn't even now how to start to make it better.

"It's okay. I have something to look forward to now," he whispered, pulling me closer.

"What would that be? Leaving them and this town behind when you go to college next year?" I ventured a guess. He cringed when the words left my mouth, but then I heard a light laugh come from him.

"Bella, it's you. I don't mind going to school anymore, because I get to see you. I can handle my mother in the afternoon, as long as I know I'll see you the next day. It's like I'm no longer stuck in purgatory."

"Edward, that's the nicest thing anyone has ever said me. You make my days better too," I murmured, feeling inadequate and inarticulate and wishing I could've come up with something better to say. I kissed him on the neck and snuggled closer. "Thank you."

I fell asleep with my head on his chest.

I don't know how long we were asleep for, but Jas woke me up when he got home and I walked Edward down the stairs and out the front door. I was still half asleep when Edward pulled me up and kissed me. It wasn't one of his chaste quick pecks; no, it was a kiss that turned my insides to mush and left me so shaky that I barely make it back up the stairs.

* * *

**Okay, flame me – if you must! **


	15. Chapter 15 Mother's Little Helper

**Thx to Reamhar & who beta'ed this chapter for me! **

**Reamhar's angsty story "Dying by Degrees" has been nominated for an Indie Twilight Fic Award! My good friend Lola-Pops has also been nominated for her story "Summer of Salt"– go check out the nominations & vote! **

**http://theindietwificawards(dot)com/default(dot)aspx**

**To ****rubytuesdayy – I'll write a one shot EPOV for your amusement . . . I'll probably have it ready to go in about 2 weeks! **

**Disclaimer: **_All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

* * *

**15. Mother's Little Helper**

I woke up tired and, after a quick confirmation from the mirror in the bathroom, still bruised from Lauren's carefully aimed softball. My appearance hadn't changed, yet somehow I felt like something was different. Staring at my reflection in the mirror, with the memory of Edward's anguished face from last night fresh on my mind, altogether new feelings swept over me: hate and anger. I hated Lauren; not only had she really managed to hit me good with her last shot, but she'd also obviously made Edward feel like shit. She could play her little games with _me_ all she wanted. I didn't care. But if she spread one more mean rumor about Edward or even dared to talk to him again, she'd be done. I'd come after her in heartbeat.

Rose was still feeling irritated about Jas' and my nighttime adventures (apparently Rose had figured out that I had had a visitor) and so the ride to school in the morning was a silent one. As far as I was concerned, she'd nothing to complain about. She had the freaking single bedroom; the fact that she couldn't put it to use was her problem.

Edward pulled in right next to us in the parking lot that morning, and I jumped out of the car excited to see him. I wanted to kiss him and tell him that all the stuff with his parents didn't matter; I'd be more than happy to spend every waking hour with him.

"Hey. Your face looks much better already," Edward said, giving me his best crooked grin. .. .I felt myself involuntarily turn red.

"Liar," I murmured, smiling beside myself with happiness.

"Hey, Bella," Alice said excitedly, skidding over to me before I had a chance to kiss Edward. "I'm going grocery shopping with Mother today and I will get all the stuff to make the cup cakes. I've never baked before - this will be so much fun!"

"Really, you've never baked anything before? Your mother didn't bake you birthday cakes?" I asked incredulously. Granted, Renee's cakes were usually uneatable, but at least she made an effort every year.

"Cookies a couple of times, but never a whole cake or anything like it. Mother buys most of our food in the frozen section. She grew up with a cook and a maid, so she doesn't know how to do anything by herself."

"Oh, I see." Their family seemed stranger to me by the minute.

Before Edward left to run off to his class, I took a hold of his shirt, stood up on my toes, and whispered into his ear, "thanks for coming by last night!"

He bent down and responded, "thanks for letting me stay!"

"Anytime." I hoped I could convince him that nighttime visits were A-okay in my book and, as long as Jas was gone, he was more than welcome to drop my anytime.

Just like yesterday, Edward picked me up from all of my classes. I thought about protesting and telling him he didn't have to do this -- I'd be fine on my own. Then I remembered what he said last night, how he looked forward to spending time with me, and I tossed the idea aside.

So when I saw him after math, I kissed him and grabbed his hand quickly.,..l. He smirked, pulled me behind a row of lockers, and kissed me back. Edward, ever the gentlemen, pulled away far too quickly for my taste. I was pouting slightly because of our cut-short lip lock, as we headed towards the _boring_ cafeteria, when my eyes caught the solution to my problem: the door to the janitor's closet Jas and Alice had previously misused.

"I'm sooo not hungry," I complained, attempting to tow him by his hand in the direction of the closet door, looking pointedly at it for emphasis. I'd already missed out on my make-out session last night, and I was minutes away from completely making a fool out of myself by devouring him in public. Judging from our last kiss, I was optimistic the feeling was mutual.

"I'm not sure whether that's such a good idea . . ." Edward responded uneasily. Leave it to him to be the first boy to turn down a freely offered make-out session.

"Oh, come on," I whined in a last ditch attempt to steer him away from the lunchroom. He laughed, and I almost wondered whether he was laughing at me, but then he relented and we walked with quick steps to the door I'd been eying. Edward glanced around the almost empty hallway and dragged me inside with him. I dropped my bag on the floor in a flash, pulled on the string attached to the room's bare light bulb and threw my arms around Edward's neck. Without a second glance at the dump we were in, I speedily attacked his lips with my own.

The memory of last night's goodbye kiss serving as an inspiration, I skimmed my tongue along his lips. Edward hesitated for a second, glancing down at me, but then he closed his eyes and kissed me back.

I liked kissing him, but I wanted more. It was like this constant nagging sensation in the pit of my gut that just wouldn't go away. The taste of his lips and the feel of his breath on my face just made it worse. I was yearning for him to just grab me and push me flush against the wall where he would devour me. Instead, his hands remained maddeningly still on my back, not moving an inch.

I felt that all too familiar tingling spread from my stomach to my girl parts. _Screw it_! I decided to make the next move. I was dreadfully nervous, my heart was pounding away in my chest, but I wanted him like no other boy I'd ever kissed before. After all, Renee had always advised that it's best to let a guy now _exactly_ what you want. And I wanted his hands roaming my body, preferably now or at least in the very near future. I let my hands wander from his neck to his shoulders, over his chest, which felt way too perfect, by the way, until I settled them onto the place where his jeans hung off his hips. Slowly and with clammy fingers, I started moving my hands under his t-shirt to feel his skin, hoping my actions would encourage him.

Unfortunately, he was less into the idea of going for more. His hands moved swiftly from their spot on my back to grab my arms and push them away. He'd stopped kissing me, and his chin was resting on my hair.

"Bella, I don't think it's a good idea . . ."

Being rejected by a boy when trying to grope him brought my self-confidence down to an all time low. I felt like I was stuck in a movie where all the roles were reversed; wasn't _I _supposed be the one who stopped him?

"What?" I asked, trying my best to sound innocent, but honestly, feeling a little hurt. Edward wasn't even willing to go to second base. I guess touching my barely-there breasts wasn't that enticing, but he said he liked me and he kissed me like he wanted more.

"I . . ." he stuttered. I looked up at him, raising my eyebrows questioningly. He led go of my wrists, cupped my face instead and pulled me into another kiss. Slowly, I could feel his hand moving down my throat and then further, to my collarbone, where his fingers glided gently over my exposed skin. I shuddered – yeah, he hadn't even reached my shirt yet and I was already melting.

I worked up my courage, found the seam of his t-shirt again, and started to explore his skin with my fingertips.

I thought Edward was just about to start moving his hand lower when the bell rang, signaling the end of lunch period. Right on time with the bell, my stomach started growling audibly. We untangled ourselves quickly to get to class.

"You lied," he accused, grinning as he closed the door.

"Do you mind?" I asked. I pulled an apple out of my bag, taking a bite and offering it to him. He shook his head, looking at me for a second before eyeing the apple hesitantly. "What? You just kissed me, but don't dare to take a bite from my apple?"

"Good point," he said, taking the apple from my hand as we walked to bio.

I felt completely starved by the time we drove home; honestly though, I wouldn't mind starving every day at school if it meant I'd get to use my lunch hour to make out with Edward. Unfortunately, I wasn't so lucky for the rest of the day or the next day, but not for a lack of trying on both of our parts.

Edward had called me in the afternoon, after our closet make out session, to tell me that he'd come over if Jas left. Sadly, Jas fell asleep that night around eight o'clock and never woke up. Whatever that little girl was doing with him sure tired him out, I thought. He didn't even notice when I turned on the record player to listen to the brand new records Phil had sent us. We'd just received the package that afternoon, and our initial plan had been to listen to all the albums together. Apparently Jas was too tired to remember the plan, so I listened to Led Zeppelin for the first time alone, hoping through every song that Jas would wake up and go see Alice.

******

After picking me up from math the next day, Edward actually surprised me by dragging me back in the direction of the janitor's closet. But before we reached the door, Emmett crossed our path. Neither Edward, nor I was quick witted enough to come up with an excuse for why we really didn't need to head to the cafeteria. So we were stuck.

"So Jas decided to stay at home yesterday, huh?" Edward asked when we walked to class together.

"Yeah, totally weird. He was completely knocked out dead on his bed by 8. He didn't even wake up when I turned on the record player." I gave him an apologetic look. "Which reminds me, Phil, the dude Renee married, sent us all these really cool new records yesterday. I can bring them along this afternoon, if you'd like." I was really hoping, once the cupcakes were in the oven, I'd get to hang out with Edward for a little bit, maybe even check out his room.

"Yeah, but you'll probably be busy with Alice." Edward pinched his nose and looked away. _Why was he uncomfortable all of a sudden?_ I was going to add that I was sure I could sneak away from the baking project for a bit, but we'd arrived at our classroom and Banner was waiting to start.

By the end of school, all I'd gotten were some shy pecks, which only left me wanting more. Thankfully, I still had the afternoon to look forward to. We dropped off Jas at home, I snatched the Led Zeppelin record I'd listened to last night, and we headed out the door again. I almost missed the little turn to the Cullen's house, but luckily noticed it early enough to take it. Driving through the dark forest that surrounded their house, I was starting to wonder how Jas found his away around here in the middle of the night.

"Jeez, Bella where are you taking us? They live in the middle of the forest?" Rose looked around, squinting her eyes presumably trying to figure out when we'd reach the end of the drive. All you could see ahead of and behind us was green. The light above the trees barely peaked through.

"Yeah, it's kind of weird, right? To cut yourself so completely off from everything? Ideal spot for a mass-murderer to hide, if you ask me. You'd never catch him in the act of chopping up the body parts, because nobody would ever find him."

"Ughh, Bella. What makes you say shit like that? With your imagination you should be writing horror stories. Seriously girl, you sure know how to creep someone out," Rose huffed, clutching her shoulders as if she was cold.

"I'm pretty sure we're on the correct road, Rose, which means that at the end of this dirt track there are no vampires, werewolves, or mass murders waiting for us. Only the fake mansion with Mommy Cullen trying to lure us in with cake batter. Did I tell you she escaped from a mental hospital?" I cocked my head in her direction to see whether I was spooking her out or not. She was still stuck in the same position, clutching her arms tightly, staring ahead.

"I knew Renee should have taken those pulp magazines away from you back in the day. They clearly ruined you!"

I laughed at her response and was almost sad that I could see the light at the end of the road leading to the clearing. A minute later, I parked the truck in front of what looked like a garage entrance and Rose and I headed towards the marble steps that let up to the front door.

"Wow. Check out the monstrosity in the middle of nowhere," Rose whispered, looking at the house in front of us. I rang the doorbell and heard Alice shout from behind the big wooden door, "I'll get it, Mother!"

"Hey guys, I'm so glad you're going to help me! I don't know what I would have done without you," Alice cooed, as she opened the door and motioned for us to step in.

Walking into the house gave you the feeling that you'd just entered Tara. A grand staircase led up to a mezzanine level before dividing and leading up to either side of the second floor. The carpets below our feet felt thick and large-scale landscape paintings adorned the walls. As I took in my surroundings, I saw a woman gliding down the stairs towards us. The first thing I noticed about her was her hair color: it was a light brown with a copper tinge to it; the same color as Edward's hair. Her hair was pulled back into a bun, and she wore a black skirt with a matching jacket. Pearls embellished her thin long neck. When she reached the bottom of the stairs, Alice introduced us.

"Mother, this is Bella and Rose," she said pointing at us.

"Hello," Mrs. Cullen said, stiffly shaking our hands. Her hands were incredibly thin, frail and shaky. Her overall appearance seemed terribly weak and breakable.

"Thank you very much for helping Alice with her baking project. I offered to hire help for her, but she insisted that you could help her and would get the job done." The words came out of her mouth like a prepared speech, and there was something about the way she looked at Rose and me that was terribly condescending. Just like Jas had described her. With two sentences, Esme Cullen had managed to make me feel like I was the hired help and not a friend helping out another friend.

"No thanks required. That's what friends are for," Rose answered with an angelic smile on her face, almost as if she was trying to taunt Mrs. Cullen. I saw her eyes narrow for a second, before deciding to ignore Rose's comment. "And I just wanted to compliment you on your taste. Your house is very nicely decorated."

"Yeah, don't you think it's fabulous!" Alice said in a sarcastic tone with a fake-looking smile on her face. The expression on Mrs. Cullen's face briefly shifted into a disapproving frown, but a moment later a smile was plastered across her face again.

"Well, thank you very much. Alice, why don't you show Bella and Rose to the kitchen so they can get started," Mrs. Cullen ordered.

"Oh, I will try to do most of the work once Bella shows me how to mix the first batch," Alice replied confidently.

"I see. Well, good luck then." Mrs. Cullen shook her head and walked out of the room. I knew something was wrong with that woman, but I couldn't put my finger on it. Something about her nervous twitches. I'd seen this sort of nervous tick before, but I couldn't place where and when I'd encountered it.

We followed Alice though a living room complete with fireplace and grand piano before entering the kitchen, which was facing the back of the house.

"I had no idea you guys had a pool!" I pointed out, shocked by the sight of the perfectly groomed lawn, the covered pool, and the view of the lake at the bottom of the hill leading down the behind the house. It was all a little too much.

"Yeah, but you can barely use it. Maybe four months in the summer -- that's about it. There's also a boathouse near the lake and a tennis court on the property. The joke is nobody ever uses all this. Dad and Edward occasionally play tennis to appease Mother, but not very often. In fact, hardly ever these days. It's a complete waste. Should we get started?" Alice sighed, walking over to the refrigerator. "What do we need?"

"Okay, we need flour, sugar, baking powder, eggs and butter. Take some extra butter out for the topping, unless you want a sugar glaze. Then we just need superfine sugar and some lemon juice. Do you have food coloring?" While I rattled off, instructions, Rose started pulling the butter and eggs out of the refrigerator.

"Do you have a radio?" Rose asked, placing the butter and eggs on the kitchen counter.

"Yeah, we do. Let me turn it on." Alice turned on the radio and pulled out an electric

kitchen mixer.

"Well, the gadget most certainly will make the whole thing way easier! Go ahead and preheat the oven to 350 already."

We danced around to bad pop tunes while whipping together the batter, filling the first tray and sliding it into the oven.

"So Alice, why do you have this really nice kitchen, if nobody in your house cooks?" I asked curiously.

"Oh, it's just for show. Mother barely knows how to turn on the oven to reheat frozen dinners," Alice said, shrugging her shoulders. Rose and I both laughed at Alice's comments and were still giggling when Renee's favorite song started playing on the radio. Nancy Sinatra's "These Boots Are Made for Walking."

"Ugh, Renee's favorite song of all time. I'll have to turn it up!" Rose excitedly skipped to the radio, turned up the volume and started giving us her best dance moves.

"Come on Bella, join in!" Before I could protest, Rose pulled me up from my sitting position on the kitchen counter, forcing me to dance with her. "Oh, I miss Renee!" Rose whined, while swinging her hip against mine. Alice joined us in wiggling around the kitchen, and we were so focused on jumping around looking like utter idiots that we didn't even realize we had an audience.

"Alice, please turn the radio down. I'm getting a migraine from this music." Mrs. Cullen's shrill voice interrupted our friendly dance session. My head spun into the direction the voice was coming from and I discovered Mrs. Cullen standing in the door leading to the living room. Rose and I stopped dancing, while Alice lazily and slowly swayed over to the radio, turning down the music. Mrs. Cullen watched her from her post in the kitchen door.

"It wasn't that loud," Alice snapped.

"Edward, what are you doing here? You should go and finish your homework," Mrs. Cullen bellowed, staring at the other door leading out of the kitchen. I turned around, wondering where Edward had been hiding, and saw him standing in the doorway that led to the dining room. I wasn't sure what and who I was mortified by more: Mrs. Cullen's cold green eyes darting back between Edward and us or Edward looking at me with dark brooding eyes and red ears.

"I've actually finished my homework already," he answered curtly, walking into the kitchen and leaning next to me against the kitchen counter. Unable to move, I stared first at Mrs. Cullen and then at Edward.

"Well then. Please make sure you keep the noise down, Mary Alice," she practically screeched, before turning around on her heel and leaving the kitchen.

"Mary Alice, huh?" I quipped, trying to break the tense silence. Alice giggled, but I still felt slightly embarrassed wondering how long Edward had been watching us.

"Rose, let's check whether we can take the first batch out." Alice walked over to the oven, and Rose followed her.

"Hey, I brought a record along," I said. Edward had moved to stand in front of me, and I blushed again furiously. After Mrs. Cullen's performance, I figured a visit to his room was probably out of the question.

"Thanks. Can I keep it until tomorrow?"

"Sure." I looked next to me, noticing that Rose and Alice had left the kitchen. He must have realized the opportunity provided by the absence of an audience, and kissed me briefly. Of course, I couldn't leave well enough alone. My eyes swept around the kitchen again to confirm we were completely alone, before I pushed myself up onto the kitchen counter in one amazingly slip- and accident-free-moment. Next, I put my hands on his arms, pulled him between my legs, and kissed him. He didn't waver at all and started exploring my mouth with his tongue eagerly. I was almost giddy with anticipation when I felt his hands exploring my back and dropping down to my butt. I carefully nipped his bottom lip and Edward pulled my butt closer to him and I felt him, or rather_ it_ for the first time; pressing right between my legs. Previous encounters with that part of the male anatomy had honestly always freaked me out a little, yet my involuntary, natural reaction to feeling Edward hard between my legs was sort of the opposite; I pushed myself against him.

Edward's response was weird; he stiffened all of a sudden, stopped kissing me, and moved his hips away from mine. I didn't know what to do. I looked over his shoulder to figure out whether someone had entered the kitchen, but we were still alone.

"Sorry," I heard him whisper, his hands now resting on the kitchen counter.

"About what?" I asked, confused, trying to get a look at his face. He was staring at the ceiling.

"You know . . . I didn't mean to do that."

"What? You didn't do anything I didn't like. I would tell you if you did," I said soothingly. I was pretty certain I'd like anything he would hopefully eventually do to me. It didn't work. He ran out of the kitchen without looking at me. I didn't know whether to run after him. The thought of running into Mrs. Cullen by myself didn't seem appealing, and a minute later Alice and Rose strolled back.

"Where did Edward go?" Alice asked, pulling the cupcakes out of the oven.

"I don't know. I think I freaked him out," I admitted.

This was another first for me: a boy who was apparently embarrassed about the fact that he'd just ground his boner into me. _Please_, I wanted to yell, _get over it_. Not that I had that much experience, in fact I could count the guys I'd kissed and made out with on one hand, and it seemed to me that getting to second base was pretty normal and tame. Surferboy (from last summer) had, in one desperate and failed attempt to get off, even grabbed my hand once and tried to shove it down his pants. I'd protested instantly, and in response he'd said he needed to go home now to take a cold shower, since I was obviously not willing to help him out. I'd rolled my eyes and gone home.

"What did you do?" Rose asked, filling the next batch of cupcakes, before shoving them into the oven.

"Nothing," I sighed.

"Don't worry about it. He's just moody. He'll come around," Alice offered. I didn't know whether 'moody' was the word to describe his behavior when it came to anything more than harmless kisses.

We worked efficiently after that, baking the cupcakes and glazing them. By 7 o'clock, we were done. Alice excused herself to run to the bathroom, and Rose and I stood in the kitchen alone for a few minutes.

"That mother is a bitch," Rose whispered the minute Alice left.

"Tell me about it," I mouthed back, "besides, what's wrong with her? The twitching eyes and the shaky hands . . . reminds me of someone, but I don't know who?"

"Yeah, I keep on thinking the same thing, but can't remember either. Something is wrong with her. I was thinking maybe anti-depressants, but they usually make you all groggy, numb and docile. And that old lady is definitely not docile. More like piss and vinegar, I would say."

We stopped talking when we heard Alice walking back toward the kitchen. Mrs. Cullen followed her close behind.

"Well," she said as she inspected the rows and rows of finished cup cakes, "I guess that should suffice." She shook her head slightly, looking back at Alice. "I guess you can show Rose and Bella the way out now. I'm sure they need to get home."

"No worries. Jas said he'd cook tonight," Rose answered, taking her bag off the floor. "Pleasure meeting you, Mrs. Cullen."

"Yeah, it was nice meeting you." I reached out, offering her my hand, and froze because I sensed _it_. Jas has mentioned it to me before, but still it came as a surprise when I smelled the booze seemingly oozing out of her skin. I also noticed that her eyes had a glassy sheen to them.

We followed Alice to the front door and I realized that I was still carrying the Led Zeppelin album.

"Alice, can you give this to Edward? I brought it along for him." I handed her the album and was about to follow Rose out the door, when Alice stopped me.

"Hey, Bella. I'm sorry if Edward acts strangely. I think you're the first girl he's ever showed an interest in. I would tell you to walk upstairs and give it to him himself -- I'm sure he'd be happy to see you -- but Mother is still up, so . . ."

"I get it, Alice. No worries." I smiled, trying to let her know that I understood. After witnessing her mother today, I wasn't sure I'd have the nerve to stand up to her either.

"Bella," Alice murmured conspiratorially, dragging me out the door by my arm. "Can you let Jas know that I'd love for him to come over tonight?"

"Sure thing. I'll let him know. See you tomorrow!" She hugged me before skipping back into the house. Rose had already started the truck and was waiting for me at the bottom steps.

I turned on the radio in the clunker. The Stones were playing 'Mother's Little Helper.' I turned up the volume.

. . .

_And though she's not really ill  
There's a little yellow pill_

_. . . _

_Cooking fresh food for a husband's just a drag  
So she buys an instant cake and she burns her frozen steak  
And goes running for the shelter of a mother's little helper  
And two help her on her way, get her through her busy day_

_Doctor please, some more of these  
Outside the door, she took four more  
What a drag it is getting old_

. . .

Listening to the lyrics of the song, I remembered where exactly I'd seen the constant twitching and shaking before. Two summers ago, we were stuck in some hippie camp in Mexico Renee had shipped us off to. We had this crazy camp counselor who was completely hyper all the time. He was nothing like Mrs. Cullen, but he did have the same twitching going on. Later we found out he'd been completely high the entire time he was watching us and planning activities designed to expand our minds. He'd always seemed out of whack, but no more so than the usual crowd of crazy people Renee surrounded herself with. His drugs of choice were a combination of Uppers with a dose of LSD.

"Happy-Go-Lucky Felix," I whispered, as I remembered him, looking over to Rose for confirmation.

"No, shit," Rose smirked. "Mrs. Cullen is tripping on Uppers, and she reeked of booze when we left. She probably uses the booze to calm herself down. I cannot believe it. Who knew? The only difference between her and dear Felix is probably that she gets the shit prescribed by her doctor. Maybe even Dr. Love . . ."

"I'm right, right? The twitching and the shaking . . . She must be taking the stuff on a daily basis, she doesn't even know that she has all these weird ticks now. And could she be any more condescending? I almost felt like the hired help."

"Almost! Hello, so not almost. Bet you $5 she doesn't know Smarty-Pants and you are an item!"

"You really think so? He said his Dad likes me though," I argued, "and he doesn't have a date allowance."

"Well, maybe he hinted at it and maybe Daddy knows . . . I don't know. Don't worry, Bells. He so obviously likes you, who cares, I say."

"Holy fucking cow, Rose, this town is crazy!" I chuckled.

"Yeah, you can say that out loud!" Rose agreed.

I was happy when we arrived back at our own crummy little home.

"So Jas, what's for dinner?" Rose shouted as we entered.

"Hot Dogs, if that's okay with you guys. Charlie called. He's coming home late. He went to the Blacks' to help Billy with something, so it's just us."

"You call that cooking, putting some wieners into a pot of boiling water? Are you at least toasting the buns?" I huffed, looking at the dogs swimming in the pot.

"Yeah, I did. Come on sis, I even heated up some sauerkraut."

"Fine." I plunked myself down at the kitchen table. "So we figured it out, Jas."

"What did you figure out?" he asked, raising one eyebrow.

"Mrs. Cullen," Rose explained, "we figured out what her little vice is."

"Enlighten me! But if you just noticed that she's a bitch and boozes at night, don't bother, 'cause I figured that one out myself."

"Remember dear Felix, summer camp in Mexico?" I asked.

"Nu-uh, can't be . . . wait . . . the twitching and she's fucking skeletal skinny . . . What was the shit that dude used to get high of?" Jas seemed intrigued.

"Uppers. Has to be," Rose concluded.

"Freaky!" Jas exclaimed. We stuffed our faces with the hot dogs Jas had made and sat in front of the TV until Charlie came home.

Around 10 o'clock we all headed to bed. With a pang of guilt, I suddenly remembered Alice's request.

"Hey, Jas, Alice said she'd like it if you came by tonight. I'm sorry I forgot. I should have mentioned it earlier."

"No worries. I'm too tired anyway." Jas crawled into bed and started reading a book.

"Is there something wrong?" I prodded, even though I was pretty sure he wasn't going to answer me.

"Nothing," Jas retorted, creasing his eyebrows as if he was reading something absolutely mesmerizing. It was his distraction tactic of choice.

"Whatever. Don't tell me."

"Okay . . ." he sighed, "she's scaring the shit out of me. She's completely mental sometimes. She predicts exactly what's going to happen next. For example, last week we got a pop quiz in French. I thought I'd completely screwed it up, because, let's face it, I haven't exactly been studying a lot. So she tells me not to worry; I'd have the second highest score in the class. I thought she was just playing around, but then I get the test back and she was right."

"Oh please, lucky guess. That can't be all."

"No, you're right. It's not. She's also describing the house we'll live in together, what my major in college will be, and how many kids we'll have. Give me a break, Bella. It's completely freaking me out."

"Do you think she's . . . you know." I didn't want to say the word.

"What?"

"You know her mother was in a mental hospital?"

"No, I didn't. I don't think that's it . . . I think I'm just scared because she predicts everything with such certainty and it's almost like I no longer have a choice."

"I think you need to talk to her," I advised. "I like her, Jas. The way she handles her mother -- I think it's hilarious."

"She likes you too, and I know I need to talk to her. Slow her down. Not tonight, though. I just need to get some sleep. Believe it or not the nightly bike excursion and wall climbing gets kind of tiring."

"Fine. Goodnight then," I muttered.

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**Leave me some LOVE…please?**


	16. Chapter 16 First Fight

**Thx to Reamhar & K. Cerena who beta'ed this chapter for me! I totally owe you considering the cringe fest that is to follow….**

**Thx also to the people, who reviewed and added the story to their favorites etc. – I wouldn't bother to continue spinning the story if it wasn't for you!**

**Another Thx – before I forget - to DazzlinSparkle05 who was kind enough to recommend my story!**

**First lemon included…**

**Disclaimer: **_All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended._

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**16. First Fight**

By the time our lunch hour ended on Friday I officially admitted it, albeit only to myself: Edward and I were regressing. We were completely back to shy, barely-there pecks and innocent handholding. No more French kissing in the janitor's closet for us. Whatever it was that happened in the kitchen yesterday had made him crawl back into his shell like a snail you'd dared to touch. Even though he was as sweet as ever, something about his behavior irked me.

At the rate we were backpedaling, I'd stay a virgin forever. Which really wouldn't have bothered me all that much before I'd met Edward, but now that I knew what I wanted, waiting was not really an option. I'd even asked Rose this morning to schedule an appointment with a doctor next week. But that was before I was faced with coy Edward. It was almost like he was playing hard to get, and fighting that was freaking exhausting.

When we stood in front of the gym, I wanted to give him a proper goodbye kiss and so I tried . . . and failed. He softly kissed me on my lips and moved a step away.

"What's wrong, Edward? Don't you want to even kiss my anymore?" I mumbled. I felt tears well up and almost overflow, but I bit my cheek and held them back even though his rejection stung pretty badly. I would not be caught crying in front of him or the brigade of bitches filing into the gym.

He looked unsure and stared at the floor for a while before responding in a barely audible whisper, "it's not that I don't want to . . . I just . . . I don't want _that_ to happen again?"

"Seriously if 'that' is what I think it is, I guess we'll never make out again, because 'that,' as far as I know, is a normal reaction. You know . . . biology 101? I mean how old are you?" I snarled in a sarcastic tone. I'm sure if I'd used the words erection, hard-on or boner he'd have squirmed and run into the woods to expire from embarrassment. Who knew, apparently I was dating a prude! The dude, who made my panties wet with a bat of his eyelashes wanted to be stuck at first base. Oh, the irony!

"Old enough to know the consequences. We can talk about it tonight," he said in an icy voice that sent a chill down my spine and made me regret my mocking words. "Pick you up at 7?"

"Sure," I sighed, stomping off to the gym. _What the hell?_

I felt like I was back in square one with my Edward puzzle. Then, while flipping burgers and tossing drumsticks into the fryer during my afternoon shift at the diner, I had an epiphany of sorts. _Maybe he just needs a shove in the right direction?_ I wasn't sure if it was going to work, but it was worth a shot, _surely?_

I ran out of the diner at 6 o'clock with a basket full of fried chicken, biscuits and brownies for our date. I'd added my own spice mixture to the frying batter and had prepared the biscuits with a blend of bacon fat and butter. It was the first stage of my newly formulated 'Operation Seduce Edward' plan. According to Renee, who adored everything I'd ever cooked, love goes through the stomach. She'd always insisted that any man who tasted my food would be forever hooked and could never deny me anything. Hence, I'd taken extra care with the food preparation today.

Cooking was the easiest part of my plan. Operation Seduce Edward was a three-step-based program. I'd need Rose's help, for the second step and the third step would require a certain amount of acting on my part. The last part worried me the most.

I wasted no time when I got home, jumping straight into the shower. I used an insane amount of shampoo on my hair and brushed it more thoroughly than I would usually bother with. Next I slathered on a lotion Rose had left in the bathroom. With a towel securely wrapped around me, I walked over to Rose's room.

"Rose, I need your help!" I practically shouted as I entered her room. "Edward is coming in 20 minutes and I need to look just as edible as my food, if you know what I mean."

"Why? I thought love makes you see things through rose-colored glasses," she said, laughing at her own joke.

"Ha, ha very funny! Help, pleeeeaaseee!" I whined.

"Sure thing. Let's go to your room and see what your options are." Rose walked into Jas and my room and I followed. She started inspecting the contents of the closet, glancing at our blossoming pot plant with a frown, and sighed.

"I can't wear the mini-dress. I don't know what he has planned, and if it's something outdoorsy, I'll be freezing my ass off," I said, limiting her choices even further.

"Do you own anything else but sloppy t-shirts and jeans?"

"That bad, huh?"

"Is that your underwear drawer?" I nodded as she opened the second drawer of our dresser.

"We need to go shopping. Next weekend or Wednesday when we're in Port Angeles in the afternoon. I made an appointment with a doctor in town. Here, these look okay," she assessed, handing me a pair of dark blue cotton panties. "At least they don't have flowers on them. Seriously, Bella, your underwear looks like something a 12 year old would wear. This has to stop."

She pulled a pair of jeans that didn't have holes out of the closet and ran back to her room to give me two of her tops. I wore an embroidered, lose little halter-top with a blouse cut low enough to allow for a peek of the top below it.

"Let me dry your hair a little," Rose said, dragging me back to her room.

Rose was still busy drying my hair when I heard the doorbell ring.

"Wait, I'm not done. Let Charlie get the door." Rose stopped me before I could get up and continued brushing my hair. To my dismay, she also started pulling out make-up, which meant I would be stuck here for at least another 10 minutes. "Relax, it's not like Charlie's gonna eat him. To be honest, Charlie is as lovable as a Teddy Bear in comparison to their mother."

I was about to respond that I didn't care whether Charlie was as loveable as a Teddy Bear when she silenced me and pointed to the door. We both started listening intently.

"…_. Cullen. I'm sorry I didn't introduce myself before. With your permission, I would like to take Bella out tonight."_ I heard Edward's voice say.

"_Come on in. If she agreed to go out with you, that's all the permission you'll need, son!" _Charlie chuckled_. "Let me go see where she is."_

"Oh, cute," Rose teased. "He asked Charlie for permission. Seriously, the people in this town need to smoke something. And yeah, yeah, I know, I always used to make fun of Jas and you for being forever stoned, but the people here are way too stuck in the dark ages. They all need to loosen up."

"_Bella, there's someone waiting in the kitchen for you!"_ Charlie shouted.

"I'll be right down. One second!" I yelled back, before turning around and inspecting myself in the mirror. "Okay, do you think this will work?"

"It should," Rose assured me.

With semi-renewed confidence, I walked slowly down the stairs. To my relief, Charlie had already settled back onto the couch, and Edward was standing at the bottom of the stairs waiting for me.

"Hey," I greeted him.

The last and final part of my little mission would have to start now, but I felt oddly reluctant. I gave myself a silent pep talk: _Act sexy, you can do it!_ As I tried to flip my hair back casually, I stumbled on the last step and would have fallen flat on my face if I hadn't been holding myself up on the railing of the staircase just in time_ Who am I kidding? _The first two parts of my mission would have to suffice; the last part would be aborted as of _right now_!

"Hey, Bella. Are you okay?" He stepped forward looking concerned and took my hand.

"I'm fine. Thank you." I tried giving him a confident smile.

"You look really pretty. Are you ready?" he asked, staring at me with those dark brooding eyes again.

"Sure, let's go." I grabbed my jacket and the bag of food. I'd also stored a bottle of Jack in the bag, just in case.

"Here, let me carry that for you," he requested gently, taking the bag from my shoulder.

"So what's the plan for tonight?" I asked once we were sitting in the car.

"Be patient. The weather is perfect for what I want to show you. We'll be there soon. I liked the Led Zeppelin record, by the way. Thanks for leaving it with Alice." He gave me a lopsided grin that melted my girly bits and made me hope my seduction attempts would be successful.

"No problem. So what did you do all afternoon?" I started wondering what exactly he wanted to show me and why the weather mattered.

"Finished some school work and then . . . well, you'll see." We'd reached the path leading to their house, and he made the turn.

"Are we going to your place? Is your mother fine with that?" I was confused. It didn't seem like his mother was all that keen on having either Jas or me in her home. Truthfully, I thought Rose was right, about his mom not knowing that we were dating.

"Not exactly," he offered evasively. Before we reached the clearing leading to the house, he pulled the car to the side and sprinted around the car to open my door. "We'll walk from here." He took my hand and led me down a trail into the forest.

"Edward, where exactly are we going?"

"Trust me. I think you'll like it. At least Alice thinks so."

"Okay. Can I ask you something?"

"What?" He was walking at a pretty fast pace and I could barely keep up with him.

"Does your mom know we're hanging out together? I could have come by your house, if we're going to hang out somewhere close by anyway . . ." As I asked, I wondered how long we'd have to walk to get to wherever he was planning to take me. He stayed silent for a really long time, and I knew Rose had been right.

"I'm really sorry. I meant to tell her, but Alice is constantly fighting with her . . . I know I should tell her. I will when I have a chance, I promise," he finally answered without looking at me.

"Ha! So let me guess, if you'd told her, you'd have a strict 'date allowance' too?" I sounded pretty annoyed, though the full force of what his words really meant hadn't struck me yet. He didn't say anything more as we trudged down the trail in silence for a while until the trees thinned and the boathouse at the bottom of the lake below their house appeared in sight.

By the time Edward opened the door to the boathouse, I was seething with anger without being exactly able to pinpoint what I was so angry about. It's not like he'd told me anything I didn't already know or had at least suspected. Nobody in this town thought we were good enough to date their kids. I really should have known by know that Edward's parents would feel the same about me as they did about Jas. For some reason, I'd held on to the pathetic notion that Edward was different. Maybe I was hoping he would have openly defied his mom if she didn't want him to be with me. It burned a little that he hadn't done that.

We climbed up the narrow stairs to the second floor and when we reached the upstairs room, I was so pissed I barely noticed all the effort he'd obviously made in preparing for tonight. A blanket was spread out on the floor, and an electric heater was plugged in warming up the room. A small lamp in the corner provided some faint light. It all seemed really romantic and adorable.

"Do you like it?" He put the bag with food on the blanket, looking at me expectantly. I sighed, not sure what to say.

"Yeah, it's nice I guess, but why does the weather matter for an indoor picnic?" I settled down on the floor and began looking around the room. It was bare aside from an old sofa and a small table topped with a record player. Edward took off his jacket and turned on the record player, and the Led Zeppelin record I'd loaned to him started playing.

"Come to the window. I want to show you something." He held his hand out for me, and I took it. A telescope stood in front of the small window. Edward opened the window, lowered the telescope to my height and pulled me in front of the lens. "Take a look." I squinted, trying to peer at the sky above us. I saw the black sky spattered with diamond-like stars flickering so close by that I swore I could have reached out and touched them.

"Cool. Thanks for showing me," I said. If I didn't know better, I would have been convinced that _he_ was trying to seduce _me_, not the other way around. "Are you hungry?"

"Yeah, starving actually," he smirked, pulling his hair back as if he'd been nervous about something and was somehow relieved now.

"So your mom would have a shit fit or something if she knew?" I asked, unpacking the food and handing him napkins.

"Yeah . . . Alice fights with her every day, and I'm afraid if I tell her about you and I, it will only get worse for both of us. She'll start paying attention what I do and that will mean I can't cover for Alice anymore. Did you make the food?" he asked, obviously trying to switch the topic.

The rational part of my brain completely understood the precarious situation he was in, trying to deal with his nut case of a mother, but some other part of me felt hurt. It felt I wasn't worth the trouble that confronting his mother would cause him.

"Yeah, during my afternoon shift at Betty's," I answered his question.

"It's really good." Edward sat indian-style across from me eating my chicken. "Where did you learn to cook? Did your mother teach you?"

"Ha, no definitely not. Renee only arranges finger food. Marshmallows and olives on cocktail spears are her specialty. I learned to cook more out of necessity than anything else. It's not exactly rocket science, you know." I shrugged my shoulders and rolled my eyes, remembering Renee in the kitchen. "I made brownies too, without herbal supplement, and there's a bottle of Jack in the bag, if you want."

"Jack?" Edward wrinkled his forehead.

"Jack Daniel's, booze, whiskey… whatever you want to call it."

"Where did you get it from?"

"Charlie's closet under the stairs."

"Isn't Charlie going to notice? Isn't he going to be upset?" he asked, looking confused as all hell.

"I highly doubt it. Besides, it's not like it's a big deal or anything if he does. Do you want a shot?" I asked, reaching for the bottle in the bag.

"No, thanks. I still have to drive you home. " I could tell I'd made him uncomfortable from the way his body tensed up.

"Okay, I guess we don't have to . . . Or we can just drink and hang out here until it, you know, wears off."

"I promised your father I'd bring you home by 10 o'clock."

"You did what?" I stuttered, almost chocking on a piece of chicken. "Why?"

"I thought it was the normal thing to do. Plus I'm sure your dad will want you home before he goes to bed."

"Actually, Edward, why don't you let Charlie be my worry," I snorted.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you."

"It's okay . . . God, Edward, do you ever break any rules? It's not normal, you know?" I almost laughed.

"I'll try, okay, I promise." He grinned at me.

"I'll hold you to that one! Actually . . . you know, this whole star gazing, picnic with music . . . kind of risky, Edward." I winked at him and his ears turned red. "If I didn't know better, I'd say you're trying to get into my pants."

"It was meant to be romantic," he muttered.

"It is." Feeling bold, I leaned forward on my hands to close the space between us and kissed him. But he barely kissed me back.

"Bella, how many guys have you been with?" he asked suddenly, staring at the blanket below us.

"Are you kidding me? What? Why?"

"I just want to know . . ."

"What do you mean been with?" Did he honestly want me to admit to my virginal status? He stared at me intently, almost as if he was mad at me. "You know what, screw this. Just take me home." I got up and grabbed my jacket.

"Why won't you tell me? I don't understand."

"Jesus fucking Christ, Edward. I'm not asking you how many girls you've been with?"

"I haven't been with any. You're the first girl I've kissed," he stated with a serious expression on his face.

I knew he didn't have much experience in the girl department, but to have never kissed before? Maybe I should've been happy about it, but all I felt at was anger.

He somehow seemed to be under the same impression as everyone else in this town. To them, the apple couldn't have fallen far from the tree. What bothered me more was that he thought there was something wrong with the things that everyone assumed we did. He looked angry when he'd asked me with how many boys I'd been with, and I didn't understand why. So what if Renee got knocked up when she was 18? So what if Rose had slept around? So what if we got drunk and stoned occasionally? I wasn't ashamed of any of it.

"Why is it so important to you? I mean, there isn't even anything to tell, if you wanna know the truth. I'm a fucking virgin, Edward! Is that what you wanted to know?" I screamed, as I stormed down the stairs. I could feel the treacherous tears, which I'd managed to keep at bay in the afternoon, flowing down my cheeks. I needed to get away from him as fast as I could.

"Bella!" He caught up with me as I reached the door and tried to grab hold of my arm, but I managed to pull it away from him. "I didn't know . . . I didn't mean it like that . . . It's just that you seemed to have more experience."

"Really? What experience would that be? Kissing Marty Feldman during Truth or Dare when I was 12? I can count the people I've hook up with on one hand. I guess that makes for four more people than you've hooked up with. The strange thing is, it was all bad and meaningless until I met you, and you don't even want me!" I yelled, inwardly cringing at putting myself out there so completely.

"Bella, please," he pleaded, grabbing my shoulders. "I'm so sorry. I don't know what makes you think I don't want you. Of course I want you. Since the day you walked into school I've wanted you. You smelled so good, and I couldn't stop staring at you. And when I talked to you, you were so different from anybody I've ever met before. I wasn't the only one who noticed how special you were, and I was all of a sudden I was so mad at them -- those boys that were following you around and staring at you. I wanted to smash Newton's head in every time he touched you. You're all I think about, even in my dreams."

My vision of him was blurry from the tears that were still flowing freely. "Then what is it?" I hiccupped. He hugged me tightly, while I kept my arms stiffly by my side.

"I'm scared. I think we should wait. I know it's the right thing to do. I don't want you to be like one of the girls at my dad's clinic."

"What?" I pushed myself away to look at his face, wiping my eyes.

"I think we should wait," he kept on repeating.

"I don't think so at all! And what's wrong with the girls at your dad's clinic? I mean, half of them I'm sure are there for birth control or for a check up. And even if they're there for an abortion, there's nothing wrong with that. Shit happens. At least they have a choice. My mom never had one."

"I would never want you to have to make that choice, Bella. Don't you know that? I would never do that to you. You mean so much more to me."

"Ugh, trust me as the child of a teenager mother when I say that I will not put myself in that spot, but that doesn't mean I think we should wait. What for, anyway? I'll take the pill, Edward, don't be silly!" I stared at my feet, feeling mortified at the words that had just escaped my mouth. "Never mind that I'm pretty certain I can't get pregnant from you touching or kissing me."

I was at my wits' end. Was he serious? Did he want us to wait until marriage? I was pretty certain I'd die of internal combustion. Besides, I was also sure that I didn't want to marry anyone just yet. Not even Edward.

"I don't deserve you." He pulled me back into a hug. We stood there for what felt like forever, wrapped into each other's arms. "It's not even nine yet. Do you want to go back upstairs?" he asked in a hoarse voice.

"Okay," I nodded while Edward was rubbing my back. We walked back upstairs, and the minute we'd reached the top step, Edward started kissing me. It was the needy, intense kiss of my dreams. My knees weakened, and we tumbled onto the blanket with Edward on top of me. He pushed himself up on one forearm and started caressing my face.

"I never want to make you cry. I was jealous and selfish. I kept on thinking that you'd been with other boys before and the thought was driving me insane. I know it's stupid. I'm scared I will be horrible . . . at this, and you'll pick someone else instead." He smoothed his thumb over my cheekbone slowly, staring at me with his darkening emerald eyes. He rolled over to my side and I turned to face him.

"What's there to be scared of, Edward? I only want you." I stared at his perfect features and let my fingers play with his soft hair.

"I'm afraid that I shouldn't want you this much so soon . . . that I will hurt you . . ." He closed his eyes as if he was willing something away.

"Edward, look at me. I'm not made out of porcelain. Trust me: you won't break me or hurt me. Just be with me. There's nothing to be scared of." I kissed him softly, and he started trailing feather light kisses down my neck and back up to my ear lobe. I pressed myself closer to him and pulled his hair to bring his mouth back to mine.

I felt the familiar jolt of electricity fire through me as our tongues intertwined. Finally, his hands found the hem of my shirt and I felt Edward's fingers trembling over my skin. To feel closer to him, I hitched my leg up to his hips and felt his body shudder in response. When his fingertips grazed the side of my breast, I felt nervous all of a sudden. _What if feeling my breasts was a disappointment for him?_ I pushed the self-doubt away, focused on feeling his quivering touch and started exploring his skin. My fingers moved up and down the ridge of his spine, while his hand started to move more confidently over my breasts.

"You're so pretty, Bella," he moaned into my neck.

I wanted to contradict him and say that there were a million girls out there prettier than me; one of them for certain was my sister, but I kept my trap shut and instead and pressed kisses along his jaw line to his ear and back across his cheek to his mouth. _You're so much prettier than me_, I thought.

"You feel so good," he breathed into my mouth, before he let his hand slide down to my boob again, along my stomach to my butt, moving his hips slowly forward into mine. I felt him hard against my thigh, and all I could think about was what he would feel like in my hands. I allowed my hands to trail over his chest, feeling some hair as I grazed from his sternum and down to his stomach. His muscles flexed in reaction to my touch, and my hand slowly moved below his belly bottom until I reached his jeans. His breath hitched when he figured out where I was headed, but he made no attempt to stop me.

I was tempted to unbutton his jeans for a second, but then decided against it. Part of me was curious, since I'd never actually touched a boy there before, and I was regretting that I had zero practice in what to do with it. I mean, 'theoretically' I knew. I let my hand trail down over his jeans until I felt it straining against the fabric. We'd stopped kissing and were just lying there panting, face-to-face. I started exploring him hesitantly at first before wrapping my hand around it and stroking him. He kissed me tenderly.

"Bella." His voice sounded hoarse when he said my name.

"Tell me how to . . . you know?" I whispered, biting my lip self-consciously, while continuing to rub him.

"This . . . you feel really good," he moaned, kissing me hard, grabbing my butt and rocking his hips into my hand. His hand began roaming up my hips to where my jeans began and I could feel his fingers gliding over my belly and my breath hitched. I was hoping his fingers would move between my legs, and slowly they did, though not inside my pants. His touch was too light, and I could barely feel him through the fabric. I wanted to tell him to do it harder please, but I didn't trust my voice. Instead I took his hand and pressed it firmly between my legs, pushing my hips into him. My breath became frantic once I felt his fingers digging into the right spot.

"Okay?" he asked, with his fingers pressing between my legs.

"Yeah," I breathed, before attacking his mouth again. I wanted to tell him that it would possibly feel better if he just stuck his fingers down my pants, but I wasn't sure how far I could push him. Our touching, grabbing, pulling and rubbing became more frenzied and eventually we moved our hands away so he could grind his hips into mine more easily.

Edward started groaning and moved on top of me, grinding into me frantically. He managed to find my spot and my hips met his rhythm at a faster pace. I soon felt that familiar energy built up. It felt completely foreign to be letting go with someone else, experiencing this with a boy instead of with my own fingers. I held on to his shoulders tightly, anticipating the sweet feeling of release.

"So close," I murmured, feeling it the minute the words left my mouth. I moaned and Edward jerked against me suddenly then stopped moving.

"Shit!" His eyes were closed and there were beads of sweat on in his face as he collapsed next to me. I started to wonder whether this might not have been as good for him as it had been for me, but then my eyes wandered down to the stain on his pants, which he was trying to cover up by pulling down his sweater.

"Stop it," I ordered, pushing his hands away and rolling on top of him. I kissed his lips. "It will dry up by the time you get home, or you can wrap your sweater around your hips. Big fucking deal," I laughed.

"You know you're gonna have a wet spot on your jeans or your shirt if you stay here lying on top of me," he smirked.

"I don't care. I think I'm already soaked." I leaned on my forearms next to his face and kissed his nose.

"I tried to move away fast," he apologized.

"Not from you, silly!" I rolled my eyes. He furrowed his brows in confusion. "Seriously, Edward, come one. Are we back to basic bio 101?"

"I skipped those specifics. Not sure I would have cared for it, considering the teacher we had before we moved here. And I doubt they teach it at Forks High at all for that matter," he explained, turning redder than I ever had turned.

"Okay, I get it, I think. Do you want me to show you?" I volunteered bravely.

"How?"

"I can't believe I'm doing this," I noted more to myself than to him. I rolled off of him, lying on my side next to him and motioning for him to turn and face me. He looked at me expectantly with an almost smile playing around his lips. I took his hand and guided him into my jeans to make him feel my soaked panties. I moved my hand away, and he let his hand rest between my legs. A look of awe appeared on his face.

"Does this . . . did I do that to you?" he asked curiously and I knew it was my turn to blush.

"Mmmh, yes."

With his hands resting between my legs, we laid there until Edward decided it was time to take me home. A flashlight in hand, we walked to the car and he drove me back to my house.

"I'm bringing you home late," Edward said with concern when he noticed it was almost eleven by the time we pulled up in front of our house. "I hope your father isn't too upset. I should probably talk to him and apologize."

"Don't worry. He's dead asleep by now, trust me. You can come up if you want to – through the door even."

"I have to go home. I told my mother I was going to the movies, and she usually waits up when Alice or I go out."

"Sneaky!" I giggled. Edward laughed.

"Besides, isn't Jas at home?"

"Dunno. I thought he'd be at your place with Alice."

"No, he called Alice this afternoon and told her he wasn't coming," Edward informed me.

"Really?" I wrinkled my forehead. I could have sworn that Jas would have crawled back by now.

Edward walked me to the door and kissed me goodnight.

"I'll see you tomorrow!" Edward said before he walked back to his car.

I opened up the door and saw that the light was still on in the living room. I started worrying about Charlie. Would he be waiting for me to come home? Maybe he'd be upset. Would he set a curfew? Ugh, I hoped not. I blinked against the light, looking into the living room, half expecting to see a grumpy looking Charlie, but found Jake and Jas shooting beers on the sofa instead.

"Hey, Bells! How was your date?" Jake asked laughing.

"Fine, if you must know," I answered.

"I asked Jake to come along on the camping trip tomorrow. We're leaving pretty early in the morning, so he's sleeping on the sofa tonight. Your face looks kind of blotchy, sis. Are you sure you're okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. I'm gonna go to bed now." Normally, I'd have stayed up with them, but I didn't want to invite the opportunity to get any more questions about my apparently still tear stained face, so I hurried upstairs. Exhausted, I fell into a deep, dreamless sleep the minute my head hit the pillow.

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**Okay, I'm going to crawl under a rock right now and hide. I can't believe I wrote that scene . . . cringe!**


	17. Chapter 17 Campfires

**THX to my betas Reamhar & KCerena! **

**As a side note, I discovered once you start writing lemons – you CANNOT stop… keep that in mind in case you're reading this while you're at work.**

**Next stop after this chappy will be an EPOV.**

**Okay – let's go camping!**

* * *

**17. Campfires**

I was dragged out of bed at an unholy hour for a Saturday morning. At Emmett's and Edward's insistence, we had to be on the road by 8 AM. Of course nobody had told me about it; I barely had time to grab a shower before I was crammed into the truck between Jas and Jake on our way to our morning meeting point.

"Jas man, you could have at least showered!" Rose wrinkled her nose in disgust as she pulled the truck onto the road.

"Yeah, you do realize there won't be any showers where we're heading, and you reek of beer and . . . I don't know . . . gross, Jas, B.O. I can't imagine Alice will be digging this," I commented, as I caught a whiff.

"Too bad for her," Jas responded flippantly.

"Stop acting like such an asshole, Jas!" Rose snapped.

"Stop acting like such a whiny bitch, Rose. You got your period or something? Oh, no, wait, I forgot. You're not getting laid; that's why you're in such a bad mood."

"Whatever, Jasper – I hope she dumps your dirty ass. 'Cause really, she's way too pretty and nice for you anyway!"

"Guys, can you cool it? I haven't had coffee yet. I agree with Rose though on the asshole part!" I tried to break the fighting up before it got physical, and we ended up on the side of the road wrapped around a tree. I'd only been apart from Edward for seven hours and forty-five minutes and was already suffering withdrawal symptoms. Apparently him getting me off once had fueled my hopeless addiction.

"Why? I find it somewhat entertaining," Jake admitted with a laugh. I poked him in the ribs with my elbow to shut him up.

The plan was to meet Alice, Emmett, and Edward at the supermarket parking lot before heading off to some place from which we would start our hiking excursion. I was dubious about the whole hiking/camping trip idea. I had no desire to tramp through the wilderness without easy access to a bathroom. Based on past summer camp experiences, camping wasn't an activity I altogether enjoyed when it was warm outside, never mind when it was freezing cold. I was relieved that Jas had packed my clothes and our food supply into one backpack he would be carrying.

The rest of the group was already waiting for us when we arrived, and I was dying to get out of the truck.

"Jake, move! Let me out of here. I'm gonna switch cars. It's too crowded in here." I tried leaning over Jake to open up the truck door the minute Rose stopped the car.

"No way, Bella. Emmett is driving the other car. I'm getting out of here. You stay!"

Rose, the sneaky bitch, managed to get out of the driver's seat of the truck and walked over to Emmett's Chevy, which was parked next to us, before I could even grab the door handle. Alice decided that there was more than enough space in our truck and squeezed herself in.

"Wait, Alice, let me get out. I'll switch." I wanted to warn her, considering the smell in the truck, she might prefer to stay in the other car. She had already closed the door behind her and snuggled into Jas's shoulder before I could say _anything_. Yuk! I was pissed. Not only was I stuck with the smell, but I hadn't even had a chance to at least say hi to Edward.

"Bella, we have to get out of here before someone sees us. Technically it's only supposed to be Edward, Emmett, and me on this camping trip. Mother is already plenty suspicious since I'm coming along. No need for anyone to see us together and blow our cover," Alice explained.

"I just wanted to switch cars, Alice!" I lamented.

I was starting to feel like I had the plague or some other deadly disease that could easily be spread if and when contact occurred. I wanted to say something, but was too busy staring at Edward grimacing in our direction as we drove out of the parking lot.

"Alice, what's mommy gonna do? Whip you or not take you shopping if she finds out you're hanging with us?" Jake joked, not able to hold back. Jas and I chuckled. Alice narrowed her eyes at him as if she was pissed, but then she started laughing as well.

"Yeah, I wish it were that easy. I've already lost car privileges and I'm only allowed to leave the house of terror twice a week other than going to school, so I'm really not in the mood to test her," Alice added with an apologetic smile.

"I see," Jake responded with a frown on his face. "Your dad is the doctor who works at the clinic, right? He seems pretty cool."

"Yeah, but he's not really around much at home. He mostly stays in Port Angeles and, besides, he's of no help once Mother gets an idea in her head."

We drove for a good hour until the forest entirely surrounded us and the road turned into a dirt track. We parked the truck next to Emmett's Chevy and I immediately hobbled out to see Edward. He pulled me into a tight hug, lifting me off the floor.

"What's Jake Black doing here?" he asked in a low voice.

"Jas invited him. Why?"

"Nothing," he replied, but I could tell that Jake's presence didn't exactly please him. I didn't understand why. Alice and Emmett seemed perfectly fine with him.

"Are you guys ready? It will take more than an hour to reach the clearing where we can set up camp. We still need time to gather some wood for a fire, so we better get cracking!" Emmett announced.

We started walking up a barely visible trail through the forest. Jake and Emmett were setting the pace ahead of us and I tried to keep up with Edward at first, but then fell back. I was walking with Jas, Rose and Alice for a while, but eventually Alice and I formed the tail end of our group.

"Bella, can I bother you with something?" Alice asked once we were lagging a substantial distance behind Jas and Rose.

"Sure, shoot!" I said, almost out of breath and regretting that I had agreed to this hike.

"What's wrong with Jas? Has he said anything to you? He's been acting weird for the last couple of days and hasn't come around to my house at night."

"Yeah, I know. Tell me about it. He pretends to be dead to the world by ten, and yesterday he was drinking beer with Jake. I'm sure it will blow over, Alice. I think you kind of freaked him out -- you know white picket fence house, children . . . He'll get over it." I looked over to her and she seemed paler than usual, which was pretty scary.

"Don't worry, Alice. I get the feeling he likes you. Maybe you just need to cool that kind of stuff for a while."

"It's just . . . you know. . . I like him. I guess I just didn't expect him to freak out about something silly like that. Mostly, I was joking," she replied in a strained, barely audible voice, wringing her little hands nervously.

"I don't know what to say, Alice. If he's being an asshole, just confront him about it. He should be eating out of the palm of your hand if you're hooking him up. But lay off any talk about the future for a while; I think it's a little scary. I'll kick his ass if you want," I offered. I felt bad for her. If my dear brother had a problem with her, he should at least have the courtesy to talk to her about it after creeping into her bedroom for nights on end.

"It's okay, Bella. You're right though. I think I'm going to give him the cold shoulder for a while. Maybe that will bring him to his senses." She smirked at me and rolled her eyes.

"Yep, might help. Rose would probably agree with you. Personally, I can't really comment. Have never tried it," I admitted, shrugging my shoulders.

"So how did you like the boathouse?" Alice asked suddenly with a wink.

"It was nice."

"Just nice?" Alice asked, a looking a little perturbed.

"Actually, it started disastrously, and then I guess . . . we're okay now?" Part of me wasn't sure whether I really wanted to discuss Edward with Alice. Heck, I really didn't want to know that Jas had hooked up with her, so I imagined she'd feel the same. But Alice surprised me.

"Give him some time, Bella. He doesn't really talk to me about you, but since I met Jas I can sort of tell that you guys were raised differently. Our parents' marriage isn't exactly a happy one and we were sort of brought up to believe sex was something that only happened once you're married, and only to have kids, you know? At least that was the only context it was ever discussed in. The actual biological aspects were mostly skipped. Mother home schooled us, so you can imagine. I had a meltdown when I got my period because I thought I was going to die when I saw the blood. She gave me the bare basics after that. We were still living in Alaska at the time, and I stole some of my father's medical textbooks to figure stuff out. I started to ignore Mother early on. Not just on that subject. She just has this vision of things and how they are supposed to be and if something doesn't fit, it's bad. I rebelled, but Edward never did. Then there was this incident where Mother caught Edward . . . you know . . ."

"What?" I asked her, even though I wasn't sure I was ready to hear more. What she'd told me so far was already weird enough.

"Ugh, I can't believe I'm telling you this . . . but I want you two to work. He deserves some happiness. He'd never speak to me again, if he knew. Okay, I think he forgot to lock the bathroom door, while you know . . ." She looked at me expectantly as if I should know what she was trying to say.

"What Alice? He forgot to lock the bathroom door? I don't understand."

Alice sighed heavily.

"Edward was about 13 and well . . ."

I thought for a while about what made 13 year old boys different. I really couldn't come up with anything aside from the fact that I remembered it as an awkward age. Then it clicked and I started laughing. It wasn't the reaction Alice was looking for.

"What, Alice? Don't tell me your mother caught him jerking off and it scarred him for life?" I asked, still giggling. "And just by the way, yeah, I'm sure he'd have a fit if he found out you're telling me about it. Don't ask me anything about Jas, please. If he found out I'd revealed all the embarrassing shit he's done in the past, he'd be out for blood."

"Yeah, that whole scenario might have been fun or at worst embarrassing at your house, but not at ours. Mother smacked him with a towel and told him he was disgusting. I heard him crying. When we moved here, I unpacked one of his book boxes by accident and found a bunch of stuff about the 'evils of masturbation' and some pretty gruesome stuff about sexually transmitted diseases. You wanna laugh, one of the books with the title _Plain Facts for Old and Young_ was written by a Dr. Kellogg -- the dude who invented breakfast cereals. Can you believe it! His book was scary as hell. According to him masturbation could cause insanity, cancer, impotence . . . you name it. Corn Flakes never quite tasted the same to me after that. I'm assuming Mother gave those books to him."

"Jeez, I don't know what to say . . . " I stammered. "Honestly, Alice, I'm sorry. It's just a little strange."

"Listen, I don't want to tell you this either. It makes me uncomfortable too. I just have the feeling you might give up on him and then I'll be stuck with moping Edward again, only he'd probably be moodier than before. I'm just trying to clear some things up. Plus, he's been helping me by covering when Jas comes over. He makes sure Mother never comes up to our floor. Just be patient with him, is all I'm trying to say," Alice pleaded.

"It's okay, Alice. Thanks. It explains a lot. I think I get it and, honestly, we sort of talked last night and I think we're okay. Don't worry about it. I do like your brother," I explained. "Can I ask you something Alice?"

"Yeah, what do you want to know?"

"You're dad seems pretty okay and he works at a women's health clinic. I can't imagine he'd want his children to be ignorant about sex, right?"

"My parents have been arguing for so long about everything and honestly I think he's just too tired to argue anymore. If he'd tell us something contrary to what Mother is preaching, he'd never hear the end of it. He did leave a bunch of pretty informative books though in his library. No idea whether he did that on purpose or not."

The more I learned about their parents, the freakier they became. Renee and the several gurus she had followed over the years had always advocated masturbation as a form of stress relief – frankly, I'd never really given it much thought. I felt horrible for belittling his reluctance to make out and not getting where he was coming from. _Though how could I? _

"Alice, Bella, can you guys walk any slower?" We heard Emmett bellow.

"Listen, big boy, I'm walking as fast as I can. If I walk faster, I'll stumble and your ass will have to carry me to the nearest emergency room!" I screamed back.

Alice and I picked up the pace afterwards and we soon reached the clearing where we were setting up camp. I wasn't sure how to approach Edward at first. I saw him dumping his backpack on the ground and taking off his jacket. He looked even more attractive here in the wilderness, where he seemed fully in his element. His plaid shirt was rolled up to his elbows, his hair was tousled, and his cheeks were flushed. Underneath that perfect exterior, though, was someone more complicated and screwed up. Could I handle that? I'd better learn to, because I couldn't resist him. I looked at him for a grand total of two minutes before pushing the disturbing stories Alice had shared with me aside and walked over to Edward. A perfect smile crossed his lips and he wrapped his arms around me. I inhaled deeply. Laundry detergent, soap, and some indescribably good smell I associated with Edward. I bet even if he didn't shower, he'd still smell good to me.

"I missed you," he whispered, nuzzling my hair.

"Could have walked slower." I pinched his arm teasingly, but then remembered that maybe it was a good thing I'd had time to chat with Alice.

"I was tempted to."

I placed an innocent kiss on his earlobe and he chuckled.

"You'll be the death of me, Bella."

"I hope not!" He bent down and kissed me.

"Rose, Bella, and Alice, why don't you go and get some wood so we can start a fire later on!" Emmett ordered. I pulled away from Edward and he was about to walk off, but I clung to him.

"No way, Emmett! Jas sucks with tents; he'll be useless. He can go search for firewood. I'm staying!"

"Yeah, what's with delegating the lowly task to us girls, anyway? I've had enough. I'm staying too," Rose agreed.

"Fine, I'll go. Alice, are you coming along?" Jas stood with his hands in his pockets leaning against a tree, waiting for Alice to skid over to him. She didn't move from her spot next to the pile of backpacks.

"Nah, I'm staying too," she said smiling calmly, plopping herself on top of the pile with grace before she started inspecting her nails, seemingly without a care in the world

"Fine, suit yourself," Jas replied, rolling his eyes. "Jake, are you coming along?"

"Sure," Jake agreed, jogging over to Jas.

"That's a recipe for disaster. You'll just get stoned and won't do anything. I'll come along. Let's go, boys, and get this over with." Rose strolled past Jake and Jas, who stared at her dumbfounded for a second before following her lead.

Edward and Emmett built the tent pretty quickly, while Alice and I lounged around, smoking cloves and chitchatting. Every so often I'd glance over to Edward. Sometimes he'd catch me looking and smile, and I'd feel my insides grow warm.

Rose, Jas, and Jake came back after an hour or so, all carrying piles of tree branches. While Jake started building the fire, Edward pulled me up onto my feet.

"Let's take a walk." Edward started pulling me by my hand out of the clearing and back into the surrounding forest. I was about to protest, telling him that a "walk" was really not something I was up for; the long hike up here had completely done me in already.

"Edward, I'm sorry, I don't mean to whine, but can we not wander too far off? I'm kind of exhausted from hiking up here." Edward turned around and gave me a crooked grin.

"We don't have to go far at all. Just out of sight . . ." he murmured, before kissing me. I threw my arms around his neck and pulled him closer. "So this trip isn't that bad, right?"

"Mmmh, I don't know, I think I liked the boathouse better. Not much of an outdoor person, and hiking . . . ugh," I added, frowning while Edward trailed kisses down my neck.

"I'm sorry. I should have slowed down and stayed with you."

"Don't worry . . ." I moved my mouth back to cover his and starting nipping at his bottom lip. He deepened the kiss out of his own volition, while his arms held me in a tight hug. I wasn't sure how to act all of a sudden. I wanted to let my hands roam, but maybe I should give him space? Should I let him set the pace, since he was obviously more uncomfortable about this than I was?

Fortunately, my shove last night seemed to have worked miracles, and Edward started acting like a normal teenage boy. His hands started exploring my breasts and, after a short while, one hand settled on my butt. Surprised by his complete change in behavior, I lost my balance when I felt his hand move on my ass, and stumbled. Edward noticed and pulled back.

"Sorry," he mumbled.

"What are you sorry about? I just stumbled. You know that happens all the time," I said, hoping it would reassure him that he hadn't done anything wrong. I kissed him again. "I like it, you know, when . . ." I trailed off, blushing a thousand different shades of red.

"You like what?" he asked, laughing.

"You know, when you touch me."

"I like touching you." We kissed and my knees grew weak. Edward was planting hot, wet, open-mouthed kisses all along my neck and collarbone. Soon we were one steamy mess, groping each other in the middle of the green, wet forest. When we fell to the ground, I didn't even care that it was damp. Edward took off his jacket and spread it out for us to lie on. His fingers found the hem of my sweater and started touching my naked skin.

"Bella," he panted in my ear. "Can I feel you again, like last night?"

"Mmmh," I nodded, trying to let him know he could touch me anywhere. His hand moved down to my jeans.

"May I?" he asked, pointing at the button on my jeans.

"Yeah, sure. Go for it!" I giggled at his question.

He unbuttoned my pants, but when his hand moved, it remained over my panties. I took his hand, pulled it back a little and pushed it into my panties. His breath hitched when his fingers found their way farther down. He let his finger slide up and down a couple of times, before finding the right spot to apply pressure. I tensed underneath his touch.

"Here, right?" he asked, rubbing over my clitoris. I moaned in response and rocked my hips forward.

"Yes, how do you . . .?" After the horror stories Renee and Rose had shared about the utter ignorance of most guys on the easiest way to make a woman orgasm, I was shocked that my virgin with a fear of sex had figured it all out within a few hours.

"I snuck into Dad's office last night and read his anatomy text books. Tell me . . . I'm not sure if I'm doing it right," he requested, his brows furrowed in concentration as if he was trying to solve a math problem while moving his fingers over my sensitive spot.

"You're doing really well . . ." I panted. "Just . . . maybe try circles?" His fingers adjusted and I almost came undone.

"Too much pressure?" he whispered, gauging my reaction while continuing to stroke me with his amazingly agile fingers.

"No, perfect . . ."

He continued kissing me while his fingers worked their magic. He got more adventurous, and one of his fingers found my entrance. "Tell me if it hurts."

"It's not hurting," I assured him, as I felt his finger push inside of me. I moved to lie on my back to give him better access, still in shock about how much things had changed. Edward had overnight become better at getting me off than I was myself. I rocked my hips into his hand and let go.

"Edward . . ." I muffled my scream by biting his shoulder when I came. Edwards's hand lingered in my pants for a while until I pushed myself up and he moved to my side.

I figured I had better pay him back now. My eyes wandered down to his hips, as we were lying on our sides facing each other, and I saw his hard-on straining against his jeans. It couldn't be comfortable for him to walk back like that now. _And really -- how selfish of me would it be not to reciprocate, right?_ I was nervous as hell, thinking my clumsy hands would be inadequate. I tried to distract myself by kissing him, when I moved my hand down and started working on unbuckling his belt. He stilled for a second.

"You don't have to," he said with a strained tone in his voice.

"No, I want to, but I need you to show me how to touch you," I responded quietly, popping the button of his jeans open. I opened the rest of the buttons quickly and pushed his underwear down. I looked down at it curiously and let my hands glide over it. The skin felt so smooth and soft as I let my fingers trail down over the tip and his length. I felt something moist seeping from his tip when I let my fingers graze up again; I spread the gooey stuff down on him, wrapping my hand around him. Edward lay perfectly still with his eyes closed next to me, his hands resting on my waist. Ideally, I wanted him to touch himself once, so I could see how to do this properly, but I kind of got the feeling that he'd feel uncomfortable stroking himself in front of me.

"Hey, if you're not showing me, tell me if I'm doing this right, okay?" I coaxed, kissing and pulling at his lips.

"You're perfect, Bella . . . it feels really good . . ." he moaned. I wanted to ask whether I should apply more pressure or move faster, but I sensed he wasn't going to be of any help; instead I tried to figure out how I was doing by his reactions to my efforts. I applied a little more pressure and let my hands move faster up and down. Every so often I'd let my thumb move over his tip. I must have been doing something right because his breath sped up, while he was kissing and sucking the skin along my neck and his hips rocked forward into my hand.

"Tell me, if you're close?" I whispered.

"Close!" he answered almost immediately, moving on his back and pushing his shirt up. I moved with him quickly and three strokes later I felt his hot and sticky stuff on my fingers. I looked at my hand for a second, before deciding to rub the stuff on the tree bark behind me. I inspected the mess on Edward's stomach and quickly offered up my shirt to clean it up. I took off my sweater and t-shirt, tossing the t-shirt to him.

"Here," I said, smiling and pulling my sweater back over my head. It scratched a little, but I could put on a new t-shirt when we got back.

"Thanks," he whispered, wiping of the mess from his stomach and buttoning up his pants. I zipped up my own jeans, before Edward pulled me back down to him and started kissing me again.

"Hey, I think we should head back," I sighed, resting my head on his chest, playing with his shirt.

"I don't want to." He pulled his arm around my shoulders, crushing me to his body.

"I don't want to either . . . Thanks for the research effort, by the way," I said with a wink and a smirk, propping my head on my hands and looking at Edward.

"Oh, the pleasure was all mine . . ." he answered, with a chuckle. "I should have done that earlier, I guess. Do you think Rose or Jas will come looking for you?"

"Ha, no, but my stomach is starting to growl, and I'd like to put on a fresh t-shirt because this sweater is itchy."

"Okay, one more kiss." Edward flipped us over and hovered above me, slowly moving his lips to mine. When he moved his lips to my ear, he froze for a second.

"I'm sorry, Bella, please don't kill me when you see this . . . didn't realize . . ." he said, his forehead wrinkled, but I thought I could detect the hint of a smile twitching around the outer corners of his mouth.

"What?"

"I might have left a mark on you neck there," he answered, now smiling from ear to ear touching a spot on the middle of my neck.

"Great, you gave me a hickey and I don't even have a scarf to cover this up," I rambled. Edward got up between my legs and held his hand out to help me up from the floor, still smiling.

"What's so funny, now?" He put on his jacket and held mine up for me to slip into.

"I like it," he said, pushing my hair away to inspect his handiwork.

"Jeez, Edward. You do realize that you're subjecting me to ridicule by Jas and Rose because of this," I retorted, pointing to my neck.

"Yeah, but hopefully Jake will stay away now," he said, pulling me to his side.

"Please, he's just a friend. I'm sure he doesn't care. If this is an attempt to mark your territory, I'm pissed," I complained, pushing my elbow into his ribs.

"But I like marking you," he pouted, his head moving down to kiss the hickey on my neck. It felt so good to be with Edward like this, lightheartedly kissing and fooling around, that I almost didn't care about the hickey anymore.

I let my hair fall forward when we reached the clearing and headed straight for the backpack lying in the tent. Alice followed me into the tent as I searched for a clean t-shirt.

"Bella, I think it's working a little already!" She clapped her hands excitedly.

"What's working? The cold-shoulder-thing?"

"Yeah, he's trying really hard now to get my attention. What's this?" she asked moving my hair away to inspect my neck as I stood up. She covered her mouth with her hand. "I guess my explanation this morning and my pep talk to be patient were entirely unnecessary! Oh, God, I had no idea . . . I have a scarf you could borrow, do you want it?"

Alice laughed, walking over to her backpack to retrieve a scarf.

"Thanks, Alice," I said as I took the scarf from her. Edward frowned when he saw me stepping out of the tent with Alice's grey scarf wrapped around my neck. Since people weren't able to see the mark he had left on my neck, he had apparently decided it was a good idea to have his arms or at least one of his hands permanently attached to me while shooting glares at Jake whenever he came close to me. I even had to politely tell him to let go when I needed to pee. I really didn't need an audience for that.

When I stumbled back to the fire, Jake had just lit a joint, and offered it to me as I approached. I sat down next to him, took the joint, and took a couple of puffs, blowing the smoke out in perfect rings before handing the joint to Jas, who was sitting on my other side.

"Bells, you better get back to your boy over there," Jake teased, nodding in the direction of Edward, "before he stalks over here and rips my head off for talking to you too long."

"I'm sure he'll survive for ten minutes without me by his side. Sorry, by the way; I have no idea what his problem with you is," I apologized.

"Maybe he's just jealous, Bells," he said, shrugging his shoulders and smiling.

"Oh, please what's there to be jealous about?" I said, exasperated by the fact that Edward kept on staring at Jake. Emmett tried handing Edward the joint, but he declined. I took a sip from the bottle of Jack Jas handed me and rolled my eyes at Edward who had given me a pout. I smiled and got back up to sit next to Edward, who looked slightly lost by himself.

I slept horribly that night. Someone was always either snoring or rolling over, the floor below me felt hard and uncomfortable, and I was cold, even though I was wrapped in a sleeping bag and Edward was almost lying on top of me. I woke up grumpy and tired the next day.

After we ate some bland toast and cereal without milk, we headed back down the same trail we took yesterday. Unlike yesterday, Edward stayed next to me as I stumbled down the path.

"So what's your problem with Jake?" I asked casually when we were alone.

"Nothing. I just don't want you anywhere near him," he answered, his jaw tight with tension.

"Well, that's kind of unavoidable, Edward. His dad and mine are friends, and he comes over to our house. Never mind that I think he's actually cool, so I think you need to get over it – whatever your problem with Jake is – and make nice."

I heard him huff behind me and turned around to look at him.

"What, Edward? What's the deal?"

"Seriously, Bella, do you have to get high with him? Is that why you're friends with him? Maybe smoking a little less would help you see that he's all shades of wrong to hang around!"

"Oh, please, you think I hang out with him because he smokes grass? Do you think I'm that shallow?"

"Jas and you get high all the time. I mean, you barely even remembered the beach party where you had all these drunk guys chasing you," he grumbled.

"Drunk guys chasing me? Excuse me, it's not my fault that Newton is thick and wouldn't take no for answer. Seriously, Edward, have you ever even seen me really stoned or drunk?"

He didn't answer me, but rolled his eyes instead. For some reason, no response was just as bad as all the other shit that had burbled out of his mouth seconds earlier.

"You know what's fucking rich about you accusing of me in overindulging in harmless pot and some shots of booze? That it comes from a guy whose mother is totally high on Uppers and habitually boozes at night," I continued to rant.

"Uppers? What are you even talking about, Bella," he snapped.

"Amphetamines, Edward! How can you not notice!"

"It's not true . . ." he insisted.

"Oh, please. She fidgets, twitches and is skeletally thin . . . I'm pretty certain she's popping something." This time I rolled my eyes. He shook his head and started walking really fast ahead of me. Within minutes he was so far ahead of me that I couldn't see him anymore.

"Edward, wait!" I screamed, panicking all of a sudden at being alone and running after him.

I ran until I stumbled over a protruding tree root and fell. I tried to push myself up, but my ankle hurt like hell. Stubbornly, I limped for a while, but I only managed to move slowly. I screamed for a while for Edward, but then I gave up. He probably was too upset right now; he'd just ignore me. Nobody heard me screaming and the thought of being stuck in this forest alone terrified me. I glanced above me to see whether I could still see the sun.

"Jas . . . Rose!" I screeched. I tried limping again until I heard footsteps behind me.

"Alice!" I shouted, thinking that maybe she would be behind us still.

"Bella!" I recognized Jas' voice.

"Jas, I'm here. I fell!" A minute later Jas, Jake, and Alice were standing next to me.

"What happened? You're bleeding," Jas observed. I looked down and noticed that I'd scraped my hands, probably during an attempt to break my fall.

"I fell, and Edward was too far ahead of me." I attempted to explain.

"Edward left you alone to walk down this trail?" Alice asked with an incredulous look on her face.

"We kind of had a fight," I answered quietly, shrugging my shoulders.

"Still . . ." Alice said, wrinkling her forehead.

"Can you walk?" Jas asked, inspecting my ankle.

"Hardly, but I think I'm okay if I can lean on you."

"How about I carry you piggyback for a while?" Jas said, offering me his back to climb onto.

"Let me know if you want to switch, Jas. I can carry Bella for a while. We'll probably be faster this way," Jake offered, as we started our way down the trail. Jake and Jas switched turns a couple of times carrying me down the trail before we reached the spot where we'd parked our cars.

I was almost asleep in Jake's arms when I heard Rose shriek.

"Shit, Bella, what happened now?"

"Bella, I'm so sorry." Edward appeared all of a sudden next to Jake.

"She stumbled and fell. I think she has a sprained ankle. I don't know whether we should take her to Port Angeles to see a doctor, just on the off chance that it might be broken or something," Jas explained calmly, loading the bags into our truck bed.

"I'm going to drop you off in the truck, Bells," Jake said. My eyes started darting to Edward, who was hovering over me like he was about to rip me out of Jake's arms.

"Jake, I can take her," Edward suggested.

"Dude, I think you've done enough for one day," Jake snapped, sidestepping Edward.

"Jake, it's okay. Just put me down," I insisted, feeling a pang of guilt when I saw Edward. He had said some pretty shitty things, but I shouldn't have said what I said about his mother, even if it was the truth.

"I'll put you down on the seat." Jake walked quickly over to the truck door Rose was holding open, with Edward following close behind.

"I cannot believe you left her stumbling by herself down this trail," Rose said, before she slammed the truck door closed.

"Listen, Rose, I already said I'm sorry. Can I at least talk to her?" Edward asked, trying to open the door, but Rose wouldn't budge.

"We'll just drive her to Port Angeles now. Why don't you call her later?" Rose suggested. I wanted to open the truck door, crawl back into Edward's arms and tell him how truly sorry I was for the stuff I'd said. I made some feeble attempt even, but before I could pry open the door, Emmett had pulled Edward back, Jas and Jake had piled into the truck and we drove off.

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	18. Chapter 18 The Medicine Cabinet

**Many** **thanks to my betas Reamhar & KCerena! Writing an EPOV was way more challenging than I had imagined.**

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**Chapter 18 – The Medicine Cabinet**

_EPOV_

I stared at the large wooden clock in the corner of the living room. The pendulum swung from side to side, indicating the seconds, minutes and hours that had passed; yet time was standing still for me. My leg was bouncing up and down, while my eyes darted back and forth between the clock and the pages of horizontal lines splattered with black specks in front of me. I didn't need to look at the sheet music; I had long ago stopped playing that piece.

My fingers moved over the piano keys and Rachmaninoff's Elegie in E-flat minor filled the empty, lifeless room. When my hands stopped moving, the silence returned. The eerie quiet was on most days only disrupted by the muffled sounds of footsteps, quiet voices and piano music. Every so often Alice would scream at mother, but lately even that had ceased. I was familiar with the stillness and silence that reigned in this house. In fact, for a while I'd cherished it. It had seemed preferable to the clamor caused by the constant arguing, slammed doors and crying that had dominated our previous home in Alaska.

The sounds of real life -- loud footsteps, banter, dinner conversations, the clinking of plates and silverware, and laughter -- never permeated the walls here. I had some vague memory of those sounds, but I hadn't missed them for a long time. Not until...Bella.

Her arrival had lifted the fog that had clouded my mind. I saw my surroundings now for what they were. My absent, philandering father and my controlling, irascible mother who barely held herself together, but still managed to exercise complete control over Alice and me. Maybe, somewhere in the back of my mind I had known for a long time who my parents really were, but had chosen to simply ignore it and live with it. But that was no longer an option now that the house had started feeling like an isolated, cold prison I wanted to escape from.

I still had no concept of how Bella's mere appearance in this town had managed to completely unravel my world. She had become my bright spot of light, my escape. At the same time, she had forced me to confront whatever was happening at home, making me feel trapped and panicked. She has no idea what she is doing to me.

I glanced back at the clock again and started counting the seconds as they passed. Seven hours, forty-five minutes and sixty-six seconds. I couldn't wait anymore; I wanted to crawl out of my skin and flee. There was no hiding from the truth any longer; all excuses were rendered meaningless, and I was too hyper-aware to drown everything out. I wanted this to be over, confirmed, compartmentalized, and pushed away into a corner so far in the back of my head that I would have difficulty ever recalling it.

Mother was still awake, arranging books in the library. Finally, I heard the click-clack of her heels trailing up the stairs. I waited at the door of the living room, standing still, listening, and trying to discern any noise indicating that she was still up.

I walked barefoot up to the second floor. I waited at the door to her bedroom, swallowing bile that had been rising from my stomach since this afternoon. After a while, I couldn't hear any more movement from the room, so I pushed the door and it opened without a sound. She lay on her back, eyes closed, breathing shallowly and her fingers still twitching. I remained in the doorway, the light from the hallway casting a shadow of my standing, motionless form into the bedroom.

I don't know for how long I stood there, watching her, before I took the first step into her bedroom. I passed the bed slowly until I reached the door leading to her bathroom. I slipped in hastily, closed the door behind me, and turned on the light. I stared at the medicine cabinet hanging next to the sink. The marble floor of the bathroom felt cold, and my hands were shaking. I stared at myself in the mirror of the cabinet, not recognizing my own image. I opened the door slowly. I knew Bella was right and I was wrong; I was just looking for confirmation. I had been wrong about so many things lately. The pieces of the puzzle no longer fitted together; things were shifting and changing too quickly.

I stared at the shelves in front of me. I knew I would find something. The medicine cabinet was stocked full of brown glass bottles with white caps. I gazed at the writing on the bottles, looking for amphetamines. I didn't know where to start. There were so many bottles. I glanced at the labels --Valium, codeine sulfate, Thorazine, cocaine hydrochloride, and then amphetamine salts. I pulled the bottle out and looked at the name of the doctor prescribing them. Dr. Alec Volturi.

The bottle slipped out of my clammy hand and landed with a crash on the floor. The pills scattered everywhere. I panicked for a second, listened intently for any change in her breathing. Nothing -- just the same shallow, barely audible sound.

I had ignored my surroundings for too long. The monotony of the school, my father's decision to not be a part of this family anymore, my mother's irrational behavior . . . I'd been trapped by an idiotic sense of pride and obligation, never bothering to scratch the surface of our so seemingly perfect family. The panic subsided and I stopped caring about whether or not I would upset her. I stepped over the broken glass, opened the door, and walked up to my room.

When I reached my room, the fear returned. The fear that I had screwed up the only thing that seemed to make life worth living lately. I was pacing back and forth, pulling my hair. I wanted to run, get out of this house, even just temporarily. But the only person I wanted to run to didn't want to see me – I was certain of that. Charlie had been polite when I'd called, telling me that they were on their way back from Port Angeles and that Bella was alright. He even said to come by if I wanted to. But in spite of Charlie's kind words, I knew there was no use in going over there, after I had left her alone, and run off just because I didn't want to hear the truth. I had been so good at avoiding the truth, even while Alice had been beating the walls down in her room, screaming and yelling over the last two years at our mother. I had only gotten involved and stepped in between them when it was absolutely necessary. While, I'd understood Alice's behavior, I'd always viewed her persistent fight against Mother's rules as unnecessary. I had nothing to gain from breaking them.

Until Bella walked into that miserable school and suddenly, I wanted to break all the rules. The minute she stumbled out of the truck with her siblings I longed for her in ways I'd never wanted anyone before. I watched her sitting at the lunch table with all the people I'd decided to ignore. I didn't know whether she'd chosen to sit there, but I hoped she hadn't. Lauren, Jessica and Mike Newton represented everything I resented about this place, their minds only revolving around small town gossip. The first time she walked into biology, I thought she was avoiding me. I thought she only took the seat because Banner had ordered her to. I couldn't blame her; she'd probably heard all the gossip over the lunch break. I never bothered to correct the rumors, but when I saw her standing there, hesitantly searching the room for a seat, I instantly regretted it. Regretted that I hadn't made more of effort to squash all the ridiculous rumors Lauren was spreading about me. Part of me considered whether I should have accepted Lauren's advances last year. Then again how could I have known that she'd interpret my rejection to mean I didn't like girls? I stared at Bella during that class.

She was like a summer breeze, cool and refreshing and I swore I could still smell the sun and the sea around her. Everything about her was natural, honest, and uninhibited. No make-up, her loose fitting clothes hanging carelessly over her frail shoulders, and her long silky hair draped around her like a veil. She was like nobody I'd ever met before.

As much as I tried to control myself, I couldn't. I thought about her constantly from that first day on, and it only got worse after she started talking to me. She actually made an effort. Bella was naturally kind and funny, while I was too preoccupied with what other people were saying about her and anxious that she'd never like me to see she was actually just trying to get to know me. I was acting like a pathetic sissy, scared that she'd like someone else, worried about rejection. Even worse, I took all the rumors about her and her siblings seriously. The same stuff I'd scoffed at when I first arrived here all of sudden seemed worth listening to.

Above all, I didn't know how to act around her. The fact she never wore a bra didn't exactly help my attempts to act normal around her. Despite all the warning about my impending insanity, as predicted from the books my mother gave me, I found myself obsessively running into restroom stalls whenever I saw her at school. Yet I just couldn't stay away from her. I followed her around the corridors of Forks High like a creepy stalker, and when I'd dropped off Alice at home I'd came up with some lame excuse to leave again to see Bella. Sometimes I'd just go jogging and my route led me accidently by her house, and occasionally I took the car. On a lucky day, I'd see Jas and her outside smoking cigarettes, and sometimes I'd follow them to the supermarket. I almost never caught her alone, not that I would have actually had the guts to go over and talk to her. Even after Alice forced me to ask her out on a date, so that she could go out with Bella's brother, I still couldn't bring myself to step out of the shadow.

I was so caught up with judging her by her sibling's actions that I didn't even realize that she liked me. I didn't realize that my irrational behavior was what had kept me from her, while Newton and the other idiots that buzzed around her made themselves more than available. Who was I kidding though? I was worse than all of them combined.

Whatever notions of proper dating behavior, masturbation and sex were instilled in me by my mother were slowly abandoned once we'd kissed. At first I was embarrassed about it; -- _that incident --_ in the kitchen where I shamelessly ground myself into her, but she laughed about it and said it was nothing. I couldn't help myself and still almost screwed it up royally as well. I kept on thinking if she thought this was perfectly normal behavior, how many guys had she been with? In the end my reluctance to just go for what felt right was fuelled by jealousy, possessiveness, and fear of something I knew nothing about.

I'd to stop lingering on past screw-ups though, since it certainly wouldn't help me with fixing my most recent one. I looked at my alarm clock. It was nearly 9 o'clock. She would be back from her trip to the hospital now. Maybe she won't want to see me, but at least I should have tried. It was too late now to knock on her front door though. Besides, she didn't want to see me. She had looked scared and tired in Jake's arms, and it was my fault.

I couldn't even get the simple things right, like sticking around after a fight or just telling her what was on my mind. I'd once told her that I wouldn't make any judgments, yet that's all I'd been doing.

Caught up in self-pity, pacing in my room, I almost didn't hear the knock on my door. I walked over to the door and opened it. Alice was standing there, looking at me with big, sad eyes.

"What are you doing here, Edward? You need to go see her!" she urged, pushing me back into the room and closing the door behind her.

"It's too late now to knock on the door. I should have gone there an hour ago. I can't just climb into her room. Jas will be there . . ." I huffed.

"Edward, who cares whether Jas is at home? Fucking grow up. Knock on her door, and if no one answers, check out the window. It doesn't matter whether Jas is there or not. I'm sure he'd give you two a minute alone. You should've been there an hour ago instead of confirming in Mother's medicine cabinet what we both know was true. She just recognized something we should have figured out a long time ago."

"What if she doesn't want to see me, Alice?" I asked in panic and continuing to pace.

"Why wouldn't she want to see you? You left her alone, remember? And she actually excused your imbecilic behavior by saying you had had a fight. Get over your stupid fears and silly jealousy! I know you're in love with her Edward, so don't let this pass you by just because you've r'''ve ealized some things about our dysfunctional parents. Just go already! Take the car even. We both know she won't wake up," Alice insisted, pushing me towards the door.

"I don't think she wants to see me now. You're right; I should have gone hours ago. Now it's too late."

"Oh lord, Edward. Seriously? You're pathetic! Do you want to lay awake all night, torturing yourself? You're such masochist! Trust me, if I was her, I would be mad at you, and I'd be even madder if you didn't bother to show up and apologize afterward what you did. Do you want to wait until she has to hobble to school tomorrow with yet another injury? It's just gonna be more awkward." She stared at me before continuing with her rant.

"And please don't give me that holier than though speech that you're so above creeping into a girl's bedroom. You've been following her around at all hours of the day since she got here. It wouldn't surprise me if you've gawked through her window at night."

Apparently my stalking had been totally transparent to my sister. She silently handed me a pair of shoes and a jacket before shoving me out of the door into the hallway. It hit me right there and then that, even if she didn't want to see me tonight, I would never be able to give up trying to see Bella. I would follow her and plead with her until she'd have me back. Always.

I walked downstairs, opened the front door, and put my shoes on sitting on the steps under the outdoor light. I heard some noise on the driveway leading up to our house, but I couldn't see anything in the dark. I stared until I saw Jas on his bicycle approaching our house.

"Hey, man, are you heading over to see Bella?" he asked, stopping in front of me and dropping the bicycle on the ground.

"Yes. Listen, Jas, I'm sorry I left her alone on that path. I didn't mean to walk so fast . . . " I said, trying to come up with excuses for my wretched behavior, but he stopped me by holding up his hands.

"Dude, no need to apologize to me. I'm not even sure she's expecting one. I think she'd be happy just to see you. She was whining on the way to the hospital that she didn't get to say good-bye to you." He looked at me with a small smirk playing around his lips. "So you think your mom will hear me if I just walk through the front door?"

"I doubt it," I answered truthfully, before sprinting towards the car and driving away.

As I got closer to her house, I pulled of the road, parked the car and I ran the rest of the way. I noticed that all the windows were dark except hers. I wasn't sure whether Charlie was still awake, and so I opted for the tree in front of her window again. When I reached her window, I saw her lying on her bed with her foot propped up on a pillow reading a book. I tapped the glass with my knuckles lightly. Bella turned around and smiled at me warmly as if nothing had happened. I knew I would never turn around and run away again.

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	19. Chapter 19 Sprained

**Special thx go out to Reamhar – who double and triple checked this chapter for me and to KCerena. Without my betas I'd be lost!**

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Jimi Hendrix – _May This Be Love_

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**19. Sprained**

I felt beyond annoyed and manhandled as I sat crumpled up between Jake and Jas in the truck driving toward Port Angeles. I knew it wasn't really Edward's fault I had stumbled like an idiot down the trail and injured myself. Even with him right next to me, it could have happened. And shit, I shouldn't have said the things I said about his mother. No wonder he ran away from me. Or maybe I should have told him about it, but in a different way.

If someone ever said something remotely negative about Renee, I would want to rip their head off – even if what they said was the truth. As much as I disliked his mother, I was certain he must know a side of her that was different; after all, everybody has some redeeming qualities. Never mind that she was his mom. In retrospect, I was horrified those words had actually come out of my mouth. Had I really called his mom something along the lines of a raging pill popper? I shuddered. I should have kept my big, fat trap shut.

To make the whole ride even more irritating, I felt smothered and squeezed by Jake, who had casually wrapped his arm around my shoulder. A feeling of claustrophobia slowly crept over me. His arm was hot and sweaty, my shirt dirty and grimy, and I could barely breathe anymore. Irritation turned quickly to frustration and anger. I started wondering whether Edward was right to be jealous and I'd just been too clueless to figure it out. I wanted to get back to Forks and call Edward instead of sitting in this truck, driving for hours just to confirm that I'd sprained my ankle for the fifth time in my life.

"Jake, move your arm!" I huffed, trying to push it away from my shoulder. He removed it without comment. "Guys, I think the ankle is going to be fine. Can we please just head home?"

"We should get it checked out, Bells. If it's broken and doesn't heal right, you'll be limping for the rest of your life," Jas argued.

"Fine," I grumbled, resigning myself to staying in the truck and driving to Port Angeles.

"So what happened? Why did Edward sprint away from you like you had cooties?" Rose asked suddenly.

"Nothing happened. We just had a fight and I said something I shouldn't have."

"What about?" Rose continued her inquisition, undeterred by my reluctance and despite the audience.

"Nothing, Rose. It was my fault, okay? You should've let me talk to him, so I could've apologized at least," I added, slightly frustrated.

"Jeez, Bella. Take a chill pill. We'll be back in no time and you can call him. Personally, I think he's the one that should be sorry. He ran right past Emmett and me on the way back and when I asked him where you were he didn't even answer me. Your boyfriend is one moody, whiney ass kid. You should let him simmer in his own juices for a while."

Instead of responding to Rose, I turned the radio on to tune the world out. Tired from a horrible night's sleep in the tent, the fight, and stumbling down the trail, I fell asleep listening to the soft crooning voice of Nina Simon and only woke up when Jas shook my shoulder after we'd stopped in front of a small hospital.

I started wondering whether I'd have the pleasure of meeting Edward's father again as I limped into the waiting area of the hospital. While Rose filled out some paperwork and Jas went to a nearby drugstore to get candy bars, I sat alone with Jake. I didn't want to be in this grungy little waiting room and suddenly the mere presence of Jake irked me. I guess, somewhere in the back of my mind, I irrationally blamed him for my fight with Edward.

Rose was still talking to a nurse and I was about to get up and see what was taking so long when Jake pulled me back into the chair by my arm.

"It's best if you just sit and wait, Bella. We'll be out of here soon and then you can call your stuck up boyfriend."

I didn't know what to say and opted for rolling my eyes at him. "Whatever. He may have had a reason for being that way."

"I don't care, Bella. Don't tell me you fought because he was jealous? 'Cause lemme tell you, that's not an excuse for running off like that."

I sighed, remembering the part of our fight that made me snap at him.

"Not completely, but I think that started it," I admitted.

"Edward is way judgmental, you know that right? I've got a hunch about why he doesn't like me, by the way," Jake muttered, letting his head fall back against the wall behind his chair.

"Why?" My curiosity piqued, I turned around to face him.

"Leah, Sam's girlfriend from a while back, was pregnant. Sam had broken up with her and she didn't even want to tell him about it. He was already with Emily when she'd figured she was prego. She had no one else to come to the clinic with her and somebody needed to drive her home. She asked me to come along. Your boyfriend came by that afternoon to see his father and he saw me picking up Leah, you know, after . . . the procedure. I guess he drew some conclusions. I have no idea whether I'm correct about it, but I do think that might be part of the reason why he doesn't like me and likes you hanging out with me even less."

Jake's story made sense to me. It would seem so typically Edward to make an assumption about that sort of thing and then run with it. My mind wandered back to our argument in the boathouse and to what Alice had told me. I got where he was coming from and why he had all those narrow minded ideas, but that didn't justify his sometimes outright hostile behavior.

"I can see why he'd judge and assume. Why didn't you correct him about it?"

"I don't care if he likes me or not, Bella. I just don't want you to be mad at me . . ."

"I'm not mad at you, Jake. I think I'm just angry with myself. I said some stuff about his mom and I know I shouldn't have gone there. I have a hissy fit every time someone says something about Renee, even if they are right. I feel like I should have known better."

"He'll get over it and if he doesn't, he's not worth it," Jake added, with a grin on his face.

"Isabella Swan." I heard a nurse call out for me.

"Yep, that's me."

"Can you walk, or should we get you a wheelchair or crutches?"

"I can limp along. It's fine." Jake got up with me and helped me hobble. We followed the nurse into a different room.

"Dr. Cullen will be with you in a couple of minutes to see whether we need to x-ray your ankle. I think your sister already filled out all the necessary forms. You can just take a seat over there." The nurse pointed to the examination table with a smile before leaving.

"Have you met him before?" Jake asked, inspecting the room.

"Who? Dr. Cullen?" Jake nodded. "Yeah, once after Lauren hit me with a softball in the face. Edward called him and he came over to our house that night."

"I see. He seems nice," Jake added with a smirk.

"Yeah, a little too nice. But I guess that's okay. Kind of makes you wonder...."

"Why your boyfriend is such a stick in the mud, considering how friendly his father is?" Rose finished my sentence, leaning casually against the doorway and eliciting a snicker from all of us.

Even thought I didn't like to admit it, she was sort of right. Edward could use a healthy dose of his father's friendly bedside manner.

Our laughter was interrupted when Dr. Cullen entered, followed by the nurse who'd shown us to the room.

"Both of you can leave and wait for Isabella in the waiting area," the previously friendly nurse instructed Rose and Jake, giving Rose a particularly sour look.

"Beth, it's okay. They can stay," Dr. Cullen replied with a smile plastered on his face.

"Hey, Bella. How are you today? What happened this time?"

"I stumbled and fell. I think it's just a sprained ankle."

"Well, let me see." He carefully started inspecting my swollen ankle. "So, did Edward come along with you?"

"No, he went home," I answered automatically, without thinking about it. _Shit, they weren't supposed to hang out with us, right? _

"Ts, ts, ts and I thought I'd taught my son better," he responded wiggling his eyebrows.

"Well, in his defense, he probably wanted to, but I thought it was better if we took her," Rose said, sitting down next to me on the examination table, smiling at him while shooting the nurse a slightly condescending glance.

"Good to know that he didn't voluntarily abandon his girlfriend. So, Bella, I don't think we'll need an x-ray. I will wrap this for you in a bandage and you should be good to go. Try to avoid putting pressure on it and elevate it when you're sitting down. If the swelling doesn't go down, let Edward know and I'll come by your house during the week."

My mind retired to cloud nine after the magical word "girlfriend" left Dr. Love's lips. Flabbergasted and happy at the same time, I stumbled out of the room. I had thought Edward was keeping me a complete secret when his Dad seemed to know about us. I barely registered that the nurse was still giving Rose the stink eye and that her eyes turned glassy each time she looked at Dr. Cullen. The floor underneath my feet felt soft and my brain no longer registered the pain coming from my ankle.

Feasting on _Sugar Daddies _aswe drove back home to Forks, I made up my mind: I'd try to call Edward's house the minute I got home and tell him how truly sorry I was. I would totally grovel, if that's what it would take for him to forgive me.

And I did -- call that is. Unfortunately, nobody answered. Charlie told me that Edward had called earlier to find out how I was doing. It had given me hope that he wasn't completely mad at me and he would probably forgive me. But then he never called again that night, and he didn't come over to our house. Eventually I gave up hope that he'd come over and so I took a shower and crawled into our bedroom to read. Jas followed shortly afterwards and plunked himself down on his bed.

"So what exactly did you argue about?"

"None of your business, Jas," I grumbled, staring at my book.

"You know, Bells, you're holding the book upside down, so stop pretending you're actually reading. I don't understand why you won't talk about it."

"Jas, I don't want to, okay?" I cut him off, tossing my book to the side and closing my eyes. "Why don't you make yourself useful and go over to their house. And before hooking up with Alice, you can knock on his door and tell him to call me or come over here so I can fix this."

"I told you already . . . I like her, but I'm freaked out. I can't go over there at the moment. Being with Alice is the opposite of what I'm used to. It's not like we ever planned ahead before because Renee always fucking moved," he murmured with an annoyed look on his face.

"Why don't you tell her that? She has a somewhat screwed up mother -- she might be able to relate. She asked me about why you're acting so strange and I felt really shitty talking to her about it, when really you guys should be discussing your meltdown and aversion to future-planning," I snapped. "And for crying out loud, dear brother, take a shower before you go!"

He looked slightly befuddled by my outburst, but then his lips lifted up in a smile.

"So you think I should talk to her, huh?"

"Yeah, I do." I nodded.

"Okay, then. Shower and off I go." Shaking his head and muttering something under his breath that I couldn't decipher, he grabbed his clothes and left.

Ten minutes later, Jas poked his head into our room to tell me he was off to cycle over to the Cullens' house. I tried reading Shakespeare for class, this time making sure I at least held the book in the right way up, but I barely managed to pay attention to it. Instead I kept on hoping that Edward would come by and wondering what it would mean if he didn't. I raced through countless scenarios in my head as to what I should do in case he didn't come.

I had been staring at the same page for what felt like hours, when I heard a tap on the window. I was so excited that I almost jumped out of the bed, which would have landed me with full force on my already screwed up ankle. Instead I carefully placed my feet next to the bed before limping to the window with what I was sure looked like a completely freaky smile on my face and bright red cheeks.

I saw Edward hanging in the tree again. Since I could still hear the TV from the living room, it was probably a good thing he'd chosen the tree route instead of the front door.

"Hey, I'm glad you came," I said, opening the window and feeling awkward, but figuring it was best to get it over with. "And I shouldn't have said those things about your mom. I'm really sorry."

He stared at me with a curious expression on his face and I could feel my face heat up even further. _Shit_, I thought, _I hope he didn't make the effort to come here just to break up with me. _Uneasy all of a sudden, I stumbled back to sit on my bed. Edward sat down slowly next to me.

"Bella, you have nothing to apologize for. I behaved like an idiot and not for the first time either. If I keep on doing it, I'm afraid one day you'll wake up and realize that I'm really not good enough for you. You deserve someone so much better," he whispered. "And you were right about the pills."

He leaned forward with his elbows on his knees and covered his face with his hands. I pulled one hand away and saw his face was marred by a crumpled, sad expression.

"Hey, don't say that, Edward. Even if I was right about the pills, the way I said it was wrong. I'm sorry for that . . . and about the pills. Nobody is perfect. I guess what I'm trying to say is, it's okay, you know?"

He looked up at me, pulled his other hand away from his face, and placed it carefully on my cheek. "How did you get to be so much wiser than me?"

"Ha, ha . . . I'm not wise at all . . . must be all the grass I've smoked talking!" I laughed, pushing him in his the shoulder. Surprisingly his frown turned into a small smile. "You know I'm kidding, right?"

"Mmmh, are you now!" he said, before kissing me. I was so relieved he wasn't mad at me that I felt like devouring him whole. Secretly I was terrified that one day he'd be tired of me. He was smarter and better looking than I was. I pushed those fears aside and instead focused on feeling his lips and his tongue finding a rhythm with mine.

We were both panting, and I was about to push him flat on my bed, when we heard footsteps coming up the creaky stairs.

"I think that's Charlie. He usually doesn't come in here, but . . ."

Before I could even finish the sentence, Edward had crawled underneath my bed. I lay back down on the bed, pretending to read and thinking Charlie would definitely just walk past the door like he usually did. Instead I heard a knock and two seconds later Charlie stuck his head in.

"Hey, Kiddo. How's your ankle? You got everything you need?" Charlie asked, walking into our room and to my horror taking a seat at the foot of my bed as if he was planning on staying there for a while.

"I'm fine, Charlie. Thanks for asking." I tried to give him my sweetest smile.

"Your brother said he was heading out to see Alice for a bit, so I thought now is a good time to chat with you," he said, looking almost as uncomfortable as I felt. _Why the hell did he think he needed to have a chat with me now out of all times?_

"About what?" I asked frowning.

"I was wondering . . . do you like the boy, what's his name -- Edward, right?" I saw the direction this conversation was headed, but instead of creating a diversion, I just looked at him. "So do you like him?" Charlie asked again.

"Yeah, I like him," I admitted, turning deep purple and hoping to have embarrassed the both of us enough for the conversation to end.

"Well, I know I'm no substitute for your mother, but . . ."

I froze. I needed to stop where this was heading.

"No, just stop, Charlie, please!" I raised my hands in panic.

"Well, I'm just saying that if you . . . " he continued.

"Oh, no, no, no! No birds and bees conversation, please! I've had several of those since I turned 14. Trust me. Renee had this covered! And if I need to know anything further, I can ask Rose," I screeched.

Charlie chuckled at my response and shook his head. "Well, I should have guessed that, shouldn't I? I'll let you go to sleep then, but if there's ever anything you need or if he doesn't treat you right, let me know and I'll straighten him out. You got that, Kiddo?"

"Yes, Charlie," I answered, relieved when I saw him getting up.

"Okay, good night."

After Charlie closed the door behind him, I let out a breath of relief while I listened to Charlie marching over into the bathroom.

"Hey," I said, leaning over the corner of my bed. "I think the coast is clear now. He's in the bathroom. Usually he's dead asleep ten minutes later. I'm just gonna turn the record player on to create some background noise."

I hobbled over to the record player and put on the first album I could find on. Jimi Hendrix started playing in the background.

_Waterfall  
Nothing can harm me at all  
My worries seem so very small  
With my waterfall_

Edward snickered, laying on my bed and looking at my still burning hot face. I lay down next to him on the bed and he turned to face me, leaning on his elbow.

"So you like me, huh?" he asked, giving me his crooked grin.

"Mmh, yeah . . . sorry, you had to hear that . . . he's usually pretty cool and quiet. I dunno what got into him."

"Your dad seems really nice, I think you're lucky. You didn't answer my question."

"What question?"

"Do you like me? Or did you just say that for your father's benefit?"

"Don't be silly. I thought that was obvious," I whispered, I kissed him to shut him up, because the last thing I wanted to do was the rehash the conversation I just had with Charlie.

Edward deepened the kiss, pulling me closer with his hand on my waist. Even in my injured and exhausted state, I couldn't resist him and I hitched my leg and injured ankle over his, wincing in pain when my ankle hit his leg.

"Hey, we don't have to do this. You're in pain; maybe you should just try to get some sleep?" Edward stopped kissing me and hugged me, trailing his hands down my back.

"No, I'm okay." I sighed.

"Hey, I was thinking . . ." Edward pushed himself a little away from me to look at my face. "Did your plant produce anything yet?"

"Na, but it hasn't died yet. Why?"

"I thought maybe we could . . . smoke something?" It was now apparently Edward's turn to blush like an idiot.

"You want to get stoned?" I asked, raising my eyebrows. "We don't have to wait for the plant for that. Hang on." I got up and pulled a joint out of the cigar box where we stored our 'get high supplies.' Thanks to Jake, Jas and I never ran short these days.

"But we need to smoke out of the window." I handed him the joint, lit some incense to hide the smell and opened up the window. Edward joined me at the windowsill and returned the joint to me, looking as if he wasn't sure what to do with it. I smirked, took the joint and lit it. I took the first drag before handing it to him.

He held the joint in his hand, looking at it for a little too long.

"If you're not sucking on it soon, you'll have to light it again," I said snickering.

He moved the joint to his lips, still unsure and inhaled before coughing.

"Easy, inhale slowly and keep it down for a little longer," I advised, laughing a little. He shook his head, grinning at me before inhaling again.

"So when did you and Jas start smoking?" he asked, taking another drag.

"Mmmh, only last summer. I think we were bored and the dude we worked for at the record store always kept stuff around."

He handed me back the joint.

"So what's it supposed to do, other than make you queasy?" he asked, motioning to the joint in my hand.

"I dunno. It just relaxes me usually and makes me laugh about silly stuff. Renee was really funny to watch when we were stoned. She's just so scatterbrained and said such loopy shit. Jas and I really got a kick out of sitting stoned in the living room and watching her ramble on and on about some amazing new guy she just met or some new guru she just had to follow." I shook my head thinking back on Renee. "It was really way less entertaining when you were sober."

I handed him the joint back.

"I see. I guess smoking grass for you is sort of like playing piano is for me. It relaxes me and makes be able to ignore my surroundings," Edward said with a smile on his face, exhaling the smoke into the cold outside air.

I shivered from the cold and from his presence. The electricity I felt usually reverberating between us seemed amplified, like I could actually feel a current prickling along my skin.

I didn't know whether he felt the same thing, but suddenly we were standing across from each other staring. I took what was left of the joint from his fingers, tossed it into an empty coke bottle and closed the window. Edward closed the distance between us, his fingers immediately trailing along my face over my neck and down my chest. Hesitantly I raised my hands to his face and started touching him. He swallowed thickly when my hands went down to his shirt and started unbuttoning it.

I slowly unbuttoned his shirt while kissing him along his jaw line until I reached his mouth. We kissed slowly, carefully almost, our tongues teasing and our teeth nipping. Edward reached for the buttons of my PJ top and opened them with quivering fingers.

When we both reached the last button, he pulled his shirt off. I marveled at Edward's naked chest for the first time. I'd touched him before, but seeing him was something else entirely. He was perfect really, almost too perfect for a teenage boy. His shoulders were broad and I could see the outlines of muscles along his arms. There was some hair on his chest, which I'd felt before, and some hair trailing down from his belly button. Too dazed to take my own top off, I let Edward push it down from my shoulders. Then his lips were on mine, hard and needy, while his hands were caressing my breasts. Laughing and smiling against each other's lips we stumbled back to my bed with Edward landing on top of me.

The feeling of his skin against mine set everything in me on fire. We kissed and nipped and my impatient hands moved down to his jeans. I felt his hard-on pressing into my thigh, and I wanted more. The sort of shyness I usually felt when we made out was gone. Edward saw what I was trying to do and pushed himself up to look at me and I smiled back at him. His hair was messier than usual, and his pale skin almost sparkled in the moonlight that shone into the room. We both nodded in agreement and started pushing off our pants until we were lying on my bed in just our underwear.

We kissed and soon were desperately grinding against each other. I pushed my hand into his underwear and started stroking him, more confidently and harder than the last time. The feeling of soft skin and the hardness underneath felt more familiar now. His hands snuck into my panties and I could feel him squeezing my butt. I wanted more, but knew that I shouldn't. Edward's breathing was loud and I heard him murmur my name under his breath. His hand moved to the front of my panties and his fingers started working their magic, but then he moved them away and instead he started pushing down my underwear frantically.

Renee's voice was suddenly clear in my head:" . . . _protection . . . use protection . . . never have sex without it . . . don't get knocked up_."

But my body wanted it. Wanted to experience what it would feel like to be physically connected with Edward. I panicked.

I pulled my hand away from him and before he could yank down my panties, I grabbed his hand and stilled it. Wherever this was going, we needed to talk first.

"I'm . . . sorry . . . I don't know . . . what I – I was thinking . . ." Edward stammered immediately, rolling on his back covering his face with his hands.

"It's okay, Edward. We just need to talk about it before we, you know . . . ugh. See what we can do and what we can't while I'm not on the pill and there are no condoms around? It's not that I don't want to either. I do. But my doctor's appointment isn't until Wednesday and the condoms are in Rose's room, because I didn't think we'd need them so soon and with the pill . . ." Before I could tell him that I'd heard you have to wait until your next period before you can start taking the pill, Edward rolled over quickly to face me and gave me a soft kiss on the lips.

"I'm sorry. I don't know what got into me. We should wait even if there were condoms around. We should wait," he whispered. He gazed into my eyes and his green eyes seemed so much more vibrant than they'd appeared on that very first day I'd seen them.

"Let's not wait too long." I pressed myself flush against him again and nibbled his ear lobe. Edward was still hard, straining against his underwear.

I kind of got the sense I'd made him feel guilty about trying to take my panties off, and I wanted to show him that I wanted him just as much as he wanted me. So I started kissing him along his neck, moved to his shoulders and then pushed him onto his back. I flipped my leg over his stomach, straddling him, and continued my mission, kissing down his chest.

"Bella, stop," he said in a strained voice when I'd almost reached his bellybutton.

"Why?"

"Cause you don't have to do that at all." Edward had pushed himself up and reached for my arm. I bent forward and kissed him on the lips.

"I would never do anything I didn't want to. If you don't want me to do something or I'm doing it wrong, let me know, please? I just want to . . . try?" I shrugged my shoulders and looked at him, searching for something to tell me it was okay. He closed his eyes and then blinked at me. I kissed him again and moved back down to his chest, kissing and licking him until I reached his underwear.

I noticed that Edward lay below me tense and stiff as a board, his legs clenched together.

"Uhm… I may suck at this, you know?" I chuckled looking up at him. He leaned back up on his elbows and snorted.

"Right," he said laughing.

"Relax, Edward. I'm not kidding. May I take these off?" I asked pointing to his underwear.

"Uhm, yes . . ."

"Okay then."

I started pulling down his underwear, but then Edward pushed himself up and took them off himself. I stared at him for a second, sitting on my knees. I'd never particularly found naked guys attractive, and yet I was mesmerized when he sat next to me, naked, leaning upright on his hands. Still feeling brave or possibly just high, I moved to sit down on his lap with my legs on either side of him, careful not to lean on my wrapped up ankle. I gave him a quick peck on the lips and put my hands on his chest, pushing him back down.

I carefully moved back until I was in the right position and leaned forward. I pulled it up carefully and put his tip between my lips. It tasted a little salty, but like the rest of Edward's skin, it still tasted good to me. I let my mouth glide down farther before coming up again, moving my hand up and down in the same motion. I wasn't sure how far to go down and tried to take in as much as I could without gagging. I continued my movements without being sure whether I was doing this correctly. I really didn't have much to go by other than the chatter about blowjobs between Rose and Renee I'd overheard last summer. Back then of course I'd just closed my eyes and wished they'd shut up. Now I wished I'd listened more carefully.

I picked up my pace and tried to catch a glimpse of Edward's face. His head was leaned back and I only saw his chin. I noticed that his hands were gripping the sheets on my bed tightly. I looked back down and continued, hoping that he'd tell me if this didn't feel good. His breathing became slowly more labored and suddenly he pushed himself up on his elbows.

"Bella," he breathed. I looked up and his face looked flushed. "I'm close . . ."

I attempted to move my mouth away, but apparently didn't move my face away fast enough because I felt something warm splatter against my chin and chest. I swiped the stuff away from my chin quickly and sat up.

Edward had an expression of sheer horror written on his face. I glanced down at my boobs and started laughing.

"I'm so . . . sorry, Bella . . ."

"It's okay," I said, laughing out loud now, before stopping myself with my hand clasped over my mouth thinking that Charlie might hear me. The music had long ago stopped playing, after all. "Can you hand me the t-shirt hanging behind you on the bedpost?"

He grabbed the t-shirt, sat up and wiped his stuff carefully away from my chest and my throat, before kissing me softly.

"Thanks . . . for doing that," he whispered.

We kissed and fell back onto my bed. I pulled up the covers over us before snuggling into his side.

"So how can I repay the favor?" Edward asked while continuing to kiss me. I kept on wondering whether I tasted like his stuff now and whether he'd find that completely repulsive.

"Well, you could try to . . ." I wasn't sure whether I should request it if I wasn't even ready to articulate it. I'd been privy to plenty of talk about it from Rose, but if push came to shove – would I be able to give instructions on how to? Before I could add anything further, he started placing kisses along my chest and moving further downward under the covers until he reached my panties.

I took my panties off before he even asked and pulled the covers back to see him lying between my legs with his eyebrows furrowed, staring. I felt myself turn a familiar shade of pink.

Then out of the blue, the door to our room swung open. With a gasp of alarm, I turned to face the intruder, flushing redder still, if that was humanly possible, and instinctively pulled the quilt up to cover my mortified face.

Okay – reviews will get a sneak peak of the next chapter and possibly a clue on who so rudely interrupted….


	20. Chapter 20 Rebellion

**Again – I owe Reamhar & KCerena for sticking with me! You guys are awesome – really – where would this story be without you? Thank you!**

**Thanks also to the lovely ****SaffreeLove**** – who volunteered to pre-read this chappy and give additional pointers. Hugs!**

**Lots of love to all those who read & review as well. **

**Disclaimer – I don't own shit . . . not exactly. . . but I definitely don't own Twilight. I'm just playing . . . yada, yada, yada.**

* * *

**Chapter 20 - Rebellion**

I heard Jas' distinct laughter coming from the door and stuck my head out from under the covers. Edward had moved swiftly from his position between my legs and was now lying next to me under the covers. If that had been me caught between his legs, I'm sure I would have ended up naked, face first smacked in the middle of the floor. I was grateful that at least one of us is graceful.

"Shut up, Jas! You're going to wake Charlie!" I seethed. Unfortunately, it didn't have the desired effect. Jas was now hunched over, holding his stomach while continuing to giggle.

"Okay, this is priceless! I'm gonna go to the bathroom now . . . " Jas turned around and closed the door behind him. Edward and I didn't move for a while. I think we were both in shock.

"Ugh, I'm sorry . . . I guess this comes with the pleasure of sharing a room," I muttered, completely and utterly embarrassed. Honestly, I don't think I've ever felt this uncomfortable . . . this humiliated in my entire life. I figured it must be late and both of us must have forgotten about time, but then a look over to the alarm clock told me that it was barely eleven thirty. Deducting the time it took for Jas to get there and back, he had only stayed at Alice's place maybe for an hour or two. Just my luck! Usually he'd stay there at least half the night.

"Honestly, I'm just happy it wasn't your father," Edward whispered back to me, before getting up and looking for his underwear. "I guess this means we will have to continue this another time." He wiggled his eyebrows at me suggestively, clearly still high.

"Continue? Ehm . . . it's not like you . . . you know . . . actually started anything," I stuttered, getting out of bed and pulling on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt to walk him to the front door.

"Okay, so what are you doing tomorrow after school?" he asked, buttoning up his shirt and looking way too good for anybody at the end of a long day.

"Mmh, whatever you want to do. I've nothing planned. Ready?" I needed to get out of the room, before I was tempted to jump him, run my hand through his hair, and kiss him again. Instead, I motioned at the door.

"Yeah," he whispered, catching up with me in one step and bowing his head so his face was buried in my hair. He crossed his arms around me and pulled me back into his chest. I felt his slow inhale and exhale as he held me tighter against him until I almost couldn't breathe anymore and felt my knees go weak. I wanted to stay this close to him. I didn't want him to leave. Not now and maybe not ever.

I didn't know whether I would be able to find anyone else who could make my stomach twist, my heart beat faster, and set my skin on fire just with the slightest touch like Edward did. To top it off, I was starting to become dependent on it -- the feeling I had when he was near me. The thought scared me and made me uncomfortable. I had never really formed attachments to anyone outside of my family. I shook my head, trying to clear the haze induced by smoking grass and the other things we'd just done. I tried to step away, but couldn't. Edward was still holding me in the same position with his arms crossed around my chest.

"Just a couple of more minutes, until Jas comes back, please," Edward pleaded. I stayed, held into place by his arms; his head still bent forward, breathing into my hair. I relaxed and melted into him, questioning whether he felt the same way – whether it scared him like it scared me.

We waited like this until we heard the bathroom door being opened and closed.

"I'll walk you out," I mouthed, as I opened the door and walked ahead. Edward remained close behind me, never letting go of the hand.

When I opened the front door, my eyes searched for his bike, but I only saw Jas's bike leaning against the front porch.

"Where's your bike?"

"I took the car. It's around the corner over there." He looked towards the left side of the street.

"Oh. So, I'll see you tomorrow I guess?"

"Yeah, of course. At school and after school, if you have time," he answered with a snicker, his eyes giving me an incredulous look.

"I'm sorry about Jas and all," I murmured, looking down at my untied shoes, feeling flustered again. Jas would probably tease me for a long time about this. We'd both caught Rose and Renee in unflattering and compromising positions before, but never each other. He'd never let me live this down.

I heard Edward swallow thickly before feeling his hot breath and then his lips on my mouth. I moved closer and pulled myself up onto my tippy toes, whimpering in pain when my ankle buckled under the pressure.

"Oh, crap, my ankle."

"Sorry." Edward simply picked me up with his hands on my waist, dropped me carefully onto the ledge of the porch, and kissed me again. I parted my legs and pulled him closer.

"I should probably get going and let you try to get some sleep."

"Okay," I murmured, kissing him one more time before pulling away hesitantly.

"How is it that I can never quite get enough of you?" Edward sighed, giving me quick peck on the lips, before lifting me up to drop me slowly onto my own two feet.

Maybe he felt it too -- the completeness when we were together and the emptiness when we were apart.

"Hey, are you going to be in trouble, if your mom hears the car?" I asked, suddenly worrying about what kind of trouble he'd be in because he came to see me.

"I doubt she'll hear anything. I accidentally dropped a bottle of pills in her bathroom and it didn't wake her up. I found Valium and all sorts of other stuff in her medicine cabinet. I'm sure whatever she took will keep her asleep. Besides, I don't care anymore," he replied, shrugging his shoulders.

"What do you mean, you don't care anymore?"

"I'm not going to let her tell me anymore what to do." He acted casual about his plan to ignore his mom's orders. I wasn't sure I was sold on this new attitude. We'd smoked grass and fooled around. He felt brave now. He might change his tune once the sun rose I thought. Sometimes things look different in daylight.

"Well, good night. Hope you don't wake her."

Edward rolled his eyes and gave me a crooked grin. "I'm pretty sure I won't. I'll miss you!" he said, gazing at me with bright eyes before turning around and leisurely strolling down the road.

As quietly as I could, I crept back up the stairs. I briefly considered whether I should take a quick shower before going back to bed. It would sort of kill two birds with one stone: I would get the sticky stuff off my chest and Jas would likely be asleep when I returned. No need to give him further opportunity to laugh at me tonight.

Freshly showered, I limped back to the bedroom hoping that Jas would be dead asleep. No such luck though.

Jas was lying on the bed with the light still on and a big, fat smile on his face, which turned, to my chagrin, into silent laughter the minute I stepped into the room.

"What?" I snapped, plunking myself down on my bed and pulling the covers up.

"You just crack me up, Bella. I'm tempted to tell Rose. She'll be jealous of you for the first time in her life."

"Yeah, if she finds out, which she won't," I instructed, giving him the _'revenge will follow if you do'_ look. It was enough I'd have to suffer through endless hours of snickering and silly remarks from Jas -- the last thing I needed were Rose's comments on top of that.

"Okay, I won't say anything. So I take it Eddie has a wild streak?" he added with a giggle.

"Stop fucking giggling like a twelve-year-old girl, Jas. And – none of your business! Why the hell were you back so early anyway? It's barely eleven thirty. Don't tell me Alice kicked your ass out of her bed."

To my amusement my last comment shut dear Jasper up. He huffed once without giving me any further answers, switched off the light, and turned his back to me to face the wall.

"Good night," I snorted, now smiling, happy I'd hit a nerve.

From what I could tell, by watching Alice and Jas the next day at school, something was still out of whack between the two of them. Jas was no longer acting like a douche – quite the opposite actually – but Alice still ignored him. Jas was carrying her books, which I don't think I'd ever seen him do before. It just wasn't his style. Neither were opening doors or other forms of gentlemanly behavior, for that matter. Yet there he was scurrying alongside Alice holding her books and hurrying to push the doors open for her, channeling apparently Edward, but lacking his poise. With Jas, the whole act just looked unnatural.

Just before lunch break, Alice caught up with Edward and I as we were walking toward the lunchroom.

"Bella, can I talk to you for a second alone?" Alice asked, her gaze directed at me.

"Sure." I let go of Edward's hand and watched him walk away.

"Shoot. What's going on, Alice?" I asked, when he was out of hearing distance.

"So Rose mentioned something about you guys going to Port Angeles on Wednesday for a doctor's appointment," she babbled rapidly, her eyes darting quickly between me and the people passing us by.

"Uhm, yeah. Do you want to come along?" I suggested, anticipating her next question.

"Yeah, I do, if you don't mind. Thanks. I'm going to call today to see whether I can get an appointment right after you or something. I also wanted to go dress shopping for the Valentine's Day Dance the school is hosting. Has Edward asked you yet? Because he told Mother this morning that he's taking you and she almost had a meltdown," Alice rattled on excitedly.

"Mmmh, no he hasn't," I admitted, feeling awkward. "I don't really do school dances, Alice. I hope he doesn't expect me to go . . ." The thought of attending one at this school, in particular, made me cringe.

"No, Bella. You all have to go! I can't go without you, and Jas won't go if you don't. He's already said so. Please, please, please," she whined in a high-pitched voice. I didn't have the heart to tell her that there was no way in hell I'd be voluntarily attending a dance, much less a Valentine's Day dance – out of all things cheesy and fake.

"We'll see, okay? So what's going on between Jas and you? I told him to go talk to you yesterday. Did he?" I attempted to steer her away from the topic of school dances and dresses.

"Yeah, he did. He apologized, but I figure he needs to learn a lesson, so I'm letting him beg for a little while longer. Don't be mad at me for it. Thank you so much for getting him over to our house. I pushed Edward to go see you as well."

"Trust me, I won't be mad at you for giving Jas the cold shoulder. He had it coming. I guess guys need to be shoved into the right direction on occasion. Hope it wasn't too hard a job to convince Edward."

"Nope. I really didn't have to convince him. Mostly he was just worried you'd be mad at him," she responded, as we strolled into the lunchroom and found our table.

"How's your ankle?" Emmett asked, the minute I sat down. "I guess you weren't lying about being a klutz."

"Hey, can't say I didn't warn you." I smirked, grabbing Edward's hand when I felt him stiffen at the mention of my latest injury.

Lunchtime passed all too quickly with Edward holding my hand underneath the table and playing with my fingers. The earlier feeling of unease about my growing dependence on him was still lingering somewhere, but I pushed it aside. I didn't want it to cloud my mood. What was the point anyway?

I thought about asking him about the school dance since he had proclaimed to his mom that he was taking me. I figured I'd better wait for him to bring it up, and then let him down easily by telling him school dances weren't my thing.

Biology passed in a snap with Edward next to me. Gym dragged on, mostly I guess, because he wasn't around and I knew I wouldn't see him for at least another two hours. At least I was excused from participation and was able to do most of my homework.

Edward had promised to come by my house right after he dropped off Alice at home, but I was already counting the minutes by the time I was sitting in the truck with Rose and Jas.

"So does Emmett have practice today?" I asked Rose, who seemed to be in a mellow mood.

"Yeah. Apparently he got some football scholarship offers from universities, but he says he needs to perform well this semester in order to make sure they don't withdraw them, so he's putting in extra time for practice. I dunno. I told him to just apply to some other schools to see whether he can get an academic scholarship, but he said his dad would be pissed and you know he can't let Daddy down."

"I see. Alice is coming along to Port Angeles on Wednesday, by the way. I hope you don't mind. I told her it was okay."

"Yeah, of course. Totally fine."

"What are you guys planning on doing in Port Angeles? Maybe I'll come along." Jas asked out of the blue.

"Na, it's a girls kinda trip, so unless you have a vagina and boobs, you're not invited," Rose responded with a smile.

"Whatever. Like I care." Jas shrugged his shoulders and looked pointedly out the window.

"Oh, but you do care dear brother!" Rose teased. "Lemme guess -- Alice has finally woken up, figured out she's dating a completely inconsiderate loser, and now you're working overtime to make up for your shitty behavior?"

Jas snorted, but kept quiet.

When we arrived back home, I hobbled straight to my room to grab a change of clothes. Before I could hurry off to the bathroom, Jas walked in.

"Bells, do you wanna go smoke a joint before doing homework?"

"Nope. Edward is coming by after he drops Alice off at home. I'll do my homework after dinner. Besides, I did most of my work during gym."

Jas stared at me like I had two heads.

I shrugged my shoulders and walked into the bathroom to take a quick shower, brush my teeth, and change into a different pair of jeans and t-shirt.

Twenty minutes later I was staring out the kitchen window eating peanut butter and waiting for the Volvo to pull up. According to the kitchen clock I'd been waiting for exactly five minutes and forty five seconds when Edward arrived.

"Hey," I greeted him, opening up the door before he had a chance to knock._ Pathetic me._

"Hey," Edward said, standing with his hands deep in his pockets and glancing from side to side. "So, do you want to get out of here?" I stared at him and it took me a minute to tear my eyes away.

"Yeah, let me grab my jacket." I ran back inside and into the living room to inform Rose that I was hanging out with Edward and would be back for dinner. She looked a little perplexed, but then just nodded and went back to doing her homework.

"So, where did you wanna go?" I asked, feeling my cheeks heat up as we were sitting in the car and he pulled out onto the road.

"Well, we can go back to the boathouse . . . if . . . if you like?" Edward stammered, a faint blush creeping up his cheeks. I looked at him and started laughing and couldn't stop. As much as I tried, all I kept on thinking was how silly it was we were both obsessing about when and where we could make out. I figured Edward was smart enough to keep concentrating in class, but I could practically see my grades slip before my very eyes if I didn't rein my mind in soon.

"What's so funny?" Edward looked at me with wide eyes, blinking at the road and then glancing over to me again.

"It's . . . funny . . . you know . . . " I barely got any words out through my persistent fits of giggles. Edward shook his head. I'd stopped laughing when he stopped the car on the path to his house where we'd parked on our previous excursion to the boathouse and leaned over to kiss me.

"You . . . still . . . haven't . . . told me . . .what was so funny?" he asked between impatient kisses on my lips. He moved down to kiss my neck, sending shivers down my spine.

"Ugh, it's just funny, how all I want to do is . . . you know . . . make out . . . We can stay in the car, too. I don't even care as long as you kiss me." Edward was licking and biting my earlobe and I didn't want him to stop. I also wasn't looking forward to the hike down to the boathouse with my swollen ankle.

"I vote we go to the boathouse. It will be more comfortable . . . " he murmured between soft, wet kisses and licks.

"Comfortable, huh?" I replied, raising one eyebrow questioningly and moving his head away from my neck so I could see his face.

"Uhm, yeah. Let's go." He opened his door and was at the passenger door in no time.

"I shouldn't walk for too long. My ankle is still swollen," I taunted, even though I was pretty certain I would limp around for miles just to be alone with Edward and a sofa in close proximity. Edward stuck his head into the car, lifted me out of my seat and kicked the car door closed with his foot.

"I guess someone is determined . . . " I mused. "I was kidding by the way. I can walk, just not very fast." I held onto him with my arms around his shoulders and placed a kiss on his cheek.

"You weigh nothing, Bella. We'll be faster if I carry you." He marched determinedly forward at a fast pace, picking up speed, as we got closer to the boathouse. By the time we reached our destination though, I could tell that he was out of breath. He nevertheless insisted on carrying me up the steps to the upper floor. We both laughed when he dropped me and then bent forward with his hands on his knees trying to catch his breath.

"I could've walked," I said. Edward looked up at me with sweat on his brow, smirking, before straightening up and dragging me over to the sofa.

"But we'd still be walking," he answered, kissing me and pushing off his jacket.

I shrugged my jacket off as well and Edward landed on top of me on the small sofa. He pushed himself up on his elbows and peered at me with his kaleidoscope eyes.

"I've missed you. I know it sounds silly because I just saw you in school, but . . ."

"I missed you, too," I answered in a barely audible voice. Edward didn't move. He continued to gaze at me with his green eyes. I reached my hand up and started playing with his hair.

"Since I've started touching you, I can't stop. It's like you're my drug of choice and I'm hopelessly addicted to you. I want to be with you all the time . . . I sometimes wonder whether it feels this good . . . for everyone . . . and if it does, why does my father never come home anymore?"

I pushed myself up on my elbows and started kissing him. I didn't want him to worry about his parents. I wanted to build a cocoon around us where we could stay and be ourselves without worries about the real world. Whenever I kissed Edward, it almost felt like that for me – like the world outside of our own bubble of happiness didn't matter. I wanted him to be able to share that feeling with me.

He kissed me back slowly at first, sucking gently on my bottom lip, before our tongues touched. Unhurriedly we both took our shirts off, exploring each other with our fingers and lips. Edward eventually pulled down my pants together with my underwear, leaving me completely naked on the sofa, while he kept his pants on. He kissed and licked with agonizingly slow speed first my chest and then my thighs before settling with his face between legs. I got that he was trying to be sweet and tender, yet I had a hard time keeping the rising tide of panic at bay. I'd never felt so completely exposed and vulnerable. I tensed up when he touched me between my legs.

When I felt his tongue gliding over me, I tried to remain calm but my heart was beating a mile a minute.

"Tell me what feels right," he said quietly, looking up at me.

Nodding at him, I leaned back, trying to remain calm. I knew I was supposed to enjoy this. I inhaled and exhaled slowly as I felt his tongue carefully gliding over me until it hit the right spot. I pushed my hips forward in response and dropped them back quickly, feeling self-conscious about my body's reaction. He started sucking and kissing the same area, while pushing his fingers inside of me. I closed my eyes and concentrated on just feeling, rather than focusing on the fact that I was naked with the boy of my dreams between my legs, while I wasn't certain whether licking me down there was exactly pleasant for him.

It took a really long time for me to just blank out the stuff that was making me uncomfortable, and I was starting to fret about whether he'd give up his efforts. Would he call me frigid afterward? It wasn't that it didn't feel good – it felt amazing. So amazing in fact, I'd be disappointed if he never tried again because I was a fail. I briefly contemplated just faking it – I highly doubted he'd be able to tell the difference – but then I got close and just let go and an involuntary moan escaping my mouth when I came.

I wanted to push him away right afterward – his tongue felt like sensory overload –but Edward kept on licking away.

"Stop," I whimpered, squeezing my legs together. "Ugh, that can't taste good . . ."

"You do . . . actually taste good . . . so good, Bella," he replied with a grin on his face, kissing my stomach.

"Right. I think you're full of it," I grumbled, while Edward moved up until he was lying on top of me again and kissing me on the mouth.

"See," he said in between kisses. "I don't taste bad, right?"

"Yeah, actually you do kind of taste funky now," I said, scrunching my face together. I didn't think he tasted bad . . . just kind of off. Edward pulled up his face, giving me an offended look.

"Really? Should I stop kissing you then?"

"No . . . I'll get over it." I sighed, kissing him. Edward soon started grinding himself into my hips. I was turned on, but also in pain pretty soon from the rough fabric of his jeans chafing against my bare skin.

"The jeans and your belt . . . it hurts . . . Can you take them off?"

"I don't know whether that's such a good idea, Bella." His voice sounded conflicted.

"Keep your underwear on," I suggested. "Hang on. I'll put mine on too." I wiggled out from underneath him and got up to grab my panties. Edward hesitated for a second, before unbuckling his belt and taking off his pants. I lay back on the sofa facing him on my side. I let my hands trail down his arm.

"What do you want me to do?" I asked, suggestively looking down his body, resting my eyes on his underwear.

"You don't have to . . . Can we just go back to what we were doing a minute ago?"

"Sure." I kissed him and he moved back on top of me. I slowly wrapped my legs around him while he rocked gently into me.

"Bella . . . so good . . . so pretty," Edward panted into my mouth, thrusting more forcefully and at a faster pace between my legs. "Does it feel okay?"

"Feels good . . ." I assured him. Before I could get into it I heard him groan and felt something wet on my stomach. He pushed himself up on his elbows and we both glanced down. In our grinding frenzy, Edward had somehow pushed his underwear down and his thing was protruding out from the top of his underwear. My stomach was splattered with his milky stuff.

"Sorry," he muttered, shrugging his shoulders and grabbing his t-shirt to clean me up.

"Stop saying sorry all the time when there's nothing to be sorry for."

"Yeah, actually there is plenty to be sorry for. First off, I always get my mess all over you, second . . . that . . . was kind of pathetic and I lasted for a grand total of what -- two minutes? So if this is any indication of how good I am at this . . . well, I actually suck!" he said, grabbing his hair and sitting between my legs with flushed cheeks.

"Stop it," I interrupted him, pushing myself up on my elbows and reaching for his arm. "I think you're really good . . . not that I have that much experience to base this on . . . but no boy has ever made me . . . you know . . . " I rolled my eyes. "Have an orgasm before. I mean the dude from the surf shop last summer tried . . ." A nervous laugh escaped me, as I babbled on without any verbal filter. Edward was staring at me at this point. All of the blood had drained from his face, leaving him looking ghostly.

"What dude?"

"Nobody really. Some guy I used to fool around with . . . No, wait. Actually I just kissed him. He tried with his hand and it felt awful . . . horrible. Stop being mad at me, Edward! Feel flattered – out of the pathetic number of guys I've kissed, none of them ever made me feel the way you do."

"I'm sorry . . . I'm not mad. Just jealous I guess . . . that someone touched you before." He moved toward me, pressing his lips against my nose.

"So he was way worse?" Edward said, now cocking an eyebrow up at me questioningly, one side of his mouth almost twitching up into a sheepish smile.

"Not even close . . . no competition at all for you." I smiled up at him. "Actually, I think everything you've done so far felt really, really good."

"Thanks?" He laughed and kissed my breasts. "I'm sure there is room for improvement though . . . "

"Barely. I think you're quite perfect already. I won't be able to keep up . . . "

He laughed out loud at my comment. "No worries. I don't think that will ever happen. So I was wondering, how do you feel about going to the school dance with me?" My smile quickly disappeared and was replaced by a frown.

"No, please, Edward. Don't make me go. I don't do school dances, period."

"Please, for me?" His eyes sparkled, as he pleaded.

"Why? Alice already told me about it but . . ." I shrugged my shoulders.

"Because I already told my mother that I'm taking you and Alice wants to go pretty badly and maybe Newton will stop ogling you if you come as my date."

"I don't really want to go and I'm pretty sure it's pretty obvious to everybody at school . . . I mean, we're always together and you kiss me, so what's the point? You know it's going to be lame."

"Please, Bella. Why don't you want to go to the dance with me? Please." He placed kisses along my neck, over my cheek and on my mouth. I felt myself relent against my better judgment.

"I hate school dances. They're always awkward and I always end up having to dance with some boy with sweaty hands. And I don't even like to dance. I don't like being stuffed into some silly dress that itches and that I'll never wear again . . ." I nervously admitted. "But if you absolutely have to take me, I'll go," I finished, exhaling dramatically.

"Don't worry, Bella. I won't let any boy with sweaty hands near you and I don't have sweaty hands – at least not usually." He chuckled.

"Whatever, Edward . . . You'd better not make me stay there all night. So you told you're mom about it?" I asked, restating the obvious.

"Yeah, I told you already. I don't care anymore what she says."

"She doesn't like me."

"She doesn't even know you . . . it doesn't matter. I like you and my Dad thinks you're pretty."

"I'm not pretty. Rose is pretty. You're pretty. I'm blah," I announced. He stared at me, furrowing his eyebrows together.

"You don't see yourself very clearly, Bella," he said, shaking his head. "You're beautiful."

We rolled around together naked on the sofa for the rest of the afternoon until it was time to head back home for dinner. Edward asked whether I thought Jas would leave tonight and I told him that I highly doubted it. He seemed disappointed.

Jas gave me the silent treatment when I got home and definitely made no attempt to leave the house that night. We both fell asleep early without even saying goodnight.

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**All reviewers will get a short & sweet EPOV outtake for this chapter!**


	21. Chapter 21 Paint It Black

**Thx to my betas Reamhar & KCerena!**

**No awkward teenage sex in this one, sorry!**

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**Chapter 21 - Paint It Black**

While I was blissfully floating along in my Edward bubble the next day, things apparently still hadn't improved much between Alice and Jas. Jas had given up on carrying Alice's books and pushing doors open for her, and I didn't see them walking in the hallways together like they usually did. During lunch, Jas was pouting and throwing her weird glances, but Alice stuck to her guns and ignored him. The tension between them was palatable as we sat at the lunch table together and I wished I'd come up with an excuse to escape to bio early with Edward. By the end of the school day, when I saw Jas leaning against the gym with his shoulders slouched, I felt bad for him.

"So what's going on with Alice?" I prodded as we were walking toward the truck.

"Whatever, Bella. Go run and play with Eddie!" he answered flippantly.

"Shut up, Jas! Stop calling him that! And for your information, I'm not hanging out with him today. Rose and I have to work later."

"Listen, I know you're taking Alice's side. So just leave me alone, for fuck sake," he snapped, upping his pace and jumping into our truck.

"Fine," I answered, slamming the door shut behind me. "But so you know, I'm not taking anybody's side here. Is Rose getting a ride with Emmett?"

"Looks like it," he replied without further comment and we drove the rest of the way home in silence. When we walked in Jas turned on the TV and pretended I didn't exist.

I tried doing my homework in the kitchen, but eventually I gave up and walked back into living room. Unhappy Jas didn't sit well with me and I wanted him to know that I definitely didn't pick any sides in this conflict. Confronting him head on about Alice again probably wasn't a smart choice, so I stood uselessly in the doorway digging my hands into my jean pockets, trying to figure out what to say.

"So, Jas, have you watered our plant lately?" I offered, figuring a mutual topic of interest might bring us back to talking terms.

"No." He truly didn't give me much to work with.

"Okay . . . do you wanna come check how the plant is doing? Maybe we can call Jake if it looks like it's dying?"

"She," he whispered, apparently watching an episode of _Hawaii Five-O_ with absolute fascination.

"She – what?" I asked, starting to get impatient.

"The plant – it's not an 'it' – it's a pollinated female plant, Bella," he explained sounding annoyed.

"Alrighty then. Should we go check how _she's _doing?" I almost didn't expect a response, but then I heard him sigh noisily. He stretched out his legs and it looked like he was about to move.

"Fine," he said getting up and walking toward the stairs.

I hadn't actually looked at the plant in a couple of days and so when Jas opened up the closet door, I was amazed to find the plant not only alive, but flourishing. He had apparently propped it up with strings and now it really did look like mini agricultural project was blooming away in our closet.

"Wow, looks really . . . neat." I saw a semi-smile twitch across my twin's lips as he misted the plant with water.

"Yeah, I actually think we might eventually be able to harvest her," he murmured, scratching his head. "Do you want to smoke?"

"Yeah, sure."

We smoked our joint quietly out the window, both staring at the tree in front of us.

"So, since we know it's a girl and all, shouldn't we name her?" I asked, inspecting the dark green needles on the tree. Jas chuckled.

"What, Bells, you wanna give her a pet name?"

"Umm, yeah. Sounds like a good idea. I mean, we're going to keep her hopefully for a while . . . so definitely. How about Jane?" I suggested, giving him the first female name that came to mind.

"Ugh, no. No way. Remember Ms. Payne from first grade?" I nodded. It was hard to forget how evil our first grade teacher had been. She'd once ordered us both to stand in the corner of the classroom for an entire period because we were five minutes late on our first day of school.

"So her first name was Jane? Okay, no thanks. How about Janis? After Janis Joplin?"

"Yeah, cool. Janis sounds great," I agreed. I continued gazing out the window while we finished our joint, not sure how to bring up the topic that was really bothering me. I didn't have much time left, since I had to be at work thirty minutes later and I knew Rose could arrive at any minute.

So finally I blurted it out, "So . . . what's going on with Alice?"

"Listen, Bella, first you don't want to talk about your boyfriend, which is fine, since I honestly don't want to know the kinky details, but now you're all curious about what's going on with Alice. I dunno – go ask her . . . seems like you are more on talking terms with her these days than I am."

"Fine. What do you wanna know? Ask away!" I offered.

"I don't, okay!" He got up and held his hands up, as if surrendering.

"Okay. It's just . . . man, Jas. You were looking like someone rained on your parade or something today at school. And it just feels weird being around you two . . ."

"Spare me the speech, okay? I've had to watch you and Eddie fawning over each other for weeks and trust me, it got old really fast."

"I'm not complaining about it. I'm just saying . . . if you want to talk, I'm here. And stop calling him Eddie, please."

"Thanks," he whispered, sitting down on the floor with his back leaning against the wall. I sank down next to him. I took a closer look at my brother, noticing his tan had almost disappeared. The blond streaks in his hair seemed less vibrant and more subdued.

"I tried to apologize for my shitty behavior and everything on Sunday. I thought, if I explained it to her, she'd just . . . you know . . . she'd forget about it and we'd move on. But then the whole conversation turned into this big discussion about how I'd used her and . . . It was a total disaster and that's an understatement.

"We ended up sitting around and staring at each other for an hour before I got up and left."

I'd wanted Jas to tell me what was going on, but what he told me left me more confused than anything.

"What are you going to do?"

"I dunno. She said unless I can come up with something to show her I'm serious about her, I don't need to come to her room anymore or even call her. So far nothing I've tried has worked . . ."

"Sounds harsh." I wasn't sure whether I admired Alice's resolute behavior or whether I found it a little cruel. One thing was for certain though, if Edward ever acted like an ass, I still probably wouldn't have the strength to push him away like that. The whole concept of playing games with people you liked seemed pointless to me. What was really accomplished at the end of the day? I regretted telling Alice that maybe the cold-shoulder act would be a good idea. Considering my lack of experience in the relationship department, I was talking out of my ass anyway. Maybe I should have insisted that she should confront him about his asshole act.

"So do you have any idea what she wants me to do?" Jas looked at me with hope in his eyes and I knew I'd have to disappoint him.

"Umm, yeah, I dunno, Jas. I hate to burst your bubble there, but I'm as clueless as you are on what she could possibly want." I shrugged my shoulders. I heard a car pull up in front of our house and got up on my knees to check who it was. I was almost happy when I saw Rose crawl out of Emmett's car and motion with her hand for me to come down as she recognized me in the window.

"I gotta go, Jas," I said, grabbing an extra sweater. "Let's talk tonight when I get home okay?"

"Sure. And, Bells?"

"What?"

"I'm sorry I walked in on you and Edward. I should've knocked."

"It's fine. I'm over it already."

I ran down the stairs to join Rose, who was by now sitting and waiting for me in the truck. When we got to work ten minutes later, Betty told us that two people had called in sick and we'd have to help her close the diner down. By the time we got home that night, all I wanted to do was sleep. I was relieved when I opened the door to our room and found Jas already asleep. I didn't know how to help him and part of me was terrified. Jas looked like shit and I knew I wouldn't fare much better if Edward ever treated me the way Alice was treating him now. I was grateful I was physically so exhausted that I fell into a deep slumber without thinking about it too much.

**********

By the time we rode to school the next morning, my siblings and I were all stuck in a funk. Maybe Jas's mood was rubbing off on Rose and me. I felt gloomy thinking of spending another day without any alone time with Edward and dress shopping didn't seem at all appealing to me. Added to my general gloominess was a hefty dose of anxiousness about the doctor's visit. Would the doctor give me the prescription even though I was under eighteen? Would he or she ask me why I wanted the prescription for the pill?

I had no idea why Rose was moping. I could see some bags under her eyes and her hair tied up in an untidy bun, which was usually my style of choice on days when I was too lazy to wash my hair – definitely not Rose's style. Even her outfit today looked like it was carelessly thrown together. The red t-shirt she was wearing didn't exactly match the purple v-neck sweater above it.

We pulled up at school and I saw Edward and Alice standing along side a shiny red car parked next to their Volvo. If the Volvo was kind of a misfit in the sea of Chevys, Pontiacs and Fords parked in the small parking lot, the tiny red car was completely alien to its surroundings.

The minute I stepped out of the car, Alice came skipping toward me, almost pouncing with excitement.

"Come look, Bella! Mother let me take the Alfa Romeo for a spin today. We'll be totally driving in style to Port Angeles!" she chirped. I walked together with Rose to the shiny red thing she'd referred to her as the Alfa whatever and wasn't sure how the three of us would fit into the car. A brief glance confirmed there were only two seats and no backseat. The Alice, now standing next to the fancy European car, didn't quite fit the image that the car exuded. Space problems aside, none of us looked like we belonged in a car that swanky. Alice used to look like she'd belong there back when she wore designer outfits every day, but she'd lately taken to dressing like a spruced up version of Rose or me, today pairing a sloppy flower top with a headband and jeans.

"Alice, how exactly do you propose to fit the three of us into the car?" Rose asked, raising an eyebrow, before my mouth was able to verbalize the same concern. I was still far too occupied with the sight in front of me.

"I figured you two can squeeze into one seat," she replied with a smile. "Trust me, you'll fit. As a bonus, this car is faster than the Volvo, so the ride will not only be quick, but also fun!"

"Maybe you guys should take my car, Alice. It will be more comfortable and safer I think," Edward suggested, looking worriedly at his sister.

"Nonsense, Edward. I'd take beauty before comfort any day of the week. We'll make it work. It will be fine! Stop worrying, I promise I'll get your girlfriend back in one piece," Alice snapped with her hands on her tiny hips, challenging Edward to argue with her.

I laughed.

"I'm less concerned about returning in one piece, than being squished to death." I stopped laughing when I noticed Jas had just passed us by and walked on toward the building alone.

I gave Edward a brief kiss and whispered into his ear, "Hey, I'm gonna run after Jas. I'll see you later?"

"I'll walk with you," he answered grabbing my hand and towing me into the building. After another soft kiss in front of my classroom, I felt instantly better as I walked to our desk where Jas was already sitting. Jas had folded his arms over the table and was hiding his face. The teacher hadn't arrived yet, and I was tempted to poke him with my pencil to get his attention. Then again, I had nothing to say to lighten his mood and so I doodled on my notebook instead of attempting to rouse him.

Lunch break felt awkward and not even Edward playing with my fingers could distract me. Jas pretended to read a book and Alice was painting her nails. Rose was looking at college brochures she'd dragged along. I think she was trying to convince Emmett to apply to a few other schools aside from the ones that had extended football scholarship offers to him. He didn't seem too thrilled with Rose's plan and spent most of the lunch break trying to ignore her.

"Hey, want to get out of here?" Edward whispered into my ear when the tension at our table had become so thick you could cut it with a knife.

"Sure."

I was wondering whether we had to come up with an excuse for why we were leaving so early, but nobody even gave us a second glance as we got up and left. Edward dragged me straight into the next classroom and started kissing me hungrily.

"I missed you . . . " he panted into my mouth, grabbing my hips and pressing himself against me. "What are you doing tomorrow after school?"

"Well, I have to go grocery shopping with Rose tomorrow. The fridge is almost empty and I have a paper to finish for Friday, so . . ."

"How about Friday then, after school or at night or both?" he asked, nudging my shoulder with his chin.

"I have to work the late shift at the diner. I'm sorry, Edward. Saturday?"

"Definitely Saturday. Can I pick you up from your shift at the diner on Friday?"

"I don't finish up until at ten the earliest and I'll smell like grease afterward . . . and be dead tired."

"I just want to drive you home. I don't care if we only spend ten minutes together."

"Fine. It's not that I don't want to see you. Trust me, I wish I didn't have to work this Friday."

"What's the paper about?" he asked suddenly, popping up his head up from my hair to look at me.

"Composition for my Spanish class. Why?" He smirked at me. "Oh, no, Edward. You're so not writing my crappy Spanish composition for me. It won't take me long. I need to sit down and do it on my own though."

"I wouldn't write it for you. I'd just help you with it and maybe you'd be done faster," he replied with a pouty expression on his face.

"No, Edward. Trust me, it won't take me long either. I have a lot of stuff to do tomorrow." We kissed until the bell rang and we had to hurry to class.

After five minutes of Banner's lecture, I received a neatly written note from Edward.

_Can I drive you to Port Angeles today?_ I read. As much as I would have preferred to ride with him in the Volvo to Port Angeles, I was sure Jas would be pissed because Rose had told him he couldn't come along and I also wasn't sure whether Alice would be pleased to have her brother tag along.

_Sorry, girls only trip. Rose's decree, not mine,_ I replied quickly.

_When are you coming back? Do you think Jas will leave tonight? Or I could just come over to your house and we could do homework together?_

_I don't know when we'll get back. You know it takes a really long time to reach civilization! Alice doesn't want Jas to come over anymore . . . I think. Didn't she tell you?_

_I had no idea. I thought they were fine._

_Edward - are you blind? Didn't you see that there was trouble in paradise?_

_Not sure. They seemed fine on Monday._ He glanced over at me with furrowed eyebrows.

_Trust me—fine is not the word I would use for Jas carrying Alice's books like that. He told me she doesn't want him to come over. I doubt Rose will switch rooms with me,_ I scribbled back.

_Movies on Saturday without Alice and Jas?_

_Sure. Sounds perfect!_

Edward picked me up from gym, further proof that he was suffering from separation anxiety as much as I have been, and as weird as it might seem, I found that calming.

"I'll call you, if we're not coming home too late," I said kissing him,

"Call –even if it's late, okay?" he asked, looking for a promise.

"Yeah, definitely." I let go of his hand and crawled into Alice's car. Once the door was closed, Alice drove at a scary speed out of the parking lot. Rose and I sat so close together that we had to move our arms in front of us and half of my butt was squished between the empty space of the door and the seat. I was berating my decision to tell Edward that he couldn't come along.

Alice turned the radio on and Jefferson Airplane's _"Somebody to Love_" blared out of the sound system.

"So did you get an appointment around the same time?" Rose asked, looking over at Alice.

"Yeah, sure did. I hope the doctor doesn't know my Dad, but I gave her a wrong name just as a precaution."

"Probably a good idea. Would your parents object to you going to the doctor though?"

"My Mother would have a nervous breakdown and Father . . . honestly, I don't want to think about it. Does your father know why we're driving to Port Angeles?"

"Nah, he assumes it's to buy clothes," I replied.

We started talking about school for the rest of the drive and Alice told us about her first few days at Forks High, how people hadn't welcomed her and Edward the same way they'd welcomed my family. Instead they were greeted with hostility the minute they arrived. Lauren and Jessica were particularly mean to Alice from day one, often ramming into her when they saw her in the hallways. The already infamous James even made Alice trip a couple of times and after the first week or so, she only dared to walk around the place with Edward by her side. To my astonishment, Emmett had apparently recruited Edward to the football team since he was such a fast runner, but then James and one of his buddies beat the crap out of Edward after practice. Edward's mom made him quit the team after that, even though he was willing to toughen it out. Alice made some comment about how her mom didn't want Edward to join the team to begin with, fearing he'd possibly break some bones and being that she wanted him to study medicine, any injuries, in particular to his hands, made the whole football thing undesirable from the get go. I wasn't a big football fan, but thought it must be kind of strange to be forbidden to join a sports team. I felt bad for Edward and missed him a bid more.

Through all of Alice's stories the name James kept on popping up frequently and never in a positive way. I was curious to ask about the car accident, but then figured it was probably best not to pressure her to tell a story like that .

"That sounds really shitty, " I commented after another one of Alice's stories during which Lauren or one of her friends stole Alice's clothes during gym and she had to ride home in her gym clothes. "I don't like Lauren, but most of the other students have been sort of friendly and harmless. I think Lauren's only a bitch to me because of Edward." I stared absentmindedly out of the window.

"I didn't expect it either, and I still don't understand what we did to them. I was so excited when we finally moved to a town big enough to have a high school we could attend and then it turned out to be so horrible," Alice complained with a disappointed expression on her face. "All I dreamed about were school dances and friends who were my own age. I was so happy at first and then it sort of all fell apart."

"They're jealous, Alice," Rose stated, rolling her eyes. "I mean look at the fucking car you're driving and the house you live in! Your Dad's a doctor. Most of the people here are pretty average. They work as loggers and rangers. Forks is a pretty working class town, you know? . . . And the clothes you used to dress up in probably didn't help your case either. They're not hostile to us, because they mostly pity us. We're the kids of a local cop whose crackpot wife ran away with the circus. We have no money and we drive the shittiest car in the school parking lot. Yeah, they don't love us either, but they don't hate us."

What Rose said made sense to me and it was the most obvious explanation. Alice, though, looked like she was stunned by Rose's conclusions. She stared ahead and it almost looked like she was blinking away some tears.

"I guess I was pretty naïve, huh?" Alice finally whispered. "And I should probably have tried to pick a less ostentatious car as well. Edward was right. When Mother bought me the car I crashed, Edward immediately said not to drive it to school."

"It doesn't excuse how they treated you, Alice. I was just trying to give you an explanation. It's not you as a person they dislike. It's what you have and they don't that makes them hate you, do you understand?" Rose said.

"Yeah, you're probably right, Rose."

Alice didn't say anything further and we arrived in the town of Port Angeles a little while later.

The doctor turned out to be nice matronly looking woman in her mid 50s who asked no questions and gave us the prescription without checking out how old we were. Even the dreaded exam was short and painless. When we filled our prescriptions, I was wondering why Alice had bothered with this since she'd banned Jas from her bedroom, but I kept quiet instead.

Dress shopping, however, turned out to be far more painful than the freaking doctor's visit. Alice was worse than Rose and Renee combined in her insistence that I try on one dress after another. They all looked perfectly horrible on me. Due to the complete lack of sunshine in this state, my pale skin had taken on an outright ghostly shade and the dark blue dress Alice insisted I buy only emphasized that fact.

"Alice, I think the dress is too big," I complained, pushing my chest out in vain. My small boobs were swallowed up by the spaghetti-strap top hanging off my shoulders.

"I'll make all the adjustments and shorten it. I'm really good with the sewing machine, trust me, you will look glamorous. I'll curl your hair too!" Alice screamed, running around the dressing room in a pink baby doll dress she'd picked.

Rose laughed out loud when she noticed the expression of sheer horror on my face. She of course looked perfect in a red mini dress that needed no adjustments whatsoever.

"Edward will love it!" Alice announced, pinching the hem of the dress up further and tightening the top so that it almost looked like I had cleavage.

"Great," I huffed, feeling self-conscious.

"Yeah, he'll come in his pants," Rose assessed, standing next to me.

"What would be the point of that? I'm not planning on taking those pills for nothing," I murmured, inspecting my fake cleavage in the mirror a little closer.

"So you haven't yet, huh?" Rose asked with a grin.

"Nope. You have the single room, remember? Where all the rubbers in the house have been gathering dust for months?" I stared at my perfect sister.

"Just because I can't coax Emmett into my room unless he's completely wasted and useless, doesn't mean the rubbers have been collecting dust. There's always the car . . . and the bleachers." I wrinkled my nose in response. "Although I'm growing really tired of the car thing and the lack of frequency. Apparently his coach told him no sex before training and not at all before games . . .

Besides so Alice, what's going on between you and our dear brother?" Rose asked. I wasn't sure whether it was out of curiosity or to divert the conversation topic. I had never known Rose to be shy about her sexual escapades, so I assumed she was being nosey.

"Well, at first I just wanted to give him a taste of his own medicine. He acted like such a jerk on the camping trip and the days before that. Then I started feeling like we'd probably moved way too fast in the beginning . . . I don't know what to do now. It all seems a bit messy, but I trust that we'll figure it out . . . I know we'll figure it out." I glanced at Alice as she answered Rose's question and noticed she looked less sure than she sounded.

"Maybe you need to talk to him again," I suggested. Jas' mood was seriously starting to wear me down and I wanted Edward to be able to sneak into my room again.

Alice wrapped her arms around my waist and hugged me. "I will, Bella. Just give me some time, okay?"

"Fine. No pressure. Living, never mind sharing a room, with a moping brother is just no fun." Alice nodded in understanding.

We paid for the dresses and leisurely started walking to the diner we had visited on our fated date night when a beat up car drove by at slow speed. At first I didn't even notice the car -- only the really loud music coming from a bad sound system. I recognized the Stones' _"Paint it Black"_ coming from the scratchy speaker and then saw the look of fright on Alice's face. She'd stopped walking and was staring at the car. A guy with greasy, slicked back dark blond hair stared at us from the passenger window. His eyes were icy blue and a chill ran down my spine as he flipped and pushed a matchstick around into his mouth with his tongue. There was something cruel about his face and a bright pink scar over his left eyebrow made him appear more menacing.

"Hey, sugar tits, do you wanna take a ride with us?" he yelled over to Rose who was walking closest to the street.

"Go fuck yourself, loser!" Rose yelled back without a pause.

"Fiery, I like it. Bet you're a real firecracker in bed."

"If you don't step on the gas pedal real fast, asshole, you'll leave me no choice but to call my Dad, who's a cop by the way."

The guy whistled and leaned out of the window farther. All of a sudden it seemed like we were the only people walking down a deserted street. There was nobody near by and the shop we were passing was closed. I pulled Rose away from the curb by her arm and she took a step back. I was about to suggest that we run to the diner, but finally the guy who was driving the car took the hint and sped off.

"Wow! What a thick-skinned moron," Rose huffed, flinging her hair over her shoulder, not noticing that Alice was now as white as a sheet and shivering in shock.

"What's wrong, Alice?" I asked.

She shook her head briefly before answering in a low voice, "I knew he'd be back. I just didn't think it would be so soon."

"Do you know the asshole who just drove by?" Rose asked, raising her eyebrows questioningly.

"Yeah, that's James Mallory," Alice answered in a strained voice.

*********

**I look inside myself and see my heart is black  
I see my red door and must have it painted black  
Maybe then I'll fade away and not have to face the facts  
It's not easy facin' up when your whole world is black**

_('Paint it Black' – The Rolling Stones)_

**********

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Reviewers will get teasers for the next chapter! I'd also love to hear whether there are any other POVs I should include in a possible "outtakes" part of this story. Let me know! Love to hear from you!


	22. Chapter 22 Confessions

**Thx to Reamhar & KCerena for beta-ing! **

**Thx to the wonderful ****SaffreeLove for pre-reading this chappy!**

**Songs for this chapter:**

**Aretha Franklin**_** – I Say A Little Prayer**_

http://www(dot)youtube(dot)com/watch?v=STKkWj2WpWM

**The Supremes – **_**Ain't No Mountain High Enough**_

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**Chapter 22 - Confessions**

Alice was white as a sheet and her eyes were glassy as his name rolled off her lips. _So that was James Mallory_. Sleazy, greasy and abusive summed him up nicely.

"What's he doing back here? Charlie told us he was shipped off to 'Nam?" Rose looked at Alice incredulously. "What do you mean you knew he'd be back?"

Alice still hadn't regained any color and I could see tremors shaking her tiny body.

"Why don't we go sit down and get something to eat?" I towed Alice forward by her elbow and shook my head at Rose, trying to convey to her to let it go until we could sit down and give Alice a chance to calm down. Sometimes Rose didn't know when to just shut up and take it easy on people.

We walked slowly to the diner and sat down in a booth in the back. Rose ordered tea and grilled cheese sandwiches. By the time the same annoying waitress who had served us the last time we were here brought us the tea, Alice seemed to have calmed down a little and shot us an awkward glance.

"Look, I know he got drafted right after school. And I heard he had a date to be shipped off, but for some reason . . . okay, don't laugh, promise?" Alice's expression had shifted from awkward to serious.

"Promise what, Alice?" Rose replied with a bemused look on her face.

"That you won't call me crazy and you'll hear me out," Alice murmured, looking at the cup in front of her and turning it carefully around with her fingers, before glancing up at us.

"Listen, Alice, we were brought up by a woman who believes in ghosts and reincarnation and consults a palm reader before deciding whether to go on a second date with a guy. Trust me, we won't call you crazy," I said, unable to think of Renee without cracking a smile and trying to assure Alice that whatever she had in store to tell wouldn't really shock us.

Alice chuckled. "Wow. I think I'd love to meet her someday maybe . . . I think we'd get along. So I had a feeling that he'd be back – James, that is. The word 'feeling' doesn't do it justice though. I _knew_ he'd be back before I graduated because I saw it coming, okay?" She almost shouted her last words at us in exasperation.

"Are you trying to suggest that you can see the future?" Rose asked, a suspicious smirk playing around her lips.

_Yeah, indeed_, I thought – Alice and Renee would definitely get along.

"Yes, sometimes and it doesn't always work . . . but on occasion I have these visions of things and they actually happen. It's almost like reverse déjà vu. So I knew he'd be back and that it would be bad. I mean, nothing good can come of him hanging around town again. I'm pretty sure sooner or later he'll go move back in with his parents and that will mean he'd be basically living next door again."

"So what's the dude's deal? He's a creepy bully, I get that, but why are you so freaked out?" I asked impatiently.

"He's way worse than your regular bully. He's a complete sociopath if you ask me. I once saw him drown a dog in the lake behind our house. Something is wrong with him beyond him just being mean. He has all this pent up anger against almost everyone, and he taunted Edward and me from the first day we got here for no reason. It was really awful when he was still going to school with us.

"He and his buddy Laurent once cornered me in the girl's bathroom. They pushed me against a wall and held my arms down. I screamed at first, but of course nobody heard me, so I gave up after a while. They were making all these crude jokes about Edward because he didn't want to go out with Lauren and then they asked me whether I preferred, you know . . . girls. They held me up against the wall and I couldn't move. Hell, I could barely even breathe . . ." Alice was completely flushed and embarrassed as she choked out her last words.

"Jeez, Alice. Did you report them? He didn't try to rape . . .?" Before Rose could finish her sentence, Alice stopped her.

"No, no. He did not. I know what you're asking. He didn't touch me in that way. I think that was the only reason why I didn't have an outright panic attack, but I think it's the one kind of violence that doesn't do it for him. I know you think I'm crazy, but I don't think he thought of me in that way. He just likes to scare people and beat up on them."

"Is that what he did when you had your car accident? Sounds to me like that's beyond just scaring people," Rose noted bluntly. Alice didn't flinch though. It almost seemed like mentioning her déjà vu experiences had worried her more than talking about James, even though the stuff James had done to her sounded way more traumatic than she was letting on.

"Like I said. He's a sociopath. I knew they were following me in the car, but I saw them too late. It was either drive head on into a truck or into the tree. So I picked the tree. Dad called the police after that and thankfully James left me alone from then on. In retrospect, I'm almost grateful that it happened. Yeah, I wasn't allowed to drive anywhere by myself, until today actually, but after the accident they knew people were paying attention. If they tried to do anything else, I'm sure they wouldn't have gotten away with it."

"So why do you think he singled you guys out? And what did he do to Edward? Aside from beating him up after practice?" I wondered out loud.

"I don't know why James focused all his energy on making our lives hell. It's not like we were on purpose running into him or anything. He was two years above us.

"Don't worry about Edward, Bella." Alice chuckled. "James tried to provoke and taunt Edward mostly, so he would start a fight. You know my brother though; calm, collected and above it all . . . well, at least until you arrived. Edward always just ignored it. They scratched up the car and he just drove it to the dealer the next weekend to get it repainted. He knew better than me right from the get go – I tried to be friendly with everybody at school, he never bothered and just ignored everything. Asides from that one time after practice, James never caught Edward alone. I also think if Laurent hadn't helped him, James might have lost that fight."

"Well, he better not run into me again. I'll have no problem ratting him out and I most certainly will not be bullied by his sleazy ass." Rose crossed her arms in front of her in a defiant pose, looking very determined.

"Oh, well. I guess we'll deal with him again when we see him. No use worrying about it now," I added with a sigh, though the thought alone sent cold shivers down my spine. "It's almost eight, by the way. I think we need to be heading home."

Once we'd paid for our meals, we almost ran to the car. The whole James incident had spooked us. I think we only felt safe again when we were on the road traveling back home. I don't know why we felt better when we left town. It was probably a totally false sense of security since it was pitch dark outside and we were the only car on the road. Alice turned the radio to a soul music station, mostly to distract us, and we drove home listening and singing along to Aretha Franklin and The Supremes. Unlike on the way to Port Angeles, Alice drove at a snail's pace back, gripping the steering wheel tightly and focusing solely on the road.

It was almost eleven o'clock when Alice dropped us off at home. Definitely too late to call Edward, which made me sad.

"Alice, if Edward is still up, can you let him know that I'm home? He made me promise to call him when we got home, but now I feel like it's a little too late for that. I don't want to wake up your mother or anything."

"Sure, I'll let him know. I'm sure he's up and waiting by the phone, actually. Is it okay if he calls you?" I smiled, happy about the thought that Edward was waiting for me to call him.

"Yeah, that's fine. Goodnight, Alice." I gave her a brief hug and ran after Rose who was opening the front door of our house already.

The house was dark when Rose and I entered. Charlie and Jas had both gone to bed already. The living room looked deserted without Charlie sitting there. The only light came from a small kitchen lamp, which had been left on.

"I didn't realize it would take so long to drive there and back," Rose said, grabbing a beer from the fridge and gesturing to see whether I wanted one as well. I nodded. "I'm sorry, but I need something to calm me down after this day. That dude is an absolute freak show. He managed to scare the shit out of me and you know I don't scare easily."

"Are you kidding, Rose? The dude is such a creep. Unless he moves back here, I doubt we'll see him all that often 'cause man – it's a long drive just to scare the shit out of us." I sat down at the kitchen table with her and popped open the can of beer, even though I suddenly didn't feel like drinking it at all. I took a small sip. It tasted sour and I wouldn't even need alcohol tonight to lull me to sleep – I was dead tired. Rose seemed out of it though and so I sat there and drank the beer with her in silence.

As we were both finishing off our beers, Rose glanced over to me with a grin on her face, looking as if she was planning something completely devious. "So Bells, since Jas is no longer running over to Alice's house and you're stuck in a room with him, I was thinking that I'll let you use my bedroom. Charlie said he was going on another one of his fishing trips next weekend – incidentally the weekend of the dance – so since he's not around, I can just sleep on the couch for a night or two. I know it would be odd to ask Jas to go sleep on the couch and I don't want you to lose your virginity in the backseat of a car. It's just all kinds of wrong, trust me."

My eyes darted up to her face in surprise. The grin was still playing around her lips, but her eyes looked a little gloomy as if she was thinking of something unpleasant.

"Uhh, thanks, Rose. I haven't even started taking the pills yet . . . no rush . . . but thanks?" I spluttered out.

"No, problem. If you're tempted and not on the pill yet, there's rubbers in the drawer of the nightstand. Renee would kill me if you got pregnant, do you hear me? Make sure Smarty Pants knows how do use the shit and, please, don't have him talk you into pulling out before he's coming, because they always forget about it . . . and if you don't want to, tell him to shove it . . . " she started ranting.

"Rose, stop it. I've heard every single thing there is to know from Renee – at least twenty times already. I'm not an idiot. I want to and I'm older than you were when you first started doing it," I interrupted, rolling my eyes at her. She shot me a concerned look. "So not in the car, huh?"

"I just don't want you to make the same mistakes I've made. I may have always joked about the dudes that I hooked up with, but do ya wanna know the truth? Some of those experiences, I should've skipped. Lived without it in fact. Losing my virginity to some loser when I was fifteen in the back of his car definitely counts as one of those. And I thought I wanted it too . . . "

"I'm sorry. I didn't know," I mumbled. Rose rested her elbow on the table and placed her chin on top of it, while her eyes seemed to search for something.

"It might hurt and you may not enjoy it, but you like him, huh?"

"Duh, Rose. Of course I like him. Why'd I go through all the drama if I didn't? Was it bad when you . . .?"

"Not really bad, just strange and foreign. I didn't have a clue what I was doing and the guy wasn't exactly gentle. It hurt a little but I felt the same afterwards. It wasn't some big life-changing event. The guy didn't even know it was my first time. Then it got better . . ."

I had never really thought about my sister as a vulnerable, innocent young girl. I only remember seeing a Rose who seemed so much older, more confident and prettier than I was. Never in a million years could I have envisioned a version of Rose who was as inexperienced and clueless as I'd always been. I wasn't sure whether that was because I never really looked hard enough at her or whether I would have been unable to see it, even if I tried since it was a hidden side of her. The side she didn't want people to see. I wanted to ask her more questions, like 'did you like the guy?' and 'what happened afterward?', but the telephone rang and we both jumped simultaneously to pick it up.

"Are you expecting a call?" Rose asked when she saw me reaching for the receiver. I nodded and Rose laughed and rolled her eyes.

"Hey," I whispered.

_"Bella_?" I heard Edward's voice.

"Yeah, it's me. Sorry I didn't call. We just came back so late. Jas and Charlie are already asleep and I didn't wanna wake up your mother."

"It's okay. She just went to bed when Alice came in about five minutes ago. Alice said you ran into James in Port Angeles."

"Yeah, we did. Creepy, but I think Rose scared him away," I said, sitting down on the floor next to the phone while Rose whispered goodnight and walked up the creaky stairs.

"Creepy? Creepy doesn't cover it, Bella. He's dangerous, okay? Please promise me that the next time you want to go to Port Angeles you'll allow me to come along. You can't go there by yourself, do you hear me? I won't let you go there without me anymore. Is that clear?" he requested in an agitated voice.

Even though I agreed with what Edward was saying – yeah, from what I heard, James may indeed be dangerous – the tone of his voice made me rebel. Neither Charlie nor Renee had ever ordered me around like that. Who did he think he was? I stayed silent, fuming and not trusting my voice.

"Bella?"

"Yeah?"

"Promise me."

I knew I had to say something. Since we'd rediscovered today that the drive was a really long one, chances were that we weren't gonna go to Port Angeles all that often. So it probably wouldn't have killed me to promise him not to go by myself.

"No. You're crazy!" I finally blurted out. "You can't tell me where, when or with whom I can go places, Edward. That's nuts. Did you just hear yourself?"

"Bella, you don't understand. I don't know what he'll do . . . "

"No, you don't understand," I cut him off. "I get it – he's certifiably crazy and trust me, if I can, I'll avoid running into him. But you can't talk to me like that. Not even Renee or Charlie has ever talked to me like that!"

I was so worked up by the time I spit out my last line that I was hyperventilating.

"Bella, I cannot let you go anywhere near the town without me. Understand that, please," he continued undeterred. I was tempted to hang up the phone at that point.

"Yes, you can . . . this is stupid!"

"Listen to yourself, Bella. You're being completely unreasonable and irrational. Maybe your parents should've occasionally . . ."

I hung up the phone before I had to listen to more. I was about to stomp up the stairs, boiling mad, when the phone rang again. I contemplated not picking up, but that would have woken Charlie, and so I quickly ran back to pick up the phone.

"What else could you possibly have to say now?" I barked, expecting Edward on the other line with another argument about why I couldn't go anywhere without him.

"Daahlinnng, Bella, what's wrong?" I heard Renee's familiar voice cooing.

"Nothing, Renee... I thought you were someone else," I admitted with a sigh. "It's kind of late you know. Everybody else is already asleep."

"Oh, baby, I totally forgot to check my watch. We're in New York right now. I was just walking the streets of the East Village, and it made me think of you. You used to love it here, remember? You and Jas were gone for hours roaming the streets that year."

"Yeah, I remember. Do you want me to wake up Rose? She just went to bed and is probably still up."

"No, don't worry. Rose is fine, I'm sure – she's always been the one I didn't have to worry about. How've you been, Bella? Did you just have a fight with your boyfriend? Where you expecting a call from him?"

"Yeah . . . kind of I guess," I replied, mentally preparing myself for the barrage of questions that was about to follow.

"You sound sad, darling. Dump him if he only makes you sad, do you hear me?"

"It's not like that, Renee. It's just . . . we had a fight and he was being unreasonable."

"But you like him and you think he's worth it," she stated simply.

"Yeah, I like him."

"Well, darling, I'll let you go then. We can chat another time. Let's clear the line and give the boy a chance to call you back. You should always make up before you go to bed. I'll try to call again tomorrow but if not – next week definitely!"

"I doubt he'll call, but I'll talk to you later I guess."

"I hope he does, babe. Have a good night. Hugs and kisses. Sleep tight. Don't wait up by the phone for too long, okay?"

"Goodnight," I whispered before I heard her hang up. I was a little dazed and confused. Sitting down on the stairs, I wondered when Renee had developed a talent for saying the right things at the right time. I stared at the telephone, now willing it to magically ring again, hoping to hear Edward's voice again. I was mad at him for talking to me like I was a child, but Renee was right, going to bed after a fight without clearing the air sucked.

At first I didn't know how long I sat there before I finally gave up and walked up to the bathroom to brush my teeth. I'd fallen asleep on the stairs and only woke up when my foot was asleep and prickling. But before I climbed into bed I checked the alarm clock. It was three o'clock in the morning. I had sat there for at least three hours and Edward hadn't called. He was probably dead asleep by now and I had been waiting like a lunatic by the telephone. Renee had been wrong. If I'd gone straight to bed after the call, I'd at least have kept my dignity intact.

**############**

"Bella, wake up." I heard Jas' voice, but I was too tired to move. I turned around and pulled the cover back over my head. I heard the door of our room close and drifted back to sleep.

"Come on, wake up!" I felt Jas shaking my shoulder. "I already took a shower and you're still lying in bed. You've exactly 15 minutes now to get ready."

I opened one eye carefully. I saw a ray of sunshine flashing across our room from the window and contemplated pretending I was sick. Nobody would know anyway. Charlie was already at work and Rose could let the school know.

"Come on, grumpy puss; get the fuck out of bed!"

"Shut up! I don't feel well. I think I'm staying at home today," I muttered, turning back towards the wall again.

"You're so not sick. If I were you I'd take a quick shower and run downstairs already."

"Why? I already told you, I don't feel well. Leave me alone!"

"Right. Would it help if you knew Edward's car is parked in front of the house? Maybe you wanna let him know that you're sick and don't need the ride to school?" he added with a laugh.

I jumped out of bed and ran to the window to see the Volvo parked in front of our house.

"Not so sick after all," Jas mumbled, grabbing his book bag. I jumped past him to the bathroom and took the quickest shower of my life. I decided that washing my hair would take too long and pulled it up into a ponytail instead. I threw on some clothing and ran back to our room.

Rose and Jas were waiting for me in the kitchen when I stumbled down the steps.

"So I guess you won't need a ride with us this morning," Rose stated while taking the key to the truck of the hook.

"I guess not," I answered, but then all of sudden my feet didn't want to move. _What would I say to Edward?_ For the first time, I felt like I definitely didn't owe him an apology. If anything, part of me was still mad. Maybe seeing him right now, as keyed up as I was at first about his unannounced appearance in front of our house, wasn't really such a good idea?

"Are you going, Bella, or are you gonna just stand there for a while longer and stare at the kitchen tiles? You're gonna be late if you don't move soon." Rose's words snapped me out of my thoughts.

"No, I'm going." I headed toward the door and saw Edward sitting on the stairs of the front porch.

"Good Morning," Jas greeted him cheerily and even Rose managed to mumble a halfway friendly greeting. Yet I was frozen in the door staring at his back.

"Hey," I finally managed to say. "What are you doing here?"

He got up hurriedly and turned around to face me. I didn't check myself long enough in the mirror that morning, but I wanted to say he looked way more tired than I did. He'd mismatched a couple of buttons on his shirt, his shoelaces were untied, and his hair was a mess.

"Hey. Alice is allowed to drive by herself again so I thought I'd pick you up," he said, shrugging his shoulders and staring at me with hands buried in his pockets. "Bella, did you leave the phone off the hook last night? I tried calling back, but I only got a busy signal."

"Nope. My mom called right after you," I answered curtly without taking a step in his direction, even though the sight of him made me want to jump into his arms and kiss him. And the fact that he apparently did try to call back after I hung up on him kind of made me feel better. I guessed he didn't want to leave it like that either.

_Hell, it's not like you care whether he'd come along everywhere you went. You want him to. You just don't want to be ordered around,_ I thought, as he remained silent. He exhaled sharply and looked up at the sky briefly before he started speaking again in a soft voice.

"Okay. I want to say I'm sorry," he started carefully, looking straight into my eyes. "I didn't mean to talk to you this way. I know you're going to make your own decisions and I respect that. If whatever I said came across as if I was trying to control you, or tell you what to do, I didn't mean to. But I care about you, Bella. And I'm not going to apologize for that."

By the time he spoke his last word I was standing close enough to bring my arms around his neck and so I did. He could've stopped talking after 'I'm sorry.' It was all I wanted to hear. He put his arms around my waist and lifted me off the floor into a hug. It felt so good to touch and smell Edward again. I realized I was happiest when he was around. Unfortunately it also brought back the nagging feeling that I shouldn't be so damn happy just because he's near me. Like my life depended on him sticking around.

"I think we better get going or we'll be late for school," I whispered into his ear after we stood there fore a while without moving.

"Yeah. So you've forgiven me?" Edward asked as he put me down, took my hand and dragged me to his car.

"Yeah, I do," I answered rolling my eyes.

Before we drove off he reached for my face with his long fingers and brought his face closer until his lips touched mine briefly. His lips felt chapped, dry, and rough and when I glanced at him his eyes looked sad. I smiled and when he pulled away he smiled back at me as if he was relieved.

Edward drove to school like a complete maniac; his foot seemed permanently attached to the gas petal, his right hand rapidly shifted the gears and his left hand on the steering wheel maneuvered the car around the corners tightly. The wheels of the mommy wagon squealed when we came to an abrupt stop in the school parking lot with five minutes to spare before class started. We spent most of those five minutes kissing in front of my classroom.

And instead of heading toward the cafeteria during lunch, Edward towed me toward the janitor's closet. It wasn't a wild, needy make-out session; it was all soft and wet kisses with little gasps of 'Bella' and 'I missed you' in between.

"So, do you mind if come by your place later?" he asked between kisses.

"I have a shitload of homework to finish, Edward. I didn't get anything done yesterday."

"I'll bring my books, we can study together," he replied, placing kisses along my jaw to my neck. My resolve slipped slowly but surely. I doubted my ability to concentrate on anything if Edward was around. The simple Spanish composition I had to finish would probably take me twice as long with him next to me.

"Fine, but take your time coming over . . . "

"Yeah, I know . . . grocery shopping. How did your dad get by before you guys moved here?"

"I think he got along fine when it was just him because he ate at the diner mostly." I buried my head in Edward's chest and inhaled.

"So how's your mom?"

"She's fine. Why?"

"I was just wondering why she'd call that late at night that is all," he murmured playing with my hair.

"It's Renee. I'm sure she didn't think about what time it was here before she called. She's in New York. She said being in the city reminded her of me or something. You know I didn't make that up, right?" I asked, as it dawned on me why he'd be asking how Renee was doing all of a sudden.

"Yeah, I know. I'm sorry. I just panicked when the line was busy after that. It sounds crazy, but I couldn't sleep and I thought about taking the bike to your place. Only I wasn't sure you'd want to see me," he said.

"I was only on the phone with her for five minutes and then I waited by the phone for you to call back. Does that make you feel better?" I pinched his arm in annoyance. "Until 3 AM. I feel asleep on the stairs actually."

"No. Not all," he answered flatly, a grin tugging at the corners of his mouth. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you like that. I should've put some thought into what I was trying to say and I didn't."

"It's okay. Should've, could've, would've . . . it's fine," I mumbled and kissed him again. I pressed myself against him harder, hoping to feel him. It was like I needed some sort of affirmation that he still liked me. When I felt him hard against my stomach, my mind automatically went back to Rose's offer and I was giddy with excitement all of a sudden. My hands found their way into his hair as I kissed him harder. He grabbed my hips greedily. And then the bell rang and we both stumbled back to class.

If I thought I'd get another make-out session over 'homework,' I was sorely mistaken. We seriously spent the entire afternoon around the kitchen table with Rose and Jas doing homework. To my frustration, he didn't even attempt to touch me. But discomfort didn't end there. I practically shrieked in horror when Edward had the nerve to stay around until Charlie showed up at six o'clock to introduce himself as my 'boyfriend.'

I liked it when I heard Carlisle say it, because it sort of meant that I wasn't some dirty little secret he took out on hidden dates in the woods. Still, introducing himself to Charlie like that made me uncomfortable as all hell. Charlie, of course, ever the cool guy, invited him to stay for dinner. Jas and I mostly cooked while Edward – get this – sat in the living room with Charlie watching baseball. It felt all too normal, a little too conventional if you will. It made me want to crawl out of my skin. I'd wanted Edward from the first time I laid eyes on him, but I wasn't sure I wanted this. It sort felt like he'd effortlessly infiltrated my entire life.

Before the left, he gave me a chaste kiss and drove back home with the biggest smile on his face. I wasn't mad at him, but this – whatever it was between us – felt completely foreign to me.

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**Reviewers will get a short JPOV in their mailbox.**


	23. Chapter 23 A Four Letter Word

**Thx to Reamhar & KCerena for beta-ing! **

**Thx to the wonderful ****SaffreeLove for pre-reading this chappy!**

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**23. An Eight Word Sentence with A Four-Letter Word**

Since Alice no longer needed a ride to school, Edward thought it was okay to pick me up from home again the next morning. I had mixed feelings about this. The more he became part of my life, the more I felt uneasy about . . . something. What, I wasn't even sure. I liked him a lot. I wanted him around. And when I'd first met him, I would've given anything to be able to call him my 'boyfriend.' It wasn't that I liked him less now. Rather, it was the complete opposite because the more time I spent with him the better I liked him. I couldn't figure out what it was that made me so anxious about our togetherness.

I was still struggling with it as I greeted Edward, who was waiting for me in the car. I kissed him briefly, before we drove of and I started staring out the window into the rain that was coming down in buckets today. My mind was focused on the water splashing against the window. So much so that when Edward spoke, I heard his voice over the squeak of the windscreen wipers, but not what he actually said.

_What's wrong with me?_

"What's wrong, Bella?" he suddenly said loudly, touching my hand softly for a second. I shook my head.

"Nothing is wrong," I answered, trying to muster a smile.

"What are you thinking about?"

"Nothing, really."

"Okay, fine . . . " He squinted his eyes and glanced at me for a brief moment. "Is it something I did?"

"No. Nothing. Really, it's nothing. If I figure it out, I'll tell you." I pursed my lips and inspected his profile. He'd shaved. The stubble that had been on his face yesterday was gone. I liked his scruffy look, but I didn't like it when my lips burned and were red and swollen after kissing him. The sight of him distracted me until I reached class and he left, but the same sort of odd feeling came right back once I was left to my own devices.

All I could think about during my morning classes that day was why I felt so conflicted. I couldn't figure it out. My mind kept on going around in circles without reaching any conclusions. Eventually though I pushed it aside in favor of thinking about making out with Edward in the janitor's closet, and by lunch I'd stopped worrying about it entirely.

Miraculously, Edward and I made it to the cafeteria to eat that day. The mood at the table had improved considerably since the last time we sat there. Rose had given up on persuading Emmett to apply to different schools and they were already back to their lovey-dovey, gross-to-watch behavior. Alice and Jas were still ignoring each other mostly, but Alice seemed to be in a chipper mood – that was, until Jas got up from the table to go to his class a little early.

Grabbing his bag off the floor, Jas turned to me and said, "Bells?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm gonna go hang with Jake after school. Can you take care of Janis before you head over to the diner?" Jas asked, before heading toward the exit.

"Umm, yeah, sure. No problem. I'll take care of her," I mumbled, my mouth stuffed full with my peanut butter sandwich. I didn't think anything of it at first. Jas' request seemed perfectly normal and harmless to me. But a kick to my shin from Alice told me that she didn't think the same at all.

"Who the hell is Janis, Bella?" she seethed once Jas had left the vicinity.

"What?" I wasn't sure why she was even upset and it took me a while to process why she looked so miffed all of a sudden.

I laughed as it hit me: Alice must be under the misguided impression that Janis was an actual girl. "Janis? It's nobody really, Alice."

"Nobody? You're taking care of nobody?" she prodded with her eyebrows scrunched together.

"Well, it's not a real girl, okay?" I tried to assure her, but I could see she wasn't going to let this go. "Not here, Alice. If you need to know what 'Janis' is, I'll tell you on the way to class."

"Fine. Can we go then?" Alice requested, not even waiting for me to finish my sandwich. I was annoyed. She didn't want to talk to Jas, meaning that I'd born the brunt of his mood swings as a result. Now she was apparently jealous of our crappy pot plant for no good reason_. Bet she'd feel real dumb once I told her._

"Can I finish my sandwich before we go? Trust me, it's nothing."

"You can eat while we walk!" she ordered, grabbing my bag and reaching for my hand to pull me out of my seat. Edward was about to follow me but I shook my head at him. He sighed and sat back down. She proceeded to drag me out of the cafeteria by my hand before coming to an abrupt stop in the hallway.

"Tell me! What's the big secret?" she asked with her hands on her hips.

"Darn Alice. Didn't Jas tell you about our little botanical experiment in the closet?"

"What? You mean the pot plant?"

I nodded. "Yeah – that one. Well, it's a female plant and so we named it, okay? Her name is Janis. Jas was just asking me to water the fucking plant. Are we good to go now? You know, if you're going to get so upset by something silly like this, maybe you should start talking to him again?"

Alice stared at me for two seconds before she started giggling. "Oh my god, Bella. I'm so sorry I dragged you away from lunch for this. I had no idea. And, yeah, when you see him tonight – tell him to swing by my house – if he wants to. Otherwise, I guess I'll have to wait until tomorrow. Will you do that for me?" She started bouncing back from foot to foot as if she was all of a sudden nervous about something.

"Yeah, fine. No problem." I walked away shaking my head.

Edward was already sitting at our desk when I arrived at bio. Of course I got a neatly written note delivered two minutes into class, a smirk plastered on his face as he pushed the note over.

_So what's 'Janis' referring to?_

I raised an eyebrow at him.

_The plant in the closet. It's female and so we named it Janis – after Janis Joplin._

He laughed out loud after reading my response. I pushed my knee against his leg to tell him to stop, but apparently I wasn't fast enough.

"Mr. Cullen, anything funny you'd like to share with the rest of the class?" Banner asked.

Edward straightened his expression, but didn't bother to hide his grin. "Absolutely nothing worth sharing, Mr. Banner," he replied politely. Banner huffed and continued his lecture. Go figure, Edward could elegantly wiggle himself out of any situation.

The minute we left the classroom, Edward asked with a crooked grin, "so you gave your plant a pet name? You know that is kind of weird, right?"

"Whatever. It's not weird. People give pet names to all sorts of things. Giving a pot plant a name definitely isn't that weird. Get over it."

"I'm curious. What else have you named?"

"Well, the last car Renee owned. We used to call it "Felix" – you know – after the character from the film "The Odd Couple." The car never worked right, but no mechanic could ever tell us what was wrong with it. It got junked eventually. Rose named her boobs, but she'd kill me if I'd disclose the actual names. I can't think of anything else right now though I'm sure there's more."

"I see. Did you name yours?"

"My what?"

"You're breasts," he whispered in my ear.

"No, not big enough," I replied snarkily.

"I think they are perfect and I think I should name them," he said in a husky voice that made my knees go week. _Darn, he sure was getting good at the whole flirting thing._ I felt myself involuntarily turn crimson.

"Don't," I managed to blurt out before even thinking about it.

I briefly glanced over to Edward and noticed that the playful grin had been replaced by a grimace. _Shit, you suck at this!_

"Okay. Fine. I won't," he replied, looking straight ahead.

"I didn't mean it like that. I'm sorry," I blabbered, when I realized my initial reaction caused by embarrassment had come across as nasty or hurtful. We'd arrived at the gym and Edward's eyes were staring blankly at the wall behind me.

"Hey," I said, pulling at his jacket. "I'm sorry. You have absolute naming rights, okay?" I pushed myself up on my toes and kissed him. He sighed and kissed me back.

"So, I'll pick you up around ten tonight?"

I wanted to get out of that date. And I'd tried during the day, though not with much success. As much as I wanted to spend time with Edward, him seeing me after work when I would be smelling like grease wasn't something I could look forward to. But I didn't think I could cancel outright without hurting his feelings again, which would one serve to further prove that I was a failure at making him happy.

"Fine," I agreed grudgingly. "I'll see you tonight, I guess." I turned around and marched into the gym. It would probably be my last day on the bench. My ankle had started feeling normal again two days ago, but I figured I could milk it until the end of the week.

I was about to pass the girls' locker room when Lauren unexpectedly stepped out the room and in front of me. I tried to take a step around her, but she took a step to the side, effectively blocking my passage.

"So tell me, Bella, do you sleep with all the guys on your first date? I mean, that must be why Edward is dating you; otherwise I don't see the appeal. I mean . . . no boobs, no manners, and no money either, as far as anyone can tell from your clothes. Really, what else could he want with you?" Lauren said chewing gum and popping a bubble loudly as she finished her sentence.

I wanted to yell at her to go screw herself, but the words didn't come out immediately. I felt unprepared and so I stared at her instead for probably a little too long, until she laughed, turned around, and walked ahead of me into the gym.

I was tempted to go over to her with some nifty comeback after class, but a response so long after the fact would have been lame. And why should I care about anything that Lauren thought, anyway?

–%%%%–

Work turned out to be even busier and more exhausting than usual, which had the advantage of making time fly by. When I checked the kitchen clock for the first time during my shift, it was already 9:30. The kitchen was almost ready to close for the day. My hair smelled like French fries and bacon and my hands looked raw and red from scrubbing pans.

I walked over to the bathroom to wash my hands and face before finishing up my shift. As I splashed cold water on my face, I made the mistake of looking up at the mirror. My skin looked grayish, the bun my hair was tied in looked greasy and sloppy, and I thought I could see my first ever pimple sprouting on my chin. On closer inspection, it turned out to be just a splash of tomato sauce – but still. I was in no condition to be picked up by Mr. Perfect. And this made me even more annoyed at the fact he'd insisted in coming tonight in the first place. I just trudged back to the stove to clean up the cooking area when Rose opened the kitchen door and walked in.

"Hey, Bells, Edward is sitting out there waiting for you. I asked Betty and she said you could go now. She has it under control," Rose said looking at me with a smile.

"It's fine, I can finish my shift."

"Bells, you better get your ass in gear and get out of here, do you hear me? Your boy out there is making puppy eyes at the kitchen door. It's pathetic. Take the apron off and get the hell out of here before I kick your butt," Rose commanded. I had no energy left to argue and hung my apron up on the wall.

I glanced at my reflection in the glass window of the kitchen door briefly and tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. That's when I saw Edward sitting at the counter with a coke. My disheveled reflection was superimposed on my boyfriend's perfect face, and my memory of Lauren's words suddenly came back with a vengeance. Edward was sitting at the counter playing with the straw in his coke, wearing a blue sweater and a white shirt underneath it. The sleeves of the shirt were rolled over the sweater and pushed up on his arm. As I stared at him, a smile spread across his lips and I could see his perfectly white teeth. It took me a second to realize that he'd noticed me standing in the door and was smiling _at_ me. I sighed, pushed the door open, and walked slowly over to him.

"Hey," I said, stopping a couple of feet away from where he was sitting.

"Hey." He got up and closed the gap between us so fast that I had no chance to take a step back to keep my distance. I felt self-conscious. It seemed as if the remaining customers in the shitty diner were staring at us now and wondering what only Lauren had said out loud – why is he with her?

"Ready to go?" he asked as he kissed me and placed his arm around my shoulder. _Because he likes me, _I told myself, _and none of these people know anything about either of us._

I felt self-assured for a second, nodding in response to his question and pulling on my jacket, which I had been carrying under my arm.

"Good night, Bells. Don't stay out too late, okay?" Rose waved her hand at me as we left the diner. The cold night air hit me as we exited and made me shiver. Edward responded by pulling me tighter into his side. And I liked it because even as gross as I felt, I still wanted to feel his touch.

"So how was your day?" Edward had an expectant grin on his face like anything I could possibly offer about my afternoon at the diner would be interesting.

"I worked and I did nothing else. It was okay, I guess. What did you do?"

"My life is boring." He sighed. "I didn't do much. I'm sure your afternoons are much more eventful than mine."

"Right, Edward. Working in the kitchen tossing French fries into a fryer is oh-so-eventful and fascinating. Honestly, I would have preferred to stay at home and read a book."

"So why didn't you?" he asked, laughing at me.

"Because I should save up money for college," I answered. I realized my voice sounded detached and cold, but I couldn't help it. I was exhausted and he seemed to be under the misapprehension that the work I did was interesting – or worse – that I enjoyed it. He kept quiet after that. He'd probably detected my foul mood.

When we pulled up in front of Charlie's house, he put his one arm around my shoulder and the other hand on my arm, turning me to face him.

"What's wrong, Bella? Is it something I've done? You seem annoyed at me and I don't know what to do. Please." He looked at me with his pretty green eyes and his hair hanging in his face. This wasn't fair, I thought.

"I don't know. It's nothing really . . . it's nothing you did." I couldn't talk with him staring at me like that, so I turned my head and stared out of the window at the house.

"Can I kiss you?" he asked quietly, touching my hand lightly and I turned back to face him.

"You don't have to ask."

"You seem so distant," he muttered, looking down at my lap where his long fingers were playing with my small, clumsy hand. I pulled my hand away and put it on his cheek, before closing my eyes and kissing him. I would never get used to the way Edward's lips and tongue felt when they came in contact with mine. It was pure bliss.

Our careful kisses became a hot mess of tongues and teeth and lips, before he pulled away. "We really shouldn't be doing this in front of your father's house," he whispered, biting my earlobe gently.

"I doubt he'll look out of the kitchen window. And even if he does – there's no light here. No way he'd see us."

Edward didn't seem entirely convinced, but continued to kiss me. Eventually his hands found themselves underneath my shirt and our breathing accelerated. I pulled myself closer to him and let my fingers glide over the bulge in his pants. He stilled my hand.

"Hey, you're tired and we're parked in front of your house. I should let you go and get some sleep." He sighed, kissed the palm of my hand and then leaned his forehead against mine forcing me to look into this eyes. "Bella?"

"Mmmh."

He played with a lose strand of my hair before tucking it behind my ear and moving his hands to my cheek, grazing his thumb over my cheekbone. His eyes were boring into mine.

"I think I'm in love with you," he said, his eyes never leaving mine. I remained frozen, shell-shocked. I didn't know what to say.

"You don't have to say it back, okay? I just wanted to tell you," he added with a shrug of his shoulders as I continued to stare at him.

Eventually a giggle escaped my lips. I saw where this was going. _Or so I thought_. I punched him lightly in the arm and answered, "Edward, you don't have to say that. I'll totally sleep with you even if you don't tell me that." I rolled my eyes at him.

His reaction was gradual. He stared at me for a second, blinking furiously after the words had left my mouth. Then he shifted his body slightly and slowly moved his hands to the steering wheel, staring straight ahead. I could see his jaw tense up for a couple of seconds and then his shoulders slumped and he crumbled forward, leaning his head on his arms, hiding his face.

A pang of guilt and shame hit me, and I immediately wished I had swallowed my stupid tongue. I heard him breathing heavily. I didn't know what to do. Part of me wanted to run out of the car and light a joint.

The other part longed to make this right. But how?

I sat there for a while wondering whether he'd look up again and I could just kiss him goodnight and pretend nothing had happened, but he didn't. Finally I tentatively stretched out my hand over his head and started running my fingers through his hair. I heard him exhale once, and then he moved his head to face me. It was dark inside the car and I wasn't sure whether he'd been crying.

"I'm sorry," I whispered, even though I knew that it wouldn't fix anything. Sorry just didn't cover it. I was going to kiss him on the cheek, but I didn't want any confirmation that I had made him cry, so I just opened the car door and walked toward the house.

I turned around briefly as I opened the front door, but I couldn't see anything. As I closed the door behind me, I heard the car engine start. I wondered whether I should run back outside and stop him, but what could I have said to make this better?

I walked into the house and saw Jas sitting by himself on the sofa in the living room. Without saying a word, I sat down on the sofa beside him and stared at the glowing images coming from the box in front of us.

We sat there for while quietly before Jas turned around to face me. "You look like shit. Do you want to crack open a bottle of Jack and smoke some grass?" I nodded and he left without another word to get the bottle and a joint.

_At least I could count on some things to remain reliably the same. _

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**No worries – update will follow very soon this time! Reviews make me happy! Feel free to lemme know if you think Bella is acting like a bitch!**

**Lola_Pops and I are writing a collab together – as BelleLola. I'm hoping we're getting this show on the road soon. In the meantime you can also go check out her story "Summer of Salt" – it's lovely!**

**I also wanted to thank ****LittleMissInnocence for recommending my story to her readers.**


	24. Chapter 24 Real Life

**Thx again – to my betas Reamhar & KCerena. **

**Drunken stupor with a twist of lemon – Cheers to that!**

**I don't own Twilight – if I did, I would stop answering my blackberry & take a long vacation.**

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**24. Real Life**

When Jas came back with a bottle and joints in hand he opened the back door and motioned for me to follow him.

"The shed has a mini-heater. We can hang out there," he told me as I followed him across our backyard to the shed at the outermost corner of our yard where it was almost hidden in the woods. The shed had a small, one light bulb lamp that lit up the room dimly. Dust covered everything, as if it had been years since anybody had been in there. Jas turned on the heater and we sat down on some wooden crates and started drinking the Jack.

"Alice said you could come see her tonight. Sorry for not mentioning it earlier." I suddenly remembered this afternoon, which seemed like a million years ago, when things had at least had some resemblance of normalcy.

"Don't worry. I don't feel like going anyway. I don't know what to say to her or what she wants to hear. What happened to you?"

"I don't know. Nothing really happened. I think I just suck at this . . . you know . . . dating, I guess?" I answered truthfully.

"You and me both, sis," Jas admitted with a snicker.

"I always say and do the wrong things and sometimes I feel all weird about it. I like him, but I don't know what to make of us being together. I'm scared for some reason. I don't know what to do," I spluttered, trying to explain it to Jas, but somehow failing miserably even at that.

"We're so fucked! Cheers to that," Jas announced, raising the bottle of liquor to his lips and talking a gulp. He wiped his mouth with his left hand and handed me the joint with his right. "If we stay here the entire time until we graduate, which I highly doubt . . . "

"What do you mean? Do you think Renee will be back to claim us and drag us around again?" I asked, raising my eyebrows. The thought had never occurred to me before since she'd seemed happy on the phone on the few occasions she'd called. But then again – this was Renee we were talking about.

"Would you put it past her? Come on now, how many times has she claimed to be soooo in looove?" he said in a voice imitating Renee's. "It most certainly wouldn't surprise me. And it's not like Charlie would put up a fight to keep us here. He's still in love with her, you can tell. When she called and wanted to talk to him, he seemed so happy. That's his weakness. She would use that against him and tell him how much she missed us and couldn't live without us."

"I dunno. He might let us stay. I think I want to stay. Don't you?" I asked. As much I loved Renee, I could acknowledge this much – living with Charlie was more stable and predicable. I felt like I was a little bit more in control of what tomorrow would bring and if I was being candid with myself, I liked that feeling.

Jas was staring at a shelf filled with dirty green bottles intently. He shrugged and didn't answer me. Instead he got up to inspect the bottles. He opened one up and smelled the contents.

"Check it out, Bells. Jake was right. This must be our granddad's old moonshine," he said, handing me the dusty bottle.

I sniffed the bottle, but couldn't detect any odor. I took a sip and almost spit the shit back out. It burned like hell and tasted awful.

"This shit's awful," I coughed out. He took the bottle from me and drank a mouthful.

"Damn," he coughed.

We'd finished about a quarter of the liquid in the green bottle when everything around me started feeling slightly unstable. The shelves full of junk around the shed were swinging back and forward in front of my eyes, and I knew I'd reached my limit of alcohol intake for that night. In fact, I'd definitely exceeded it. I pushed the bottle away when Jas handed it to me again.

Both of us were too drunk to realize that someone was walking towards the shed until the door opened up with a loud creek. Jas and I turned around to stare at Rose.

"Waaant some, Rosssse?" Jas slurred, holding the bottle up to her.

"No. I. Don't. Are you two fucking crazy? What are you doing sitting here by yourselves in this dump getting wasted? I mean – what the fuck are you thinking?"

"What do you mean, Rose?" I asked with a giggle as I looked with blurry vision at her angry expression.

"Umm . . . whaaat . . . else would we be doin'? Seems like a perfectly normal activity to meeee."

"Bella, you should be making out with your boyfriend in a backseat somewhere and, Jas, you should get off your ass and apologize to Alice so I don't have to watch this freaking pity parade anymore. What the hell! You mean to tell me that you guys have the luxury to stay in the same place long enough to actually date and have normal relationships and yet you sit here by yourselves getting wasted? And you don't see what's wrong with this? Shit! You guys are morons. Why-oh-why did I even think you'd appreciate stability and normalcy for once?"

I tried to focus my gaze on her, but I had a hard time. Everything was just so damn blurry. Jas started laughing and I pushed him in the shoulder with my hand to shut him up. Rose was still glaring at us. The shitstorm wasn't over yet.

"Get up!" she seethed. We didn't move. "GET UP, NOW!" she yelled suddenly. I stumbled into an upright position, holding myself up on the wall. Everything was not only blurry now, but the walls seemed to be moving. Nothing was stable, not even the floor I was standing on. Jas followed me, holding onto the wall next to Rose for support.

"Now," she continued in an eerily quiet voice, "you will go brush your teeth and go to bed. Tomorrow morning I will wake you up and you both will act like normal people and not like spoiled, self-absorbed little brats. You will clean the house, do your homework and go out on normal dates. Jas, you better buy some flowers. Those kids are risking way more to be with you than you'll ever have to risk to be with anyone, and the least you can do is appreciate them."

She grabbed Jas by his elbow and me by the shoulder and proceeded to drag us into the house. I bolted into the bathroom the minute my foot hit the top step. I found the toilet just in time to empty the contents of my stomach into the porcelain bowl rather than the floor. Jas laughed and started brushing his teeth. Rose huffed and closed the door, leaving us alone in the bathroom.

"Are . . .youuuu . . . okaaaay?" Jas asked, while trying to put toothpaste on his toothbrush but missing the actual brush by miles. Finally he scooped up the toothpaste that had accumulated in the sink and swiped it with his fingers on his toothbrush.

"I think I'm okay," I finally responded, flushing the toilet and joining him at the sink to brush my teeth and wash my face.

I stumbled back into our room a minute later feeling slightly more sober, but the walls and the floor underneath me were not completely at rest and I felt a little shaky.

I fumbled taking off my clothes and tossed on an old shirt before crawling into bed. Jas followed two minutes later and threw himself onto his bed fully dressed. He looked over to me with a grin on his face.

"Bells?"

"Hummm."

"What's up with Rose?"

I was too tired to respond and fell into a deep sleep before I could even open my mouth.

%%%%

My mind drifted back to half consciousness the next day when Rose stomped unannounced into our room, walked over to the window and opened it wide. I blinked because my eyes hurt when they saw the light.

"Rise and shine!" she shouted. I pushed myself up onto my elbows and looked around. The vaguely sour taste in my mouth brought me back to last night. I knew I had to get up. Rose would shout and yell until I did and she could be kind of scary when she got into one of her moods. Her hair was hanging wildly around her face and she looked mad. Jas hadn't moved yet.

As I tumbled out of bed, Rose walked over to Jas' bed. Jas mumbled something along the lines of her needing to take a hike. Rose didn't say anything. Instead she grabbed Jas by his sweater and tossed him out of his bed. He fell on the floor with a hard thud.

"Damn, Rose. I need some more sleep," he murmured. She shoved him with her foot in the back.

"No you don't. You think you're old enough to drink Charlie's moonshine, huh? Then you're old enough to take some responsibility for the consequences of your actions, you little shithead. Now get your ass into the shower before I take a bucket of cold water and dump it on you. I'll see you downstairs in fifteen."

She didn't look at me again and walked out of the room. I stumbled out of bed and pulled on a pair of jeans. When I got to the kitchen, Rose had made eggs, bacon and toast. She handed me a cup of coffee and pointed at a chair for me to sit down. After I'd finished eating most of what she'd piled up on my plate, she handed me two Aspirins and a glass of orange juice.

"Here, drink," she instructed. "Listen, I don't want to know what happened last night. All I know is that you two are behaving like complete imbeciles. I want you to clean the kitchen and the bathroom – you can divide it up between Jas and you. I'll do the laundry."

She turned around and walked into the basement, presumably to do the laundry, as Jas stumbled down the stairs. He sat down next to me and started eating. I noticed his complexion had a green tinge to it and after finishing three forkfuls of eggs, he promptly ran over to the kitchen sink to toss his cookies. I swallowed hard and decided to start cleaning the bathroom – at least I'd be there already near the toilet if I started to feel sick too.

I don't know how, but slowly and surely Jas and I managed to complete our assigned tasks with shaky hands and pounding headaches. Every so often I had to steady myself on the wall or the sink, but miraculously I finished cleaning the bathroom and our room and proceeded to take a shower. I felt halfway human again after I'd stood under the hot water for long enough.

When I stepped out of the shower, I found my blue mini dress hanging on a hanger on the bathroom door. On the sink lay a pair of black tights and black underwear. I got the message loud and clear. I wanted to protest and toss the clothing on the floor. Facing Edward any earlier than Monday in school seemed impossible. He definitely wouldn't come by and take me to the movies today. I'd made sure of that.

I wanted to cry and scream, but the tears wouldn't come. I felt empty. I dried myself off and put on the clothes Rose had left for me. I went through the motions of getting ready and walked back down to the kitchen.

Jas was reading a book at the kitchen table. His shirt and jeans looked freshly washed. I doubt he was reading it. His leg was bobbing up and down underneath the table.

"Hey," I said.

"Are you going over to the Cullens'?" he asked, looking up from his book.

"I don't know why Rose is making me do this. I don't even know what to say, Jas," I admitted in a whiney voice.

"I don't know either. I guess we make it up as we go along?" He smiled at me. "I feel like shit by they way. If you could drive, I'd appreciate it. I hope I don't have to run to the toilet at their house."

I laughed out loud, which made the headache come back with a bang as we walked to the truck.

"Where would I get flowers from?"

"Uh, the supermarket has some," I suggested, happy actually that the extra trip would give me some more time to mull over what I could possibly have to say to Edward. His '_I think I'm in love with you_,_'_ kept on replaying in my head.

It sounded so strange, like a line out of a cheesy Doris Day movie, yet my heart started beating faster as I thought back on it. My gut reaction had been to run. I didn't want to believe him, even though there was nothing in his demeanor that had ever suggested anything else. Sitting in the truck, gnawing on my bottom lip, I considered the possibility that it was true – what if he did love me? Maybe he did. Maybe that was why he'd always asked what I was doing, always wanted to be around me, and why he'd stopped listening to his mother. And he didn't even expect me to say it back.

Should I have said it back? Would it have been the truth? My stomach fluttered at the thought of him. Even if I was in love him, did that make a difference? People I knew proclaimed love all the time and yet they never stuck with one person. Renee never did. Edward's father wasn't around. Yeah, maybe on paper, but not really.

Before I had time to figure out what to actually say, Jas came back with some ugly flowers in his hand and I had to drive us over to the Cullens' house.

"Do you think their Mother will send us straight back home?" I asked out loud the moment the thought occurred to me.

"Hum, I don't know. Hard to say," he answered.

"Do you know what you're gonna say?"

"Not a clue."

As we approached the front door, I was wishing Mrs. Cullen would send us back home. My hands were sweating and I felt ridiculous in that dress. I looked down at my skinny, stick figure legs as Jas rang the bell.

It seemed to take forever until someone came to the door. As expected, Mrs. Cullen was standing in the door when it finally opened. She wore a pink suit and a hefty amount of make-up.

"Good afternoon, Mrs. Cullen," Jas said, reaching out his hand to greet her. She didn't take it. Instead she narrowed her eyes and looked us up and down. Then I heard footsteps approaching and two seconds later Dr. Cullen appeared next to his wife with a martini glass in one hand and the other reaching immediately out to us.

"Good afternoon, Bella," he said with his a big smile shaking my hand, before turning toward Jas. "And you must be Jasper, correct? Did you guys come to see Alice and Edward?" He motioned for us to come into the house, while Mrs. Cullen continued to inspect us.

"Yeah, kind of. But I don't think they are expecting us," I answer with a forced smile.

"Esme, darling, why don't you call Alice down from her room? Bella, you can just walk ahead into the library. Edward is playing piano in there, I believe."

I heard Mrs. Cullen yell out Alice's name as I walked past my brother, following the sound of piano music. As the music got louder, I could feel the beat of my heart speed up. I started walking faster until I was almost running. When I reached the door, I stopped.

I saw Edward sitting behind a big, black piano. The music sounded beautiful and sad. He was facing me but his head was bent forward and he didn't see me. I stood there and listened, not able to will myself to move. And then those shitty tears that didn't want to come in the bathroom started falling down my cheeks. I tried to wipe them away the minute I felt the first one roll down my cheek. I must have made a sound, whimpered or something, because Edward had suddenly stopped playing in the middle of a cord. I dropped my hand from my face and looked up.

I couldn't read his mood from the look on his face. I walked over to him with my eyes on the floor, too scared to really look at him, fearing I'd finally see rejection in his eyes. I busied myself looking around the room instead. Anywhere but at his eyes, I figured, as I took my last step toward him. The walls that weren't covered with dark wooden bookshelves were adorned with expensive looking paintings. I counted them. The shelves were neatly lined with rows and rows of leather bound books. I surveyed the room for a long time in silence trying to figure out what to say.

"May I sit?" I finally whispered looking at the bench Edward was sitting on. He moved over, making space for me, without saying a word.

"You're really good, you know . . . at playing the piano, I mean. I've never heard you play before and . . . wow . . . you're amazing." I dared a glance at him, but he didn't move. He stared ahead at the sheet music in front of him. I sighed. "So about last night . . ."

"Don't. You don't have to. I understand. The only thing I don't understand is why you would think I'd say that if I didn't mean it." His voice didn't sound shaky or anything. He folded his arms in front of his chest and continued staring at the lines with black dots.

"See, Edward, I don't think you do understand. It's not all that simple – not really anyway for me. I look at my mom who'd proclaimed a thousand times over her love for us, and on occasion, for some of the guys she was dating for about five minutes. And sometimes I think it all doesn't mean that much if, at the end of the day, the people who profess their love for you get up and walk away."

I wanted to continue with my little speech, but he interrupted me again. "No, Bella. I understand that. I see my father and I realize saying it without sticking around is meaningless. I get it, okay?" His voice sounded angry.

"Right. Okay. I would say I'm sorry for what I said, except I think it's not enough. I don't know what to do. I understand if you don't want see me anymore . . ." I started tearing up at the thought of that.

"What? Of course not!" he exclaimed loudly, for the first time looking at me with dark, angry eyes.

I wrinkled my forehead, trying to wrap my head around what he was saying. My fingers grabbed the bench I was sitting on for support as I tried to figure out whether this was the end of my little love affair with Edward Cullen. He saw my confusion and his expression softened.

"I meant what I said last night and of course I don't want to stop seeing you. And sorry covers it." I felt his pinky finger touching mine as he rested his hand next to my hand on the bench. I unfurled my hand from the bench and reached for his.

"I'm really sorry. I didn't mean what I said. I'm scared, Edward. I'm scared that I'm getting too attached to you, that you'll find someone else – prettier than me – or that you'll just wake up one day and realize that I'm not special at all. That sounds pathetic, I know – trust me. But us together – it feels too good to be true. Too good to last."

I could feel Edward's thumb drawing calming circles over my hand and when I looked back at him, he smiled.

"Play something for me," I suggested, smiling back at him. He kissed my hand before placing it on his leg and started moving his fingers over the black and white keys.

I was transfixed by Edward's playing. All the tension in his jaw melted away as his fingers moved effortlessly over the keys producing beautiful melodies. I really didn't have a clue about classical music, but I could usually hear it when Jas grabbed a wrong cord on his guitar, which was pretty darn often if you asked me. Edward's playing, in comparison, was flawless and without hesitation.

"Do you like it?" he asked after he finished playing the last note.

"Yeah, it sounded beautiful. What's it called?" I asked, looking up at him.

"I haven't thought about a title yet, but I wrote . . ."

"Get out of town, Edward! You wrote this? Shit, it's really, really good!" I interrupted him, in awe of the fact that he could compose.

"It's nothing . . ." he murmured, seemingly embarrassed while closing the cover over the keys.

"Nah-ah, you are kidding, right? This is really good. You should, I don't know, try to sell it?" I suggested, grabbing his hand back. He chuckled.

"I don't think anybody would pay for this," he answered, shrugging his shoulders. "You can't make a living by composing and playing music, Bella. It's only a hobby. And this piece is not for sale anyway. It's yours." He leaned his elbow on the piano, rested his head on his hand and looked at me. "I mean I wrote it for you. You were the inspiration, so I'm glad you like it."

I stared at him, my eyes no doubt popping out of my head. I glanced at the door quickly to make sure we were still alone and planted three short little kisses on his lips.

"I don't like it, I love it! And if you wanted to, I think you could make a living writing music. People do it all the time. Take some classes in college and see whether you like this better than all those boring science classes you have to take to become a doctor." His smile broadened as he gazed at me with amusement. "What?"

"You're crazy, you know that? My parents would stop paying for college."

My face dropped when he mentioned the possibility that his parents would cut him off if he didn't study what they wanted him to. I was pretty certain that if either Charlie or Renee had enough money to pay for college, they wouldn't care what I studied.

"Really? They'd do that to you?"

He didn't respond. "So are we on for the movies?"

"Yeah, I drove here because Jas was too hung over . . . so I guess I could drive to the movies."

"Wait, your brother is here?"

"He came to see Alice."

"So he got wasted with Jake yesterday? I think Alice was expecting him."

"Huh . . . no, not exactly. Jas and I made the mistake of touching Charlie's moonshine supply last night after I came home . . . which was actually a really, really, _really _bad idea. So no, Jake had nothing to do with it," I admitted, scratching my head with a frown on my face. "Don't be so hard on Jake. He's a nice guy. And by the way – he didn't knock up that girl you saw him with at the Clinic. If you wanna know the truth of it, Jake just drove her there and home again…. And last night was all my fault. Everything . . . well, Jas was the one who suggested we try drinking the moonshine."

In response to my stammering, Edward raised his eyebrows in astonishment.

"Go figure," he said with a chuckle. "You were the bad influence. I don't think you get it, Bella. Jake likes you and you're doing nothing to discourage his infatuation. Trust me, Jake and half the boys at our school are vying for my spot. How do you think that makes me feel?" He gave me a serious look, though I was sure he was spouting absolute nonsense.

"Oh, please. Jake doesn't like me – at least not in that way. I highly doubt it. And most of the boys at our school don't know I exist. I think you're talking crazy now. Never mind. I don't care anyway. Even if it were true and Jake _did_ like me, what would you want me to do about it? Should I be rude to him? I'm with you most of the time anyway."

"You're a little bit clueless about your appeal. I guess that's a good thing," he responded, shaking his head. "So why was it such a bad idea to drink Charlie's illegal liquor supply?" He emphasized the word illegal and raised one eyebrow questioningly at me.

"Illegal, huh?" I muttered, scratching my chin. "I'm pretty certain growing grass in your closet and consuming it are also _illegal_. Whatever. Um . . . yeah . . . suffice to say I don't think I'll ever be tempted to touch that stuff again."

"Dude, Bella totally puked her guts out last night!" Jas announced from the door while roaring with laughter.

"Well, at least I made it to the toilet. If I remember correctly, your ass barfed into the kitchen sink this morning!" I yelled back at him.

"Fair enough. I sure did. Actually, I still don't feel that hot," he said, clearing his throat before embarrassedly changing the subject. "So Alice and I are driving to the movies. Actually, Alice is driving. Are you guys coming along?"

"I think that was our plan as well," I answered. "To go to the movies, that is."

"Let's get out of here then," Alice said, tugging with her hand at Jas' jacket.

"Yeah, let's go." Edward got up and started pulling me by my hand out of the room.

"Edward, could you let our parents know that we're leaving?" Alice asked as she dragged Jas out the front door.

"Yeah, I will."

I wanted to follow Jas and Alice out the front door, but Edward grabbed my hand with more force as I tried to make my escape. He intertwined his fingers securely with mine and I had no choice but to follow him to the living room where his parents were sipping cocktails. They seemed to have picked spots in the room that allowed for as little interaction with each other as possible. His dad was sitting in an armchair by the window reading a book, while his mom was sitting at the opposite end of the room on a sofa flipping through magazines. They both looked up at us when Edward briefly tapped the open door.

"Mom, Dad, we're leaving now to go to the movies, if that's okay." As he addressed them calmly, he pulled me closer to his side and smiled down at me.

"It's fine. Have fun, guys, and don't come home too late. You know your mother worries and waits up. I'll be driving to Port Angeles later as well, since I'm working the night shift," Dr. Cullen said with a smile on his face. "And, Bella?"

"Yes, Dr. Cullen?"

"Carlisle, please."

"Fine, Carlisle," I said, feeling completely out of place.

"Make sure my boy stays out of trouble!"

"Sure," I replied wrinkling my forehead and barely able to suppress a giggle. "I'll try."

"Okay, goodbye," Edward said, coughing to mask his laughter and dragging me toward the front door. By the time we got outside, he was laughing loudly. Apparently the irony of his father's request wasn't lost on him either. I don't think I'd ever heard him laugh like this, and I liked the sound.

Alice and Jas were already sitting in her spiffy little red car. Edward jogged over to them quickly and talked to Alice before they drove off.

I walked over to our truck and Edward followed.

"Do you want me to drive?" he asked when he reached the truck.

"I'm fine."

"So, do you really want to go to the movies?"

"Why? What's the other option?" I asked, confused. Edward pulled his hair back with his hands – something I'd noticed he often did when was nervous.

"Do you wanna go to the boathouse instead? We just need to park the truck somewhere so that my Dad won't be able to see it when he leaves."

"You know your dad would be so pissed if he found out. I am, after all, the one who is supposed to keep you out of trouble," I said with big smile on my face, shaking my head. "Did you let Alice and Jas know that we're not going?" He nodded.

I pushed the key into the ignition and started pulling away from their house. Edward guided me to a path where the truck would be out of sight and we started walking to the boathouse.

"Don't you think it's kind of silly that we didn't just walk here from your house?" I wasn't sure what was so funny about my question, but Edward must have thought it was hilarious 'cause he started laughing again.

"I think my mother would lock this house down permanently if she knew we were spending time here. It's better that she doesn't know about it, and she's not so drugged up that she couldn't put two and two together, you know. She'd eventually figure it out if your truck remained parked at the front door. Wouldn't you think Charlie would have a similar reaction?"

"I dunno. We haven't really tested him. He seems pretty cool. Renee wouldn't, that's for certain."

"You haven't really tested him? Bella, do you honestly think he doesn't notice that his liquor supply has been dwindling since you guys moved in? Plus, I hate to break it to you, but Jas leaving in the evening and coming home late . . . he's gotta suspect something."

"Well, if he does, he sure hasn't let that on yet. I doubt he's checkin' the Jack supply in the closet underneath the stairs all that often. You've no idea how many bottles are in there. Every family in this town gives him a bottle for Christmas and he doesn't even like the shit. Go figure. Anyway, he lets us drink beer."

"So, what's the plan for the boathouse?" I asked as we reached it.

"Mmmh, nothing that will get me into trouble, I hope," Edward whispered in my ear. He closed the door behind us and pulled me into his arms. His jacket was open and I pressed my head against his chest, grabbing him around the waist. I could feel him pressing kisses in my hair. "Bella?"

"Yes."

"You know I don't want anybody else, right? You're the best thing in my life and I wouldn't leave you."

I felt pretty damn guilty listening to him. I had acted liked a complete bitch last night. Today hadn't really shaped up to be a much better day as far as my emotionally stunted behavior went. I felt selfish all of a sudden. There he was telling me all the things I wanted to hear and I acted like . . . I don't know what . . . I like an idiot. And somewhere in the pit of my stomach I got it . . . that feeling of happiness when he was around, the fact that his touch made my heart beat faster. I was probably in love with him. I displayed all the classic symptoms and had been in denial about it.

"Edward, I'm sorry about last night and acting like an idiot and . . . " I said tentatively, then hesitated. Saying 'I love you' was turning out to be harder than I thought. With my head nuzzled in his shirt, I murmured rapidly, "And I think I'm in love with you, too." With my mouth muffled against his shirt, I wasn't even sure that he'd hear me, never mind understand. But Edward must have heard something, all right 'cause I could hear his laughter vibrating through his chest before he pushed me against the wall and tried to coax me to look at him by putting his hand under my chin.

"Wait, what was it you just said? I don't think I heard you clearly?" he asked jokingly.

I pulled my hands away from him and tried to cover my face, but he took my wrist in his hands and pinned them against the wall above my head.

"This is not fair. Let go of my hands," I whined.

"Oh, it's totally fair. You made me suffer all last night." He stared at me and I was almost done. Then his tongue darted out, moistening his lips, and my stomach dropped at the sight.

"Okay_, I love you_. Happy?" I whispered, averting my eyes from his gaze by staring over his shoulder. He didn't say anything and instead bent down to kiss me. I was fine with that.

Edward let go of my hands slowly. I put them behind his neck to pull him closer to me, immediately wanting more. I felt his hands slowly, teasingly slide down my neck over my collarbone and then to my shoulders. I swallowed thickly. He pushed my jacket off my shoulders and dropped his on the floor behind him before moving his hands down the sides of my ribcage to my waist and then to my butt, which was barely covered by my dress. Something felt different about this; his hands seemed completely steady, all his moves appeared deliberate and his breathing never changed.

Edward moved closer until he stood between my legs, his eyes focusing on mine. I felt his hands slide calmly under my dress until they were resting below my butt. His long fingers were lingering on the insides of my thighs, making me shudder. He let one hand travel lower and it unhurriedly grasped, and then pulled up my thigh to his hip and held me pinned against the wall before he grabbed my other leg and lifted me up. I forgot to breathe for a second as he held me up with my legs wrapped around his hips, yet Edward just looked me with a slight smirk playing around his lips.

When I remembered how to breathe, I moved my mouth to his neck, inhaling his scent, trying to center myself. It was a hopeless attempt though. I felt my heart beating faster as he bit me lightly in the neck and licked the hollow above my collarbone.

My dress hitched up and I could feel him hard right between my thighs. The tights and underwear were thin in comparison to the jeans I usually wore, so that the sensation was way stronger and I immediately pushed myself against him in response. Embarrassingly loud moans and whimpers escaped my mouth when he started rocking his hips into mine pressing his hard-on at my sweet spot and my butt closer against the wall. I grabbed his shoulders hard and started kissing him again, hoping that it would stop the traitorous sounds coming from me. But it really didn't stop anything. I just kept on moaning like a cat in heat into his mouth while he moved slowly between my legs. Even though it was cold outside, and couldn't have been much warmer inside the boathouse, I felt hot and sweaty as I grabbed onto him tighter.

Edward seemed more in control than I was. Although he was panting and sweating, probably from the strain of holding me up, his movements remained almost agonizingly slow and deliberate. I pressed my hips forward a couple of more times before I came, digging my fingers so deeply into Edward's shoulders that it must have hurt. My muscles gave out shortly after, and I hang limply in his arms with my panties drenched. He didn't say anything. He kissed me softly on the lips and carried me effortlessly up the stairs.

Edward dropped me carefully on the sofa with a smug grin on his face, apparently very pleased with himself.

"I like the dress. I remember it. You wore it on your second day to school," he said with a wink and then proceeded to take it off. I was shocked that he remembered. If I wasn't certain before that something was different, there was no doubt in my mind now.

He pulled his own shirt over his head quickly and straddled me. He kissed my mouth first and then worked his way down to my breasts. His tongue swirled around my nipples and I arched my back of the sofa.

"Jeez, Edward . . . what happened to you?" I panted as he licked and kissed my boobs.

"Nothing. I'm thinking about names," he hummed against my skin.

When he moved his lips back to my mouth, I let my hands travel over his chest. I felt a little disgruntled that he had me all hot and bothered while he remained perfectly composed – at least from what I could tell. I needed to learn how to play this game and quickly. I dipped my hands lower until I reached his jeans and let them trail over his lower stomach, though never moving below the waistband of his jeans and eventually letting my fingers glide slowly back up over his back to his shoulders. I could feel him tense up under my fingers and he stopped moving. My mouth captured his bottom lip, and I nipped it a little before letting my tongue travel along his jaw line, while my hands drifted to his chest again, pushing my thumbs over his nipples. When his breath hitched a little and his hips flexed into my thighs, I knew I was getting there.

Edward shifted his weight onto his elbows, lifting his stomach, presumably to allow my hands to wander down there. I moved one hand down to the area between his hipbones and ran the tips of my fingers over his skin just along his jeans, trailing them over the fine body hair that he had there. I didn't think I'd ever fully appreciated the way his skin felt until that afternoon when I unhurriedly touched him trying to tease him. He closed his eyes briefly, trying to collect himself.

But he gave up shortly afterward and shifted onto his side next to me after, panting and squeezing my butt. I moved onto my side as well so we could lie facing each other. I continued focusing my attention on his mouth and traced the muscles of his arms with my fingers and every other part of his all-too-perfect torso. His eyelids fluttered closed as he pulled my hips to him. Not long after that he pushed one hand into my tights and down my underwear. His fingers started gliding over me and it felt good. Judging from the sounds he was making, he was enjoying it as much as I was, if not more. He groaned as his hand slipped deeper down my underwear, and I felt him pushing a finger inside of me. An involuntary moan escaped my lips and Edward's reaction was instant. His fingers started moving faster, almost frantically, as he placed hot open-mouthed kisses along my neck to my lips.

"Bella," he breathed into my mouth. "Please."

"Yeah?"

"Please."

I wasn't that dense. I got what he was trying to tell me.

"What, Edward?" Maybe him telling me what he wanted would be kinda hot. I moaned for good measure, since I got the feeling that he liked it. "Tell me what you want me to do?" I whispered.

"Touch me," he panted. I briefly considered taking my little game one step further and asking him 'where,' but that would've been too obnoxious, so I moved my hands to his pants and started unbuttoning them. After I popped open the buttons, he pushed his jeans and underwear down eagerly by himself. His skin felt overheated as I let my hand glide over him, using my thumb to spread the fluid from his tip down his length.

We were equally, sweaty, panting messes by now, fervently groping and grinding against each other. Control went out the window as I hitched my leg over his hip to allow him easier access while I continuing stroking him. We both came almost at the same time and Edward effectively stained the sofa.

He tried to clean it up with his shirt, but it looked like all he did was spread it around and rub it further into the fabric. I suggested tossing a blanket over the sofa, particularly if Mamma Cullen ever came to the boathouse, but Edward assured me that she never came down here. Nevertheless I thought it was prudent to throw a blanket over the sofa before we left that night.

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**Please review and I'm definitely taking name suggestions for the boobs!**

**Later,**

**B**


	25. Chapter 25 About Boys

**Thanks to Reamhar & KCerena – who had to suffer through this chapter! Thx.**

**Many thanks also to all who read, review & recommend by story. I appreciate it – totes!**

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**Chapter 25 - About Boys**

Fooling around for the rest of the evening on the sofa had made my skin sticky and left my lips swollen and raw. In an effort to keep up the appearance that we actually went to the movie together, Edward and I met up with Alice and Jas in front of our house around eleven o'clock and Edward drove home with Alice. Despite reeking of sweat and sex, I stumbled straight into bed where I fell into deep, peaceful slumber.

When I woke up the next morning, I could still smell Edward on my skin. I liked the boy, but it was definitely time to shower. I almost skipped to the bathroom, feeling happier than I had in a long time. I could handle this relationship thing. I'd make it work somehow. No more chickening out because I was afraid of feeling like a fool.

Standing in a half-conscious state in the shower I discovered that my time of the month had arrived overnight.

"Fuck," I muttered, stepping out of the shower and grabbing toilet paper.

I dreaded my period more than anything. _Shit._ As if remembering to brush my teeth, wash my hair, and put on clean clothes wasn't enough, now I had to remember to drag tampons along everywhere, too. Even worse, this would put a damper on my make-out sessions with Edward for the next week.

Thinking of Edward made my knees go limp and caused a tingle in my girl parts – as always. I panicked; I was dripping blood over the bathroom tiles and all I could think about was sex. I searched for tampons underneath the sink and remembered the pills. I inserted a tampon and got dressed quickly to stumble back to my room to go grab the pills, hoping Jas would still be asleep.

After retrieving one of packages from my room, I sat on the toilet and opened up one of the boxes containing the familiar-looking round plastic container and a folded up piece of paper with the directions and warnings. I scanned the directions quickly, before looking at the side effects.

Apparently taking any kind of medication has the potential to cause nausea and headaches and this one in particular could cause _abnormal bleeding_. I popped the first pill into my mouth and tried not to think about what "abnormal bleeding" meant; I sincerely hoped this wouldn't mean that I'd spend any more days having to remember tampons than I already did. _Blood clots, Stroke, and tenderness of the breasts . . . _the list of possible side effects seemed endless.

Something struck me as unfair about this – me taking these pills in order not to get pregnant while Edward wouldn't have to do anything. But then again when was life fair? No matter how you turned the coin, sometimes it was advantageous to be boy.

I knew Renee and Rose hadn't sympathized with me when I'd declared a couple of years back that I wished I were a boy. To be precise, I was twelve years old at the time, puberty hadn't quite hit me yet with full force, and I'd only recently returned from a four-week stay at a summer camp which had highlighted the disadvantages of being a girl all too clearly. It was an easy equation for me. In camp, the boys were allowed to stay up an hour longer (God knows why?), on extended hiking trips they could pee standing in the bushes, they never had to cover their chests with icky, superfluous (on my chest at least) bikini tops and nobody ever told them to keep their legs crossed. The only thing I wasn't jealous of – not even back in the day – were penises. In my mind they were ugly pieces of flesh accompanied by lose skin.

_Gross_, I remember declaring after my speech about how I'd rather be a boy just without _that_ part of the male anatomy. Rose and Renee had just laughed and told me I was crazy.

"_You can't be one without the other, silly." _Renee had rolled her eyes at me, stating the obvious.

"_Yeah, really, Bells, that sounds stupid. Besides, why would you want to give up short skirts, makeup, boobs and the ability to flirt your way out of any uncomfortable situation_ _just to be able to pee standing up or to stay up an hour later at a retarded camp? Never mind that we're the stronger sex and don't let anybody tell you otherwise," _Rose has snapped and Renee had nodded in complete agreement.

_"But I have no boobs, I can live without short skirts, I don't wear makeup and the only thing I've ever managed to talk my way out of was participating in gym_," I had whined.

Over the past five years, I had changed my mind slowly but surely. Incidentally, Renee's and Rose's reasons did not convince me that I was better off as girl. I had since since sindiscovered different reasons for why I liked being a girl.

I came across reason number one when I read an article in _The Los Angeles Times_ one afternoon in January of 1967. The article described the latest developments in the Vietnam War. But that's not what interested me. My eyes got stuck on a number at the end of the article: the estimated amount of US soldiers killed in Vietnam in the 1966. Around six thousand, all of them boys and men. If nothing else, being a girl meant that I would not be drafted and shipped off to Vietnam. I would never become a number in that body count. I know this makes sound like wimp, but I was relieved.

The other reason might have something to do with the fact that I did hit puberty shortly afterward and discovered that I liked boys - and I don't mean in a 'just as friends to chat with' kind of way. I was fourteen and Renee sent us to a summer camp organized by one of her yoga gurus. It was the first summer camp that I openly opposed going to. The camp was located in the Arizona desert and was supposed to allow you to experience the transformative power of the Dharma. I was certain the only things I would experience during our three-week stay were a bad sunburn and torn muscles. That was until I arrived at the bus stop the morning of our departure and met our camp counselor Tom.

He was tall and dark haired, with nice brown eyes and a perfectly proportioned tanned body. Unfortunately I wasn't the only one who had salivated over him. Every single gal in that camp lusted after him. I think Rose snagged him away, although she never officially confirmed it. Being attracted to the same sex would make life extra complicated I decided that year, so being a girl would work out just fine for me.

I closed the plastic pillbox, and walked back to our room. I dropped it into the old cigar box from underneath my bed. As I was tossing the cigar box back under the bed, Jas stretched and yawned.

"Mornin', Bells."

"Morning. I think I'm gonna make breakfast. What do you want – pancakes or eggs?"

"Both please. I'm starving."

Jas walked down the stairs into the kitchen when I was almost done making breakfast and Rose and Charlie followed shortly afterward.

"Morning," Charlie murmured, grabbing the coffee cup I handed him greedily.

"So what were you kids up to last night?"

"I went to the movies with Emmett," Rose answered with an innocent smile. Jas raised his eyebrows and almost spit his coffee out laughing.

"I hung out with Edward," I admitted with a sheepish grin. Charlie didn't ask for further information from me and instead looked at Jas expectantly.

"Rose, which movie theater did you go to?" Jas asked.

"What's it to you? We went to the drive-in you guys went to before."

"Oh, really? Interesting."

"Why would that be interesting?" Rose snapped.

"Never mind, Rose."

Charlie had a smile playing around his mouth as he glanced from Jas to me to Rose. He ate his eggs quietly, occasionally looking up at us and chuckling. Edward was right – he was onto us.

"Okay, kids. I'm going down to the Black's to go fishing. You're more than welcome to come along, if you like," he mentioned standing up and bringing his plate to the sink.

"When are you leaving?" Jas asked.

"In about half an hour or so," Charlie answered, pouring himself another cup of coffee.

"I think I'll come along," Jas announced, starting to wash the dishes. Charlie nodded and walked out the door to the garage with his coffee cup in hand. I stood up and started drying the plates Jas handed me.

"I take it you didn't run into Rose last night, huh?" I asked after Rose had left the kitchen.

"Yeah, definitely didn't. We ran into James Mallory though . . . Relax, Bells," Jas said in response to the expression of alarm on my face. "Honestly, I think the dude is a harmless creep. He didn't say jack-shit to us."

"Really? I don't know, he said plenty the last time we ran into him. What movie did you pay to not see?"

"Shut up! Alice made me the watch the 'The Thomas Crown Affair.' Apparently she is a huge Steve McQueen fan. Whatever, so boring." He shook his head and handed me the last dish before disappearing after Charlie, leaving Rose and me to sit in front of the TV.

"So what did you do last night?" I asked Rose.

"Emmett's parents were out for the night and we stayed in his room. Let me guess, Jas went to the movies?"

"Yeah, he did. He even watched the flick."

"Really? Strange. So what did you do while 'hanging' out with Edward?" I blushed and swallowed a lump that had suddenly appeared in my throat.

"Nuthin' much."

"Right." Rose suddenly turned to stare at me. Scrunching her eyebrows together, she eyed me suspiciously. "So what exactly does doing 'nuthin much' involve?"

"Oh, come on, Rose. Don't do this to me. I was hanging out with my boyfriend on a sofa. What do you think we were doing?" I huffed.

"Relax, Bella. I'm just curious. Are you enjoying yourself? I hope for your sake he's not entirely clueless, right? He knows what a clitoris is?"

I rolled my eyes at Rose.

"He knows how to push my buttons. Does that satisfy you? He's actually quite good," I praised with a smug grin.

"Okay, I see. I guess I have to give him some credit. So have you gotten over you aversion to penises and are returning the favor, if you know what I mean?" she asked with a wink.

_Man-oh-man,_ I thought, _Rose must miss talking about sex with Renee. _But when had I become the stand-in for our mother?

"I guess so. And yeah," I snapped.

"How?" she prodded, looking straight ahead at the TV.

"Why do you want to know, Rose?" An exasperated sigh accompanied my plea.

"Listen, I might be able to teach you some tricks. So tell me, how? Hand jobs or blowjobs . . . your virginal status hasn't changed over the last two days, has it?"

I wrinkled my nose. "Both. And No."

"Really? You've performed fellatio on Smarty Pants? Do you swallow?"

"What?" I shrieked, a little louder than I had intended.

"You know, when you give head – do you swallow? Guys are really into that if you do. Well . . . most of the ones I've met at any rate," she teased with a laugh and gulped loudly.

"Thanks, Rose. I really needed to know that." I rolled my eyes again in disbelief at how the conversation had gone straight into the gutter, but my curiosity was starting to get the better of me. Maybe there were things to be learned from listening to Rose.

"Don't be such a prude, Bella. If you can't talk about it, maybe you shouldn't be doing it."

"Fine. So what do you think is essential to know?" I relented as I uncomfortably shifted around on the sofa, feeling embarrassed.

"Most of it you'll probably figure out with practice, but what _department _do you think you need help in?"

"Okay, how about blowjobs. Any tips?" I asked, not able to come up with anything better.

"Mmmh, well. First basic rule – stay in control. Allow him to set a pace if he wants to with his hands on your head, but make sure he doesn't just shove his whole dick down your throat. Make sure you're comfortable wherever you are, so you don't crank your neck out if you have to stay in that position for a while. If he's standing and you're kneeling in front of him, be extra careful that you don't lose control of the situation. Obviously the more of his member you can get into your mouth the better. If that doesn't work because of your gag reflex, work with your hand and your mouth together."

I was gaping at Rose with wide eyes as she continued with her essential 'how-to' instructions.

"Before you do anything, I'd recommend teasing him for while. Touch, kiss and lick him in the surrounding areas. Actually start with licking, before sucking him. If you don't want to swallow his jizz, tell him to give you a warning and not just a one second 'oh, I'm gonna come' warning, which won't give you enough time. Swirling your tongue around the tip and up and down the underside of his dick should also be part of the plan, if you are trying to make it good for him. Don't slack off before he comes – keep your movements consistent and firm – even if you're not planning to swallow." Rose finished her seemingly never-ending instructions with a wicked grin on her face.

I stared at her trying to process the information. It seemed like an awful lot of things to remember. Apparently I'd missed a couple – scratch that – a lot of steps during my latest adventures. I kept on replaying the word 'control' in my head.

"Rose, what do you mean by 'control'?" I questioned, feeling like a complete tool.

"You know, take charge and stay in charge. You'll figure it out. Are you gonna call him now and invite him over for a practice session?" she asked, turning around to look at me.

"Yeah, I don't think so, Rose. I got my period today and you're here . . ."

"Jeez, Bella. You can close your bedroom door, right? And here's another tip – you don't have to skip making out because you have your period. Just go with whatever you feel comfortable doing."

"I dunno."

I stared at the TV blankly, mentally trying to visualize how to execute Rose's tips.

"Call him! I can leave, too, if you want," Rose offered with a smile. Not only was I red like a tomato after Rose's suggestion (no need to check the mirror for that, I could feel my cheeks blazing), but I felt perspiration forming on my forehead. "Come on! Call!"

"Stop it. I'll call when I want to."

Sitting on the sofa with Rose giving me strange glances every five seconds wasn't all that comfortable so I gave in and got up to give him a call. Nobody picked up and I was disappointed that I wouldn't get to see him, but also a tad relieved. Jas tried calling Alice later with the same result. The phone kept on ringing and nobody picked up.

The rest of the day passed by quickly and we spent the night with Charlie in front of the TV. Later, lying in bed, I made a mental blowjob checklist: Tease, lick, pay attention to tip and the underside and try to get as much in your mouth as you can without gagging. I was undecided on the swallowing bit.

~000~

I ran out the door the next morning after I'd spotted Edward's car parked in front of our house. He was leaning against the passenger door of his car, and my mind immediately sprinted back to Rose's instructions. My mouth went dry and I was certain I'd turned red again, as I stumbled over a darn stone on the ground and almost fell flat on my face in front of him.

"Are you okay?" Edward asked, stepping forward, and breaking my fall by wrapping his arm around me.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Hey, did you go out yesterday?"

"No, why?" he asked, closing the car door and walking with quick steps around the car. He looked at me expectantly when sat next to me.

"I tried calling you and Jas tried as well later on in the evening, but nobody picked up." Edward looked surprised.

"Strange. I stayed in the kitchen all afternoon doing homework. I should have definitely heard the phone. When exactly did you call?" he asked as he pulled out.

"I dunno, around one o'clock? It doesn't matter I guess."

"No, it does. I would have liked to talk to you or to see you. I didn't call 'cause I thought you might be busy with homework and stuff. Are you sure you dialed the right number?" he asked laughing.

"Umm, yeah, I'm sure. I looked it up and called twice. And Jas said it was the right number." Edward furrowed his eyebrows, but dropped the subject.

Morning classes went by in a blur, lunch felt finally normal again and before I knew it, gym was over and I was ready to head back home. Edward waited for me after gym and drove me home. When we reached my house, he kissed me and looked at me expectantly.

"Do you wanna come in? We can do homework together?" I asked hesitantly.

"Yeah, sounds good," he replied with a crooked grin and got out of the car quickly. Maybe I should've warned him that a make out activity was not in the cards today, I wondered, but then again, Edward had seemed perfectly content to sit around and do homework. And even if he weren't content with that, I could technically put Rose's instructions to use.

We settled around the kitchen table next to each other and started doing our homework. I tried to concentrate on my math homework, I swear I tried, but I couldn't concentrate and every couple of minutes I glanced at the kitchen clock and then stole a sideway glances at Edward who of course kept his focus on his book. The mental checklist I had prepared last night before drifting off into sleep kept on replaying itself in my head and made me shift uncomfortably on my chair.

Instead of figuring out the next equation, I started wondering where my siblings where. Then the constant noise started bothering me. The buzz coming from the fridge behind me, the ticktack sound coming from the antiquated kitchen clock, and the sound of the drizzle hitting the planks of the porch seemed all unnaturally loud.

I stared back over to Edward, his long fingers flipping over a pencil in his hand rapidly and his eyes focused on the book. I was pretty certain his mind wasn't as depraved as mine; hence he could focus on the homework. He probably didn't even have to study. Life was just not fair.

One last glance, I figured, and then all my attention would be on my boring math homework. I let my hair fall over my shoulder and took another peek at Mr. Perfect next to me. My eyes wandered hungrily over his face, down his shoulder to his arm and landed on the page of the book he was reading. I blinked a couple of times in disbelief.

Seeking confirmation I looked at the kitchen clock and then back to the page of his book. Unless my eyes were playing a trick on me, Edward had been staring at the same page of the book for the last thirty minutes. I couldn't help but smile once I'd found out that someone next to me wasn't concentrating as hard as I'd thought he was.

I pulled my hair behind my ear and tried to focus on math again. When I heard a sigh coming from him, I turned to look at him.

"Something wrong? Do you want something to drink?" I asked with a smirk. He coughed and I noticed his ears turning pink.

"Can I get some water, please?"

"Sure." I moved my chair back and stepped to the kitchen counter to grab a glass from the upper cabinet. I got up on my toes to reach for the shelf with the glasses when I heard Edward get up and move behind me, taking the glass from my hands and setting it down on the counter. He didn't move and I felt his breath hit my hair. I turned around slowly and raised my eyebrows at him.

"Difficult page, huh?" I teased.

Edward swallowed thickly before moving his hands to the counter on either side of me and leaning forward.

"Very," he whispered with his lips dangerously close to my mine. I exhaled and a whimpering sound escaped me. We kissed, first hesitantly and then more greedily. My hands found themselves in his hair and I pulled and tugged him closer. Without thinking I pushed myself up on the kitchen counter and he moved between my legs swiftly, pulling my butt to him. Any thoughts of moderation flew out the door as I crossed my legs behind his back.

"I can't concentrate on anything, Bella. Don't know what's wrong with me, but I've given up resisting. I feel a bit depraved. All I do is think about you . . . your skin . . . the way you taste . . ." he said in a husky voice. "When do you think Rose and Jas are going to be home?"

"I dunno . . ." I craned my neck to look out the kitchen window behind me and notice that the truck was still missing. "We can go up to my room, and I can lock the door?"

The words had barely left my lips when I felt him picking me up from the counter and starting to carry me toward the stairs. Edward walked so swiftly up the stairs while continuing to kiss me. I guess he was kind of distracted because he lost his balance, bumping us into the banister and the wall a couple of times.

When we reached my room, I untangled my legs from his hips and he dropped me on the floor. I closed and locked the door behind us promptly, pushing the laundry basket in front of it for good measure. Although there was no doubt in my mind that the lock would probably hold, I was suddenly paranoid that someone would catch us.

I remembered Rose's instructions about 'control' as we stood next to my bed, and so I pushed Edward with my hand on his chest back onto the bed. He complied looking a little astonished.

I made up my mind quickly about how I wanted to use our 'alone' time. My checklist memorized, I only needed to make sure he didn't get his hands down my pants first. I'd confess that this was really the wrong time of months for _that_. I straddled him as he sat on the edge of my bed and pulled his sweater and his t-shirt off in one swift movement before pushing his back flat on the bed. When his hands reached for my sweater, I pulled it off myself but left on the thin spaghetti strap shirt I was wearing underneath. I ground my hips into his before moving my lips from his mouth, along his jaw to his neck until I reached his shoulder.

In an amazingly graceful movement for a klutz like me, I lifted myself off his lap and onto the floor.

"Bella?" Edward said in a strained voice, licking his lips quickly as I kissed his stomach while kneeling on the floor between his legs.

"Relax," I murmured with a smirk on my face and glancing up at him for a second. His eyebrows were furrowed and he let out a shaky breath.

With step one in my head, I let my hands glide up his legs until I hit is hipbones while kissing and licking his stomach. I let one of my hands slide over his erection, stroking him tentatively over the thick fabric of his jeans and waiting for his reaction. I felt his stomach muscles tense under my lips and firmed my grip, squeezing him.

When I glanced up at him, he had his eyes closed and his head tilted back. I moved my hands to his belt buckle while keeping my eyes on his face. Edward's head snapped up and he looked down at me with dark eyes, as I started unbuttoning his jeans. He leaned back on his elbows and lifted his hips up to allow me to push down his jeans and his underwear. His erection fell against his stomach and I noticed it twitch a little. I had seen Edward's penis before in both states, but for some reason I'd never really looked at it before. I felt myself blush under his gaze as I stared and decided it was time to move on to the next step.

Following Rose's instructions I let my tongue glide over the underside until I reached the tip. I licked along the slit of his tip and heard him exhale loudly. I let my tongue travel down and up two more times, feeling his erection twitch each time when I reached the head. When I reached his tip for the third time he sat up abruptly and I gazed down at his erect member pointing up at me. I grabbed the base with one hand and pushed my lips briefly over the tip and pulled back, remembering the tongue swirl Rose had recommended. I knew it had had the desired effect when I heard Edward hiss in response.

I moved my hand up and down before taking him into my mouth. Unlike the last time, I tried a little harder to see how far I could go down without gagging. Not very far at all, it turned out, and like the last time Edward never moved his hands to my head. I was starting out at a slow pace and was wondering whether his hands on my head would actually be helpful when he moved one hand to my face. But Edward never pushed my head down; instead he just moved my hair away from face and then let his hand fall back to the bed, breathing heavily.

I increased my pace and understood now why Rose had suggested picking a comfortable position as I felt my knees go numb on the wooden floor.

I glanced to my side and noticed that Edward's hands were digging into the side of my bed so hard that his knuckles had turned white. I grabbed him tighter and tried to get more of him down my throat. I felt his hips shift underneath me and rock forward, almost making me gag. He continued rocking his hips in pace with my movements until his breathing hitched and then seemed to seize.

"Bella, I'm really close . . ." I heard him pant a couple of seconds later. I thought about moving my mouth, but then decided against it. _Hell, I ate dirt once in a game of Truth or Dare,_ I thought, _I can handle this if it makes him feel good. _

Edward stopped moving underneath me. "Bella, fuck!" he breathed. That was the first time I had ever heard Edward swear.

Two seconds later I felt something warm and odd-tasting hit the back of my mouth and I swallowed quickly trying to avoid the taste altogether. Unfortunately there was more to come and it turned out there was no way around tasting it. I sucked him in one more time and dropped him with an unintentional popping sound before wiping my mouth with the back of my hand. Edward was lying with his back on the bed now, his chest rising and falling rapidly.

"What . . . where . . . are you alright?" Edward stammered after he'd caught his breath, leaning on his hands and looking down at me.

"I'm fine. Are you?" I asked. He didn't answer me, but instead chuckled and grabbed my hands to pull me up on top of him on the bed.

"That's a stupid question, you know that?" Edward answered, rubbing his thumb over my cheekbones and kissing me softly on the lips.

"Ugh, I'm sure I taste awful." I was about to roll off of him and run to the bathroom to brush my teeth, but he held me in place with his arms. Then he cupped my face with his hands, closed his eyes and kissed me again, opening my mouth with his tongue this time.

He kissed me slowly and I could feel one of his hands creeping down to my pants. I moved his hand quickly before he could sneak it down my underwear.

"What?" he asked, as his eyes snapped open.

"I got my period yesterday." I sighed, rolling to his side.

"Okay. Now you're making me feel even more like a perv who just took advantage of his girlfriend," he said, giving me a stern look.

"Trust me, you didn't take advantage of me. No worries." Thinking about the extra instructions and planning that went into this event he was definitely not the one who took advantage of the situation.

He pulled up his pants and put his t-shirt back on before lying back down next to me and pulling me into his arms.

We spent the rest of the afternoon on my bed lying in each other's arms and talking about music and the world outside of the bubble that was Forks. He told me he had never thought about trying to make a career out of his music before, but that he hadn't been able to get the idea out of his head after I'd suggested it. He still didn't think it was realistic though. I told him that he should be happy he had this talent and how I wished I had a talent like that. I was clueless about what I wanted to do for the rest of my life.

Jas and Rose didn't come home until it was time for dinner. When Edward left to go home he whispered 'I love you' in my ear as we kissed good night on the porch and I responded without hesitation, telling him I loved him, too. _Easy Breezy_, I thought.

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	26. Chapter 26 The Dance

**Reamhar & KCerena – my betas – this story would suck without them! So THX!**

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**Disclaimer: I own a cat and some nice electronic gadgets. Definitely not Twilight.**

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**Chapter 26**** -**** The Dance**

The week before the Valentine's Dance went by in a blur. Maybe because I was so happy that I was feeling borderline delirious. I tried not to let it show, but sometimes I couldn't help it, and in those moments I ran around with the biggest smile on my face. I bet Jessica and Mike now were wondering whether I'd totally lost it.

Thinking about the time I spent with Edward made my skin tingle and my heart beat faster. My period had tapered out around Wednesday and Edward and I couldn't keep our hands off each other. We spent half of our lunch periods in the janitor's closet and our afternoons in Edward's car or at the boathouse.

On Thursday afternoon, I almost threw the whole 'waiting until Saturday night' plan out the window, but then we realized that we didn't have condoms and the leaflet that came with the pills said that they wouldn't be 99% effective until I'd taken them for at least twenty days straight.

He kept on telling me that we could wait and that he was perfectly content with the way we were now, but secretly he must be wanting to at least as badly as I did. We'd spent the whole week touching, kissing and feeling, so how could he not?

I loved all the ways Edward touched me: when he pushed my hair out of my face with his fingers grazing along my skin, the way his hand covered my breast or rested on my stomach inching down slowly, the feel of his tongue sweeping over my bottom lip, which made me open my mouth, and all the other ways his fingers worked their magic to make me come undone. None of it felt wrong, so I knew there was no way that sex could hurt or feel anything but amazing with him, but for some reason he seemed less sure.

One thing that put a damper on my spirit was the dance, and another was the fact that I had to work Friday night. Edward had offered to pick me up, but I didn't want that. I didn't know if it was because of how grimy I always felt after those shifts or whether the bad memories of last Friday would make it feel odd. So I told him that I just wanted to go home and shower after work, and for once he let it go. It wasn't as if I hadn't been spending nearly every waking hour with him already.

As for the dance, since we both knew what we had planned for the rest of the night, I was hoping I'd be able to drag him out of there rather quickly.

On Saturday morning, I waited for Charlie's departure with anticipation. He didn't disappoint and left around ten o'clock. From then on we lounged around the house by ourselves doing nothing. I pretended to watch TV or read a book for the most part, but none of it really held my attention.

I couldn't wait for the night to come and the dance to be over. I wanted Edward; preferably immediately and without making an appearance at the dance. Unfortunately Alice had refused to listen to my suggestions, which had become pleas as the week went by, to skip the dance.

Instead, she arrived late Saturday afternoon with our altered dresses in tow carrying a huge box full of makeup and a bottle of champagne she'd stolen from her parents' basement to prepare us for the night's big 'dress-up' event.

"Don't you think your mom is going to notice the missing bottle?" I asked, inspecting the chilled bottle and handing it back to Alice as we all got settled in Rose's room. Alice laughed out loud and popped open the bottle.

"I took the bottle out of the box in the basement two weeks ago and she hasn't noticed yet. I don't think she counts them. It's not like Edward would ever drink the stuff and I've never done anything like this either. Even if she did notice, I doubt she'd dare accuse either of us of taking it. Our dad is still mad at her because she unplugged the phone last weekend and she's been kind of quiet ever since."

"She unplugged the phone? Why? Wait – did she unplug it last Sunday?" I took the glass Alice handed me and started sipping the bubbly liquid, which tingled my nose.

"Yeah, I think so, but I'm not certain. All I know is that on Tuesday night when he was visiting, they were arguing about it. It got pretty nasty. I bet it was one of Mother's attempts to make sure Edward and I are not spending too much time with you guys. Sort of her last ditch effort to control who we're seeing. I don't know how dad found out about it, but he was beyond annoyed," Alice explained, while rummaging through the box of cosmetics at her feet.

"Edward didn't tell me she unplugged the phone. I told him that Jas and I called last Sunday and the phone kept on ringing."

"I'm sure he's embarrassed by the stuff our Mother does. Heck, I'm embarrassed. Never mind the stuff she _says_."

It was a pretty big box, but it still seemed like Alice was rummaging through it longer than necessary, almost as if she was avoiding having to look up at us.

"What exactly is her problem?" Rose asked, inspecting her dress.

Alice shrugged her shoulders, straightened her head up and gave us an apologetic look.

"Oh, you know . . . nothing new really. She thinks you guys are a bad influence and a distraction. She cares less about me dating Jas, because she thinks I'm a lost cause anyway. We haven't gotten along in a long time and to her I'm just dating your brother to spite her. With Edward it's different. He's the golden boy, you know. He has to go to Harvard, he has to become a doctor . . . it's really a never-ending list of expectations. I'm sure she wanted to hand pick any girl he would be dating as well. She's practically taunting him now about his homework and everything else. I've never heard him talk back so far. He just lets her rant for a while and then walks away, but one day soon, even he might snap if she keeps at it. I'm not sure what her reaction will be."

Rose gave me a pointed glare that roughly translated to 'I told you so.' I looked away and kept drinking and hoping that Alice was exaggerating. After all, I was certain Edward would still go to Harvard and do all the things his mother wanted him to do. No doubt in my mind. Even though his mother's expectations were unreasonable and never took into account what he wanted, he'd probably follow her chosen path instead of finding his own. The Edward I knew was too sensible to fail or disappoint her in any shape or form. He'd already figured out she wouldn't pay for his education if he didn't. I guess part of me hoped he'd be more reckless and do whatever he wanted to, rather than trying so hard to live up to his parents' ideals.

But maybe he had already disappointed her a little by choosing to be with me. I tried not to dwell on that idea, because if I did, all my feelings of self-doubt and insecurity would come bubbling back up with a vengeance. Alice must have surmised that my mind had wandered off into not so pleasant territories.

"Cheer up, Bella!" Alice filled up my glass and smiled at me.

"I'm fine. I just don't want him to be in trouble because he spends time with me."

"You know he thinks you're worth the trouble and a whole lot more. Don't worry about him. He's got it under control. Now that I know you were the one who told Edward the phone had kept on ringing, I wouldn't be surprised if Edward had passed the info on to our father. You shouldn't underestimate him. He definitely looks at every angle and calculates his options before he does anything."

"Gee, Alice. You make him sound kind of like a bad person!" I laughed at her.

"I don't mean it that way. What I'm trying to say is that Edward probably has figured out how to handle Mother way better than I have. Or ever will, for that matter. There is also the fact that he's so crazy about you and not even our Mother would keep him away from you."

"Stop worrying about it, Bella. Get up and get out of these jeans and that gross deformed t-shirt," Rose instructed firmly. Alice started pulling out the dress we'd bought together.

I couldn't really see what Alice had done to the dress when she first pulled it out the box, but when I slipped into it I noticed she'd tightened it in strategic places so that my boobs were now securely squished together. She'd shortened it a great deal too. I stared at myself in the mirror of Rose's closet and had to admit the dress didn't look half bad now.

"It's a bid short, but other than that it fits really well now. Thank you, Alice. Where did you learn how to do this?"

"It's just the right length. Trust me. I kinda taught myself. There weren't really any nice department stores in Alaska and the catalogues took forever to deliver anything, so I begged Mother to buy me a sewing machine and one year she did. Sit down on the bed so I can start doing your hair."

"What's wrong with my hair? I washed it this morning." I nevertheless followed her instructions and sat down on the bed.

"You'll have to excuse her, Alice. She's lacking some very essential girl genes. If it were left up to her, she'd run around in rags half the time." Rose laughed out loud.

Any other day of the week, I would have had a snippy reply to her comment, but today I kept my mouth shut for fear that Rose would change her mind about sleeping on the sofa tonight. She'd already given me a litany of instructions that came with the privilege of using her room. No smoking (not even out of the window), no drinking, no rummaging through her closet and I'd have to wash the sheets tomorrow. Her parting words that morning had been, "And, Bella, there better not be any blood on my sheets! Blood stains are a bitch to get out." I just nodded and agreed. Her room, her rules. Even if I thought they were ridiculous.

Rose and Alice both started working furiously on my hair, trying to get it to stay in perfect curls, but it wouldn't. My hair was too long and heavy and the end result of an hour of labor was some faint waves. Alice wanted to glue fake eyelashes around my eyes instead to make up for the drama that my hair was lacking, but I put my foot down on that idea. No way, no how.

After Alice and Rose has spent ages applying a gazillion different tubes of makeup onto their faces and were ready to go out, we walked down to the kitchen where Jas was sitting with his feet up on the table, reading a magazine.

"Jas, you promised you'd take me! Why aren't you ready?" Alice yelled the minute we reached the kitchen.

"Chill', woman. I'm getting dressed in a minute and it only takes five minutes to put on a pair of pants, a shirt and a jacket."

"Jasper! Don't call me woman! Are you nuts? We're going to be late and you haven't even washed your hair!" Alice was beyond annoyed and tapped her foot impatiently on the ground as Jas slowly put the magazine away, pulled his feet off of the table and walked up the stairs rolling his eyes.

"Does he even own a suit?" Rose wondered out loud with a chuckle.

"I don't think so. I've never seen him wear one," I whispered and the expression on Alice's face shifted from annoyance to anger. "Let's go wait in the living room until Jas is ready. Relax, Alice. Edward and Emmett are not here yet either."

I was hoping to distract Alice by possibly turning on the TV as I wondered what Jas would be wearing tonight. But instead of watching TV, Alice stared the entire time toward the stairs and Rose and I couldn't help ourselves and stared as well, though possibly more out of curiosity than anything else. Neither of us cared that much what Jas looked like tonight. Alice though definitely did care – a LOT.

Jasper didn't disappoint when he finally sauntered down the stairs ten minutes later. In fact, Rose and I were stunned to find out that our dear brother put some effort into this event. Not only had he invested in a decent looking suit, but he was also carrying a box of chocolates and some flowers.

"Happy Valentine's Day, babe!" He handed Alice the box of chocolate and the flowers.

Rose whistled through her teeth before starting to laugh. "And here I thought you were totally anti-establishment and all. I never thought I'd see the day when you'd wear a suit!"

"Yeah, Jas. What's up with this? Are you getting a job as an accountant next?"

"Shut up! This is a one-time exception. I wouldn't be caught dead in this outfit outside of this town. Never mind wearing it every day. Let's get out of here." Jas grabbed Alice's hand and towed her out the kitchen.

"Testy!" Rose commented with a smirk.

"Yeah, you can say that. But can you believe it? He even bought her flowers and chocolates. Holy cow, man!" I exclaimed, laughing hard.

We had barely recovered from out laughing fit when I saw Edward's and Emmett's cars pull up in front of our house at almost the same time. Rose and I both stumbled to the kitchen window to check out our dates.

"Oh dear!" Rose shrieked as she saw Emmett exiting the car with flowers in this hand. He briefly nodded in Edward's direction and started walking toward our front door.

Emmett's suit looked like it didn't quite fit him and he had to keep on pulling the sleeves of his jacket down. He looked uncomfortable as hell in it in comparison to Edward who had stepped out of his car a second later. He wore his suit with ease and it fit him perfectly.

Rose walked toward the door to open it and I followed her, nervously pulling down my dress, which seemed to be inching up higher every time I took a step.

Rose opened the door before we heard a knock and found Emmett standing there with his hand outstretched toward the door.

"Hey, Rose. Happy Valentine's Day," he said, shifting uncomfortably from foot to foot before holding the flowers out to Rose. "I didn't get you chocolates 'cause you really don't eat them anyway, babe."

Rose frowned at Emmett for a second.

Edward was standing behind him with a smirk on his face and he walked past them as Emmett continued to apologize for the lack of chocolates. After three long strides he stood in front of me, then pushed me past Rose into the house and pulled me off the floor into a hug.

"Happy Valentine's Day, Bella," he whispered into my ear with his clean shaven face next to mine, before gently releasing me and handing me chocolates and a beautiful bouquet of flowers. Staring at the flowers, I wondered where he got them from because they definitely didn't look like they came from the our local supermarket

I smiled nervously and took the flowers and chocolates from him with shaky hands. Getting any kind of gift from a guy was a first for me, and I felt about as uncomfortable and awkward as Emmett looked.

"Here, let me put them in a vase for you, Bells," Rose said, grabbing the flowers and the box of chocolates from me. "Why don't you guys go ahead and get out of here."

"Fine," I agreed, grabbing my coat and walking to the door. When the door closed behind us, Edward put his arm around my shoulder and pulled me close to him.

"You look really pretty," he said and kissed me on the cheek.

"Thanks." I turned my face toward him and kissed him back quickly. "Hey, do you wanna skip the dance?"

I had to give it one last try.

"No way you're getting out of this. I've only been to dances with Alice and I can't wait to go with my actual girlfriend. We don't have to stay long because I have to admit you look good enough to eat and I really don't feel like sharing the sight for long."

He winked at me and pulled the passenger door open for me. I slid into the car trying to make sure to keep my legs together and not to hitch up my dress any further.

By the time we arrived at the school, the parking lot was almost filled up and I saw our truck parked fairly close to the gym entrance, which was decorated with pink balloons. I could hear music coming from the gym as the door opened and Mike and Jessica walked through the door into the building. I was relieved to see them together. Hopefully that meant he'd leave me alone from now on.

Once he'd parked the car, Edward turned toward me and said, "Ready?"

"Yeah, I guess so."

He moved out of the car and walked to the passenger door to open it for me. I'd gotten used to his silly habit by now, and didn't make an effort to open the door by myself.

As much as I really didn't want to be at this dance, it was kind of sweet to see how happy it made Edward. He practically dragged me by my hand toward the gym with the biggest grin on his face, and so for his sake I pulled myself together and smiled.

My smile quickly faded, when he insisted that we'd line up to take have pictures taken.

"Do we have to? I really hate those kind of pictures," I whined, trying to pull him away, but unable to move him an inch.

"Bella, I want a picture of us together, so please, humor me?" he asked with his crooked grin on his face.

"Okay." I resigned myself to having a set of cringe-worthy pictures. Thankfully the line moved quickly, and then I faked some smiles for the photographer. I was certain I'd look like a plain mouse next to Edward who was dazzling me with his smile.

When I got a chance to look around at the people assembled in the gym, which was decorated with red and pink ribbons and more pink balloons than I could count, I was surprised to find both Jessica and Lauren in dresses that were shorter than mine.

I also couldn't help but notice that Mike Newton had abandoned his hair products in an attempt at going for the messy, disheveled look. It didn't quite look right, yet it was an improvement over the slimy hair he'd been sporting before.

I found Alice and Jas lounging on some chairs and towed Edward toward them. I was about to sit down on one of the chairs next to Jas, but my date had other plans. He stepped in front of me, sat down on the chair and pulled me onto his lap.

"Edward," I hissed, as I noticed the curious glances we were getting. He ignored me and pulled me closer with his arm around my waist.

"What?" he asked innocently, while shooting a glare at someone on the other side of the room.

"Uhm, yeah, half the people are staring at us and I don't see any of the other girls sitting on their dates' laps." I followed the direction he was staring in and found none other than dear Mike giving us odd looks.

"Check it out, Bella. I think you guys are rubbing off on the local populace," Alice said with a wink before cocking her head in the direction of Lauren and Jessica.

I rolled my eyes and didn't say anything. I wasn't sure whether we were necessarily the guiding influence here. They'd probably finally discovered an old copy of Harper's at the newspaper store. In fact, any short perusing of a current magazine would've revealed that pencil skirts, big hair and pumps were not longer in fashion.

Jas got up shortly afterward to get some cups of the gross-looking pink punch everybody seemed to be sipping. When I took a taste from the cup he gave me I knew that, true to form, my brother had spiked the shit with something.

"Jas, what the hell did you pour in here?" I asked pointing at the cup I was holding.

"Nothin' much. You can use it anyway. You look like you wanna run out of here before the party has even started."

"What party? And I'm not drinking this. For all I know you poured Charlie's Moonshine into my cup and I don't need a repeat of that experience," I said in a low voice to my brother and handing him back the cup. He in turn tried to hand it off to Edward, who declined, saying that he'd have to drive me home.

A cheesy band, consisting of four boys maybe a year or two older than we were, dressed in suits, was playing bad covers of Frank Sinatra and Elvis Presley songs. I'd definitely not be tempted to dance to any of the songs they played. Even Jas, who usually wasn't averse to moving on the dance floor, could not be coaxed by Alice to dance. We were still sitting in the same spot when Rose and Emmett arrived an hour later.

Emmett immediately took the cup of spiked punch Jas offered.

"Don't you have practice tomorrow?" Rose asked with raised eyebrows.

"Yeah, so what?" Emmett responded shrugging his shoulders and motioning to Jas's flask to fill up his cup again.

"Are you kidding me? You can get wasted, but you cannot hang out with me after this craptastic event is over because you have to get your rest? You have to be shitting me!"

"Rose, my Dad will flip if I'm not home by 11 o'clock, but he sure as hell will not check my breath, okay! So give it a break, will you?"

Rose didn't seem appeased and shot him an icy glare.

"I need to get some air," Rose said with a tight-lipped smile, grabbing my arm and pulling me up from Edward's lap.

"What's wrong?" I asked her as we'd reached the exit.

"Do you have any cigarettes?" Rose asked. "I could really use one right now."

"Yeah, let me get my coat. I only have cloves though."

"That's alright. I like the taste better anyway."

Two minutes later we were standing behind the gym smoking. "So what's wrong?" I asked.

"It's the same old story. I'm just annoyed at him. I'm seriously starting to wonder whether Emmett's completely demented. So he has this important practice going on tomorrow. Apparently some college recruiter may or may not show up . . . who knows, and I don't even care. He has to be home by eleven o'clock sharp. Fine. But he doesn't want to hook up because he thinks it's bad for his practice, while getting wasted is completely acceptable! If I hadn't seen his grades, I'd think he was retarded."

"That sucks. I'm sorry," I offered lamely. "Convince him to quit football maybe?"

"Yeah, like his dad would let that happen. It's okay. I just needed to get out of there. We already spent an hour in our living room arguing and when I saw him grabbing the cup from Jas, I just lost it." Rose sighed heavily before taking another drag from her cigarette. "Let's get you back in there before your boyfriend comes looking for you. I have to tell you, I still think he's a little snotty know-it-all, but he seems more sensible than Emmett. At least he doesn't let his parents brainwash him."

I shrugged my shoulders and smiled, fearing immediately that Rose might switch gears and hit on my boyfriend, but after the last few weeks here I kind of got the feeling that she would never actually do something like that. I thought about why I ever had that impression of her to begin with and was forced to admit that I never had any concrete evidence that going after otherwise committed guys was Rose's thing. I guessed it was one of those assumptions I'd made about her because they kind of fit with the image I had of her. The image of the promiscuous beauty queen without scruples, when in reality she was nothing like that. Probably not even back in the days before we'd moved here.

We walked back to into the gym, and my eyes began scanning the room immediately for Edward in hopes that I could convince him to ditch this place soon. I panicked for a second when I didn't see him anywhere, but then I felt his arm around my waist and he was standing right behind me and pulling me into him.

I leaned my head against his shoulder and looked up at him. "Can we get out of here now?" I asked.

"If you dance with me for one song, we can leave, okay?"

"Noooo!" I yelled immediately, but Edward had already grabbed my hand and was dragging me into the direction of the dance floor where a bunch of other couples were swaying.

I sighed in resignation. The song was slow enough that I'd barely have to move. In one swift motion, Edward pulled me into his arms and began to move to the music. He steered us around without much effort and I managed to survive the dance without trampling his feet.

"Still dying to get out of here?" he asked when the song ended.

I nodded. "Let me just find Rose really quickly and then we can go," I said, turning around to look for her.

"Okay, I'll wait at the door for you."

I found Rose looking bored, standing with Alice in a corner near the table that served punch and cupcakes.

"Hey, we're leaving. Are we all set?" I asked my sister.

"Yeah, go get out of here. It's a lame party and apparently our dear brother and Emmett have decided it's a good time to get wasted. Emmett's dad is already staring at them. I think I might have to get him out of here soon too, if he doesn't start acting a little bit more discreet."

Alice shrugged her shoulders and rolled her eyes in agreement.

"Yeah, getting wasted directly in front of the school Principal's nose seems like a pretty dumb idea. Are you sure he's not running a few fuses short?" I said with a snort.

"Tell me about it."

"Okay, I'm out of here. See ya!" I skipped toward the door where Edward was waiting for me and we almost ran out of the building together.

"So I was thinking, I'd drop you off at your first and then drive home to drop off the car and pretend that I'm going to sleep. It shouldn't take me more than half an hour. Alice and I are supposed to be home by midnight . . ." he started explaining, but I stopped him with a kiss.

"Sounds like a plan," I whispered against his lips. I didn't need him to explain or apologize about his curfew. I understood that our lack of curfews was the exception to the rule. "Please, just knock at the door. Charlie is away for the weekend, which is why Rose has agreed to sleep on the sofa so we can have her room."

"Sounds like you've done some planning as well."

We made it to our house in less than ten minutes and Edward gave me quick kiss after he'd walked me to my door.

"I'll see you in a bit," he said, already running back to the car.

I stepped into the empty, dark house thinking about what to do while I waited for Edward. I shrugged out of my coat, took my shoes off and turned the light on in the kitchen. Suddenly I felt panic rising up from my stomach. This all felt awfully staged and planned and what if it didn't turn out to be anything worth remembering?

What if it did hurt? What if I sucked at this and Edward wasn't interested in me afterward? I knew he'd told me he loved me, but what if that wasn't enough? I poured myself a glass of water, trying to calm down.

_Now it's too late, silly!_

I hiked upstairs to the bathroom and stared at myself in the mirror. Would I look different afterward? I highly doubted it. I looked whiter than usual now, though. I pinched my cheeks a couple of times, trying to get back some of the color that had drained out of me when this stupid fear had gripped me. Happy to see some color returning to my cheeks, I started brushing my teeth and then my hair. I even contemplated taking a shower, but I worried that I might not hear Edward knocking at the door and so I scrapped the idea quickly.

I walked over into Rose's room and looked at myself in her full-length mirror. I looked okay, I thought. My mind wondered back to Rose's comment about how she didn't want any bloodstains on her sheets. _Shit, if there is going to be blood, this must hurt. _

She'd recommended putting a towel underneath me. I felt kind of embarrassed about doing that. I contemplated whether I shouldn't bother with the towel and instead just hope that there wouldn't be any blood. I tentatively pulled out a towel out of her dresser and pushed it underneath the bed. I would have put my own sheets on the bed, but my twin sheets didn't fit on her full bed.

I walked back and forth across Rose's room trying to calm my jittery nerves, when I heard a low knock at the front door. I glanced at the alarm clock in Rose's room. A little more than half an hour had passed since Edward had dropped me off at home.

I walked down the stairs slowly, taking deep breaths to stay calm. When I opened the front door, Edward was leaning with one hand on the doorframe and the other one hanging down by his side holding his suit jacket. He'd taken off his tie and undone a few of the shirt buttons. As I licked my lips nervously his head snapped up and he looked at me with wide eyes.

I took a second glance at the boy standing in my door and realized that I'd been a total idiot to panic. Edward and I were perfect together and there was no way this was going to be bad. I threw my arms around his neck and kissed him. He put his hands on my waist and walked me backwards into the hallway before closing the door behind him.

With blazing red cheeks and my hands on his chest, I pushed him back and took his hand instead, leading him up the stairs to Rose's room. I'd left Rose's small bedside lamp on and when I looked at Edward for the first time in the room I noticed that there were beads of sweat on his forehead and he was breathing heavily.

"Are you okay?" I asked hesitantly.

"I'm fine," he answered, kissing me gently and pulling me back into his arms. "I took the bike over here and I think I made it in record time."

We kissed almost carefully and painfully slowly as my fingers soon found the buttons of his shirt. I fumbled with them a little but managed to unbutton all of them, pushing the shirt off of his shoulder so that Edward stood in front of me in his undershirt and his low hanging dress pants. His hands were moving up and down my arms giving me goosebumps all over and occasionally stopping at the straps of my dress. I let my hands glide over his chest down to his pants. I looked up at him looking for permission. His eyes were closed, but he nodded sensing my hands and what I was about to do. His forehead pitched forward until it was touching mine as I unzipped his pants, which fell down to the floor. I could feel his hands searching the back of my dress for a zipper, but the only zipper on the dress was on my side. I held my arm up over my head and reached with my other one for the zipper to take the dress off. I stepped out of it quickly, standing in front of him in only my panties.

Edward pulled the rest of his clothing off hastily and reached for me. The touch of his hands moved from gentle, tender strokes to firm, urgent squeezes. I stepped closer, moving my fingers through his hair and feeling his heated, naked skin against mine. We both toppled onto Rose's bed shortly afterward and crawled under the sheets.

He stopped kissing me with his fingers resting near my panties. "Are you sure? I love you and we can wait."

"I want to." I nodded and kissed him lightly on his lips. His eyes fluttered closed and his fingers starting pushing my panties down.

He planted light kisses on my breasts, moving down my stomach while murmuring against my skin, "So pretty, so soft, Bella . . . Bella . . ."

He was still whispering my name when he kissed me between my legs and started sucking and licking.

"What are you doing?" I moaned and giggled as I felt his tongue sweeping over me.

"Mmmmmh . . . relax . . . Bella."

I gave in and enjoyed myself, relaxed even at the feel of his tongue, his lips and his fingers. It didn't take long at all for me to come. Edward placed a slow trail of kisses back up to my face, settling between my legs and hovering above me, being carful not to drop his entire weight on me.

"You didn't have to do that, you know."

"I wanted to and you . . . you taste so good." He kissed me slowly and sweetly and I felt his erection rubbing against my thigh.

I reached into Rose's nightstand and pulled out a condom wrapper. Edward's eyes followed my hand and he took it from me before rolling over to my side.

"Do you know how to use it?"

"Yeah."

He ripped open the package with his teeth and dropped his hands underneath the sheets, fumbling for a while with his eyes focused on the ceiling. He examined his work briefly and seemed satisfied.

"Are you sure?" he asked again and I laughed.

"Yes, I'm sure. Are you sure?" I asked laughing.

"I don't know . . . I want to . . . _badly_ . . . but I don't want to hurt you. And I'd be fine just doing what we've been doing so far. It's okay," he said, rubbing his thumb over my cheek.

"Edward, you're way too nice to be real. You know that right?"

"Thanks?" His eyebrows were raised and a smirk played across his lips.

"Let's just try . . . and see. Hang on, Rose will kill me if I get blood on her sheets," I mumbled feeling embarrassed before pulling out the towel from underneath the bed and placing it underneath my butt.

I reached for him then and pulled him back on top of me. He complied without hesitation and kissed me softly. He moved one arm down between us shifting his weight on his elbow, positioned himself and looked at me for permission.

I nodded in assent and felt his erection pressing against me with more force, but not enough to enter me. I just wanted the initial pain I might feel to be over, but he didn't move. When he finally thrust forward a little, it wasn't with enough force. I didn't know what to say and started to wonder whether my hymen was defective and impenetrable.

I panicked for the second time in one night. _Should I say something,_ I wondered. _But what?_ _This is not working right? _

In an effort to distract myself, I pulled his lips to mine and kissed him hard. I shifted my hips and raised them as he thrust his hips forward a little and I felt him in me just a little bit more. I also felt a stinging pain for a second but I didn't care and moved my hips forward again.

"Okay?" he whispered in my ear.

"Yeah, I'm fine."

We moved slowly until he'd slid completely inside of me. The stinging sensation I had felt when he first entered me was nearly gone and I liked the feeling of him in me.

"Still okay?" Edward asked, looking like he was concentrating on something.

"I'm fine. Are you?"

"Yeah," he answered with chuckle and kissed me. Edward started pushing in and out of me, moving slowly at first, and I tried to move my hips forward to fall in sink with his rhythm. We both started moving at a faster pace until his thrusts became erratic.

"I'm sorry," he groaned, still pushing into me with quick strokes, but then he stilled and by the look of his face I could tell he'd come.

"It's okay," I said and he kissed me. When he pulled out of me I swore it hurt more than actual sex and I squirmed a little.

"I'm sorry. It did hurt. You lied. Let me toss this into the away." He got up quickly and grabbed his underwear.

When he came back he sat down on the bed next to me instead of crawling back into bed with me, he slowly pulled the sheet back.

"What are you doing?" I asked, holding onto the cover when he'd almost moved it down to my hipbone.

"I just want to check that you're okay, please?"

"Edward, seriously. I'm fine."

"Bella, there was blood on the condom."

"That's normal. Stop it. It's fine. And it barely hurt. It hurt more when you pulled out and not at all during. You're totally ruining it now," I ranted on, feeling humiliated and moving my hands to cover my face as Edward looked at me with a mixture of concern and panic on his face as if I'd just suffered a life threatening accident.

The second I let go of the sheet, he used the opportunity to move it down. I closed my legs tightly and sat up, clasping my knees to my chest. I could feel tears starting to form and closed my eyes quickly, willing them to go away. I didn't know why he had to ruin this moment by acting the way he did. I buried my face in my knees and heard him sigh next to me.

He brought his arm around my shoulder and said, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you. Okay?"

I felt him climb into the bed next to me. He tried to move my hands from my knees, but I wouldn't let him.

"Bella, I'm not going to do anything. Just lay down with me. Come on," he coaxed and I let go and he held me to his chest.

"I'm sorry," he said, his words muffled by my hair.

"I'm not."

"Bella, there is blood on this towel as well. And not just a little bit either."

I moved up and checked the towel, hoping mostly that nothing had seeped through to the sheets. He was right. There were two big bloodstains on the towel. I pushed a clean end of the towel between my legs to see whether I was still bleeding and it barely left a stain, but when I moved the towel away to see whether any of the blood and seeped through to the sheets, I saw that sure enough, it had.

"Shit. Rose is going to kill me," I said laughing. Edward was inspecting the towel with worry. "I don't even care! It's fine. It stopped bleeding already. There's nothing you can do about it anyway, so stop worrying." I shrugged my shoulders.

I tossed the towel onto the floor and lay down again. He lay down next to me and kissed me. When I felt him begin to trail kisses down my body, I knew there would be no way he'd give up without confirming for himself that I'd stopped bleeding, and so I let him.

"See," I said when he was lying between my legs and inspecting me. "Now please give it a rest. I'm fine."

He sighed and finally smiled again.

We rolled around the bed for a while and kissed. And then kissed some more. There was more touching and not much later I felt his erection against my thigh again. I touched him and he hissed in response. I wanted to try this again, preferably soon.

"Do you want to . . . maybe try again?" I asked, panting into his mouth. He didn't answer me. Instead I felt his hands moving between my legs and one of his fingers pushing into me. I nodded to let him know I was fine. He pushed two more fingers inside of me and it didn't hurt.

"Are you sure?" I nodded. "Are there more condoms in there?"

"There's a whole bunch of them in the drawer."

"Do you mind . . . Can you go on top?" he asked once he'd pulled the condom on. I hesitated for a second. "You'll be more in control and you can make the decision to stop if it hurts."

"Okay," I agreed, feeling self conscious as I straddled him. I got up on my knees, positioned his penis, which looked slightly odd to me with the condom on and pushed myself slowly down. It burned a little, but not enough to make me stop. When he was all the way in, I placed his hands on my hips.

"Show me how you want me to move," I whispered, moving forward to kiss him. He pushed my hips up and groaned, before pulling them down again. I started moving on my own and after a while I felt his hips meeting mine. We moved in a careful pace for a while and I really started to like the feeling of us together like this; the way his hands were moving over my body and the way his body reacted to mine.

Losing the feelings of insecurity and vulnerability, I sat up again trying to feel more. I pushed up and down on him with my hands on his chest for leverage and closed my eyes.

"Bella . . . do you think you can . . ." Edward murmured underneath me in between shallow breaths.

"Yeah . . . "

I moved faster, leaning forward, trying to hit the right spot and felt the tingling sensation spread. Edward groaned and stilled underneath me. I moved a bit faster on my own and then felt myself contract around him with a moan escaping my lips.

"Did you?" he asked, as my movements slowed.

"Yeah. Did you?"

"Stupid question." He moved up to reach for me and kissed me. I got up and felt him slide out of me.

To Edward's satisfaction there was no blood on the second condom and he lay down next to me without insisting on inspecting me for any possible damage. We kissed and rolled around Rose's bed for while. Edward set the alarm clock for four o'clock when we were both getting sleepy.

I barely heard the alarm go off, but I felt him getting up next to me and moving around the room.

"I love you," he whispered into my ear as he kissed me on the cheek. I turned around and pulled his head back to me to capture his lips with mine before whispering "I love you" back and dozing off into a deep, contented sleep.

I only woke up when I heard loud knocking at the door. I blinked for a second, glanced to the window and noticed it was raining and grey outside, which made it hard to tell what time it was.

"Can I come in?" I heard Rose's voice coming from the door.

"Yeah," I answered, tossing the towel I saw lying on the floor beneath the bed and pulling the sheet over my chest.

"Hey, I just need to get some fresh clothes," Rose said entering the room without looking in my direction and opening the closet.

"It's fine. What time is it?"

"It's nine o'clock. You can go back to sleep if you want to."

"I'm okay. I'll get up."

"How do you feel?"

"Perfect, thanks. But Rose?"

"What?"

"I think I ruined your sheets . . . "

She groaned loudly. "Bella, I told you to put a towel on the bed!"

"And I did, but I bled through it. I'm sorry. I'll buy new sheets."

"It's okay. What do you mean, you bled through the towel? I've never heard of that. Are you okay?" Rose's face looked concerned all of sudden.

"I'm totally fine. It just bled the first time. The second time, I didn't bleed at all."

Upon my last revelation, Rose started laughing.

"I see you had a busy night. I'm going to take a shower," she said, still giggling, and walked out of the room.

When I strolled over to my room to grab some clean clothes as well, I noticed that Jas wasn't there. I didn't think anything of it until I walked into the kitchen to make breakfast and noticed he wasn't down there either.

"Have you seen Jas this morning?" I asked Rose when she entered the kitchen.

"No. I thought he was still asleep. I left before him last night and I didn't hear him come in, so I assumed it must have been late."

"Well he's not asleep in our room, that much is for certain," I said, pushing a plate of eggs and bacon in front of her.

"I sure hope Mama Cullen doesn't find him in Alice's bed, because you know the shit will hit the fan if that happens."

We dug into our food and I was about to get myself another cup of coffee when Jas stumbled into the kitchen still wearing last night's suit and looking disheveled. His hair hung down in strings, his tie was missing and his shirt was hanging out.

Before Rose or I could comment on his appearance, he said, "I'm so fucked!"

"What happened? Did you fall asleep at Alice's place?" I asked.

"Yeah, no. I think that would have worked out better, since Alice usually locks the door. No, we fell asleep in the truck and I didn't bring her home until twenty minutes ago. Her mother totally saw me pull up. I'm sure she's in deep shit now . . . "

"Dude, why the hell did you do that?" I asked incredulously.

"Yeah, Jas. What the fuck? Where you completely wasted?"

"No, but we smoked a joint and then kind of napped and then it was light outside . . . and we thought it can't be that late . . . but her mom was definitely up. Shit!" He raked his hands through his hair and then slumped down at the table.

"Oh, well. I hope her mother didn't call the cops. You know you're going to be really fucked in that case because Charlie will find out. Do you want some coffee?" Rose asked calmly and poured him a mug without waiting for his response.

"Do you think she would have?" he asked, the expression on his face shifting from worry to anxiety. "Why? I mean . . . it was only one night?"

"First, she may have. Second, are you that dense? But since there's not much you can do about it now, we'll just have to wait and see," Rose informed him matter of factly.

"Is there any breakfast left? I'm starving."

"No, but I can make you something. What do you want?" I asked him with a sigh, even though he really didn't deserve my sympathy. Due to my brother's idiocy, Edward and I might be in trouble just by association.

"Eggs and bacon sounds lovely."

I got up to start cooking and almost dropped the plate that I was carrying on the floor when I saw Charlie's truck pull up to our house.

"Fuck! Charlie is home already. Dude, maybe somebody called him from the station?"

"Shit," Jas yelled, running up to our room quickly.

"Jas, do you still want breakfast?"

Rose started laughing.

"Yeah, I'll be back down in a second."

"If he thinks that Charlie will be convinced he's innocent because he's wearing his PJ's, he's got another thing comin'," Rose added with giggle. I rolled my eyes and started beating some eggs.

"Morning girls!"

"Morning, Charlie. Want some breakfast?" I asked, hoping that a full stomach might help Jas' case.

"Yeah, that sounds great."

Rose and I remained silent as Charlie started sipping his coffee, looking fairly content.

_Maybe Mommy Cullen didn't call the cops after all and he's just come home early for no reason at all._

Jas eventually come down to eat as well and proceeded to shift nervously in his seat while shooting awkward glances at Charlie every so often.

"So how did the dance go?" Charlie asked all of sudden in an effort to break the silence. Jas almost coughed his coffee up over his eggs, but then managed to keep it together.

"It was boring as hell," Rose answered.

"Yeah, definitely kind of lame," I added.

"Until James Mallory showed up and Principal McCarty almost had a heart attack," Jas commented chewing on his bacon.

"What?" Rose asked with raised eyebrows.

"Yeah, you guys missed the best part by ditching early."

"Is he back for good?" Charlie asked, looking more than a little troubled by Jas' latest revelation.

"I don't know. He left pretty quickly, but I'm assuming he's staying close by. Otherwise I can't see him showing up at a high school party."

"That boy is nothin' but trouble. I sure hope he doesn't plan on staying here for good."

A deep crease had formed between Charlie's brows as he got up to drop his plate into the sink.

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**Let me know what you think?**

**I'll be posting some outtakes soon.**

**Thanks for reading! Chocolates & EPOVs for reviewers! **

**I'm also working on a collab with the lovely Lola_Pops – b/c she rocks! Go check out her story Summer of Salt if you haven't already!**


	27. Chapter 27 The Day After

**Thanks to my ever-patient betas Reamhar and KCerena who have to deal with my typos and my many other retarded mistakes. Sometimes I laugh out loud when I look at their corrections. I don't know what I would do without you guys!**

**I have a story to recommend this week. ****Kisvakondok's "Mating in Captivity," which can be found under my favorites is superbly written and wickedly entertaining. Honestly. Go check her out. NOW. **

**I apologize for the sin of littering Eddie is going to commit in this chapter. KCerena has told me in no uncertain terms that she does not approve. **

**I don't own twilight, obviously. **

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**Chapter 27 - The Day After**

None of us had a chance to ask or even wonder why Charlie was so worried about James Mallory showing up back in Forks because the phone rang. He got up quickly to answer it, leaving us sitting at the table staring at each other in confusion.

"Swan," Charlie murmured absentmindedly into the phone. "Yeah, hang on, Edward, I'll get her on the phone for you."

All thoughts and worries about Jas' fuck up with Alice, its possible consequences and what kind of trouble James could cause flew momentarily out the window because Edward was calling.

"Bella? Edward is on the phone for you," Charlie announced in a loud voice, even though I'd skidded to a halt right next to him with my hand outstretched for the receiver. He smiled down at me, handing me the phone.

"Hey."

"Bella, listen, I'm calling to warn you. Jas dropped Alice off at home this morning and Mother is really upset. In fact, she's so upset that she's on her way over to your house to give your father a lecture on his parenting skills. She's _really_ mad."

"Shit. When did she leave?"

"Maybe five minutes ago. I wasn't so concerned at first, because I thought your dad definitely wouldn't be at home, but now . . . well, you know. So you have maybe another five minutes to figure out whether you guys can do any damage control. I don't know whether there _is_ anything you can do. Maybe talk to your father? Jas could explain, though I don't know what . . ."

"Crap. Okay. Let me go warn Jas. I'll talk to you later?"

"Yeah, I'll try to come by later on, if your dad lets me see you again after he's met my Mother. And, Bella?" He let out a nervous laugh as he mentioned his mother.

"Yeah?"

"I love you."

"I love you, too. I'll see you later. Definitely. Don't worry about Charlie."

The minute I was off the phone and before I was able to warn Jas, I heard a loud banging coming from the front door.

Charlie looked annoyed as he slouched over to the front door. It seemed like he wasn't used to the phone calls and unannounced visitors this early in the morning. Before Charlie even mumbled a perfunctory 'Good Mornin,' we heard a shrill and distinctly female voice screeching. Her voice was so loud, and carried so well, that we were able to hear every single word exchanged at the door from the kitchen.

"Mr. Swan, I am not sure whether you are aware of this, but your son did not return my daughter home until nine o'clock this morning. That is unacceptable, do you hear me? I'm not sure how you're raising your children, but mine are most certainly not allowed to stay out all hours of the night at the age of seventeen. Alice is grounded, and I don't want your son anywhere near my daughter ever again! Am I making myself clear?"

"Mrs. Cullen, good morning. I'm terribly sorry. I was completely unaware that my son kept your daughter out all night. Why don't you come in and we can discuss this over a cup of . . ."

"No, I have no interest in discussing anything with you. You just need to make sure that your filthy, hippie son keeps away from daughter, do you hear me? In fact, I don't want your daughter anywhere near my son anymore either. I just know she's going to be a bad influence on him judging by what I've heard about her mother! I hope I've made myself very clear!" Her voice got shriller and louder with every word that flew out of her mouth.

"I hear you perfectly, Mrs. Cullen. You gotta excuse me here, but your voice is kinda loud, so I don't see how I could not. What can I tell you? Jasper will be grounded for the foreseeable future, if I can confirm that what you're telling me is true. But you know kids will be kids and I'm not sure I can make any promises as to what they do at school. As for my daughter, I reckon you better leave her mother out of this and let your son know about it, if you want him to stay away from her. 'Cause from what I can tell, he's the one chasin' after her, not the other way around." His voice sounded angry as he paused, and I was clenching the back of a chair I was leaning against in anticipation of another nasty comment from Mrs. Cullen. "Anything else I can help you with today?" We heard Charlie's voice ask.

I was expecting her to continue to rant, but all we heard was a loud huff after that and then the click-clack of her heels as she marched off our porch. We heard some muffled swear words come from Charlie and then the door clicked.

Rose and I stared at Jas, who was leaning against the kitchen counter, looking at the floor intently. Charlie returned to the kitchen, poured himself another cup of coffee and sat back down at the table.

"Jas, sit down here for a minute." He motioned with his hand to the chair next to him.

Rose and I took it as a clue that we should get out of there, and we were about to make our escape when Charlie stopped us.

"Rose, Bella? You better sit down here, too."

I could tell from the forced look of calm on Rose's face that she was thinking about protesting, but then she sighed and slid into a chair next to Charlie. I followed her, nervously fiddling with the hem of my shirt. The shit that I'd been expecting all along was about to start – curfews and rules. Worse yet, what if I wasn't allowed to see Edward outside of school anymore? I wasn't sure how I'd cope with that _now_ . . . after last night and everything.

Charlie glanced around the table, before honing in on Jas.

"So, tell me Jas, what made you think it's a good idea to drop your girlfriend off _at the front door,_ in front of her mother, after you'd just spent the night with her? Do you have any common sense, son? I don't even wanna know what you did all night, but you should have at least had the smarts to walk her to the back entrance or something . . . I mean, hell, anything. But drivin' up to the front door? Damn, boy, I dunno what to say to you."

And then he chuckled. "But, hey, you know what? That woman out there just now – that's all your problem, not mine. From now on, to keep up appearances, and so the gossip stays under check, during the week your ass has to be at home by six o'clock sharp, are we clear?"

"Yes, Charlie. I'm sorry. It was a really stupid idea. We fell asleep in the truck, and I didn't think her mom would be up yet," Jas started rambling when Charlie interrupted him.

"Damn straight it was a stupid idea. And that mother there is one piece of work. I'm not certain she'll ever let you near her precious daughter again. Make sure you don't cross that woman again. She's trouble.

"What I have to say next goes for all of you. I don't want a repeat of what happened here this morning – ever! So you better make sure you get home by a reasonable hour. You girls, as far as I'm concerned, didn't do nothing wrong and I'm not grounding you, but if I hear so much as a whisper that you've been hanging out places until all hours of the night, I'll put a curfew on you, too. Clear?"

"Crystal," Rose said, and I nodded in understanding.

"Boy-oh-boy, that woman sure is a loose cannon . . ." Charlie chuckled again and shook his head.

A long held breath and a small laugh escaped from Jas' lips, and Charlie raised his eyebrows at him.

"I have no idea why you're laughing, son, because from what I can see you're not getting lucky again any time soon." With those words he got up from the table, walked into the living room, and turned on the TV.

"Well . . . that went better than expected," Rose said with a smile on her face.

"Yep, dodged a bullet there, Jas," I added, nodding in agreement.

"Yeah, kind of . . . I guess," Jas admitted.

I think we were all kind of in shock about how cool Charlie had reacted to the whole debacle. It almost seemed like he wasn't terribly concerned about what Jas did with Alice, but rather that he got caught.

Jas went up to our room shortly afterward and didn't come down again. Usually I would have gone up to hang out with him rather than with Rose, but I didn't feel like it at all after the whole drama he had set in motion by getting wasted and falling asleep in the truck. I had to admit that Charlie was right; it was down right one of the stupidest things he'd done so far.

I was also terrified that whatever shit Jas had stirred by ticking off Mrs. Cullen, was going to blow up in my face as well. Just when things were finally near perfect between Edward and I, he had to come along and muck it up.

So I stayed with Rose and Charlie in the living room, even though I was bored to tears since they watched sports all day. Dating a football player had apparently rubbed off on Rose since she was practically glued to the boob tube all day just like Charlie. Eventually, I started cooking dinner to distract myself and by the time I was done with my mac & cheese, my anger had subsided enough to go call Jas down for dinner.

We were halfway finished through scoffing down our meal when we heard another knock at the front door.

"I sure hope that's not Mrs. Cullen again. I'm not sure I can be as polite this time around," Charlie said as he got up from the table to go check who was paying us a visit.

"Good Evening, Chief Swan." I heard Dr. Cullen's voice coming from the door, and I was not sure whether that was a good sign or another bad one.

"Charlie is fine. Dr. Cullen, I assume?"

"Carlisle, please, and I think you've met my son, Edward, before. I was wondering whether I could have a quick word with you?"

"Sure, come on in. We're just having dinner. Bella usually cooks enough to feed a football team, so you can join us, if you'd like."

Two seconds later Carlisle Cullen walked into our kitchen followed by a slightly embarrassed looking Edward.

"Sure, if it's not too much trouble, we'd love to join you for dinner."

Rose got up and pulled out some extra plates and silverware and started serving our guests.

Edward gave me a small smile as he sat down next to Charlie and me. Carlisle started talking baseball out, of all things boring. Nothing about last night or Mrs. Cullen's visit was discussed at the kitchen table, and part of me was itching to find out what, if anything, would be said. No such luck though. Apparently we kids weren't going to be privy to that part of the chat. When everyone had finished dinner and Carlisle had complimented me excessively on my cooking skills, as if the mac & cheese dish I'd served was Cordon Bleu material, he and Charlie retired to the living room.

Charlie told us in not too many words to take a hike for a while. Jas and Rose clambered up the stairs without wasting a lot of time, and I was unsure where to go with Edward.

"Do you wanna take a walk or something?" I asked, putting the dishes into the sink, deciding that they could wait until later.

"Yeah. Sounds like a good idea, unless you want me to help you with the dishes."

"Nah, don't worry. I'll get Jas to do them later on."

We put our coats on, and I grabbed Edward's hand.

"Hey, I'm sorry about my mother . . ." he said in low voice the minute we reached the outside. "She was in top form when she left the house, so I'm certain your dad got an earful. Are you grounded now? Is your dad really mad?"

"Me? Grounded? No. Jas kind of is. Charlie didn't say anything about weekends though. He just has to be home by six during the week. It wasn't that bad. Charlie seemed to be more pissed that Jas got caught than anything . . . I dunno. But your mom said I needed to stay away from you . . . are you grounded?" I asked, my heart beating faster and panic quickly setting in. "Did she forbid you to hang out with me?"

I looked at him nervously, halfway expecting some sort of 'we need to cool it off' speech now.

"No, I'm not, and if she ever tried to keep my away from you, I'd ignore her. Alice is grounded though. Bella, I'm sorry you had to listen to that . . ." He looked at me with an apologetic expression on his face.

A sigh of relief escaped my lips.

"Don't worry. It's nothing I haven't heard before, particularly about Renee. Honestly. Not bad at all. In retrospect, Charlie was kind of funny." I giggled at the memory of Charlie giving Jas a lecture on his stupidity. Once we'd wandered deep enough into the forest behind our house, I pulled up onto my toes and kissed him. "I'm happy you came. What did Carlisle want to discuss?"

He smiled and let out a breath. "He wanted to apologize. Don't get me wrong, he's upset that Alice didn't come home all night, too. But he blames it partially on Alice, whereas my Mother thinks Jas is the devil who's corrupting her innocent daughter. I'm not even sure she believes that one herself. God, I missed you." He pulled me into a hug and picked me off the ground.

"I missed you too." I breathed into the crook of his neck and placed a soft kiss on his jaw. The air was cold and our warm breath intermingled as we started kissing, until I couldn't breathe anymore.

My cold hands found their way into his open jacket clutching and pulling his sweater so that he was as close as can be to me.

"Do you think this…you know, the way we are now…will fade ever?" I asked with my head buried in his chest.

"I don't think so, not for me anyway." He tightened his arms around me until it almost hurt. "I wish I could spend every hour of every day with you. I know it sounds stupid, but I don't want to be anywhere where you're not."

"Well, we'll go to college next year and . . . I don't know . . . I don't think I'll get into Harvard, and even if I did, I wouldn't be able to pay for it."

He laughed.

"What? Why are you laughing?"

"Because the thought of me going somewhere without you once we're done with stupid high school is ridiculous. I can go to college anywhere. As long as you want me around, I'll be there." He cupped my face with his hands, while I kept my eyes closed and he pulled my mouth to his soft, warm lips.

"What about your Mother? Won't she be mad, if you don't go to Harvard?"

"I don't care. I'll make it work. Trust me."

And I really wanted to. I really wanted it to be the truth; that he'd be there for me no matter what.

My fingers reached for his unruly hair, and I pulled him back to my mouth. His long fingers reached under my shirt and sent shivers down my spine as they traced up and down my back. My breathing became irregular and I started grinding myself against his leg. I wanted friction. I wanted to feel him. Edward's breath came out in shallow pants as his one hand traveled to my breast, pinching my nipple, making me moan while he pulled my hair with his other one.

"I want you . . . Bella . . ."

"Please . . . " I pushed my hips against his thigh. I was so needy for his touch that I stopped caring that we were barely five minutes away from our house, where Charlie and Carlisle were chitchatting.

Edward let his hand glide down my stomach and into my jeans until his fingers reached my wet, swollen flesh. He pulled back and unbuttoned my jeans, pushing them over my butt and let his fingers dig into my underwear. His fingers were rubbing circles over my sweetspot and despite the cold I started to sweat, feeling Edward's breath against my face and my hair.

I rubbed my hand over his erection and heard him hiss in response.

"How long? . . . I mean how long is your dad staying?" I asked, desperate to feel Edward inside of me again.

"I dunno . . . I just want to . . . Bella. Stop touching. I can't stop if you keep doing this . . ."

"I want to feel you." I breathed, rocking my hips against his fingers and continuing to stroke and tease him with my fingers. I'd never get enough of this now. I panicked when he moved his hand away from me, but then he shrugged off his jacket and I saw him yanking open his belt and pushing down his pants.

"Condoms?"

He nodded and pulled one out of the back pocket of his jeans. I stumbled until I got my coat off and my jeans over my sneakers. I started feeling the cold and shivered all of a sudden. Clad in only my underwear, a sweater and sneakers I stood in the cold, wet forest leaning with my back against a tree. Edward pushed down his underwear until his hard on sprang free. Standing close to me, he held his shaft with one hand and pulled the rubber onto it with the other one. He kissed me again, and I awkwardly pushed down my panties.

"I can't believe we're doing this," I said between pants and moans.

"This is . . . wrong. I want you so badly. I need you . . . love you, Bella," Edward panted and sucked hard at the skin on my throat.

"Not wrong . . . never wrong," I whispered pressing my body hard against his.

Quickly he pushed my butt up so that our hips were aligned. I held myself up on his shoulders, my forehead leaning against his neck.

Edward pushed me against the tree and I crossed my legs securely over his butt until he lowered one hand between us. The minute I felt him, I pushed my hips against him and he thrust into me. I heard a growl come from his chest. He started thrusting into me quickly, desperately, panting heavily as I buried my head against his shoulders.

"I will never let you go . . . I promise," he told me.

I found his mouth and started kissing him, pushing my hips against his in my struggle to find some release. I hoped this wouldn't be over too soon. I wanted to feel this friction and ride it out. There was no stinging sensation this time, only the feelings of need and want and him moving inside of me. He paused for a second, sweat glistening above his brows and I felt a shiver rupturing through his body.

"Okay?"

"Mmmh, good . . . don't stop," I moaned, pushing my heels into his butt to pull him closer. "Please."

He started thrusting again, slower this time, whispering my name and pulling me closer until my muscles contracted, my thighs squeezed him hard and I came. Edward exhaled loudly and groaned. He thrust harder and faster a couple of more times and then stilled, saying my name out loud.

A quiet laugh escaped me when I felt him pulling out of me. "I hope nobody heard us," I said as I pulled my pants back up and he buttoned up his after tossing the used condom on the ground and covering it with dirt.

"I'm sorry about that . . . " Edward said, resting his back against the tree across from me, his fist clenched by his side and his chest heaving up and down.

"What about?" I asked confused.

He sighed and gave me remorseful half smile. "I feel like I've been attacking you like some animal."

I shrugged my shoulders. "I thought that's what this was all about. You know, first love and not being able to get enough of the other person?"

"Really? First love is all about having sex against a tree, because your boyfriend can't control himself? I thought it was date nights with movies, dinners, flowers and dances." He laughed sarcastically and stared at the tree behind me instead of me.

"Hey!" I said, walking over to him and pinching him in the side. "That too. Though, I can do without the flowers and the dances. I'd rather you attack me and ravish me in the middle of nowhere anytime." I giggled and pulled his hands toward me. "Let's get back to the house before they start looking for us."

He put his arm around me and pulled me close. "I guess I'd just imagined it to be different. I should get over it . . . it's not that I didn't enjoy this . . ."

"I hope so! Jeez, Edward, way to boost a girl's ego."

"Are you kidding? I can't keep my hands off of you, even though I was taught no intimacy before marriage, and you think I don't want you?"

"That's not it. I just don't want you to feel guilty afterward. It sort of takes away from my high a bit, you know? I don't know . . . no more guilt, please?"

"I'm sorry. I won't anymore. Forgive me?"

"Nothing to forgive."

Charlie and Carlisle were still sitting in the living room when we returned, drinking beer and watching football. When Carlisle caught a glance of Edward, he moved to get up.

"I guess we better get going then. Thanks for the dinner and the talk," Carlisle said, extending his hand to Charlie who was now standing scratching his head.

"No problem. Anytime." Charlie shook his hand and walked them out the door. Edward gave me brief kiss and followed his father.

"So, what did he want?" I asked Charlie the minute the front door was closed.

"Nothin' much. He thought his wife had probably overreacted, and he sort of apologized for it. If you ask me, he didn't have to do that. Not his fault after all, and not that I care. He seems sort of scared of his wife. Kind of funny actually. You and Edward okay?"

"Yeah." I blushed, almost regretting that curiosity had gotten the better of me and I'd even started this conversation.

"He told me Edward isn't grounded, and he approves of you kids seeing each other. Just thought you'd wanna know, that's all."

"Thanks," I muttered, walking briskly across the kitchen to get the hell out of the room and away from this embarrassing talk.

"And, Bella?"

"Yep, Charlie?"

"He seems like a nice kid."

"Yeah, he is. I'm going to bed know. Good night!"

I ran up the stairs in record time and closed the door of the bathroom quickly behind me. I stared at my reflection. My hair was a disaster, like a bird had built a nest in it. There was a leaf hanging in there and upon closer inspection, my jeans had dirt stains on them. My cheeks instantly turned two shades darker. I felt busted and exposed.

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	28. Chapter 28 James Mallory

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**Chapter 28** **James Mallory**

I crawled into bed after a shower. Jas was already lounging on his bed reading a book, seemingly without a care in the world as if his ass had never been grounded.

"So how are you going to hang out with Alice now that you're both 'grounded'?" I asked, using my fingers to air quote 'grounded' since it was definitely a first for any of us.

We both laughed a little. "Yeah, beats me. No idea. I guess I could sneak out, but I really don't wanna cause too much trouble for Charlie. I mean, I felt bad that he had to deal with all that shit today just because I fucked up, so I guess I'll lie low for a while. Eventually the She-Devil will get over it and loosen up. I dunno..."

"You're really not concerned at all?" I asked incredulously.

"What am I gonna do? Seriously? She'll get over it, things will go back to normal, and before we know it we'll graduate and be off to college together."

"I see." Leave it to my brother to oversimplify everything. "So what happened when James showed up last night? You made it seem like it was some big freaking drama we'd missed."

"It was nothing. James strolled into the gym, and you could tell Principal McCarty almost pissed in his pants. In his defense, the dude looks kind of freaky with his scar and everything. Then he walked over to Emmett and me and asked where Edward was. We told him he'd left already. He mumbled something about how he was certain that he'd be here tonight, and he had some old tab to settle with him. Weird." Jas shook his head and rolled his eyes. "Anyway, next thing I know, I have to hold Emmett back from knocking the guy out, which wasn't exactly hard 'cause he'd definitely looked into a couple of punch glasses too deeply. A bunch of teachers were about to interfere, but James just stalked out of there followed by his hag sister. Nothing dramatic happened. But your boyfriend should probably watch out. Looks like James has it in for him. Beats me why. You might wanna ask him about it."

I wasn't sure what secret vendetta James was carrying against Edward, but somehow Edward's reaction when he found out that James had come back to town made more sense in retrospect. I guess he did have something to be worried about.

"Weird indeed. No idea why either, but I'll find out tomorrow. Alice didn't know anything about it?" I asked.

"Not really. Alice said that James never liked Edward. Apparently James was at some point friends with Emmett. They stopped hanging out after Emmett had enough of his bullying act. Emmett also told me he has some suspicions about James having been involved in the robbery of some convenience store in Port Angeles. Anyway, long story short, they stopped talking and eventually he started occasionally hanging out with your boy. Not sure what that all adds up to. Sounds just kind of ... _gay_? But what do I know. My guess is he's probably still pissed that Edward didn't want to go out with his skank sister."

"Strange."

"Yep, strange."

Jas' show of nonchalance about his new status as 'grounded' was after all just that – a show. Once the show was over, he was just as nervous and jittery has he should be. Before I could peacefully drift off to sleep, he practically begged me to smoke a joint with him. I felt bad for giving him the cold shoulder the previous day, and so I agreed.

~000~

When Edward picked me up the next morning, he had Alice riding back in the car with him. As I made my way over to the Volvo, she stepped out of the car.

"Mornin'" I mumbled, barely awake.

"Hey, Bella," she said, hugging me with way too much energy. "I'm so sorry about yesterday. Mother took the car away again, so Edward will have to drive me home every day. I'm really sorry about that. I feel like this is all my fault. If I hadn't insisted on smoking some grass, I don't think we would have fallen asleep."

"It's okay, Alice. Shit happens," I said, shrugging my shoulders, amused by the fact that Alice had been the instigator and not my dipshit brother.

"Okay, I'll leave you two then. I'm taking a ride with Jas and Rose."

"Okay. I'll see you later." I stepped around her to get into the car with Edward.

I gave him a quick peck, as I sat down next to him. "So did you hear? We totally missed James on Saturday," I said, diving right into the subject I wasn't sure he wanted to discuss.

"Yeah, I heard," he answered, looking uncomfortable and scratching the nape of his neck. "Ready to go?"

"Yeah, but aren't you glad? I heard he was looking for _you_ out of all people. Why?"

"Yeah . . . " Edward looked around nervously before turning around to face me, making no effort to start the car "About that, I don't know what he wants, okay? All I know is that the guy has tried to beat me up a couple of times, and he constantly tries to get me to fight him. At first it seemed like he was mad that I had joined the football team. I didn't really care about joining, Emmett sort of insisted I try out, so I resigned, but he still wasn't happy. Then Lauren asked me out and I said no, not even thinking about it. I don't understand what his problem is exactly, but I do know he'll go after the people who are close to me. In the past, that was Alice. Now since you are with me . . . "

"What's he going to do?" I asked, slightly nervous.

"I don't know. But please promise me that you'll let me drive anywhere you want to go. And don't wander off into the woods behind your house. Not with Jas either. Please."

Edward leaned forward, his eyes focused on mine, and I nodded.

"Fine."

Edward started the engine, and we drove to school. "I didn't mean to scare you, Bella. I just don't know what he's capable of and I wouldn't forgive myself if you got hurt." He gripped the steering wheel tightly and furrowed his eyebrows, seemingly lost in concentration.

"It's going to be okay," I said, placing my hand on his leg. "I'll call you if I want to go somewhere, I promise. And I won't wander off into the woods. No worries." At the touch of my hand I felt him relax. He turned his head to me and gave me a wistful smile.

"Thank you," he whispered.

~000~

The morning classes went by quickly, but lunchtime proved to be especially irritating. Alice had found out that it was Jas' and my birthday next Sunday and she badgered us the entire time about throwing a party. Neither Jas nor I were particularly keen on the idea, but she just didn't get it or else chose to ignore it.

"Wait, Alice, where the hell would you even want to have the party? I'm sure your mom isn't in the mood to throw one at your house." I attempted to point out the flaws of her party plans.

"Not at our house, silly. At your house of course! Or we could have it in La Push on First Beach." At the mention of La Push, Edward gave her a stern glance, which she caught. I didn't care that Edward still didn't want to hang out with Jake if it meant that I would get out this whole birthday party debacle, but that of course wasn't the end of the discussion.

"Okay, at your house, if Charlie would be okay with it. We have to celebrate your birthday somehow!" she said, giving Edward a quick apologetic glance.

"No, we don't," I stated simply. Jas and I had hated birthdays since we were little. Renee had tried to make a big fuss out of them, baking crappy, uneatable cakes. There was never much money for real presents, and we were invariably disappointed. Even when Renee did spend money on presents, it was never the stuff we actually wanted. You know the kind of stuff that you run around for weeks on end oh-ing and ah-ing about when you're younger? Well, yeah, Renee kind of never managed to remember that stuff or if she did, she chose to ignore it and just gave us what she thought was best. That's how one year I ended up with a mini sewing machine that I'd never used.

"Bella, I'm sure Charlie wouldn't mind if you guys planned a small get together to celebrate your birthday," Rose contributed without even being asked for her opinion. I was also pretty sure that if the shoe were on the other foot, she would not have been so eager to have a birthday party either.

"I really don't care for a birthday party either," Jas admitted.

"Jas, I can come over to your place if it's for a party. I'm sure my father would allow that. Come on! Don't ruin this for me. I'd organize everything!"

Jas sighed. I could already see him caving in. After some discussion it was settled that Alice would organize a small birthday party at our house next Sunday. I stopped participating in the discussion after I knew I didn't stand a chance anymore of convincing anyone that any kind of celebration wasn't really a good idea. Edward had stayed suspiciously silent the entire time, making me think he had secretly acquiesced to Alice's idea already.

"Some help you were," I complained as we walked side by side to biology.

"What? It's your birthday. You should have a party. I kind of thought I'd get to take you out for dinner alone, but you know . . . Alice loves to organize parties, so I figured you didn't stand a chance."

"Ugh, can't we just leave? Just you and me?" I leaned my head onto his shoulder. Edward kissed me on the forehead with a smirk.

"How about we show up and leave early?"

"Fine." I sighed and plopped myself down next to Edward.

~000~

When I left gym that day, I noticed a crowd of students standing in front of the main entrance of the school building. I scanned the crowd for Jas or Edward, but couldn't see either of them. Not even Rose or Emmett were anywhere in sight.

"What the hell is he doing here again?" I heard a voice coming from behind me. I turned and saw Angela standing next to me with her arms crossed in front of her chest, staring at the cluster of students that seemed to have increased in size in mere seconds.

"Who are you talking about? Have you seen Edward or Jas anywhere?" I asked, my eyes focusing around the parked truck and then the Volvo briefly.

"James, Lauren's brother. He's right there," she said pointing at the crowd. I looked closer and did notice a tall guy with dirty blond hair leaning against the school entrance with one foot up against the wall behind him smoking a cigarette. I'd only seen him in the car before and seeing the guy standing, I picked up on the fact that he was tall, but seemingly in no shape to beat anybody up. His shirt didn't quite fit over his protruding belly and his arms looked kind of thin and weak in comparison to the rest of his body. His greasy hair was combed back and his skin almost looked grey from a distance.

My eyes had lingered on his form too long, and as I was about to continue my search for Edward again, I saw out of the corner of my eye that he'd flicked the cigarette onto the concrete and had started moving away from the gawking crowd in my direction.

As he approached in fast strides, I considered briefly running back into the gym, but it was too late; within seconds, the creep was standing about a foot in front of me.

"So you're Eddie's girlfriend, huh?" he said, squinting his red-rimmed eyes at me and spitting on the ground next to me. I inched back and was surprised again to bump into Angela who had remained in her position right next to me.

"You're not allowed on school grounds, so I think you should leave!" she sneered at James. "Come, Bella, let's get out of here." She grabbed me by my elbow.

"What? She can't talk?" he asked, tilting his neck with a loud crack to the side.

Before I could make a decision on whether to say something or to run, I heard Edward yell, "Leave her alone!" And then I saw him running toward me.

"I see your prissy boyfriend has come to protect you after all." James turned around to face Edward. "Just who I was looking for."

"Angela, get Bella out of here," Edward ordered tossing his bag on the ground.

"No!" I screamed, feeling like a five year old, as Angela tried to pull me away. "I'm staying. Edward, don't do this."

"Come on, Eddie! Don't think you can take me? Scared I might I might leave a mark on your pretty face? Maybe you should listen to your little girlfriend here and run."

I could see Edward tense up, and I was terrified. I didn't know what to do.

"Dude, I couldn't hold them back any longer. The principal is on his way. Let's get the hell out of here." It was the guy who'd been in the car with James the first time I'd laid eyes on him. Running down the street, he called "It's not worth it. Come on, let's go!"

James glared at Edward a second longer and then nodded to his buddy.

"Well, you can't hide forever . . . I'll see you later Cullen!" James said and laughed as he walked backwards for a couple of steps before turning around and walking away.

Like a typical damsel in distress, I ran to Edward the minute James and his cohort had started moving away.

"Edward, this is so not worth a fight," I said as he pulled me into his arms and then picked up his bag.

"I know, but he wouldn't have left you alone unless he at least thought I was going to fight him. I sent Emmett back to get his dad when I heard he was around."

"Bella," Rose shouted from behind me. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine."

Edward walked me to our truck and held me for a while. When we finally pulled out of the parking lot, an anxious looking Principal McCarty ran out of the school building searching the parking lot for any sign of James. Most of the students who'd presumably just stuck around for the fight were gone already.

James and his buddy had long ago left the premise. It seemed that even adults in this town were shitting their pants at the thought of confronting Mallory Jr. According to Alice, who'd rushed out of the building with Jas when James was leaving, the dude he was with was none other than his old friend Laurent, and evasion was their specialty. No matter how much shit they pulled, they never seemed to get caught red-handed.

~000~

In the afternoon, we fell into our old routine of doing homework together around the kitchen table. To my surprise, Emmett swung by around dinnertime. I still wasn't sure what was going on between Rose and him, but they seemed to have gotten over their last fight.

Unfortunately, Emmett's presence at the dinner table also meant that we were subjected to football talk almost the entire time. I was completely bored and played with my food until Emmett mentioned _him_.

"So Chief, not sure whether you've heard about this, but James is back," Emmett said, stabbing into a piece of chicken with force while still chewing on the previous bite.

"Yep. I heard. Apparently he's been causing trouble first in Seattle and then in Port Angeles, but like always nobody can tie him to anything, petty robberies and bar fights in both places. A lot of suspicions and some evidence pointing to James and Laurent, but not enough to nail them for any of the stuff," Charlie replied, after taking a sip of his beer.

"How did he get back from Vietnam so quickly?" Jas asked curiously. "I'm mean, other than that scar in his face, he hardly seems injured."

"From what I hear, he never made it over there. Got dismissed right after training. No idea why," Charlie answered. "But you kids don't have to worry about him. He's not supposed to hang around school anymore and if he does, one of my men will drive over there. Your dad called us today." Charlie nodded in Emmett's direction. "And I called Lauren's father. Not sure it helped any. For all I know the guy was already drunk as a skunk when I called around two in the afternoon, but James knows he's in trouble if he shows up at the school again."

He chucked back the rest of his beer. "So what did you kids have planned for your birthday this weekend? Aren't you gonna invite some of your friends?"

"Yeah, Alice wanted to plan a small party. I figured I'd invite Jacob and maybe Seth," Jas answered, while I rolled my eyes.

"Oh, stop being such a party pooper, Bella," Rose said laughing, and Charlie grinned.

"You guys do what you want. I'm just saying, I'm not cooking or cleaning," I responded, holding up my hands defensively. I took my plate to the sink and walked out of the room, really wanting to call Edward, but not wanting to get his mom on the phone. I stood next to the phone thinking about what to do.

"Bells, just freaking call. Worst case scenario, she'll hang up on you," Jas said as he walked past me into the living room.

"Why? Is that what she did to you?"

"Yep. But then Alice bitched about it. I dunno. Stop being a pussy and call."

"Fine."

The phone started ringing before my hand reached the receiver.

"Hello?"

"Bella?" I heard Edward ask.

"Yep. I was about to call you. What are you up to?"

"Sure you were going to call. I'm not doing much, so do you think it's okay if I come over to your house?"

"I so was, but your mom scares the crap out of me. Come by. Emmett is here as well."

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean . . . shit. I'll be there in ten minutes, okay?"

"Yeah. See you then. Bye."

By the end of the night I felt a bit duped that I hadn't even gotten to make out with Edward. We spent the entire evening with Charlie in the living room chatting and watching TV, though I can't say that I didn't have fun. For some strange reason, Charlie didn't seem to mind us hanging out with him in the living room. At first I was certain he was only tolerating the invasion of his space by a bunch of teenagers because he could at least vouch for what we'd been up to. By the end of the night though, I'd come to the conclusion that he actually liked having us around.

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	29. Chapter 29 It's My Party

**As always, a million thanks to my betas – Reamhar & KCerena. Sorry for the long wait for this update . . . but . . . uhm, yeah, I took a vacation.**

**Disclaimer: Not Mine . . . otherwise I would have extended my vacation.**

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~000~

"_It's my party, and I cry if I want to_

_Cry if I want to, cry if I want to_

_You would cry too if it happened to you."_

1962 by John Gluck, Wally Gold and Herb Weiner Recorded in Manhattan in 1963 and sung by Leslie Gore

~000~

**29. It's My Party**

The week before my birthday passed without much alone time for Edward and me, which was really the only thing I wanted and not this stupid party. With Alice's car privileges eliminated, she was always around when he picked me up. And as per Mamma Cullen's orders he always had to drop her off at home right away after school, which practically eliminated my chances of hanging out with Edward.

My evenings were spent working and doing homework, which left the lunch period as the only free time to make out. As badly as I wanted him, the janitor's closet was just kind of gross for anything more than fooling around. In the end, kissing in the closet only left me wanting more and judging by the looks on his face, Edward felt the same way about it.

To add to my frustration, on Saturday night, my only night off at the diner, Alice insisted on having a girl-only party-planning meeting. The major flaw in her planning was that Jas was at home and so she chose to hang out with him instead. There was definitely no planning going on in our room while they were hanging out in there. Not that I could really fault her for that. Given the choice, I would have rather spent the night with my boyfriend as well.

The evening before the party was exhausting for everyone, except for Alice. Rose and I prepared most of the food for the party Alice had volunteered to organize while she got stoned in our room. The girl was all play, no work and - _I'm not going to lie_ - that did start to annoy me.

Jas came down at some point to help out with putting up the garlands Alice had dragged along. She was too far gone to actually do anything other than sit at the kitchen table, eat cookie dough, direct Jas around, and giggle, though not necessarily in that order.

Edward rolled his eyes at me when he came to pick her up around ten, and she stumbled toward the car and proceeded to reach for the door handle several times without being able to open the car door. When I held my hands up to signify that I had had nothing to do with this, he opened the door for her and pushed her inside, before pulling me aside and walking me back to the porch.

"Listen, I had nothing to do with this. I got stuck in the kitchen preparing food for a birthday party that I don't want to have, so don't complain to me about why Alice is high as a kite. I think that was sort of her choice," I rambled.

"I'm not blaming you. I'm sure it was her fault, and I'm sorry you got stuck doing all the work. Let's leave early tomorrow?" he said, pulling me into a hug and placing soft kisses along my neck. I groaned and I heard him chuckle into my shoulder.

"Okay, next time Alice claims to want to have a girls' night, I'm coming along and dragging you away. I don't know how she convinced Dad to allow her to go out again."

Edward proceeded to push me against the railing of the porch and we kissed, forgetting about our audience and where we were, until we heard a knocking sound coming from behind us. I glanced over my shoulder and noticed that an upset looking Alice was hammering her tiny fists at the windshield of the car, trying to get our attention.

I laughed. _Of course, now she had energy to bang at things_. "I can't believe it. I think you better get going. All of a sudden she seems to be in a hurry to get out of here."

"I don't care," Edward whispered, licking my lips to distract me. "She can wait."

He kissed me again, and when another knock came from the car, Edward actually flipped Alice the bird without his mouth breaking contact with my neck. I smacked his shoulder, laughing.

"I don't really want to give her a show, even though she deserves one. So I think you better get going," I sighed and pushed him away with my hands against his chest.

"You're probably right. I'll see you tomorrow around three?"

"Sure."

I ran back inside where Rose was putting away a batch of potato salad for tomorrow.

"You should have totally banged on the door and dragged her down here," Rose said with a huff, wiping her hands clean on a dishtowel.

"I dunno. Not sure she would have been much help anyway. If I remember our last baking project correctly, she didn't really do much either other than turn on the oven, so what's the point? Just do me a favor, the next time the topic of a 'party' comes up, don't encourage it, okay?"

"No problem. I just thought it would be nice to have a birthday party for you guys. I had no idea Alice would invite so many people, half of whom we don't even talk to. I guess I've learned my lesson. . . "

"Tell me about it, I can't believe she invited all these people. Okay, Angela I would have invited anyway, but Jess, Mike, Tyler and some kid named Ben? Really? Those people don't even talk to her . . . or if they do, that must be a very recent thing."

"For some reason I always thought Jas was the bad influence – not that the boy doesn't attract the shit – but I now I'm starting to believe she's at least as culpable as he is, if not more," Rose said, pulling her hair out of her ponytail.

"It was her idea to get stoned after that stupid dance."

"Go figure." Rose shrugged her shoulders. I was dead tired when I went to bed that night and didn't really feel much better when I finally got up the next day. It almost felt as if I'd barely slept at all.

~000~

By the time three o'clock rolled around on my birthday, I couldn't wait for Edward to show up and get the hell out of this place. The living room was already crowded, and I almost wished Charlie had stayed at home. Without him here, the party was quickly getting out of control.

Charlie had surprised us in the morning by taking us out for breakfast at the diner and giving Jas and me presents. Jas had gotten a new set of guitar strings and Charlie had gifted me his grandfather's old camera and some film. The thing was an antique, but it was better than anything Renee had ever given me. Really, the day had started out alright until people started showing up at our house a full hour earlier than planned and started drinking the beer and the other stuff Jake and his friends had brought along. Instead I got stuck watching the disaster unfold.

By the time it was three-thirty, a definitely tipsy Jessica was sitting on Newton's lap, the usually reserved Angela was sucking face with this kid Ben, Rose and Emmett were nowhere to be found, and Edward and Alice still hadn't arrived. I was about to turn around and wait on the porch for Edward, when Jake called out my name.

He had put on that Van Morrison tune "Brown Eyed Girl" and gestured for me to come over and dance with him while attempting some awkward dance moves.

I glanced at him and was about to turn around and walk away when Jake grabbed my waist and my arm and tried to twirl me around, landing us both almost on the coffee table.

"Dang, Bells, you are uncoordinated."

"Dude, you're not much better yourself." In fact he was barely standing straight even after we'd stopped moving.

"Guys, do you wanna do shotguns?" Jas yelled, sauntering from out of nowhere toward Jake and me with a bottle of beer in his hand, a joint tucked behind his ear, and pretty girl in tow. Judging by her jet-black straight hair and her tanned skin, she was probably one of Jake's friends from the reservation.

"Sure," Jake immediately agreed. I glanced at the clock nervously, wondering what the hell could possibly be taking Edward so long, before nodding and following them into the backyard.

It wasn't sunny, but it wasn't raining either, so we sat down around Charlie's picnic table. We drank and smoked for a while before taking deep long drags from the joint and blowing it into each other's mouths. Jake kept on coming too close for comfort, trying to touch my lips every time he inhaled the smoke I was blowing out. I was about to shove him in the shoulder when the girl sitting next to Jas tossed her hair over her shoulders, straightened her back and cleared her throat. He moved away from me, seemingly caught in his tracks, and gave her a sly smile. Whatever he was trying to do had no effect whatsoever on the girl.

"Stop acting like a jerk, Jake! She doesn't want to kiss you, so stop leaning in so fucking close. It's so obvious it hurts. You're just makin' a fool of yourself," she said in a voice loud enough that it seemed to carry everywhere.

The girl and I started laughing uncontrollably once my initial shock had disappeared. She had summed up what I was too chicken-shit to say in a couple of sentences. Jake had turned pink and moved a foot away from me at first, before getting up altogether and disappearing into the house.

"Thanks," I said, nodding in her direction. "Bella, by the way." I held my hand out over the table.

"Leah. So you're the elusive Bella? Jake might have mentioned you a few times," she explained, laughing when I gave her a confused look. "Well, it's nice to finally meet you."

I smiled at her before my eyes started darting over the yard and back into the living room again. I still didn't see Edward anywhere, but a little later Alice stalked toward our table and slung herself in a rather obvious fashion on Jas' lap. She tried to act cool, like she was just coming over to hang, but judging by the way she threw her arms around Jas and kissed him, she was more likely marking her territory.

"Alice, do you know where Edward is?" I asked when she'd taken a break from sucking my brother's face off.

"He was in the living room talking to Ben the last time I saw him."

"I'll be back," I mumbled and started walking back to the house.

The Stones were blaring from the speaker system, and the party seemed to be in full swing. I searched the crowded living room for Edward and couldn't find him. Glancing around, I noticed that I barely knew anybody at this party. I could make out some familiar faces from school and the reservation, but the vast majority of them I'd never seen before. I finally found Jessica, half passed out, sitting by herself on the sofa.

"Jess, have you seen Edward anywhere?" I asked, shaking her shoulder to get her to notice me.

"Edward? . . . Oh, yes, Cullen, yes . . . I saw him," she blubbered out between hick-ups. "I saw him walking with Mike, Tyler and Ben toward the trees in the back there." Her finger pointed to where our backyard ended and the forest began behind Charlie's old shack.

I started wondering why Edward hadn't looked for me and instead chose to wander off with people who called him "Smarty Pants" and didn't even talk to him at school.

I looked around the yard for him, but didn't see him anywhere. I checked the shack quickly, but it was empty. Without thinking twice, I ran into the woods.

"Edward!" I shouted, but I didn't hear anything. I don't know how far I had run before noticed the silence, but suddenly I no longer heard any sounds of the party. The only thing I heard were leaves rustling as the wind blew through the trees. I looked around me for signs of people, but all I saw was brown and green with small rays of light poking through more green covering the sky.

"Edward?"

I stumbled over a root and steadied myself on a tree, while my eyes started to scan my surroundings.

"_Focus! You're not that stoned!" _I mumbled to myself before I heard some guys chatting. I couldn't quite make out what they were saying, but I detected Newton's annoying whiney voice among them.

"Mike?" I yelled, walking into the direction of where the chatter was coming from.

"Edward?"

I heard someone laugh loudly and then, "Dude, I think your girlfriend is calling for you!"

They were still laughing when I ran into their little group. I saw Mike first and noticed a bottle of Charlie's Moonshine in his hand. Edward was standing across from him with a smirk on his face and an identical bottle in his hand.

"Happy birthday, sweetheart," he said without taking a step away from the tree he was leaning against and holding the bottle up as if to toast to me.

I stared at him. I couldn't get myself to move. The smile that appeared on Edward's face when he usually saw me was gone. All I saw was a sneer.

"What's wrong?" I asked, not understanding why he was acting so strange.

"Don't you have a party to attend to? I'm sure your other guests are missing you. Don't let me keep you, love."

"What the hell!" I was stunned and gaped at him for a while.

At first I felt hurt. Hurt, _because how could he_? And then, as I stood there frozen, my hurt quickly turned to anger.

I was angry with him for acting like a jerk, angry that Alice had invited all these people to a party she'd insisted on throwing and at Jas for not stopping her. The list of all the things I was sour about grew longer as the seconds passed and neither of us swayed in our positions. When I couldn't stare at Edward any longer for fear I might actually be tempted to slap him, I spun around to focus my frustration on Mike.

"Mike, what the hell mad you think that drinking this shit was a good idea?" I asked, grabbing the bottle from his hands before he had time to protest. I eyed the contents of the bottle briefly and was relieved to find that he hadn't drunk much of it. I poured the contents of the bottle onto the ground without another word.

Mike and the other idiots looked for a second like they were going to protest, but then they must have reconsidered because they started walking away within moments after the last drip of the bottle hit the ground.

"I guess, I better get back and find Jessica. Happy Birthday, Bella," Mike mumbled and left, following his friends who had already disappeared.

And then it was just me and him. I didn't want to be here anymore. He'd promised that we'd leave early . . .

He snickered, corked up the bottle, and straightened himself.

"What's so funny? Please, do tell!"

He didn't answer me and shook his head.

"Fine. Don't tell me," I said and without turning to look at him again, I stalked back in the direction that I'd come from, or, more accurately, the direction I'd thought I'd come from.

I walked for a while, half hoping I'd hear Edward call my name or something . . . anything really. But he did no such thing. He wasn't calling my name to apologize, and he definitely wasn't running after me. The only sounds I heard were my own two feet stumbling forward on the soggy ground and my labored breathing.

After I'd walked for a while and still couldn't recognize anything vaguely familiar, I stopped walking. I didn't hear the party or any footsteps. Nothing. Then, seemingly out of nowhere, I felt someone grab my arm. I was about to scream and run when I heard his voice.

"You're heading in the wrong direction," he said, and pulled me with him.

"Let go of me!" I snapped after I'd stumbled ahead for a couple of steps next to him.

"Fine," he agreed in a cold, detached sounding voice, dropping my arm abruptly and stalking ahead of me.

He didn't seem to be waiting for me, but he did walk slower than usual and every so often I'd catch him glancing back at me. I followed him, trying to keep a distance without losing sight of him. I was tempted to call out something snarky to him, informing him that I didn't need his help; that I was doing just fine by myself. I was less than certain I'd actually find the way back myself and getting lost in these woods would make a horrible day, even worse if possible.. In the interest of self-preservation, I decided to keep my trap shut and grudgingly continued to follow him.

By the time I could hear the party again and the backyard of our house was in sight, I was still fuming. _Why the hell was Edward mad at me? _ Yet I couldn't get myself to ask him. Nothing really would have justified his behavior in my mind anyway, and I already felt humiliated enough.

_Ditched by boyfriend on her birthday so he could hang out with guys who aren't even his friends._

Surveying the yard when I finally reached it, it became painfully obvious how far out of control this gathering had spun. The crowd had clearly expanded and was now spilling into the yard. To make matters worse, most of them were a few shots short of complete, comatose oblivion. It kind of reminded me some of the parties Renee had occasionally thrown. During those parties, strangers inevitably overran our house while Renee was usually too drunk to care.

I stopped paying attention to Edward and pushed toward the house through a group of people that I didn't know. The living room was a disaster area. People were smoking everywhere and I saw no ashtrays. I felt something crush under my feet and saw glass next to my sneaker. Yelling for Jas and Rose, I ran through the living room and the kitchen, but I didn't see them anywhere. I finally ran upstairs to our room where I found my brother sitting by himself on his bed.

"Jas, what the fuck? We need to break this up, now! It's out of control. Can you find Emmett and start kicking everybody out? Where's Alice? She might as well help . . ."

Jas didn't answer as he pushed me out the door following close behind me.

"Alice is in the bathroom puking. I can't get her to open the door. Go ahead and turn off the stereo. I'm getting Emmett."

Jas opened up the door to Rose's room while I ran downstairs. I turned off the record player and started yelling that the party was over with zero result. Nobody moved, and some people even shot me odd glances. Only when Emmett and Jas came downstairs for reinforcement did people seem to move at all and even then they moved at a snail's pace.

It took us almost an hour to empty the living room and worse was yet to come, I realized as I inspected the damage: the clean up. I didn't want Charlie to have to deal with any mess. Wrecking havoc on his house would be another item on the list of irresponsible things we were fast becoming famous for.

At least trying to get people to leave had made me forget about Edward, I thought as I slumped down on the sofa in exhaustion. As suspected, the living room floor was littered with empty bottles and cigarette butts. Sitting there myself, I started wondering whether Edward had already left or whether he was still around somewhere. Before I could make a decision on whether I should go look for him, Rose handed me a big garbage bag and I started collecting empty bottles and cans.

It was pitch dark outside, and I was expecting Charlie to come home any minute now when we finished cleaning the living room and the kitchen.

As I tossed the last empty beer bottles into a container and started looking for Jas to carry the garbage bags outside, a pale Alice came walking down the stairs on wobbly legs.

She silently walked over to the garbage bags and made a meek attempt to pick them up before falling back flat on her ass.

"Alice, why don't you go look for Jas, huh? He's somewhere outside. He should be able to carry the garbage bags outside," Rose said, showing more compassion than I was able to muster, as she pulled off the rubber gloves she was wearing and propped the mop against the wall.

"Okay. I'm sorry . . ." Alice mumbled, before treading with hunched shoulders into the living room and then into the yard.

To my horror, instead of Jas, Edward walked back into the kitchen shortly afterward. The moment I noticed it was him, I turned around quickly, busying myself with wiping down the kitchen counter. I didn't want to have to face him, not yet, and when I finally dared to glance around the room, he was gone.

"What happened?" Rose asked while my eyes were still searching.

"What?"

"What happened? Did you guys have a fight?" Rose rolled her eyes.

"Not exactly. Why?"

"'Cause he looks like he's in pain and you look irritated . . . so spill!"

"I dunno what happened. He was mad at me and now I'm just pissed at him for acting like such a jerk. I had to go find him in the woods behind the shack. He was hanging out with Mike, drinking Charlie's Moonshine. Can you believe it? When he called me sweetheart . . . I swear I wanted to punch him."

Rose laughed. I was still a little mad, but mostly I felt exhausted and beat. Despite myself, I grinned at her and rolled my eyes.

"When's Charlie comin' home?" I asked, sitting down and glancing at the clock in the kitchen.

"Probably any minute now."

Rose and I settled on the sofa in the living room a little later, and the minute my head hit the sofa pillow next to me I was asleep. I couldn't tell how long I'd been asleep when I woke up to someone gently shaking my shoulder.

"Bella, wake-up. Everybody is gone already and Charlie is home. Edward left a present for you in your room. He said he's sorry he didn't get a chance to give it to you personally. He had to bring Alice home and I was going to wake you up, but then Charlie arrived and . . ."

"Oh, screw him," I grumbled half-asleep, stretching my limbs out on the sofa.

By the time I had brushed my teeth, washed my face and was ready to go to bed though, all my anger and bravado had disappeared. Crawling into bed, all I felt was lonely and heartbroken. Maybe I should have said something instead of pouting like a three-year-old. Jas was already snoring and the house was dark. Tired and disappointed that this would go down definitely as _the_ worst birthday of my life, I cried myself to sleep that night.

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**Thank you for reading – and reviews are so very, very nice! So if you have the time to drop me a line, please do so! I'd love to hear from you!**

**Also, I almost finished writing the next chapter, but reviews definitely motivate me to write faster!**


	30. Chapter 30 The Last Days of Winter

**Big THANK you to my betas KCerena and Reamhar.**

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**30. The Last Days of Winter**

I decided not to open or even look at Edward's presents before bed. The rejection and disappointment burning in my chest were making it hard to forget that they were there, but I was afraid that any reminder of what had happened would make me feel worse rather than better, and I was already throwing myself a post-birthday pity bash. Eventually, however, I managed to cry myself into a dreamless sleep.

And for a second, while stirring in my bed when the alarm clock went off the next morning, I'd almost forgotten my birthday. _Almost_. Until I tried opening my eyes and realized why I was having a hard time doing it. My eyelashes were glued together from all the tears I wept at night.

I carefully rubbed my eyes, trying to remove the sleep from them, and started searching for the annoying alarm clock. It was sitting next to Jas' bed and as I crawled out of bed to give it a good whack I almost stumbled over the neatly wrapped gifts sitting on the floor. I grabbed them on my way back to my bed. Unfortunately, the alarm clock and my activities had also roused my brother out of his corpse-like state.

"Mornin," he grumbled before looking over at me and pointing at the items in my hands. "Yeah, Edward dropped those off last night. He wrote a note too. It's tucked between the two things. I didn't read it!"

"Oh, screw you, Jas. You better not have!"

"Look . . . I'm sorry about yesterday. I think I sort of didn't help the situation . . . I feel it's partially my fault that things got so out of control. I should've told Alice not to invite so many people. And I had no idea, swear to god, that she told everybody to bring their friends along. But then you know how she gets once she has an idea in her head . . ."

"Whatever. Honestly?" I pulled myself up to sit cross-legged on the bed. The unopened gifts on my lab were taunting me. "I don't understand why that little girl says jump and you say how high. It's retarded. I don't want to hear about it, okay?"

"Wow, you're pissed at her, huh?"

"Don't get me started. Your girl takes zero responsibility. Though right now her brother is giving her stiff competition for the number-one spot on my shit list." Even I was surprised at the bitterness in my voice, but I couldn't stop myself.

"I'm not sure what your problem is, sis. You're not mad at him because he drank a little, right? At least he was lucid enough to help out. He managed to get rid of most of the people who were hanging out in the yard yesterday, and he did clean up the mess there. God knows, Jake was definitely too drunk to be of any use . . ."

"Well, isn't that sweet of him!" I rolled my eyes, my anger truly back in full force.

"Whatever. I'm takin' a shower. This whole sourpuss act doesn't suit you, Bells. Get over it. So what, he had a couple of shots of Charlie's liquor stash? You're hardly the person to throw stones!" With those parting words, he stampeded out of our room briskly without looking at me again. I was starting to wonder whether I had been a bit too hard on Edward, but then I remembered how he'd treated me like crap yesterday . . .

And then I was alone with his gifts. The bigger one looked like a record and I could see a folded-up piece of paper sticking out form underneath the smaller one – the note that everyone kept on mentioning as if it would somehow make that whole shitty birthday disappear. I shoved it aside and ripped the paper away from the bigger item, revealing the cover of a Velvet Underground album. Jas and I had bought one of their albums before, but the cover of this one looked different. The release date printed on the back of the record read March 1969, which meant that the record hadn't 'officially' been released. I'd never before gotten my hands on a record before you could get it at a record store and I couldn't imagine how Edward had gotten his hand on this one.

The second gift was much smaller and I couldn't figure out for the life of me what could be in it. I shook it, but it didn't make a sound, and whatever was inside felt soft. When I pulled the paper away, I found a small blue, velvet bag tied shut with a string. I untied the string, dropped the contents of the bag into the palm of my hand, and gaped at it.

In my hand lay a thin gold necklace with a single pearl attached to it. I'd never before owned a piece of jewelry, nor was I particularly keen on putting this one on, even though it was way prettier than anything I'd ever seen on Renee.

"Wow, Bells, that's really pretty!" Rose's voice shook me out of my daze.

She came up next to me, still dressed in her nightshirt, and reached for the necklace in my hand. I surrendered it to her and she held it up, inspecting it closely. "Is this one of Edward's gifts?"

I nodded, suddenly unable to speak.

"Oh, that's so sweet of him! I think you should keep him around, Bells," she noted with a smile. Without another word, she dropped the necklace back into my hand and walked out of the room. I was stunned and irritated. Only Rose would say that because of a silly present!

I couldn't wrap my head around how someone could have put so much thought, energy, and above all money into picking gifts for me and at the same time could have acted like such an utter asshole. I remembered the note. Some part of me wanted to toss it into the trash, but I was desperate for an explanation and then curiosity got the better of me, too. I searched through the mess on my bed for the piece of paper.

When I found it, I unfolded it and read the elegant handwriting. I was expecting some long-winded explanation of why he'd acted like such a jerk yesterday, something that made sense, but the whole note consisted out of one measly sentence – and not even a long one.

_I'm sorry._  
_Edward_

No 'happy birthday,' no 'I love you,' and no explanation. I pushed the note aside, put my presents on our table, and went about my morning routine, just as confused and heavyhearted as I had been before. Jas was wrong. I wasn't mad that he got wasted – I couldn't have cared less about that – but why the hell was Edward so mad at me?

To add insult to injury, Jas fussed over the record like there was no tomorrow when he discovered it – how cool it was and oh, so brand spanking new! And then he insisted on playing it. Rose finally had to walk into our room and turn the record player off in order to get him to move.

Due to Jas' idiocy we were running late for school. When we finally made it out of the front door, I was stunned to find Edward standing next to his car and no Alice in sight. I didn't know what I had been expecting exactly, but for some reason I didn't expect him to be there _this _morning. I needed more time.

_I'm sorry –_ but why? How?

I wanted to run back into the house and hide or at least make a dash for the truck, but Rose pushed me in his direction. This – us in limbo – made my insides churn and my chest hurt as if an elephant was sitting on it. Gone was the euphoria I used to experience whenever I saw Edward. It made me yearn for the days when I didn't give a shit about any boy in particular. I hadn't been happy all the time, but I also never felt quite so empty and sad.

I didn't want to look at him, let alone talk to him. As if on autopilot, I made my way to his car.

"Hey. You didn't have to come, you know?" I said, shrugging my shoulders, staring at his chest rather than his face and keeping far enough away that I wouldn't be tempted to touch him. "I mean, I could have just gotten a ride with Jas and Rose . . . "

"Bella, I'm sorry. I really am. I know I ruined your birthday and if there was a way to go back in time, I would. But please don't . . ."

"What? I didn't do anything," I insisted, feeling irritated, perplexed, and helpless all at the same time. I crossed my arms in front of my chest defensively and kept on staring ahead. A heavy silence settled between us that neither of us seemed to be able to break. I heard the truck pull away from the house.

"Shit," I muttered more to myself than to him.

"Please don't break up with me," he whispered, his voice sounding almost desperate and whiny. My jaw dropped and I stared at his face aghast. The thought of breaking up with him hadn't even occurred to me. I thought _he_ had sort of done that yesterday, if not in so many words.

"What? I thought . . . " I shook my head. "You're giving me whiplash, Edward. One day you tell me you love me and the next day you act like a total jerk. Did I do anything to you? I don't know . . . the day just really sucked. And I thought you were sort of ditching me?" Looking at his face, I noticed the outlines of a yellow and purple bruise on his cheekbone, some scratches just below his eye and his bottom lip looked slightly swollen and had a tear in it. "What happened to your face?" I was tempted to reach out and touch him. I even moved my hand up and almost reached for him, but then I dropped it quickly.

"Nothing," he answered and looked away.

"It doesn't look like nothing."

"I got into a fight. I'm sure it will be gone in a couple of days."

"Aha. Oh, well I wouldn't count on it. Looks like whoever got you there, got you pretty good. So who was it? And what's Mommy saying about this one?"

"Jake. And she is not pleased, to say the least," he said with a huff.

"Why?" I furrowed my eyebrows, looking at him in confusion. "Why would you get into a fight with Jake?

"Because . . . damn it! I thought he'd kissed you and you'd let him . . . it was stupid, I know. But it sure as hell looked like it from where I was standing." He let out an exasperated sigh and pinched the bridge of his nose with his long fingers.

"What?" I stuttered, before things clicked into place. Jas, Jake, Leah, and I sitting around the picnic table – _but he couldn't have? I had the joint in my freaking hand and there had been smoke everywhere, how could he have mistaken what were doing? And I would never kiss Jake!_

"Wait, please, Bella. Just hear me out," he said, grabbing his hair in frustration as if he expected me to be angry with him. I didn't move. "It's not an excuse and I should have just said something when I saw you sitting at the table with him. I'm sorry I acted the way I did. I'm sorry I let Alice get away with forcing this party on you. I'm sorry I ruined your birthday. I'm sorry I didn't have enough trust in you to know that you would never do that. I trust you, I do. And I'm definitely sorry that I touched Charlie's liquor supply." His chest fell with his last exhale after he'd rushed out his words.

I didn't say anything. I threw my arms around his neck and kissed him. He tasted like salt and blood and I could feel him wince in pain when my lips first crashed into his, but he wouldn't let me pull away when I tried. He kept on murmuring how sorry he was, and all I wondered was if I'd let me drag him up to my room instead of class.

"Stop," I said, kissing him again. All those apologies had become unnecessary. They were a waste of time and breath. I didn't want to hear them anymore. All I wanted was some alone time with him. I took a step back and pulled him with me by his belt buckle, looking over my shoulder toward the house. He reacted without hesitation.

"What do you have first period?" he asked, between hot kisses, while pushing me backwards to our front door.

"English. I can be late. I've never been late before . . ."

Not willing to be separated for a second, we stumbled into the house and up the stairs, kissing, licking, biting and losing our clothes along the way. We landed on my bed with a thud. Within moments we were naked under the sheets, and I felt him thrust into me. He held still for a second as we gazed into each other's eyes, then pulled out almost all the way before crashing back into me hard. While we moved, we both desperately tried to grasp, claw and hold on to each other to feel closer. His bony hips felt painfully hard pushing against mine, yet all I wanted to do was press harder against him.

We moved in sync, no need for words, communicating only in pants and grunts. Sweat dripped from our bodies as we both reached our climaxes. I told him that I loved him as I came and he whispered it back.

It had always sounded kind of like a bad cliché to me when I'd heard lovers on Silver Screens utter those words after a steamy bedroom scene, yet there I was professing my love with an afterglow on my face. I told Edward about it and then joked that we should smoke a cigarette now to complete the picture, but he nixed my suggestion and told me he would never tire of telling me that he loved me and therefore there was nothing cliché about it.

There wasn't enough time for lying around in bed to hug and kiss. Everything had been needy, raw and fast. I had bruises and scratches on my arms, shoulders and thighs for a few days after, but it didn't hurt. I didn't feel pain again for a long time.

Edward kept on mumbling for the rest of the day how sorry he was, though he admitted with a smug grin that he wasn't sorry at all for punching Jake in the gut and giving him a black eye. I told him that I would never want to kiss anybody but him and thanked him for his presents.

We both arrived ridiculously late to class. In fact, showing up for class late became sort of a pattern for us after that day. Sometimes we were late for the morning class, and on other days we missed the first twenty minutes or so of bio in the afternoon.

I cut my work schedule and Edward and I spent endless afternoons in the boathouse talking, making love, and sometimes listening to music. On Friday or Saturday nights we'd sometimes drive up to Port Angeles to catch a movie, but most nights we ended up sneaking into the boathouse or rolling around the backseat of his car. Alice was still grounded, but occasionally she'd talk her parents into letting her go to a movie, and she and Jas would join us.

Jas still hung out on the reservation a lot, which made Alice insanely jealous because it meant that he probably ran into Leah occasionally. I was sore with Alice for some time and so when she asked me to find out for her whether Jas saw Leah on his trips to the reservation, I politely but firmly told her that I wasn't up for that kind snooping mission. I told her to ask him about it herself. I didn't even say no because I was mad at her, per se; I now knew from experience that spying on people and drawing wild conclusions could get you punched in the face or worse. And whatever might happen when Jas and Leah hung out was something for Alice to figure out and not me.

It was none of my business and I wasn't even that curious, because I seriously doubted Jas was hooking up with Leah. The few times I met her after our birthday party, she continued to strike me as the kind of girl who didn't take anybody's shit. She would never let my brother cheat on Alice with her. She wasn't anybody's second fiddle. It didn't seem to be her style. In fact, she probably would have kicked his ass straight to the moon if he'd made a move on her. Since Jas, even when stoned, had a pretty keen sense of people's feelings and whatnot, he'd probably figured as much as well. With Alice still on lockdown after school and Jake avoiding visits to our house after the birthday party, there was really not much else for Jas to do but to occasionally hang out on the reservation.

Charlie asked Jas once why Jake never visited anymore and Jas said he had no clue. Later on though, when we were smoking one of our ritual joints out the window – a ritual that was fast becoming scarce during those days – he told me Jake was sort of worried about running into Edward and me together. I told Jas that I didn't think Edward would start another fight with Jake and I was never really mad at Jake. Still, I didn't see Jake for some time after that.

Not until almost the end of March, to be specific. Edward had spent the afternoon at our house and Jake came home with Jas as we were setting the table for dinner. Jas and I first held our breaths, waiting for some sort of confrontation, but nothing happened. They shook hands instead and while I doubted they'd ever be friends, it seemed like they could at least stay in the same room without throwing punches.

Maybe the relative civility during dinnertime had something to do with the fact that Edward wasn't particularly jealous anymore, or that he knew I'd get mad if he acted like a possessive idiot. Maybe it was because something else had shifted between Edward and me.

It wasn't love that was missing before my birthday party or that our brief confrontation has suddenly enlightened us about how we felt about each other. _Hell,_ I'd probably fallen in love with him in some strange way before I had the guts to say those words out loud. I was even starting to wonder whether what I'd experienced with Edward was one of those strange phenomena referred to as "love at first sight." But, nope, love wasn't the catalyst that changed us.

Love, after all, is just part of the equation. You definitely needed more than it in order to make any relationship work if the universe granted you the time to be together. After my birthday there were still plenty of things we felt insecure about, yet there were no more silly doubts or fears about stuff that didn't matter, because I knew I did want to be with him and I knew he felt the same way. No matter what happened, we'd promised each other we'd make it work. And we succeeded until the universe decided to turn against us.

~000~

Edward told me more about his parents, about his mom's pill popping habits and how much she hated us being together. He said he didn't care and blamed the medication for clouding her brain. I wasn't so certain that she'd be any more amicable about her son dating me in a sober state, but I kept that thought to myself.

Edward had also suspected for a long time that his dad was having an affair and so one day last year he had followed his dad to Port Angeles. He'd figured that if he knew exactly what was going on, if he had proof, he could somehow fix it. But when he saw his dad with a smile on his face sitting at a diner holding hands with one of the nurses, he didn't have it in him to say anything. He'd just turned around and driven home. Later on Edward had thought about confronting him about the affair, but then whenever he'd seen his dad alone at home, he'd looked so lost and sad and all he'd remember was his dad's smile when he was looking at that other woman.

Edward did, however, alert his dad to the pill collection he'd found in his mom's medicine cabinet a while back, and his dad promised him to do something about it. Apparently Daddy Cullen hadn't been entirely unaware of what was going on, but had been struggling with how to handle the situation. Without formally institutionalizing his wife, he wasn't sure how successful any attempts to curb her drug use would be. And putting her back into a closed medical facility was something he couldn't do to her. Not with her history anyway.

I told Edward all the not so pretty parts about growing up with Renee and how glad I was to have found Charlie even though I'd been terrified at first; how dealing with rules or structure had sounded strange to me, but how it had all turned out alright. When Charlie asked us for stuff, it felt more like he did it because he cared, not because he wanted us to fit into a mold. The only shame was that now we all would barely have enough time to get to know each other before we'd have to rush off to college. Rose had already gotten accepted UCLA and Emmett had received a scholarship offer to play ball for Notre Dame.

I wasn't sure where that would leave them and I didn't think they had a clue either. They still argued and fought like cat and dog. On some days, when their fights were really loud and obnoxious, I was surprised Rose didn't kick his ass to the curb. She used to have zero patience before she met him. Emmett's father had become somewhat more accepting of Rose's presence and as a result they spent most of their spare time together as well. The plan currently was that they'd stay together, even though neither of them had quite figured out how that would work.

All in all, the remaining weeks of winter were pure bliss and I was looking forward to spring and then summer. In fact, I couldn't wait for summer. Edward and I had started making plans for visits to the beach, to go to concerts in Seattle, and to spend every free minute of our time together. We'd even started planning what colleges to apply to.

Toward the end of March, Jake invited all of us to some sort of ritual spring party, as he called it, over at La Push. With the weather gradually warming up and the days becoming longer, I wasn't as opposed to a party at the beach anymore. So on the sunny Sunday afternoon of the party I tried my best to convince Edward that it would be kinda cool to go check it out.

"But why go to a party when we have an empty house with a comfortable bed all to ourselves?" he argued, kissing me behind my ear while unbuttoning my shirt with his nimble fingers. _Yeah, go figure, once the guilt had evaporated, Edward had become even more of an expert at easy seduction._

"Uhmmm, yeah . . . because . . ." I mumbled, unable to form a coherent sentence.

"Tell me!" Edward teased, moving his lips down to my collarbone and using a hand on my butt to press me flush against him, so that I couldn't miss what he really wanted to do.

"We should really get . . .ugh . . . outta here," I practically moaned, while Edward moved his hands toward the front of my jeans and started opening up the button. "What are you doing?" He started to move us to the stairs, but I managed to push his hand out of the way. "No, we are not going upstairs. If we get to my bed, we're never going to leave this house today!"

Edward raised one eyebrow at me and gave me a crooked grin.

"Okay, the kitchen it is," he answered with a wicked gleam in his eyes and before I knew it, he'd managed to push down my pants and plant my ass on the kitchen table. He unbuttoned his jeans and shoved them down swiftly, his erection springing free.

"Not on the kitchen table. People have to eat on here," I complained, trying to push him back.

"You also eat on the living room sofa and sometimes on the blanket in the boathouse," he purred into my ear, stroking himself with one hand while trying to peel off my panties with his other.

I mewed at the sound and sight in front of me and he used my momentary distraction as an opportunity to lean his head down to my lap and tear my underwear down with his teeth. Once the last hindering object of clothing had been removed, he stood up quickly and started rubbing his stiff member over my sweet spot.

"Ugh . . . Edward."

"I want you . . . please?" he begged and I nodded. He aligned himself between my legs and pressed forward.

Once fully inside, Edward pulled one of my legs up over his shoulder and started rocking in and out of me slowly. We kissed, matching the rhythm of his thrusts, until I threw my head back, enjoying the sensation of him sliding in and out of me while he brushed against all the right spots in the process.

"Belllaaa . . ." I heard Edward pant, gazing down with hooded eyes to where our bodies were joined.

I leaned back with my elbows on the table to watch him. His movements became faster and his eyelids fluttered shut. I could tell from the expression on his face that he was close, too close for me to get my own release. He let go of my leg and leaned forward, grabbing my butt with one hand to pull me closer and using his other hand to try to make me come. Since we'd stopped using condoms I could feel him spill into me a second later, but he continued to move and work his fingers until I came.

"Okay, then. Ready to get out of here and drive to the beach," I quipped, tapping him on the back with my hand when I felt him softening inside of me.

"You are kidding, right?" he asked pushing himself up on his elbows to look at me.

"No, I'm not. Move!" I kicked his butt with my heel and he whined.

"Fine," he grumbled, standing up and starting to get dressed.

"I need a moment in the bathroom. You should clean the kitchen table," I ordered, clambering up the stairs to the bathroom with my legs clenched together, not waiting for his response.

He grumbled some more on the ride over to the beach, how he really didn't want to waste a perfectly nice afternoon hanging out with people that he'd see almost every weekday for the next year or so, but when we ran into Jas and Emmett at the beach he actually managed a small smile.

"See, grouch, it's not so bad," I said, pinching his arm.

After Edward had headed off into the forest behind the beach to collect firewood with Emmett, Jas, and Jake, I decided to hang out with Alice who was sitting by herself looking a little lost.

"What's up, Alice? You look kind of bummed out," I questioned, plopping down next to her on a log.

"Oh, I dunno. Being grounded sucks for one thing. You being mad at me is also not improving my mood. I know I acted like a ditz and I'm really sorry about it. It kind of feels like no matter what I try, I can't get it right, you know? Like nobody actually likes me." Her head was resting on her arms and she looked at me with pretty grey doll-like eyes.

I didn't have it in me to be angry with her anymore, and I rolled my eyes. "Don't be such a drama queen, Alice. People like you. Sometimes you make it a little hard, but I'm not mad at you anymore. We're cool." I stated simply. "So how did your convince Mommy Dearest to let you out for the night?"

"Edward did the convincing for me, but he told me if I got drunk or stoned it would be the last time he did that," she admitted with a giggle and I laughed out loud.

"Shut up! Edward can be such a drag. So is he gonna have a cow if we smoke a joint?"

"Most likely. And I really can't afford to piss him off these days, because if it weren't for him, Mother might never let me leave the house anymore."

"Ladies," Rose greeted us, sitting down next to us with a bottle of wine in her hand. "Care to share this girly bottle of sweet wine with me?"

"Alice is not allowed, but I'll take some," I said with a chuckle, making Alice's cheeks flush crimson in embarrassment.

"What? Said who?" Rose asked, raising an eyebrow.

"My boyfriend, the square." I laughed, pushing the bottle toward Alice. "He won't know. It's only wine."

"I'm okay. And trust me, for someone as squeaky clean as he is, he sure has an eye for when someone else is drunk or high."

I laughed but decided not share the fact that Edward now smoked the occasional joint with me or how we'd gotten wasted together on a bottle of Charlie's Jack Daniel's last week.

Rose and I were still sipping the bottle of red wine, when the light mood of the party shifted abruptly. One minute everyone was talking and the next this eerie quiet crept over the beach. At first I only noticed that our voices seemed louder and we no longer had to shout to hear each other. Then, glancing around us, I gradually became aware that everyone was staring in one direction. My eyes followed the direction of their gazes until I spotted _him._ I hadn't seen him in over a month. Not at school, not at the grocery store, and not during the occasional trip to Port Angeles. As Charlie had promised, James had stayed away.

Before I could point him out to Rose or Alice, he was stalking over to where we were sitting. Alice and Rose must have seen him too, because Rose grabbed my elbow and we were just about to walk away when he reached us.

"Hey, where're you going, sugar pie? I don't believe we've been properly introduced. I'm James and you are, Bella, right?" he said with a sneer on his face, standing now just a couple of feet away from me. For some reason, I wasn't scared. Edward wasn't around and I wasn't worried about what James would do to me.

"Yeah, I know who you are. What's with the cutsie nicknames? Kind of lame, if you ask me. At any rate, don't call me sugar pie. Got it?" I snapped, shaking Rose's hand off my elbow.

"Why so hostile? I didn't do nothin' to you. And here I thought you flower children were all love, peace and happiness." He shook his head and took two steps closer until we were mere inches apart.

"Dude, I don't know what your deal is, but I really think you should leave me alone."

"Or what? Your sissy boyfriend is going to kick my ass? I'm sure mommy and daddy wouldn't be too pleased about that," he said, reaching out to touch my face. As I tried to step back, I noticed that where Rose and Alice had been standing mere seconds ago, someone with a hard chest and long hair had replaced them. I turned around quickly and stared at Laurent.

Suddenly, I felt trapped.

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	31. Chapter 31 Pain

**Many thanks to my betas – Reamhar & KCerena.**

**I used a cringe-worthy phrase in this chapter. Be warned! I couldn't help myself – it's supposed to be 1969 after all. **

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**31. Pain**

"What are you gonna do now, sweetheart?" James whispered into my ear, leaning forward until I felt trapped between his hovering face and Laurent's hard chest behind me. I made a weak attempt to dodge to the side to escape his intimidating clutches, but Laurent gripped my shoulders and held me still.

James reeked of stale beer and cigarettes; the smell was overpowering my senses. I held my breath, panic set in and the bout of my dumb cockiness, which had made me snap back at James only a minute ago, disappeared. While my brain frantically tried to come up with something to say to make him let go of me, my heartbeat sped up and my mouth went try. I drew a blank.

"What are you going do, James?" I blurted out without much thought of what I was trying to achieve.

He narrowed his eyes at me and strangely his expression encouraged me. _Was he still weighing his options? Could anything I do or say change his mind? _

I looked around and saw some people staring at us in the periphery of my vision. They seemed far away, definitely too scared to interfere, but not too far away to see us.

"You're going to beat up a girl half your size in front of a bunch of witnesses?"

He didn't respond or budge. I could feel Goose bumps rising and fear spreading farther and deeper inside of me. I was determined not to let it show though and instead opted to huff and roll my eyes at him.

"Sounds like a real dumb idea," I taunted, and for a second I thought I saw doubt in his face. Then his expression hardened and the temporary doubt was wiped away clean, his face slowly contorting into a grin like he'd found a solution for his problem. Determination settled in his eyes. He grabbed my left wrist and started squeezing it with his pudgy, slick fingers.

"You think I'm scared of you, little girl, or your daddy, huh? I could care less. I'll be long gone before they start looking for me." He pulled at my wrist until my arm was straightened, twisted it and started pushing my whole arm backward. "I'm wondering . . . do you think me breaking your arm would get your boyfriend out of hiding? You see, I have some unfinished business with him and I'd like to get it out of the way before leaving," he snarled in a high-pitched yet weirdly menacing voice as Laurent pushed Newton away who made some misguided attempt to help me.

Pain shot trough my arm into my shoulder and I grimaced without a cry or a whimper, too afraid to make a sound.

"Where is he?" he growled, as he pushed my wrist back again, with more force this time. It felt like my arm was being pulled out of its socket. The spot where his hand was gripping me burned as if I'd bumped it against a hot stove or pot. If he was going to break my arm, I wanted it to be over quickly. I didn't know how much longer I could stay like this without screaming out loud in pain.

"He's not here. Go ahead, break my arm!" I dared him in downright stupid defiance.

James smirked, slanted my arm sideways and jerked it back at a different angle. I could feel something crack in my shoulder. I wanted to scream, but I was too afraid that Edward would hear me and come running to save me only to fall into the creep's trap.

"Let go of her!" I heard Rose yell out of nowhere. "Do you hear me?"

I tried to look for her, but all I could see was James. His chest was still squeezing me hard against Laurent as he twisted my wrist and blew his sour breath into my face.

My next move would have been to struggle, to put up a fight – anything to get away from him. But it didn't come to that. Before I could decide how to best kick James in the crotch, Laurent's hands were gone and replaced by Rose's.

"Move, Bella," she said, pulling on my good arm, but I stayed frozen even though the pain had subsided and James had let go of me. My fears had become reality: Edward was there, in front of me, shoving James away.

It seemed to happen in slow motion right before my eyes. I saw Edward raise his arm and then heard the sound of his fist slamming into James' face, landing on his jawbone with a loud thud. Rose tugged on my arm again and I stumbled away with her, not able to take my eyes off the unfolding disaster.

I noticed that Jake was holding Laurent back, while Edward continued to pound his fist into James. I heard bones crunch. I should have been relieved to be out of the way but I was too terrified by what I saw.

James made some feeble attempts to hit Edward, but Edward quickly ducked out of the way before James's fist could get anywhere close to him. It looked like James didn't stand a chance; it wasn't a fight between equals. One push from Edward had James falling awkwardly to the ground, beads of sweat shining on his forehead. That should have been the end; James was down and out of breath, his nose was a crooked bloody mess. Unfortunately, Edward didn't seem to see it that way and took three fast steps closer to James until he stood over him on the ground.

"Bella, are you okay? Is your arm okay?" I heard Rose ask in panic.

"Edward, no!" I screamed, but it seemed like he didn't hear me.

He started hitting James again, and James didn't fight back, just stared up at Edward with terror all over his face.

"Edward, stop," I whimpered.

"Stop it, Bells. He deserves the beating!" Jas' voice came from behind me somewhere. "Jake got his friend. Don't worry about Edward. Looks like he can handle it."

"No!" I yelled out as loud as I could. "Edward stop!"

He didn't. Instead, he bent down to grab James by his shirt and pulled him up off the ground. James smirked weakly, blood dripping from gashes on his head and his mouth. Edward smacked the smirk right off James's face with his fist, then smacked it again and again and again.

I shoved Rose and attempted to pull my arm out of her clutches; I wanted to run to Edward, haul him back, and stop the madness. I couldn't comprehend why nobody else was trying to end a fight that should have been over already. James had given up. My eyes searched for a sign that somebody in the remaining crowd was alarmed, but I saw nothing. Everyone was just watching the spectacle in awe, like a bad accident on the side of the highway, some of them with a satisfied leer on their face like they were happy about it.

I struggled to free myself as I watched Edward deliver head blows with both fists. James' eyes were closed by then, his body lying limply on the sand, yet Rose wouldn't let go off me.

"You are only going to get hurt, and I'm not going to let that happen," she insisted, holding onto me tighter.

"He's not moving anymore," I whispered in horror. "Edward! Jas, do something! He has to stop. This is crazy." I turned my head around, searching for my brother.

A couple more seconds passed. The expressions on the faces surrounding me changed from satisfaction to alarm and then fear.

"Jas, she's right. The guy hasn't moved and Edward's still beating him," Rose finally agreed.

"Let me go!" I seethed. Rose shook her head and Emmett ran past me. He stopped behind Edward and attempted to heave him off of James, but Edward kept on hitting James' body below him and managed shove Emmett out of the way.

Emmett staggered back at first before moving toward Edward again and this time managing to wrap his arms all the way around Edward's torso. When he had gotten a decent grip, he started tugging Edward off of James. James lay still on the sand, his face covered in blood, and his eyes two barely recognizable slits.

Jas brushed beside me, running toward the motionless body. Rose finally let go of me and I slowly approached Edward, who was still struggling to free himself of Emmett's grip.

"Stop, please," I pleaded when I reached him. Edward was breathing so heavily that his nostrils flared, but he ceased to move when he saw me. I stared into his eyes, looking for comfort, but I was too chilled by the blood that spattered his face. More blood speckled his white T-shirt, and the cuffs of his blue jacket were darker than the rest of it. Scariest of all were his hands, which were dark red and still bunched up into fists. An involuntary shiver ripped through me.

"I can feel a pulse, but we need to take him to the hospital. He's bleeding all over the place," I heard Jas instruct. I turned around and saw him squatting next to James.

"Are you okay?" Emmett asked. "If I let you go, you're not going to run over there again and beat him some more, right?"

"I'm fine," Edward responded with a blank expression on his face. Once Emmett let go of him, he took a step to close the gap between us. "Is your arm okay? Are you hurt?" He reached for my face, but dropped his hand quickly when he noticed the blood dripping from his knuckles.

"I'm fine, I think," I muttered, reaching for his face. I struggled to wipe the blood away with my shirtsleeves. "Are you okay? Did he get you at all?"

"I don't think so." He shrugged his shoulders and his lips formed a tight line. "Let me look at your arm."

He inspected my sore arm, asking me whether it hurt. Aside from some dark red patches where James' hands had been, I thought I was fine.

"I'm fine. Don't worry. Nothing happened."

Edward huffed and pulled me into his arms. When Jake and Jas walked past us, carrying James' limp body, I couldn't tear my eyes away. They carried him back to the truck and laid him down carefully on the flatbed.

Rose came over and told us that we needed to leave. Shortly after, before I could even argue, I was pushed into Emmett's car. Edward and I didn't talk again that night. He and Alice drove home shortly after Jas left to drive James to the hospital in Port Angeles. Emmett drove Rose and me home where we sat in silence around the kitchen table waiting for some news from Jas.

Rose eventually got up and made peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, which neither of us ate. They sat uneaten in the middle of the table, shrinking as the hours passed and flies started swerving around them.

It was pitch dark outside by the time that Rose asked the question that neither of us had dared to ask so far.

"Do you think he's dead? Do you think Edward killed him?"

I'd wondered the same thing when I saw them carry James away, but hadn't said it out loud. Dread had settled over me since I'd seen them carry James' body to the truck. His arms had hung listlessly; his t-shirt was drenched in blood and his face so swollen that I wouldn't have been able to recognize him anymore.

I was filled with dread at the memory of the sight his body and the smell of blood mixed with the salty air of the beach. I didn't want to think about what had happened this afternoon and I didn't want to hear or utter the word 'dead.' Not because I felt bad or sorry for James; under different circumstances, I couldn't have cared less about what happened to him. If he was killed by some miracle, good riddance, fine. Just not by Edward. It scared me to think about what the consequences of that might be.

So when the question came I shrugged my shoulders and looked back at the kitchen clock, avoiding Rose's eyes.

"You couldn't have stopped him. Emmett barely managed to tear him away. It's not your fault." Rose exhaled and sighed. "It wasn't his fault either."

Tears started spilling out of my eyes.

"Bella, no, don't cry. It's not going to matter whether he's dead or not. Someone would have done the deed eventually. It was a just matter of time. He had it coming. Nothing you could've done or said would have prevented what happened. Yeah, maybe we should've stopped the fight earlier, but none of us saw it coming. I'm sorry. I know you were trying."

We jumped out of our seats when Jas walked through the door a couple of seconds later, but didn't dare to ask any questions. Instead we gaped at him with anticipation, tired of helplessly waiting around.

"Relax, he's alive. Dr. Cullen thinks he'll be okay. Only a good concussion and several broken bones – he'll recover. Charlie came to the hospital after they'd called James' family. We had to give statements. Charlie will probably ask you to come to the station tomorrow to figure out how to handle the situation. Are you okay? Charlie is worried about you. He thought we should've brought you to the hospital."

I nodded. "Yeah, I'm fine."

Before we could ask more questions, we heard the sounds of cars in the driveway and shortly afterward, Charlie stepped into the kitchen followed by Dr. Cullen. They both looked worried and tired. Charlie pulled me into a careful hug the minute he entered the kitchen.

"Are you alright, kiddo?" he asked, patting my back gently.

"Bella, I would like to examine you briefly to see whether we need an x-ray," Dr. Cullen requested calmly.

"I thought it best to get it over with. I'll have to call the D.A.'s office tomorrow. I'm sure it's going to work out fine. Don't worry about it," Charlie said, putting his arm around my shoulder and accidentally pressing me too hard into his side. I howled in pain and Charlie stepped back. Without the adrenaline high, I felt a lot sorer than I'd felt at the beach. "Are you sure you're okay?"

"Why don't I take a quick look? Maybe we can step into the living room for a brief moment?" Dr. Cullen asked, looking at Charlie and me for permission.

I nodded and walked ahead of him into the living room. I heard him close the door behind us.

"Bella, would you mind taking your shirt off? I would like to take a look at your shoulder," he requested in a polite tone, his usually bright smile gone.

I didn't respond, but instead started unbuttoning my shirt. I tried to lift my arms to pull off my t-shirt, but the minute I tried, a shooting pain sprang through my shoulder into my back.

"It's fine. I can just push your shirt up over your arm. Can I ask you to step closer to the light here?"

I took a couple of steps until I stood next to the lamp near the sofa. He inspected my shoulder and then my arm. His touch was careful like Edward's.

"It looks like you have a sprained shoulder, and I can see some severe bruising. It could be that you've also have a torn ligament. I will need you to come to the hospital tomorrow so we can take an x-ray of this. I'll give you a sling, which you will need to wear for a short period. It'd also be a good idea to put some ice on it to make the swelling around your shoulder go down. You're not a south paw, are you?" He tried to joke.

I shook my head.

"Good." He tried to give me a reassuring smile, telling me everything would be fine, and I made a lame attempt to return it.

Then he paused and asked, "He didn't touch you anywhere else, right?"

"No," I answered quickly. Alice had been right. Pain was James' thing, and not much else.

~000~

I fell asleep eventually only to be woken up by nightmares. At first I was stumbling aimlessly through a deep green forest, but then I noticed someone or something following me. I started running when it got so close that I could feel its breath on my neck. In between the trees I saw Alice standing. I rushed to her and when I reached her, she turned around and looked at me with pity in her eyes.

"You should go home, Bella. My brother is gone. He can't help you," she said.

"What do you mean he's gone?" I asked.

She didn't answer, just turned around and walked away. I stood there in shock staring after her until I could feel the air behind me shift and something cold embraced me, picked me up and carried me away. I didn't resist. My body went limp. I still felt numb when I woke up.

While Charlie was driving me to the hospital in the morning, he noticed my somber mood and tried to cheer me up with silly jokes. Thankfully for both of us, I fell asleep again halfway to Port Angeles and Charlie was released of his cheering duties. He was pretty lousy at it.

Charlie had given up on lightening my mood by the time we had to drive home and I grew worried and restless. I wanted to ask Charlie some questions, but couldn't get myself to open my mouth. We'd almost reached the outer limits of Forks by the time I summoned the courage to talk.

"So, Charlie, I was wondering – will anything happen to Edward because of this? I mean, James is going to be fine, right?" I mumbled, chancing a sideways glance at him.

"What are you talking about, kiddo? Edward defended you. James hurt you pretty badly. I don't even want to think about what would have happened if he hadn't been there. I have to thank the boy for doing such a good job. Nothing is gonna happen. James will be fine. I spoke to Dr. Cullen and it looks he's recovering quickly. Don't you worry about a thing! I will not let this happen again," he said with a huff. "Dunno why people tolerated that kid for so long in this town. He's a rotten seed."

I wanted to be relieved by his words, honestly, but something kept nagging me, gnawing at my insides. I tried to reason that everything would just blow over and things would go back to the way they were, but my stomach stayed tied up in knots with worry.

Charlie drove us straight home and left to head back to the station after he'd asked me a million times whether I was fine by myself. I told him that we'd always stayed at home by ourselves when one of us had been sick because Renee usually had to go to work, and that I wasn't really sick anyway. He still insisted he would be coming home early. I didn't care. All I wanted to do was to call Edward and I did so the minute I heard the door click.

The phone kept on ringing and ringing and nobody picked up, which amplified my feeling of uneasiness.

Jas and Rose came home early. Apparently Charlie had called the school and given permission for them to skip the last period. When I asked whether they'd seen Edward, they said that neither Alice nor Edward had been at school that day.

By bedtime, I contemplated creeping out of the house to go see him, but with my shoulder the way it was I wasn't sure it would make that much sense. Never mind that with my luck, Mommy Cullen would have probably caught me and had my ass roasted for dinner. I was pretty certain she would be blaming me for what had happened and I didn't entirely disagree with her. I kept on going over the events in my head trying to find something I could have done differently.

Jas was trying to assure me that everything would be just dandy, that we should smoke a joint and call it day. I took one puff of the thing and tossed it back to him. He smoked the rest of the joint and started snoring the minute he hit the mattress, but I couldn't sleep for hours.

I'd almost dosed off when I heard the sound of something hitting our window. I stumbled out of bed and looked out the window, hoping it would be Edward. And it was. He was standing in front of the house waving for me to come down.

Relieved and content, I skidded down the stairs and out the front door, but when I saw him standing in front of our porch I could tell something wasn't right. He had a backpack slung over his shoulder and he looked like he was ready to bolt, shifting nervously from foot to foot.

I closed the distance between us and flung myself as best as I could into his arms. He held me tightly before releasing me.

"Bella, can we take a walk?" he whispered, his eyes darting around as if he expected Charlie to come barging out the door any minute.

"Don't worry. You know Charlie's bedroom faces the back. He's not going to hear us – "

I could tell by the expression on his face that I wouldn't convince him and so I offered quickly, "Let me just get my shoes and we can go, okay?"

He nodded and I turned around to go get some shoes. I pushed my feet into a pair, not bothering to tie the laces before running back outside. Edward didn't want to let me walk without tied shoelaces though, and bent down to tie them for me before dragging me away from the house. We walked for a while, until I could no longer see our house when I looked back and I didn't want to walk anymore.

"What's wrong? Where are we going?" I finally asked, tugging at his hand.

He sighed and turned to face me. There were tears shimmering in his eyes, and it looked like they were about to spill over. I reached up and kissed him.

"What's wrong? Tell me," I murmured, breaking the kiss.

"Bella, if I ask you to do something that sounds stupid right now, would you trust me and do it?" he asked tentatively, slowly letting his finger tips trail over my cheek.

"I hate 'what if' questions. Just ask me and then tell me what's wrong!"

Edward chuckled and for a second it seemed that he lightened up.

"Okay. Run away with me, marry me! I know I'm supposed to have a ring and stuff, but we can figure that out later . . . please? I'll beg, get down on my knees, please, Bella . . ."

My mouth dropped open and I didn't know what to say. I only knew I had to stop the lunacy. As much as I loved Edward, this reminded me of my mom except that she'd at least graduated high school and I wasn't pregnant.

"Wow! No," I exclaimed and saw his hopeful smile change to a resigned frown. He looked lost again. His shoulders slumped and he was about to turn away from me when I grabbed his elbow. "Edward, come on, you weren't really serious! We are in high school for god's sakes! Why the hell would you want to run away?"

"Because if I don't, I'm being shipped off to a boarding school at the other end of the country tomorrow morning, okay!" he yelled back angrily.

"Why?" I asked confused.

"Because I gave my mother all the ammunition she needed to separate us."

"But what about your dad?"

"What about him? He's too scared of her. Why else do you think he's still with her? She threatened him with divorce and instead of taking her up on it, he cowered." He looked so frustrated and defeated that it scared the shit out of me.

"But James is going to be okay, and Charlie said everything would be fine!" I argued stubbornly.

"It doesn't matter. All that matters is that I'm out of control, she can't handle me by herself, and he's never around. And I _was_ out of control, I guess." He leaned back against a tree and slumped onto the ground. "I got so angry when I saw that he was hurting you and my mind went blank. If Emmett hadn't pulled me back, I don't know what would've happened."

I plopped down next to him and leaned my head against his shoulder. We sat there silently.

"So what are you going to do?" I croaked out.

"I dunno . . . you don't want to come with me, which makes running away pointless."

"It's not that simple, Edward. What would we do for money? And we haven't even graduated high school."

"I have some money with me. We'd be fine for a while and then we could figure it out," he started again with an expectant smile playing around his lips.

"Please be serious. It's a pipe dream. We'd run out of money fast and working crappy jobs sucks. Trust me, I know," I lectured, feeling stupid for trying to play the role of the responsible grown-up when for the most part that had always been Edward's role. "I don't want to be like this, Edward. I don't want to make you sad or angry with me."

He didn't say anything and pulled me into his arms.

"I know you don't. I just don't want to be away from you and I don't see another solution," he said with a sigh and kissed my hair. His voice sounded so sad that it broke my heart and I couldn't let him stay like that. Not if I could help it.

"I'll write every day, I promise," I started telling him, trying to make my voice sound upbeat. "And it's only three more months until summer break, and hopefully you can come home for that. We'll have all summer together and maybe we can convince your dad to let you stay for senior year?"

I didn't wait for an answer or response and started kissing him instead, hoping that I could somehow make this better. I didn't want to hear anything about how this wasn't going to work and how his dad would never change his mind. I wanted hope. And there was hope while we kissed, touched and felt.

We made love on the wet, grimy ground of the forest that night. I was in pain, but somehow the pain went away so long as I felt him inside of me.

The pessimistic side of me wanted to give up and be sad. That night though, I pushed it aside. I didn't want to think about the fact that I would have to go to school the next day and Edward wouldn't be there; that I would spend my afternoons and nights alone for the foreseeable future.

"We'll be fine," I kept on telling him over and over again.

And when the sky above us lightened, I believed it. Edward didn't contradict me, but he was probably just pretending to believe it.

"I love you," were his last words before he walked away early the next morning. I was too tired to cry. I took a shower and washed away the smell of the boy I'd just been with.

When Alice gave me the address to Edward's school a couple of hours later, I almost cried, but then swallowed the tears back. The address she gave me was in Massachusetts.

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	32. Chapter 32 Alone

**Big thank you to my awesome betas – Reamhar & KCerena, who tell me when shit doesn't jive right in the story and who patiently correct my writing.**

**Real Life & an FGB auction piece has been eating up great chunks of my time, so I'm really, really sorry for the long wait for this chapter. The next ones should follow faster.**

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**32. Alone**

The first week without Edward passed painfully slowly. People at school told me how happy they were that James was gone, which kind of surprised me. After all, if they'd hated his guts so much, why'd nobody ever bothered to give him a good beating before?

I was still in relatively good spirits. I thought Edward would be back in three months, we'd have the rest of the summer together, and hopefully he'd be able to convince his parents that two months in a strict bordering school had cured him of any need to rebel or get into fights – not that he needed reforming or anything to begin with. More like his mom needed to visit a rehab facility.

Easy enough plan, right? Well, it wasn't really, not at all. I missed him – _a lot_. I never thought I'd miss anybody that much, and the more time passed the lonelier and sadder I felt.

After some more time had past, the fight that had caused Edward's departure and my misery was old news at school. I had become invisible to most of my fellow students. Occasionally Angela would throw me a sympathetic glance, but that was about it, and I was fine with being ignored, really. For a while when we first moved to Forks, we were the center of attention just because we were like shiny new toys to the other students. When I started dating Edward, people stared at us. But after the initial shock about what had happened at the beach waned and Edward was gone, I was back to living on the fringes of the school in a group that nobody cared about.

Jessica was too busy canoodling with Mike Newton to ask me how I was holding up, and even Lauren had stopped bothering me. Whereas only three weeks ago Lauren would have gone out of her way to toss something at me in gym or attempt to trip me, she now treated me as if I was thin air. Considering it was my boyfriend who'd beaten her brother to a pulp, I was sort of surprised that she hadn't upped her efforts to make my life hell, but I couldn't say I was unhappy about her new attitude.

Not that she could've made me feel any worse at that point than I already did. Physical insults would have just been the icing on the cake. I felt empty and devoid of any energy after some time had passed without any word from Edward. I went to school, to work and home in a daze, thinking the entire time about what he was doing on the other side of the country and whether he had had an easier time adjusting than I did.

Biology had become a particularly glum affair. The table felt empty and desolate without him next to me. I desperately tried to pay attention in class, but had a hard time. And as if it wasn't enough to sit at a table by myself, agonizingly aware that Edward wasn't with me, every time we were given lab assignments I was forced to work with Newton and Tyler. Despite the fact that Newton was sucking face with Jessica almost every second outside of class, he continued his stupid attempts to hit on me. It was definitely not the kind of attention I was looking for. One Friday he followed me to gym, bothering me again about going to the movies with him.

"Dang, Mike, don't you ever get the message?" I snapped at him when he suggested we take a trip to Port Angeles together.

"Hey, can't blame a guy for trying. Besides, I've heard Edward isn't coming back."

"How would you even know? And for your information, he is coming back! I'm also pretty sure Jessica would be pissed if she'd found out you were trying to hook up with me."

"Well, my motto is always, what she doesn't know can't bother her. So how about Saturday? You and me…the movies. We don't have to hang out at school . . .nobody has to know. And your boyfriend isn't here, so he can't object to a little fun on the side."

"Dude, shut up! I'm not going out with you," I yelled, before stomping ahead of him into the gym.

Jas, Rose and I were driving the red clunker to and from school every day again. Aside from the lunch breaks, when Emmett and Alice would join our table, it almost felt like the last three months hadn't even happened, like it had been a dream. Jas and I were mostly by ourselves in the afternoon, while Rose hung out with Emmett in her bedroom.

Spending time with Alice was not at all cool anymore. If my general state could be qualified as sulking teenage doldrums, Alice's mood was borderline depressive. She barely ate during lunch and I hadn't seen her smile since Edward had left. The fact that she got driven to and picked up from school every day personally by Mommy Dearest and that Jas wasn't allowed to see her outside of school might have had something to do with her mood. I didn't want to be mean to her, but part of me wanted to tell her to get over it. At least she got to see Jas during the day. I hadn't seen or heard from Edward since that Tuesday morning and I knew it was highly unlikely that I would see him at all until summer.

Like I'd promised him before he left, I wrote to Edward every day. I tried to sound happy and cheerful in my letters. No use telling him exactly how miserable I was without him, I figured. Sometimes I'd just stare at the ceiling thinking about our last night together and within seconds I'd be on the verge of tears. I felt lost without him. Eventually I begged Betty for additional shifts at the diner so that at least I'd have to focus my attention on something other than the gnawing feeling of his absence. After work, I was often too tired to feel anything. On occasion, I'd be able to talk myself into believing again that things would be fine, reasoning that tomorrow I might get a letter from him or something. Uncertainty about my plan started seep in when I didn't hear from him, but I thought I'd get by. I still had hope.

_ Sunday, March 30, 1969_

_Dear Edward,_

_It's raining outside (what else is new?). Jas and I spent the entire morning in front of the TV doing nothing. The shows were all terribly lame and stupid. I don't know how to get through the rest of the day. I wish you were here with me. Rose went to some football game to watch Emmett play. I can't believe she went. Old Rose would have never done that. _

_School has been okay. Lauren is ignoring me these days, which is just dandy with me. James got discharged from the hospital and left town immediately. Charlie told me that he's gone for good. I don't know whether I should believe him. _

_Enough about boring old Forks – how's the new school? Are you making friends? Do you have to share a room like Jas and me? It's annoying sometimes, right? Well, I guess you know that already. What classes are you taking?_

_I love you and can't wait until you come back. I miss you._

_B. _

~000~

Another week passed without a letter from Edward. In my desperation for a plausible reason of why I still hadn't gotten a letter or a postcard from him, I'd even resorted to asking the chubby lady at the post office how long it usually took for a letter from Massachusetts to here. She'd said about four days. If he'd bothered to write, I should've gotten a letter a while ago. I couldn't believe that he wouldn't write me as soon as he arrived at his new school. I asked Alice during lunch whether she'd spoken to him, but she was no help. She said she hadn't heard from him either.

By the time another weekend rolled around, not even work kept my worries at bay. I started to wonder why he hadn't bothered to write so far. When I complained to Rose, she just shrugged her shoulders and said that maybe he was busy with school and all. But could he truly be too busy to jot down a few lines? Really, anything would have been fine with me. I was getting nervous. I couldn't eat and sleep anymore. I felt like I was constantly on the verge of tears.

While cutting onions at the diner one night, I just let myself go and cried silently even though my eyes weren't burning. I thought if I just allowed myself to wallow in my own misery for a minute, I'd feel better afterward. I didn't help; in fact it made me feel worse. At night in my bed, I started doubting whether I had made the right decision by not running away with Edward the night before he left. Maybe he knew that this would be the end for us; that he would not only move away, but also move on once he left town. Doubts about whether he had any intention of coming back for me started linger.

_ Sunday, April 6, 1969_

_Dear Edward,_

_Jas and I watched the news about all the anti-war protests in different cities yesterday, wishing we could have gone to one. Of course, nobody here seems to care. I don't want to be here anymore without you. Rose will leave in a couple of months and then it will just be Charlie, Jas and me. _

_I haven't gotten a letter from you. I hope you are okay. Do you know when school ends for you? Our last day of classes will be June 18. Will you be here by then? I don't want to spend the summer without you. Please let me know that you are okay and that we are still okay. I miss our afternoons at the boathouse. I miss you. _

_I love you,_

_B._

~000~

The next three weeks passed without a word from Edward. I didn't know what to do anymore. At night when I lay awake staring at the window out of my room, I tried to remember how it felt to lie in bed with him, hoping that the memory would make me feel warm and tingly, but all I felt was sadness. Even the good memories made me cry. Every time I heard a branch crack or a sound at our bedroom window, I imagined it was Edward. It never was though. I was alone.

I called up information and tried calling his boarding school, but didn't get far. A woman answered the phone and told me that I couldn't speak to him because I wasn't family.

I still wrote him every day and told him silly stories about my life without him, but it was getting harder and harder. It all felt so pointless. I knew he didn't have a choice about leaving, but that didn't explain why he hadn't written or called. Rose told me that she thought maybe he had moved on and that I should just stop moping and move on as well. But I couldn't. I couldn't bear the thought of Edward with another girl. Never mind that I couldn't even think of _how _I would move on. Should I just pretend that the last three months hadn't happened, even though every memory in this town was somehow connected to him? Was that what he had done? Had he replaced me with someone else already?

Sometimes I would talk to Jas about it. He said not to worry. Edward's letters were probably just stuck in the mail somewhere and they'd eventually arrive. _Fat Chance!_

Alice tried to make me feel better. When I asked her whether she thought Edward had forgotten about me, she told me flat out that I was crazy for even considering it. I felt better for like five minutes, but then the doubt inevitably crept back. Alice called his school as well, but the secretary in the principal's office told her that students were not allowed to receive phone calls unless it was during certain hours or it was a family emergency. I wished she would had lied and told them that it was an emergency, and Alice apologized profusely for not having done that. She said she couldn't think of a good lie, so she'd just hung up.

I couldn't blame her. At least she'd tried.

I functioned, but barely, as the weeks passed. I didn't talk to anybody; I cooked but usually didn't eat much, and did my homework. Jas tolerated my gloomy mood, but Rose was slowly loosing patience. She didn't understand why I still bothered writing letters to Edward and rolled her eyes when I'd ask her to stop at a mailbox so I could drop my letters off. Jas at least could somewhat understand why I was miserable, because he really didn't get to see much of Alice these days either. Sometimes they'd sneak off during lunch break though, and unlike me, he wasn't stuck in limbo. He knew he still had Alice. I wasn't certain anymore whether Edward cared about me. Hell, I hadn't even received a call or any sign for that matter that he was alive, and that stung.

One afternoon, after I'd locked myself into the bathroom to cry as usual, Rose dragged me out of the house to one of Emmett's football games. It was a bright, sunny afternoon. It felt like one of those fluke days in spring when you could almost feel summer in the air. Even though some of the trees were still bare and I was sure it would be rainy and cold the next day, my skin felt warm, and I liked it. It reminded me of home somehow, even though California was no longer really my home, and of my life before Forks – before Edward. I was grateful that Rose had made me come with her.

I watched the game in front of me with little interest, basking in the feeling of sunshine, so I almost missed it when it happened. Emmett was running across the field, the ball hugged to his chest, but the other team was quickly catching up with him. I only paid attention because the crowd was cheering his name. When he knew he couldn't outrun them, he looked for someone to pass the ball to. With his eyes still searching for his teammates, three guys from the other team rammed with full force into him. Emmett was on the ground covered by the other players.

I didn't know how it was possible for three average sized guys to topple Emmett so easily and stared at scene before me with surprise at first. I wasn't worried. When the other players got up, I fully expected Emmett to get up as well and run after them. Only he didn't. He was lying completely still on the grassy field. The next think I remember was Rose standing next to me screaming, and I knew then something was wrong.

_ Monday, April 28, 1969_

_Dear Edward,_

_I'm sorry I didn't write for three days. I don't know whether you heard about Emmett's accident. Jas, Rose and I were at the hospital in Port Angeles on Friday night. I was looking for your dad while I was there, but couldn't find him. I wanted to ask him how you are, since I haven't heard from you in what feels like forever._

_Anyway, in case your dad hasn't told you, some guys from the other team tackled Emmett during a game last Friday. He's hurt pretty badly. His leg and his arm are broken. He also has a pretty bad concussion. Rose is scared, I think. Emmett can't even talk. The doctors say he'll be lucky if he can walk after this, never mind playing football. Rose is crushed because he is hurt, but his dad looked like a ghost after they told him couldn't play anymore. I'm sure Emmett will get an earful from his dad once he's completely conscious, even though it wasn't his fault._

_On Saturday they moved Emmett to a hospital in Seattle. They couldn't help him in Port Angeles. Rose and I drove up as well and stayed for a night in Seattle. We had to sleep in the truck. The nurses there wouldn't let us sleep in the waiting room. Emmett's condition hasn't changed much. They explained to Rose that the concussion was severe and his brain had started to swell up. Rose wanted to stay, but Charlie told her she was of no use there and that she should come home. _

_We drove home last night. It took us forever. I drove most of the way because Rose hadn't slept at all the nights before. Charlie said it was okay for us to miss a day of school and so I'm home today, thinking about you, wondering what you are up to. Do you still think of me? I can't wait for you to come back._

_I love you._

_B. _

~000~

Two more weeks passed. I'd stopping bothering to check the mailbox. Emmett was recovering slowly, but was still in pretty bad shape. He was at home, but not allowed to come back to school yet. With all the drama after the accident, I was left with less time to wallow. As was expected, Notre Dame withdrew its scholarship offer the minute they learned about the accident and the injuries he'd sustained. Rose, in the meantime, was spending all her free time on the phone trying to find colleges in the LA area that would take late applications.

The weekend following the accident, when Emmett was still in the hospital in Seattle, Jas, Rose and I had driven up together to see him. Renee had hooked us up with a friend of Phil's who was living in Seattle, and we were going to crash on his living room floor for a night. I guess Renee, who had sensed our weird mood when she called, thought she was doing us a favor, but for some reason the trip turned into a disaster. Jas and I briefly went to the hospital with Rose, but we felt like were disturbing them and so we left. Emmett still looked like shit. On the plus side, he willingly signed the college applications Rose had brought along with his uninjured hand. It looked like they would end up in the same city after all.

I was left with no choice but to pick up the slack around the house. Jas and I tried to divvy up the cooking and household chores, but for some reason he always got away with doing less than I did. Well, at least that was the way it felt to me. He, of course, claimed he was doing more than his fair share. Jas was becoming really moody as well. He'd s'd' stopped hanging out with Jake. On most days he'd sit around the house staring into space, brooding. It seemed like Alice was rubbing off on him.

_ Sunday May 6, 1969_

_Dear Edward,_

_Jas, Rose and I drove to Seattle again this weekend. Emmett is recovering. Looks like he's going to be fine. Well, except for the broken bones and the fact that he can't play ball anymore. It will take a while, I guess, until he's all better. Rose is making him apply to colleges in Los Angeles. _

_Jas and I walked around the city a lot, but it didn't feel like it did back in the day when we were in LA. I know . . . different city, but still. We used to get along fine, but now we argue. We couldn't agree on which concert to go to on Saturday night and wasted so much time arguing about it that in the end we couldn't get tickets to either show and ended up in front of the TV. For that we could have stayed at home with Charlie. I think Jas was in a shitty mood because he wished he could have taken Alice along. I wish I could have been there with you instead of my darn brother._

_What are you up to? I haven't heard from you in so long. I'm slowly forgetting what your voice sounds like. Sometimes I close my eyes and try to remember. But it's getting hard. I miss you. I can't believe you haven't written me yet. Why? If you are getting this, can you please call?_

_Love,_

_B._

~000~

When Emmett got released from the hospital, things gradually went back to normal at our house. I had less stuff to do again and, yeah – no, I still wasn't happy. In fact, I fell straight back into the same funk I was in before Emmett's accident. I couldn't shake it no matter how hard I tried.

Charlie tried to cheer me up by buying me books and a plane ticket to see Renee in New York after graduation. Poor Charlie was baffled when I pushed the ticket away and told him I didn't want to go. I knew it was silly to hold out hope that Edward would come back for the summer. Even if he did come back, I kinda had the feeling he probably wouldn't call me. I still wrote him, but no longer every day. I just couldn't find the right words anymore.

Alice had overheard a bunch of phone conversations between her mother and someone from the boarding school. Apparently Edward's grades had been slipping. I was relieved for a second. _At least he's alive_, I thought. Alice had also called his school one more time, pretending to be her mom, but before she got a chance to speak to Edward, her mom had caught her one the phone and told her to hang up. I didn't know what was going on in that house anymore. Alice said that her father, for all intents and purposes, had moved out entirely. She hadn't seen him in weeks.

The only explanation I could come up with for why Edward's grades were slipping was that he was probably partying hard whenever he got the chance to leave the school grounds. Who was I kidding though? He was at a boarding school, not a prison. They probably snuck out all the time. For all I knew he even had a new girlfriend by now.

On a Saturday morning when I refused to crawl out of bed, Rose came into my room and pulled the cover off of me in one swift swoop.

"Get up, Bella!" she yelled. "Take a shower. We're going to Port Angeles."

"Why? I don't want to go anywhere," I lamented, trying to grab the blanket she was holding in her hand, from her

"I don't care. You've cried way too much for a dude who can't even be bothered to send you a postcard. I made an appointment with a hairdresser for both of us. We need to leave now, or we're gonna be late. Besides, you really look like shit these days. I've got news for you – there is such a thing as being 'too skinny,' and you are it! We're going out for some milkshakes afterward," she ordered, while pulling at my hand until I stood next to my bed and then pushing me out the door and into the bathroom.

I had barely slept all night and was too tired to argue. Thirty minutes later, we were sitting in the truck driving to Port Angeles, sipping bottles of coke to wake-up. It was almost noon when we pulled up in front of a store with a red awning that read "Vicky's Modern Hair Salon." Once inside, a lady with bright red hair shoved me into a pink vinyl chair.

"Hello there. I'm Vicky. What can I do for you today, honey?" she asked, inspecting my hair. I didn't answer, but instead stared ahead at the image of the girl reflected in the mirror. Rose had been correct in her assessment. My cheeks were hollow, my skin had a grayish tinge, and my hair was dull and greasy.

"I'm sorry, darling. Are you alright?" I heard her say.

"I'm fine," I muttered.

"Just a wash, a trim and a blow dry," Rose interrupted.

"You got it, hun," the redheaded woman said, shooting Rose a knowing glance, before turning to my reflection in the mirror with a fake smile.

She grabbed my shoulders with her manicured fingers, and bend down to whisper next to my ear, "Did you get your heart broken, sweetie pie? Let me take care of you. Men can be such bastards!"

_Busted_, I thought, as I stared at her red fingernails. Not that I really cared.

"So what did that boy do to you that you're so sad, honey?" she asked while combing my hair after she was done washing it.

"Nothing. He just moved away," I said in a barely audible voice.

"Oh, darling. Don't take it so seriously. Take it from someone who's been there before. You're still young. You'll meet lots of boys who'll promise you the sun and the moon. You'll have to kiss some frogs before discovering your prince, but I'm sure you'll find him eventually. Look at me, I haven't found him yet, but I'm not giving up! I've had my share of heartbreak and disappointment…the last guy I dated was a real piece of work. Don't even get me started," she rattled on without even looking at me.

I wanted to yell at her to shut up and keep her lame ass advice to herself, but I couldn't even get a word in edgewise. The minute Vicky quit talking, the chick with platinum blond hair and bright, baby pink lipstick who was busy with Rose's hair started laughing like a hyena. "Are we really talking about James Mallory again?"

Rose glanced up from the magazine she was reading with curiosity and winked at me.

"James Mallory? Does he have a sister?" Rose asked, raising one eyebrow.

"Yeah, a bratty little girl. The whole family was awful, really. I don't even know why I wasted my time with him," Vicky commented, putting my hair up in sections with clippers.

"Me neither. Particularly considering his malfunctioning equipment," the platinum blond piped in.

"Oh, Sandy, you such a chatty Kathy!" Vicky admonished her colleague, but soon started giggling again. "But, yeah, he was a real piece of work . . . let me tell you. The nerve the guy had…"

"So what happened, if you don't mind me asking? Was he lousy in the sack?" Rose joined in, laughing with our two hairdressers like she actually cared.

"Lousy doesn't cover it. Not to be crude, but he couldn't get it up. Only, you know . . . if we were in the backseat with his buddy watching us. It freaked me out. Thank God nothing ever happened beyond that," Vicky said in a low voice.

"I wouldn't have thought it by the looks of him, but I swear he was queer," Sandy whispered conspiratorially.

"Well, I always thought homosexuals were impeccably dressed man with style and charm. James was a lot of things, but definitely not charming. But then again whenever we got serious…limb like an overcooked noodle is all I can say. I swear, I've never seen anything like it before," Vicky continued.

Rose laughed and even I couldn't help but smile a little as Vicky described her love life or – lack thereof. Sandy and Vicky kept on chatting the entire time while we were in the salon. My hair looked way too poufy after Vicky was done spraying a bottle of hairspray into it, but I had the strong feeling that she would've dismissed my objections to her styling choice with a wave of her hand if I'd bothered to make any.

"So, do you think they were right? James's gay?" Rose asked, poking me in the ribs with her elbow the minute we walked out of the salon.

"Honestly, I don't know and I don't care," I answered listlessly.

"Well, if he was gay that might explain why they send him right back home after army boot camp, but I'm not sure. I was thinking he might have had a crush on your dear ex. That would explain a lot—"

"Shut up! First of all, James is gone and I'm really not in the mood to talk about him. Second, Edward is not my ex. He's coming back next month!" I was boiling mad with anger. It almost felt good. At least I felt something other than sadness for a change.

"Jeez, Bella. Get a grip! He hasn't bothered to write or call and you think he's coming back? Even if he does, the fact that he hasn't bothered to keep in touch speaks volumes. So don't be surprised if he doesn't come knocking on our door if and when he returns."

"Maybe…ugh…Rose…maybe he is busy. Maybe he is not allowed to send letters. For all I know, his mom told the boarding school not to give him my letters. I don't know . . . "

"Oh, please. He's in a fancy boarding school, not a military academy or in Vietnam – and even from there they let you write letters. If he truly cared that much about you, he would have found a way to get in touch with you by now. Let's face the facts – he's a 17 year old, halfway attractive boy. Out of sight, out of mind!"

"Really, Rose? Is that what you honestly believe? Do you think Emmett would've dumped you if he'd gone to Notre Dame?"

"Who knows? But trust me, if a guy doesn't call you for – what's it been now? – two months? You have to call it a day. It's no use waiting around, Bells. Trust me."

Instead of arguing with her, I started sobbing loudly. Once I started, I couldn't stop. The waterworks kept on coming.

"Oh, Bells, stop." Rose hugged me and I cried, and then I cried some more with my runny nose tucked into my sister's t-shirt.

"But…ugh…he…umh…asked me to run away with him. Why would he do that …if he doesn't love me?"

Rose slowly guided us to a park bench across the street.

"I don't know, Bells. I just don't want you to be so sad all the time. It's not right. I don't want you to get your heart crushed if he doesn't come back."

We sat on the bench until my sobs quieted down. Rose made me eat a burger with fries at the diner and ordered a chocolate milkshake before she drove me home. I fell asleep in front of the TV when we got home. I didn't feel better after our talk.

~000~

The last day of classes for the year came and went. I still hadn't heard from Edward. I made up my mind to make one more attempt to get in touch with him. Some part of me didn't want to believe that we were over and I had some doubts whether he got any of my letters. I'd stopped writing him and I wasn't going to write another word. Instead, I decided I would try to talk to his father. Alice had told me that he worked on Thursdays at the women's clinic. So on a warm Thursday in June, the official start of my summer break, I borrowed the truck and drove to see him.

I left early in the morning, figuring that I would be able to catch his dad during his lunch hour or something. I walked into the clinic at noon exactly and was about to ask when Dr. Cullen took his lunch break when the girl who sat behind the front desk, dressed in a pencil skirt and a white blouse, shoved some forms attached to a clipboard against my chest without bothering to look at me.

"Fill these out first. The doctor won't be able to see you for a while unless you have an appointment. Do you have one?"

I stared at her.

"Um, I'm not here to see the doctor . . . well, I am, but I just want to talk to him for a second. Dr. Cullen . . . if he's in? Maybe when he takes lunch?"

"Miss, do you have an appointment for today or not?"

"No, I just need to talk to him. I'm a friend of his son. Well, we went to school together and… and I just want to know if he knows . . . never mind, I'll just wait," I mumbled, attempting to hand the clipboard back to her.

"You'll have to fill out the forms in order to see the doctor."

"I don't need to see the doctor. I mean, I'm not here for an exam or anything. I just need to speak to Dr. Cullen privately. Can you please let him know I'm here?" I asked impatiently, while the girl was rolling her eyes at a nearby nurse.

"Fine. What's your name?" She grabbed the clipboard back with a huff and dropped it loudly on her desk.

"Bella Swan. I'll sit in the waiting room. Whenever he has a minute is fine. Thanks."

I marched into the waiting room and slumped into the only empty plastic chair, facing a wall of photographs of women with babies and a medical depiction of a uterus. The minute one woman went into the examining room, another walked in the door. The place was packed. I waited for an hour just sitting there and staring at the pictures before grabbing a copy of _Lady's Circle_ and started flipping through the pages. After waiting for another two hours, I shuffled back to the girl who'd so rudely shoved the clipboard in my chest before. She told me the doctor had a busy schedule and would see me when he had a chance.

Looking back into the waiting room full of patients, I couldn't argue with her. So I nodded, and sat back down. It was almost four o'clock and the crowd in the waiting room had noticeably thinned, when none other than Lauren Mallory walked into the clinic. I glanced at her for a second, but she seemed embarrassed and looked in the other direction as if she didn't know me. Lauren sat down on the chair farthest away from me, where she shifted uncomfortably back and forth in her seat. She seemed nervous, glancing at the clock on the wall every five seconds and chewing on her fingernails.

I thought briefly about going over to her and telling her that the exam to get a prescription for the pill was actually quite harmless, but I had a feeling she would have just spat some nasty stuff back at me if I dared approaching her. By the time the girl from the front desk called Lauren's name, we were the only two people sitting in the waiting room and it was kind of hard to pretend that we didn't know each other at all.

"The doctor will see you after he's done with Ms. Mallory," the receptionist said, giving me a condescending look.

"Thanks."

An hour had almost passed by the time the door to the examining room finally cracked open and I saw Dr. Cullen poke his head out. He looked around, seemingly searching for the receptionist who I'd seen walking to the Ladies' room a minute ago. I waved at him.

"Dr. Cullen? Carlisle, I'm sorry. I think she went to the bathroom," I told him, getting up slowly.

"Bella? What are you doing here?" He furrowed his eyebrows, looking slightly confused, before closing the door behind him and walking toward me.

"Well, I was hoping to speak to you, actually," I said, shifting from foot to foot, not knowing how to begin.

"I'd no idea you were here. How long have you been waiting?"

"A while." I pressed my lips together into a thin line and nodded. Either he was playing dumb or the girl hadn't actually told him.

"What did you want to talk about? Should we go into my office?"

"Sure."

He turned and walked toward another door behind the front desk. I followed him. His office was small and stuffed with files. Aside from the medical license hanging crookedly behind his desk, the walls were bare.

"How have you been, Bella?" he asked with a smile on his face, leaning back in a chair behind his desk.

"Fine," I mumbled.

"Are you here to see me for a medical consultation?"

"No, no that's not why I'm here." I shook my head vehemently. "I was wondering whether you'd be able to tell me when Edward is coming home for the summer."

I could feel my heart beating out of my chest as I waited for his response.

"He hasn't told you?" He seemed surprised.

"Um, no, actually I haven't heard from Edward at all since he left."

Dr. Cullen closed his eyes and shook his head.

"I'm sorry, Bella. I assumed Edward had told you or written to you himself. He was failing his classes and my wife signed him up for summer classes. He's not coming back this year."

"What? Why?"

"I don't know. Between you and me, I think he's purposefully failing them. Actually, I had a feeling you would be able to tell me why. But I guess I was wrong."

"I'm sorry, I don't know anything. If you talk to him, could you tell him to give me a call?" I whispered. He smiled.

"I haven't actually spoken to him, since he left." He seemed uncomfortable, moving his hands through his hair repeatedly. "I promise, I'll give him call, okay? I wish there was something else I could do to help you."

"It's okay," I muttered, getting up from my chair and walking to the door. I wondered why he hadn't spoken to Edward either.

"Bella?"

"Yeah?" I turned around to face him, my hand resting on the doorknob.

"You aren't by any chance friendly with Ms. Mallory?"

"Um, yeah, no. Friends we're definitely not."

"But you are driving back to Forks now, correct?"

"Yeah. Why?"

"Would you be able to give Ms. Mallory a lift back? She took the bus here, but I can't send her home on a bus after her visit here. She'd have to stay the night at the hospital."

"I guess so." I sighed.

"Thank you, Bella. I'll see whether I can get in touch with my son and I'll tell him to contact you, okay?"

"Sure. Thanks."

I walked out of the office. Lauren was sitting in the waiting room with a nurse who seemed to be giving her instructions.

When the nurse got up, I walked over to her.

"Hey," I said, looking down at Lauren who was as white as chalk.

"Hey."

"I'm supposed to give you a ride back home."

"You don't have to do that. I can take the bus," she said quietly, quickly wiping a tear that spilled from her eye. After the shit she did to me, I don't know why didn't just leave her sitting there. I couldn't for some reason. She looked like she needed someone.

"Don't be silly. We live both in the same bumble fuck town. It's no problem, really," I assured her.

"Thanks."

We walked silently side by side to the truck. She remained quiet as I started driving out of Port Angeles and for a while the only sound you could hear was the noise of the truck engine rattling along. Until I heard a sniffling sound and turned to look at her. Tears were streaming down her face, leaving black trails down her cheek from all the mascara she was wearing. She tried to ignore me by staring out the passenger window.

"Are you okay?" I asked, not sure whether she'd answer.

"I'm fine. Something must've gotten caught in my eye," Lauren answered, swiping a handkerchief under her eye and over her cheeks.

"Right."

"Bella, I know I haven't always been nice to you –"

"That's kind of an understatement," I interrupted her.

"And I'm sorry about that. I am. But could you please not tell anybody about … you know…today?"

"What do you mean?"

She just stared at me and started sobbing for real this time. No quiet, slow tears, but loud sobs and wails. "Oh, my god, please, nobody can find out about it….I …I just didn't know what else to do."

"What happened? Don't worry about it. I'm not going to tell anyone."

"I had an ab…abortion," she finally exclaimed between some hiccups.

"Stop crying, Lauren. I swear I'm not going to tell anyone. It's okay."

"Thaaannnk youuu, Bella."

"Don't cry. It's going to be fine. It's probably for the best."

It took her about ten minutes to calm down, and when she finally did, she spilled the beans.

"I just never thought this would happen to me, you know? I mean, he told me it would be fine, that there was no way I'd get pregnant if he pulled out before he…you know …," she started, rolling her eyes. "I was so stupid to listen to him. God, I'm such an idiot. I can't believe I actually trusted him!"

"Hey, shit happens. Don't beat yourself up. Who fed you this line of bullshit by the way?" I asked, my curiosity suddenly piqued.

"Promise not to tell?"

"Lauren, who'd I possibly tell? I barely talk to anyone as school."

"Mike."

"Mike Newton?" I stared at her in disbelief. "That little weasel. You got knocked up by Mike Newton? I thought he was dating Jessica?"

"He promised me they'd broken up. It was only this one time. I'm an idiot!"

"What an asshole!" I exclaimed.

"I know," she agreed. I looked over to her and she started smiling. "Why were you at the clinic? I'm not going to tell anyone, cross my heart and hope to die."

"Nothing. I wanted to talk to Dr. Cullen to find out if Edward is coming home for the summer."

"And is he?"

"Why? Are you going to tell your brother, so he can come back?"

"No. I'm sorry. I didn't mean anything by it. I'm sorry…for what he did to you. I saw it happening. I couldn't to anything to stop him. James would have killed me. I'm glad he's gone too."

"I didn't know."

I had no idea what had happened between her and her brother and I didn't want to find out either. I turned the radio on and we drove the rest of way home, chatting mindlessly about our summer plans. We weren't friends when I dropped her off near her house, but I was certain we weren't exactly enemies anymore either.

When I got back home that night, I ran straight to the bathroom. I sat in the shower for an hour crying. I'd tried everything and there was nothing more that I could do, thought

_ Friday, June 20, 1969_

_Dear Edward,_

_Exams are over and school has finished. I'll work three days a week, but other than that I have nothing much to do. I went to see your dad yesterday, since I hadn't heard from you. I asked him when you'd be coming back. He told me you failed all your classes and were enrolled in summer school._

_I guess I could write to you more often again, since I have all this extra time and nothing much to do, except it feels sort of pointless. I guess you've moved on. I still miss you, even if you've sort of I guess forgotten about me. I will never forget you. I wish you'd told me at some point that you wanted to break up. Maybe it would have been easier then. I don't know. Maybe it would have been just as shitty._

_Love,_

_B._

_

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**Okay…sorry about the heartbreak! Lemme know what you think?**

**I got a Twitter account (I had to lock it unfortunately, name on Twitter is BelleDean), but if you request to follow, I will definitely follow you back! Love to hear what's going on in the ff world.**


	33. Chapter 33 Summer

**My betas are the BEST – Reamhar & KCerena. Sorry for the long delay. Next chapter should follow quickly.**

**Thanks for reading!**

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**33. Summer **

The letter I wrote after my trip to Port Angeles was the last one. I missed talking to Edward and part of me was itching to continue to write him, but it felt like I was talking to myself, so I gave up. Besides, Rose would have smacked me if she found out I still wrote to him.

Unlike me, Rose was the happiest I'd ever seen her. Usually, being around happy people when I felt low was a bad idea, but for some reason I didn't mind spending time with her. Bliss pretty much radiated from her and it felt comforting to bask in her glow. She always tried to distract me, too. Unfortunately, she mostly hung out at Emmett's house. Apparently his parents had resigned themselves to the idea that Rose would be in their lives from then on in some shape or form and they were more accepting of her presence at their house. She despised them, but put on a happy face for Emmett's sake.

Emmett hadn't recovered from his injuries completely. In fact, he could barely hobble along on crutches. Still, the doctors assured Rose that he would be able to walk without crutches by the end of the summer. He had gotten accepted to UCLA through late admissions, and he and Rose were both gearing up for the move.

On the first Monday after graduation, Jas and I rode on our bicycles to the beach. The sun wasn't as warm as it would have been back in Venice, but it felt pleasant enough. We smoked and drank beer.

"So now that school is over, is Alice gonna hang out with us?" I asked, figuring without homework she'd be allowed to spend time with us again. There wasn't really anything to do in Forks anyway, but to meet up with friends.

"Nope. I don't think so," Jas answered with a sigh.

"Are you gonna go back to sneaking into her house then?"

"No. Her mom found out about my visits to her room a while back and had Alice's windows bolted shut after that. And you know there is no way I'm getting into her house through the front door. Alice also kinda said she didn't want me coming by anyway. So why bother trying?" He exhaled the cigarette smoke he was holding in and shrugged his shoulders.

"That's nuts, Jas. What the hell does her mom think she's doing, screwing her window shut? What happens if there is a fire or something?" I turned to face him outraged. He didn't look at me, continuing to stare at the waves crashing into the dark sand in front of us instead.

"Her mom is batshit crazy. You don't really need me to confirm it, do you?" he said after some time. "I don't know what else to say, but I guess Alice has been taking her advice. She broke up with me." He sounded casual about it, but I saw the cigarette in his hand shaking slightly.

"I'm sorry, what? Why didn't you tell me!" I shouted.

Jas gave me an odd glance. "You're kidding, right?"

I wrinkled my forehead, confused. Jas huffed.

"Jeeze, Bella. You were like a ghost the last few months. I'm not mad at you or anything. It was one thing that they shipped Edward off to a boarding school, but it's a whole other level of screwed up that the fucker hasn't bothered to write you. I didn't want to pile any more shit on you. Besides, it honestly, it wasn't much of a surprise when she told me she was done with sneaking around."

He sighed loudly and handed me his cigarette.

I took the cigarette from him; I took a puff, inhaling deeply. The smoke scratched my throat and burned my lungs, making me realize that I hadn't smoked in a long time. Not even a cigarette. He was right. I had been absent in a lot of ways since Edward left. Feeling like a complete shit, I said contritely, "I'm sorry. I didn't know I was that bad. Still, you should've said something."

"I guess I could've, but it didn't matter. And, yeah, you were pretty bad – obsessively writing letters every day and hovering near the phone when you were at home. Hell, you barely ever said more than two words in a row. I think Rose was on the verge of hunting Edward down and kicking the shit out of him. You wanna know what's funny? I liked the guy when he was around." Like he was accessing me for an external injury, Jas looked me up and down. "Are you better now?"

"Not really. I guess I've just giving up hope and resigned myself that it's over. It sort of sucks not knowing …"

"Yeah, that must suck." Jas chuckled. "Getting officially dumped isn't much better." He leaned back to rest on his elbows.

"When?" I asked, absentmindedly tracing patterns in the sand with my fingers.

"Two weeks ago during lunch break at school." He took a sip from his beer can.

"Do you think you're going to be okay? I mean, you're in love with her and shit, right?" I asked, laughing awkwardly at my question.

He snorted, spitting his beer out. "I didn't know you were the sappy type, sis. I guess … I dunno … like I said, I sort of saw it coming. Alice withdrew slowly. I tried to make it work, I really did. I told her in another year we'd be going to college and we could just apply to schools in the same city. In the end it wasn't enough for her. I got that life was kind of sucking for her lately, but there wasn't anything I could do about it."

"I know. I'm sure she knows too in some way."

"I dunno about that. I think she expected me to sort this out somehow, but what am I gonna do? Storm into her house and run away with her? Next year is going to be weird –with her still being at school, and all. You're lucky that way I guess; I doubt Edward is coming back."

"Edward asked me run away with him when he found out. I told him it was a bad idea."

"Shit, was he high when he asked?" Jas asked with a chuckle.

"You're an ass. No, he was sober."

"Whatever. It's a stupid idea. I doubt Edward or Alice would fair to well without Mommy's checkbook. I get that they weren't always loaded, but they sure seemed used to it."

"Edward isn't a preppy, Jas."

"I know, but neither of them ever had to work a day in their life. Alice didn't even know how to make grilled cheese. I'm not saying they were anything, I'm just saying that neither of them had a clue how hard living on their own would be. Otherwise, I doubt Edward would have suggested it."

"Yeah, I know what you're saying. I told him it was a pipe dream. I think he meant well. I dunno." I could feel tears threatening to spill again. "Let's head back home," I said, getting up and offering him my hand to pull him up out of the sand.

We rode our bikes back in silence, and for the first time in a long time I didn't lock myself in the bathroom to cry when I got home. No more of that. It wasn't fair for me to check out of life. I needed to be there for Jas and Charlie at least.

I made dinner every night again and made sure I hung out with Jas and Charlie in the living room. Life needed to go on somehow and it wasn't their fault that Edward and I didn't work out in the end.

I was all set to move on and attempt to forget Edward. I wasn't interested in finding a replacement for Edward – I just wanted to be normal, feel like myself again. I figured if Jas could shrug his shoulders and deal with Alice dumping him, I could do the same. I wasn't sure I was all that successful – at least the forgetting part wasn't working that well – but I was doing better. That was until Emmett hobbled into the diner one night when I was working the late shift. He sat down in a booth by himself. Since part of my plan included making more of an effort to be social and I knew Rose had another hour left to work, I went over to talk to him.

"Hey, what's up?" I asked, sliding down onto the bench across from him. "Rose has another hour to go, I think."

"I know. I'm just waiting for her … I was bored at home. It's not that I like I have many friends to hang out with these days. How are you, Bells?"

"Fine, I guess," I answered, giving him a smile.

"So … you still haven't heard from Edward, huh?" He looked at me, giving me a sympathetic smile.

"Nope, and honestly? I don't wanna talk about it anymore."

"So he's not coming home for the summer?"

"He failed all of his classes and his mom enrolled him in summer school. That's all I know."

"Alice told you?"

"No, his dad told me."

"You went to see his dad?"

I nodded. I really didn't want to talk with Emmett about Edward. I wanted to get up and walk away, but that seemed kind of rude.

Emmett shook his head and looked out the window. "It just doesn't make sense to me. None of this seems like him. He had the biggest crush on you from the minute he saw you, did you know that?"

"Oh, shut up," I complained and kicked him under the table.

"That's the only good leg I have left! "Emmett winced in pain for a second, but I could tell he was faking it. "But Bells, it's true. The only time I've ever seen Edward happy was when he was with you. He didn't talk much and wasn't all that fun to hang out with before you came along. I'm not saying this to make you feel better or worse, or anything really." He paused and looked at me like he was searching for an explanation. "So what's with him failing high school classes? I can't imagine … something has to be really screwed up. He must be doing it on purpose. I don't know, but I'm worried. Not calling or writing any of us … it's just not like him, you know?"

I didn't want to think about Edward anymore. I didn't want to hear how much he loved me and how strange it was that he hadn't bothered to contact me. Talking about him would just make me miserable again. I was tired of being the sad girl who everybody treated with kid gloves. I'd sworn to myself that I was done with that.

"Honestly, Emmett, I don't know anymore. As much as I hate to admit it, the simplest explanation might be that he's met someone else. Or maybe he's busy going out, getting drunk and having fun? Maybe he liked the snotty boarding school better than any of us could have imagined!" I snapped.

Emmett's eyes darted briefly over to Rose, who was standing behind the counter a distance away. "You really believe that? Do you know Edward at all? I can't believe you'd even think that! He was never like the other guys around here, okay? I've never seen him look at anybody else the way he looked at you. Trust me – he could've dated half the girls in this town when he first moved here. He never touched any of them. Shit, it's embarrassing to admit, but I'd have taken most of them up on the offer back in the day." He huffed loudly.

"What do you think I should do, huh? Tell me."

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that … I know there's nothing you can do." He patted my hand awkwardly before continuing in a low voice. "I just don't want you to believe the stuff that Rose is spewing. She doesn't know Edward like I do. He loves you and he's the type of person who would do anything for the people he loves. He'd defy his parents and not care what the consequences were. I'm not like him. He's much stronger and more determined than I am. The stuff I did to Rose because my parents told me she was bad for me? He would never have done that do you! So please, I'm not asking you to do anything, but don't believe for one minute that he's forgotten about you. His mother must have something to do with this. I'm just worried. That's all."

I didn't respond. We sat there quietly until Rose finished her shift. I believed Emmett, but Rose's version was much easier to handle. The stuff that Emmett told me made me feel helpless and sad. After all, what could I possibly do if Esme Cullen was determined to keep her son away from me?

I guess I could've run away with him when he'd asked, but it had seemed crazy at the time. It still sounded nutty and unrealistic to me. It would've been a struggle, I was sure of that. Plus, I would've really hurt Charlie if I'd run away. Neither of us had graduated from high school yet, and Edward would've been eligible for the draft four months later when he turned eighteen. It didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out that the plan had disaster written all over it.

I crawled into my bed that night worrying about Edward again. I knew there was a chance that he'd never gotten any of my letters. The school could have tossed them straight into the garbage on orders from his mother. I'd thought about that before, but it still didn't explain why he hadn't been able to reach out to me in some way. He could've tried to call Alice, he could've snuck out and found a regular mailbox outside of school …

What good was failing his classes doing for him? None of it made sense to me.

"Bella?" I heard Jas say.

"Yeah. What's up?"

"Nothing. Can't sleep…"

"Yeah, me neither . . ."

"What are you thinking about?"

"Emmett came to the diner today."

"And?"

"He's worried about Edward. He thinks Edward's mom has something do with the fact that I haven't heard from him. I'm not sure. I guess it is possible she told the school to make sure that Edward doesn't get any mail from me, but that still doesn't explain the rest."

"Could be. Either way, what can you do about it? Other than taking a trip to his school to–"

"Wait! You think I should?" I asked, suddenly sitting upright in my bed.

"I'm not saying you should do anything. Could his mom have something to do with it? Yeah. I mean, I wouldn't put it past her. But what are you going to do when you get there if they don't let you see him? And it still doesn't really explain why you haven't gotten a letter or a phone call. I'm sure he could have snuck out."

I sunk back down onto my mattress. "Ignore me. I don't even know how I'd get to his school."

"Well, that's easy enough. Take the ticket Charlie gave you and fly to New York. Renee will be there for the next two months or so. Then take a bus from Grand Central Station. Can't cost more than a couple of dollars, and you have some money saved up, right? Worst case scenario, take the bus back the same night and then truly call it a day."

I jumped out of the bed, turned on the light, and started searching my cigar box under the bed for the plane ticket.

"What are you doing?" Jas questioned, sitting up.

"What does it look like I'm doing? I'm getting the plane ticket."

"So you're gonna do it? What if they don't let you see him?"

"Find another idiot student to smuggle a note from me inside … I dunno … it's a school, not a prison. I'll find a way."

"What if he really doesn't want to see you anymore? Even if their mom is making sure that your letters don't arrive, it doesn't exactly explain why he hasn't bothered to get in contact with you somehow."

I thought about it for a second before I responded. "Yeah, that would suck, but at least if he tells me it's over, I don't have to wonder about it anymore. It's just done with then. I'd probably try to kick him in the shin before I walk away." I shrugged my shoulders. "I need to know. If I don't figure this out now, I'll wonder for the rest of my life, I think."

Jas chuckled. "Good luck then. I would come with you, but I have no cash and no plane ticket. I really should get a job."

"Yeah, you should."

"Oh whatever, Bells. It's not like there are many jobs to get around here." He turned to the wall and crawled deeper under his cover.

"Hey, Jas?"

"What now?" he mumbled.

"If you were in my shoes, would you go?"

He was silent for a minute. "Yeah, I think I'd give it a shot. Not for his sake, just for your own peace of mind."

I pulled out the plane ticket and the next morning I managed to reserve a seat on a flight from Seattle to New York for the following Monday. I also called Renee to let her know I was coming. I knew my plan wasn't foolproof, but it was better than sitting in Forks and doing nothing. Plus, Charlie seemed happy that I was using the ticket and had something I was looking forward do. Little did he know about the little excursion I was planning once I got to New York. I doubted Renee would care though, and there was no need to worry Charlie.

After some argument, Rose agreed to drive with Jas and me to Seattle so that they could switch driving duties going back to Forks. She wasn't thrilled about my plan at all and got mad at Emmett for talking to me. Rose had immediately guessed that my plan was somehow set in motion by something Emmett had said to me and didn't even bother to ask me for confirmation. I wanted to argue with her. In all honesty, I wouldn't have known what to do, if it weren't for Jas' idea to fly to New York. He was at least partially to blame.

By Friday night, I was all packed up and ready to go. Jas had gone to Jake's house and was going to stay the night there. I ended up sitting in front of the TV with Charlie and going to bed early, almost regretting that I hadn't gone with my brother. Hanging out with them would have probably provided some diversion. Instead, I lay in bed agonizing over my trip.

Ever since I'd made the decision to go to Edward's school, I'd been busy playing out scenarios in my head on how my trip would end. What would I do if I didn't get a chance to see him? Should I try to break into the school at night? Probably not a good idea, I reckoned. And what if I did get to see him and he did tell me he'd met someone else? I was more scared of that than I'd dared to admit to Jas. Even if he told me he still loved me, where would that leave us?

My mind was running in circles as usual when I heard something snap against our window. A month ago, I'd have gotten up and checked the window immediately, but what would be the point of checking now? I wasn't until I heard a distinct knock against the window that I bothered to get out of bed slowly to check what the noise was, almost certain that the knock I'd heard was a figment of my imagination. But lo and behold, when I looked through the window, I saw Edward crouched on a branch right near the window. His hair looked shorter, but it was definitely him. I blinked a couple of times, not trusting my eyes, before I opened the window.

"Edward?" My heart was pounding so loudly I could've sworn that Edward heard it. He didn't answer right away and I was starting to worry.

"Bella, can I come in?" Confused and in shock, I blinked a couple of times.

"Yeah, of course," I answered, stepping aside quickly. He hesitantly reached for the window and climbed inside. Once inside, Edward kept his distance. He didn't attempt to hug me or kiss me. Instead, he stared at me with an oddly blank expression on his face. I had no idea what was going on or how to react.

Part of me just wanted to fling myself into his arms and forget that the last three months had ever happened. Underneath it all, there was some anger brewing, and him standing there and staring didn't exactly help. I didn't understand how he could've failed to write or call me for three months. Did he not get how much I worried about him? Shouldn't he try to apologize at least? And why was he acting so distant?

I looked at him for a second as he stood there in front of me with short hair and purple circles around his eyes, dressed in grey pants and dirty white shirt. I had to resist the urge to touch him.

"What's wrong? Why didn't you call?" I finally managed to force out.

"I tried, but I wasn't allowed to send or receive mail at the school. I tried to get one of my roommates to smuggle something out for me, but he got into some trouble when he tried. My mother made sure that I had no way to get in contact with you or anybody else back here." His voice sounded annoyed, as if he felt it was unnecessary to explain anything.

"How did she do that? And why are you here now?"

Edward chuckled at my response, shaking his head.

"What's so funny?" I asked, my anger bubbling up.

"Nothing, okay! I was just hoping you wouldn't have given up on me so easily."

"I didn't. Why would you even say that?" I bristled at his suggestion that I'd given up on him and that there would have been anything 'easy' about it.

He closed his eyes and exhaled sharply. "Listen, I didn't come here to fight with you. I'm sorry I didn't try harder to get out of that school. I'm sorry you didn't feel like waiting around for me. I know none of this stuff's your fault. It's okay that you've moved on. I already know. Just tell me and I'll leave."

"I don't understand what you're talking about. Moved on? I wrote you every day and I called your school," I shouted. "When I couldn't reach you, I went to see your dad who told me you'd failed all your classes and weren't coming back for the summer. And because that wasn't enough confirmation that you wanted nothing to do with me anymore, I planned a trip to your school. My flight for New York leaves Monday. So do tell, what makes you think I've given up on you easily?" I was so mad by the end of my little tirade that I didn't even care about the tears running down my cheeks. I wanted to escape, run out of the room and bang the door shut after me, but since we were in my room that would've been kind of stupid.

I rubbed my eyes nervously and before I could protest, Edward pulled me into his arms. At first, I stood still, leaning against his chest stiffly. He smelled like sweat, cigarette smoke and diesel fuel. Despite his dirty shirt and everything, it felt so good to be in his arms again. After a couple of minutes, I relaxed and found myself holding on to him. When I felt him bending down to my face to kiss me, I stopped him.

"Edward, if you ran away from school to break up with me, I'd rather you get it over with," I murmured against his shirt.

"I didn't run. I tried that once, but it didn't work. I got expelled. I'm not here to break up with you. Alice called and told you me you were seeing someone else. Are you?" I pushed myself away from him to look at his face. He seemed somehow unsure, his eyebrows raised and his lips curved into a frown.

"Why would she say that?"

He exhaled loudly and started to walk back and forth nervously, grasping and pulling his hair with his hands. "I don't know. She called me last week to tell me that she'd seen you with someone else. She said I shouldn't waste my time and kill my chances of getting into a decent college because of you. I didn't know what to make of it at first. I thought it was something our mother had told her to do, but then I thought Alice would never in a million years say something like that unless it was true."

"And you believed her? Is that why you are here?" I huffed in annoyance that what had brought him back to me was plain jealousy fueled by a silly lie – a lie he'd easily bought into.

"I'm sorry. It was stupid. So much time had passed. I missed you … so much. I thought maybe if I failed all my classes I would eventually be sent home again. I tried to be patient, to wait until Mother relented and let me return. I thought it was my best chance. At the same time I was terrified that if too much time passed I'd lose you. I'd so many doubts about whether I was going about this the right way. I was slowly loosing it and even without this call from Alice, I doubt I would've been able to keep up my game much longer." He looked desperate and sad as he stood there in front of me. When I didn't respond, his shoulders sunk and he slumped down onto my bed with a resigned sigh.

A pang of guilt hit me. He seemed broken and tired. I hadn't really been much better. The thought of Edward seeing someone else had crossed my mind before too.

"It's okay," I said, taking a step over to the bed and raking my fingers through his hair. "I kind of figured your mom had something to do with you not getting in touch with me. It's fine, really. And I understand about Alice." My fingers trailed to the nape of his neck, scuffing his hair as he rested his head against my stomach. I felt his arm tighten around me and he pulled me down to his lap. I rested my chin on his shoulder and kissed him, first on the neck and then on his jaw, until he pressed his lips against mine softly.

"I can't believe you're back," I whispered against his lips. "You're not going to leave again, are you?" I pulled back and looked at him. He chuckled and grinned.

"I promise I'll stay if you still want me around. I might have to find a job and a room somewhere—"

"Wait, how? What about school?"

"I'll figure it out. The boarding school won't take me back. She can find another one, but she might have a hard time. I'll be eighteen in September and then she won't be able to force me to do anything."

"Well, I hope it works out. I don't want to be without you." I let my face rest on his shoulder and inhaled deeply.

"So, Bella?" He pressed a light kiss to my temple, his fingers digging into my hip, pulling my closer to him.

"Ummmh," I hummed contently.

"Don't be mad, but Alice …" I heard him swallow thickly. "Alice made it all up?"

"I went to Port Angeles twice. Once with Rose to get a haircut and once to see your dad. Did I make out with a random stranger? Don't be stupid, of course not!" I exclaimed, smacking my hand flat against his chest. He chuckled.

"Where's Jas? With Alice?" he asked suddenly, not loosening his hold on me.

"No, I guess you haven't heard. Alice broke up with him. He went to see Jake and is staying at his house for the night."

"No, funny that she forgot to mention that. Have you seen her lately?"

"Not since school finished. Your mom picked her up and drove her to school every day after you left. She wasn't allowed to do go anywhere with us. Jas told me your mom had Alice's windows bolted shut after she found out that Jas had been sneaking in. So that was the end of that."

"My father really is a spineless fool," he murmured. "I'm sorry. I just can't believe he hasn't done anything to stop her. She's going nuts while he carries on with his life as if nothing besides his freedom matters."

"Did he tell you that I went to see him?"

"No, he didn't. The school called him when they needed to find someone to release me to, though. I guess, nobody picked up the phone at our house, I guess, so they called him at the hospital. He told them to send me to Boston in a cab. He reserved a plane ticket for me to go to Seattle and told them he'd pick me up from there."

"So you saw him?"

"No, I didn't take the flight. I used the money I had saved up to buy my own bus ticket."

"What exactly did you do to get expelled? Are you going back home?" I shuddered at the thought that his mom would probably lock him up like Alice and then I wouldn't be able to see him either.

"I set the principal's office on fire. They kicked me out without a hearing, should've thought about that earlier." He shook his head slowly. "I could have been back ages ago. I have to figure out what's going on with Alice, so I'll have to go back to the house. I don't wanna think about it now though." Edward's eyes were glassy and tired. "Bella, can we lay down so I can just hold you for a while?"

I rolled onto the bed and he lay down on his side next to me. Staring at the purple shadows underneath his eyes and his sunken cheekbones, I realized that our separation had been as painful for him as it had been for me, if not worse. I'd been surrounded by people who cared about me, but he'd been alone. I traced his face lightly with my fingers, hoping that he'd stay with me and that his mom wouldn't send him away again. I had more questions I wanted to ask, but then, ever so lightly, Edward twisted my hair around in his fingers and kissed me. It wasn't a soft, innocent peck on the lips, but a deep hungry kiss. I knew all questions could wait.

I felt whole and happy as I greedily sucked and licked his skin not thinking or wondering about anything else. Nothing else mattered as long as he was with me. Within minutes we peeled our clothes off and he lay naked on top of me. I moved my legs apart and felt him enter me. It felt familiar and strange at the same time after such a long time. Edward was shaking above me while I clung to him. My fingers desperately tried to touch him, feel him everywhere as we moved frantically. He collapsed on top of me too quickly, panting and sucking on the skin below my ear. I didn't care though. I was just happy to have him back. When his breathing had started to slow down, I felt him moving, kissing and licking his way along my neck, over my breasts until I stopped him. I cupped my hands around his face.

"Not now, Edward. Later. We'll have time."

He moved his face back to mine and whispered, "I'm sorry."

"Nothing to be sorry about," I mouthed back, my hands moving through his hair gently, holding him close to me. "I missed you. I thought after a while you'd forgotten about me because I didn't hear from you."

"I love you. I'd never forget about you." He sighed and rolled off of me. I immediately missed the feeling of his skin against mine and his weight pressing on top of me.

"Edward?"

"Yeah?" He rolled to his side and leaned on his elbow to look at me.

"I'm sorry. I thought you'd moved on, too. Rose said it would be better for me to forget about you, but I couldn't. She almost had me convinced until I talked to Emmett. He told me that you would never forget about me. I didn't completely believe him, but then Jas gave me this crazy idea . . . I guess what I want to say is, I'm sorry I doubted you. I should've known better."

"It's not your fault. I'm sorry … I was so jealous. I should've tried harder to get out of there… I couldn't stand being away from you and then the thought that you were seeing …"

"Shhh…I don't want anybody else." I rested my finger against his lips. "So, what are we going to do now? I mean, isn't your mom going to send you off to another school?"

"Well, I doubt she'd find another school for the summer. I'll turn 18 in September and after that she can't tell me what to do anymore. I'll try to reason with her. I'll find a way. Trust me, I'm not leaving you again. Plus, I have to stay here to help Alice."

"Is your mom expecting you?"

"I guess my dad called her unless he was too busy screwing his nurse. I'm not sure."

"Stay for the night, please?" I begged, scared that he'd be gone again so soon. "I'll set the alarm clock."

"I won't leave you again, unless you send me away."

Edward fell asleep quickly, holding me tightly against his chest. I drifted into a deep, dreamless sleep shortly thereafter. It felt like I hadn't slept this well in a long time, probably not since he'd left.

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**Almost nearing the end. Lemme know what you think?**


	34. Chapter 34 A Truce

**Many thx to my betas – KCerena & Reamhar!**

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**34. A Truce **

I woke up the next morning with fear rippling through me and jolted upright in my bed. For a second, I imagined that the events of last night had just been another dream. My breathing accelerated and my heart raced as my eyes scanned the room. I sighed in relief when I saw Edward deeply asleep, tangled up in the sheets lying pressed against the wall next to me. I reached out to touch his face, feeling the stubble on his jaw against my fingertips. He rolled onto his back but didn't wake up.

Some residual anxiousness remained. Even after his promise that he wouldn't leave again, I wasn't certain that his mom would agree to his plans. What if she tried to send him straight to another school?

I noticed the faint morning light filtering through the window and the sound of chirping birds. I searched for the alarm clock to check what time it was before sinking back down next to Edward; it was only five in the morning. Still some time left until he'd have to leave, I thought, as I lay down next to him trying to calm down and enjoy the moment.

I rested my head on his chest and slung my arm over his stomach. When I felt his arm tighten around my waist, I snuggled closer, my leg hitching to his hipbone, accidentally grazing over his morning erection. I felt him stir below me, his arms shifting. Looking up at his face I expected him to be awake, but his eyes were closed and his breathing was calm. I let my fingers trail down over his navel. I needed to feel him before he had to go home to his crazy mother, where the threat of another separation could be waiting for both of us. I slid on top of his body, straddling his hips.

Edward's face looked peaceful and I felt like I was forcing myself on him in his unconscious state, like I was taking advantage of an involuntary reaction of his body while I still had him in my bed. But I didn't want to stop.

I sat up, took him into my hands and stroked him softly a couple of times before placing him between my legs and sinking down. I felt a burning sensation as he entered me. Edward exhaled sharply, his eyes fluttering open as he registered what I was doing. The pain went away as I pulled up a little. I placed my hands on his shoulders for leverage and moved slowly, until Edward took my hand in his and pushed himself up to sit. He kissed me, holding me close and pressing my hips down, as my legs moved behind his back. We kissed sloppily with Edward guiding my movements, tensing up when I sank down.

"Missed you … so much, Bella." His breathing became irregular as he pulled me down, his hips grinding hard into mine.

"Don't leave," I panted, his hands moving to my shoulders and pressing me against him. He kissed me, our teeth clanking, as I sucked his bottom lip between mine. Edward held me suddenly still, one hand on my hips halting my movements and his other cupping my cheek. I felt him twitching inside of me. Our eyes locked.

"I won't leave. I promise." He swallowed thickly. I rocked my hips down, wanting release. He thrust forward, looking down to where we were joined and placed his hand on my nub, rubbing circles while we moved. I moaned, letting my forehead rest against his shoulders until I let go.

"So good …" I breathed. Edward grabbed me tightly and turned us over onto the bed until he was on top of me, leaning on his arms with my legs to his shoulders. He started thrusting forward, pulling out almost all the way until I whimpered. Beads of sweat forming on his forehead, he rocked against me until his thrusts became erratic. A growling sound escaped his lips as he came.

"I love you," he whispered, biting my earlobe as I clung to him. Suddenly I felt tired, wanting to drift back into sleep with him inside of me. My breathing had slowed down and I felt myself slipping into a deep slumber, when the alarm clock went off. "I better get going." Edward moved to shut off the alarm quickly, fully alert, searching for his clothing.

I pulled on one of Jas' t-shirts and walked him down to the front door. As he opened the door to leave, I flung my arms around his neck and held on tightly, not ready to let go. I stayed in his arms for too short a time.

"I should get going before Charlie wakes up." He pulled my arms away from his neck carefully and kissed me on the nose. He gingerly rubbed my arms before pushing a stray strand of hair out of my face. "I promise I'm not going anywhere far. I'll call you later, okay? Will you be flying to New York tomorrow?" he asked pulling me to his chest and kissing my hair.

I shook my head. "I'll cancel the flight."

"I'll come by tonight," he promised.

"Okay," I mumbled, defeated.

Edward grabbed his bag that he must have stored under the porch last night and started walking away. I stood in the door watching his retreating form, feeling unsure about whether and when I'd see him again.

I took a long shower to wake up and was surprised to find Jas in the kitchen afterward, making coffee.

"Morning. You're back early." I moved around him to pull out two cups.

"Yeah, Billy woke us early and I didn't feel like sticking around."

"What did you do last night?" I asked.

"Lamest night ever. Smoked some joints, listened to music and fell asleep around 10. What happened to you? You look really tired. Did Charlie keep you up last night?" He chuckled and poured coffee into my cup.

I wanted to tell Jas about Edward's return, but hesitated for a second. Jas and Rose were both pretty pissed at Edward and I wasn't sure they'd take the news as something positive.

"Nope. Edward came back," I said, rushing my words out.

"What?" Jas stopped pouring coffee to stare at me.

"You heard me. He came back. He managed to get expelled somehow, which reminds me, I need to cancel that flight. You don't think Renee will be upset if I don't come, do you?"

"Hang on. Back up. Edward got expelled and is now back permanently?"

"Not exactly. He took a bus back here, but he hadn't been home yet. He's on his way there now. He still has to convince his mom to let him stay," I explained.

"So, did he tell you why he didn't call or write?" I took my cup and settled down at the kitchen table to face Jas' questions.

"Yeah, he said his mom gave the school instructions which included no incoming or outgoing mail or calls. He failed his classes thinking that his mom would eventually give up and let him come home. But then …" I really didn't want to tell Jas about Alice's phone call and considered skipping it.

"But? How did he get expelled then?"

"Um, dunno exactly. Apparently he set the principal's office on fire."

"Jeez, that takes some balls." Jas let out a whistle. "So what made him snap?"

"Well …" I started, gazing at the brownish liquid in my cup.

"Well, what?" Jas poked impatiently.

"Alice called him and told him that I was seeing someone else. So I guess that provided the motivation for him to come back sooner rather than later." Jas stared at me with an incredulous expression on his face.

"Why would she say that?"

"Beats me." I shrugged my shoulders.

"Edward believed her?"

"He thought his mom was behind it, but … then he thought Alice would never lie to him like that, I guess."

Jas nodded, but didn't say anything for a while, just drank his coffee quietly.

"So…uhm…if you are not going to New York, do you mind if I go? Or do you want to save the ticket?"

"No, sure." I shook my head. "Go. I've no use for it now and I think it's only good for six months. What are the chances that I'll get to use it?"

"Thanks, Bells."

"Why do you want to go now?" I asked, curious why my brother wanted to leave when there was a chance he would be able to see Alice again.

"I need to get away for a week or two, you know? It's been kind of drag to hang around here."

"But what if you could see Alice again?"

"To be frank, I'd rather not. I'm not even sure I'd be that into, you know, getting back together." If I doubted his words, one look at the expression on his face told me that he was being perfectly honest. "The more I think about the last three months, the more annoyed I am."

I kind of got where he was coming from. I'd been mad at Edward without him ever breaking up with me. If he'd done that, chances were I wouldn't exactly have welcomed him back with open arms either.

With a couple of phone calls, Jas and I managed to change the ticket. When we told Charlie about our change of plans during breakfast, he was fine with it. I explained to Charlie that Edward was back, but left out the details about him being expelled. I'd expected a million questions from Rose about why Edward had returned, but she only asked one thing: "Is he going to stick around?"

And that was the question that was gnawing at me all day. I felt a little guilty for focusing on it. It wouldn't be Edward's fault if he couldn't stick around, and he'd given me so much already. I should be happy that I got to spend the night with him, that he told me he still loves me, but the long list of things for me to be grateful for could not seem to stop me from worrying. When the phone rang right around dinnertime, I stumbled and lost footing in a hurry to get to the phone. Rose, ever the graceful one, picked up the phone before I managed to scramble back up.

"Hello," she answered the phone. A pregnant pause followed. "Well, so nice to finally hear from you, Edward." There was a hint of sarcasm in her voice that wasn't lost on anyone.

Before she could add anything further, I grabbed the receiver from her. Rose rolled her eyes at me.

"Hey, ignore my sister," I said.

"It's okay. I understand why she's angry. So, my father is supposed to arrive any minute now, and I guess we're going to have dinner. I think it's going to work out. I'll see whether I can come by later, but if not, I'll come by tomorrow morning first thing, I promise."

"Don't –"

"What! Why?" Edward interrupted me.

"Jas is flying to New York tomorrow because the ticket would have expired. At any rate, Rose and I are driving him to Seattle in the morning. We probably won't be back until late at night." I wanted to tell him to come the next night, since Jas definitely would be gone, but didn't dare in front of Charlie. "I'm sorry. Tuesday?"

"Tuesday, definitely. I'll miss you."

"I'll miss you, too," I muttered, hoping nobody was listening. Of course nothing could have been further from the truth. As I turned to walk back to the dinner table, Rose, Charlie, and Jas were all giving me curious glances.

"So, will Edward go to school here again?" Charlie asked with a sigh.

"Yeah, I guess so. I mean, he doesn't know for certain yet." I tried my best to sound casual, as if the thought that he might leave again didn't bother me.

"I see," was Charlie's only response before he went back to shoveling spaghetti with meatballs into his mouth and complaining how difficult the noodles were to eat.

"So, he hasn't talked to his parents yet?" Rose asked, looking at me with one raised eyebrow questioningly.

"I don't know, Rose," I said in an annoyed tone. "He just told me that his dad will be coming home for dinner tonight. I guess they'll talk then."

I didn't want to fight with her, because I already had so many doubts and fears that occupied me every single moment of the day, that I couldn't bear to discuss them. I was happy she stayed quiet while we washed the dishes together. When she handed me the last plate to dry, she said softly, "For what it's worth, I'm happy I was wrong about him."

"Thanks."

"Come on, cheer up! He's back, at least for now." She poked me with her elbow in the ribs.

"I know, right? I should be happy. I'm an idiot. Ignore me." I smiled and tossed the dishtowel on the counter.

"It's okay. I'd be nervous too if I were you."

"Well, there's not much I can do. I think I'm gonna head to bed know."

In our room I found Jas sitting on the windowsill, smoking. I settled next to him silently, reaching for the joint.

"If Edward comes later, wake me up and I'll go sleep on the couch. We'll have to leave early anyway, so I'm sure Charlie won't notice. Even if he does, I'll just tell him I couldn't sleep and fell asleep watching TV."

"I doubt he'll come tonight. His dad is at home and I'm sure his mom is guarding the house at night like a hawk. He knows you're gone tomorrow night."

"Right. Ever the sensible, considerate one!" Jas chuckled. "I'll bet you five bucks he's coming tonight."

"Do you even have five bucks, dear brother," I snorted, smoke blowing out of my nostrils.

"I do. Charlie gave me money for the trip."

"I'm sure he'd just love for you to lose it to me."

"Are you scared you're gonna lose, Bells?" He corked an eyebrow at me challengingly.

"You're on. As much as I'd love for him to come by and for your ass to be sleeping on the sofa, I'm pretty certain he won't."

"Okay."

We silently finished the joint and stayed up reading, both of us unwilling to drift off to sleep, until one of us could proclaim to have won the bet. But right around midnight, neither Jas nor I could keep our eyes open any longer, and so we fell asleep with the light on.

We both woke up groggy the next morning to the sound of the alarm clock. I was tired, but still the first words out of my mouth were, "I told you so!"

"Oh, shut up," Jas grumbled, tossing his pillow at me.

"I'm feeling generous. Keep the five bucks. I kind of wished you'd be right," I admitted, stomping out of the room and into the bathroom to brush my teeth.

I didn't know whether it was the general lack of sleep or the fact that Edward hadn't shown up, but I was in grumpy mood for the rest of the day. First Jas' general excitement about leaving town rubbed me the wrong way, then Rose's incessant chatter about moving back to LA made me wish for earplugs. To top it off, on the way back, the truck's tire blew.

It was pitch dark outside when Rose and I, armed with a flashlight, tried to change the tire. No car passed us, and after two hours we still hadn't managed to bolt the replacement tire into place. Then it started raining. We briefly argued about whether we should stay put for the night, but I won that argument. I didn't want to spend the night in the truck, if there was a chance I'd get to see Edward and find out whether he'd stick around. We eventually managed to secure the tire and headed home.

By the time we reached Forks, it was past one o'clock in the morning. I was certain even if Edward had made an attempt to come visit me, he'd have given up by now and gone back home. I was so convinced that I'd have to wait until the morning to see him that I stumbled straight into him sitting on the front steps of our porch, not noticing he was there waiting for me.

"Hey," he said quietly, getting up without making any noise. "I was worried about you. Did you guys get lost?"

"No, we had a flat tire. Welcome back and goodnight," Rose said loudly, moving past us into the house.

"Coming in?" I asked.

He nodded, following me upstairs into my room and kissing me the minute we closed the door behind us. While we kissed I could feel a smile tugging on his lips.

"Hey, so what happened?" I asked between quick pecks.

"I told you I'm staying. We should get you out of these wet clothes." I was about to pull away and insist that he talk to me when I realized my t-shirt and jeans were cold and clammy. Instead, I raised my arms, allowing him to pull off my t-shirt off. His fingers nimbly starting working on my pants until I stood in front of him in my underwear. He was about to take my panties off when I stilled his hands.

"Edward, just tell me what happened, please." He took my hand and pulled me over to the bed and onto his lap.

"Okay, well, my conversation with my mother didn't go too well." He scratched his head, looking a tad embarrassed.

"Yeah, I kind of figured she wasn't going to be an easy nut to crack."

"I called my father and he agreed to come over for dinner. The short version of the story is: she threatened to send me off to another school, only this time she was going to send me to some sort of military academy. Apparently setting the office on fire didn't exactly help my case. But my father sort of saved the day. He said he'd travel back every day until he could open up a practice here in town, essentially moving back in with her. Trust me – nobody is more surprised about his decision than me. She agreed to let me stay here as long as he was around to keep in me in check." Edward rolled his eyes at me.

I hugged him fiercely.

"I'm sorry I didn't come last night, but I tried to talk to Alice," he said, his fingers traveling down my arm and to my stomach, the soft touch distracting me.

"How's she doing? Does she know Jas left?" I mumbled, kissing him on the neck.

"Am I a bad person if I tell you I'd rather do other things right now than talk about my sister?" he murmured in a husky voice.

Let's just say, we didn't do much talking that night. Edward left early in the morning only to return an hour later to take me hiking. While I stumbled up the path to his favorite meadow following him, he told me that Alice was miserable without Jas. One of the positive side effects of their dad moving back in was that he had officially told Alice she wasn't grounded anymore. It didn't really matter to her though, now that Jas wasn't around.

She admitted to having made up the story about me. I was angry when he told me about it, but Edward told me that she'd had only good intentions. Apparently dear Alice had thought she'd make the separation for Edward easier, not thinking that her lie could actually make a bad situation worse. But then again, it did give Edward the added incentive to come back. Edward and I hung out in the meadow all day, only returning home for dinner.

The summer passed after that without much fanfare. Despite the fact that I was still annoyed with Alice, I tried my best to cheer her up by driving to Port Angeles with her occasionally and hanging out with at their pool.

The mood around the Cullen home hadn't really improved much from what I remembered it being like before. Except for the fact that their dad was around more, it stayed as insufferable as ever and so was Edward's mom. Mommy Dearest continued acting like a bitch, barely managing to say hello or goodbye to me. Honestly, I didn't care as long as she let Edward stay with me. Carlisle was okay I guess. Judging from the constant presence of a filled cocktail glass in his hand, he probably wasn't too happy about sticking around, but was sucking it up for the sake of his kids.

Jas didn't return to Forks until the Friday before school was scheduled to start again in late August. He'd stayed with Renee and Phil and they traveled together to some festival in Woodstock. When Rose and I picked him up from the airport, we both thought he was suffering from an acid flashback. Describing his ramblings as loopy didn't even cover it. His vocabulary for a short period seemed to be limited to groovy and cool, and his reading choices shifted from the beatnik stuff he used to read to books on transcendental meditation. Thankfully the change wasn't permanent. After about two weeks, he abandoned the new books and started hanging out with Jake on the reservation again. I think they got stoned most of the time.

Rose and Emmett moved to LA a couple of days later. They chose Emmett's car to travel down the coast, figuring the truck was too much of a liability for long distance travel. Rose proudly handed Jas and me the keys to the truck before she left.

When school started, some things went right back to the way they were before Edward had left. But others changed. For one thing, Rose and Emmett were missed by all of us, even though none of us missed their constant displays of affection. Jas and Alice talked. He told her he wasn't interested in getting back together, spouting something about open relationships. She pouted for a while, but eventually she took what he offered, which was some form of friendship. I wasn't sure what their friendship exactly entailed 'cause sometimes they acted like they were still together and on other days, I'd find Jas hanging out with Leah at our house. I didn't know how they handled it and after I found Leah and Alice one morning in our kitchen together, chatting and drinking tea, I gave up trying to figure it out.

Edward and I, though, went right back to where we'd left off. We spent every waking hour together, and when possible, the nights as well. After Rose left, I moved into her room, ending a near eighteen-year tradition of sleeping in the same room as my brother. Sometimes I woke up in the middle of the night and expected him to be lying across the room from me, snoring, and got freaked out by fact that I was alone. I got over it quickly though, cherishing my privacy. Some nights Jas and I would still sit in our old room together, smoking joints and cigarettes out of the window.

When it came time to apply for college, Edward insisted we apply to the same schools and offered to go to whatever school I got into. I didn't argue with him, or try to convince him to apply to schools I knew I couldn't afford, or had slim chance of getting in; the thought of being without him freaked me out too much. The more time we spent together, the better I got to know him, and the less I could imagine being away from him. I worried during the year, while were waiting for the inevitable responses, that my actions were really rather selfish, but felt placated when he got into Columbia and I got into Barnard on a full scholarship. He really didn't have to sacrifice that much and his parents were appeased.

I didn't know whether we'd stay together forever, but as high school drew to a close and we got ready to leave our homes, I couldn't envision my life without Edward.

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**An Epilogue should follow shortly. Thanks so much for reading!**


	35. Chapter 35 Epilogue1974

**Thx as always to my betas - Reamhar & KCerena!**

**Le sniff - it's over! **

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**35. Epilogue/October1974**

Some things have changed, while others remain the same. Dick Nixon resigned last August (can you believe the moron _taped his own_ incriminating conversations?), and the war in Vietnam has ended. But, yeah, Edward and I are still together. It's not always a walk in the park, sometimes we disagree and argue, but for the most part we make it work. We moved out of student housing four months ago, right after graduation, and are now living in our very own first apartment. It's a tiny studio in Greenwich Village; one room serves simultaneously as kitchen, living room and bedroom. It's not much, but it's all we could afford on my salary as a reporter for the _Village Voice_. Since I will be the only one with an income for the foreseeable future, we'll have to make due with the space. I don't mind so much, but Edward complains about the size a lot. I laugh and make jokes about the fact that we won't be able to afford a one-bedroom anytime soon, much less the mini-mansion his family lives in.

Edward just started his first year of medical school. After he took some classes on music theory and composition during his freshman year, he decided that he preferred to keep music as his hobby. He said something about how the classes forced him to be creative on command and that kind of ruined playing and composing for him. I'm not certain I'll ever understand how Edward found organic chemistry in contrast to those music classes fascinating. Occasionally he tried to enlighten me on the subject of chemistry and why it's interesting, but I've to admit I was bored to tears just listening to him. I was an English major who avoided most science classes at all cost.

College was fun, but I'm glad to be done with it. I like my job. It's also kind of neat to finally get a paycheck, even if it's not a huge one. I'm still a little in shock whenever my editor comments positively on my work. I don't think I'll go back to school anytime soon, but I've resigned myself to the fact that my boyfriend will spend the next couple years studying. Speaking of which, the title 'boyfriend' recently began to bother him.

Two days after our commencement ceremony, Edward proposed – this time with dinner, champagne, and a ring. It was the first night we'd had to ourselves in a long time; no studying, no work and no proud parents stepping on our toes. I guess I should've seen it coming when Edward took me to a fancy French restaurant we really couldn't afford. Still, I was stunned when it happened and almost choked on the small diamond ring I found swimming at the bottom of my champagne glass.

"Isabella Marie Swan, will you marry me?" he asked, while I fished the ring out of the glass with my fork. I inspected the shiny and expensive object suspiciously for a second.

"What? Why?" was my first response. Edward furrowed his brows in confusion and then, ever so slightly, the expression on his face shifted to irritation.

"What do you mean _why_? I love you … we live together for Christ's sake … I thought it would be perfectly obvious _why_?" he said with an annoyed tone to his voice.

I knew he was tired and running on a short fuse lately. He'd finished his exams only a couple of days before graduation and all while his parents where visiting, too. Their constant bickering had only added to his stress. I'd been trying my best to tread lightly around him and not to add to his frustrations, but seriously? Did he just expect me to say yes?

"That's not what I meant and you know it. But what would change? If I say no, will you move out? Will you stop loving me? I mean, I'm just not sure it's necessary. That's all. And with the money this ring must have cost we could've paid the rent in advance or gone to L.A. to visit Rose and Emmett," I tried to explain. I thought my response was perfectly reasonable, but apparently Edward didn't agree.

"Can't you just make this easy, put the ring on, and say yes?" he seethed, one of his hands balling into a fist on the table.

"But why? Do you honestly need a silly piece of paper to know that I love you?" I argued, losing my patience and getting annoyed. Edward closed his eyes in frustration before opening them again

"So let me get this straight, you want me to introduce you as my girlfriend _forever_?" His question only added fuel to my fire. My suspicion was that the real reason he was so intent on getting married these days was to conform to some norm.

"Actually, I'm fine without any title. You can just introduce me by my name. Does everything have to have a label? I know what you are to me!" I exclaimed, my irritation quickly turning to fury.

"Really?" he huffed. "So what are you – my friend? 'Hi, everyone this is my_ friend_ Bella and we happen to live together.' Is that what you want me to say?"

"What's wrong with that? Will you be embarrassed to admit to your snotty doctor friends that we are living together without having run to city hall first?" I knew I was pushing it; if I was being perfectly honest, I wouldn't be pleased to have him introduce me as his 'friend.'

"Of course not!" he said loudly. Some of the other patrons had started shooting us odd glances. Edward looked around for a second, uncomfortable with the attention.

I shrugged my shoulders to emphasize my blasé attitude about the subject. Edward's posture stiffened. "I just don't get why this is so important to you," I muttered, but it came out pretty meekly after I caught the expression on his face. He was definitely angry, but I could also tell he felt hurt by my argument. It was the first fight we'd had in along time.

I played with the napkin on my lap instead of looking at him. I heard Edward exhale loudly.

"Bella, look at me, please?" I rolled my eyes and chanced a glance at him. "I love you. I don't think that's ever going to change. So what's so wrong with us getting married? We don't have to get married right away. We can just stay engaged for a while, if you like. But can you please say yes and do this for me?" he pleaded and my heart melted.

"Fine," I mumbled, feeling a bit like a pushover.

"Is that a yes?"

"Fine, yes … sure, I'll marry you. Happy?" I smiled at him. He grinned at me.

"Yes, I am."

"I can't believe I'm agreeing to this." I shook my head and laughed.

"Can you try the ring on to see whether I'll need to get it resized?"

Biting my lip nervously, I looked at the sparkling diamond ring before pushing it over the ring finger of my left hand.

"It seems to fit," I said, holding my hand out to him. Edward seemed so genuinely happy when he reached for my hand to place a kiss on it that I figured I'd made the right decision by giving in. I'd learned, during the past couple of years, that compromising was part of the deal in a relationship, even if you didn't get what you wanted all the time. We paid the tab and fled the place shortly afterward without bothering to finish our dessert.

I guess I should refer to him now as my fiancé, but four months later and three months away from our wedding day, I'm still not quite used to the title. Edward of course loves it and never fails to mention it when we go to parties or run into one of his colleagues. If it makes him happy, it works for me.

Unfortunately, between his job as a night porter at a hotel and his studies, I don't get to see him much. I'd prefer if he'd quit the job, but we need the money to cover for the cost of his books, which turned out to be insanely expensive. His parents offered to pay for school, but he rejected their offer. I'd not been sure why he turned them down considering how much easier it would have made his life until he let it slip that the check came with the condition that he'd wait to marry me until he graduated medical school. He didn't want to wait. I felt like an ungrateful five-year-old who'd thrown a tantrum about a Christmas present after I found out. I agreed to get married sooner rather than later.

When I told Rose and Renee about our engagement, they'd wanted to throw us a wedding party. At first, their request sounded perfectly reasonable, but then Alice got involved and the party planning spun quickly out of control. Thankfully, Edward was able to stop her. Neither of us wanted to have a big wedding and we really couldn't afford it. We're going to have a small civil ceremony followed by dinner with some friends and our families right before the holidays when Edward will be done with his exams for the semester.

Rose and Emmett got married a year ago and Rose is already expecting their first child. They stayed in L.A. after they finished school. Emmett found a job as a teacher and Rose started law school. I told her it was stupid to get pregnant while she was still in school, but she said she'll manage, and I know better than to argue with her. I'm still a little upset that I'm going to be an aunt so soon. I think Jas is a little freaked out about it too. Time went by so quickly. It seems like only yesterday that we graduated high school.

Jas is taking his sweet time graduating from Berkley. He's still studying. The last time I checked, he was majoring in political science, but that can change at any minute; last year it was psychology. I think he's dilly-dallying because he doesn't want to get a real job.

Jas visits Charlie often, at least three or four times a year, and always spends his summers in Forks. I think he was the one who introduced Charlie to Leah's mom and they have since moved in together. I'm happy that he's found someone after all those years. Plus, it also makes get-togethers with Renee and Phil a lot less awkward now that Charlie has a girlfriend to bring along.

Alice and Jas still keep in touch, but both of them have officially moved on in the dating department. Alice graduated a year early from Parsons and started working for a fashion magazine here in New York. She loves it. She travels a lot and I barely see her, even though she only lives three blocks from us. Her roster of boyfriends is endless and I don't think she plans to settle down anytime soon.

The last time Alice came over to our house, she brought along disco records she'd bought in London and champagne one of her new boyfriends had sent her from Paris. When Edward came home from school that day, Alice and I were on our second bottle of champagne, dancing and singing along to the tunes blasting from our record player. Edward refused to join in and instead chose to go for a walk. He called later that night to make sure Alice was gone before he came home. I laughed and told him she was long gone.

Alice never sticks around for more than a few hours at a time, which is probably a good thing. Edward and Alice completely clash these days, and I'm starting to be convinced they've always been opposites. Alice is outgoing, attends every major social gathering in the city, and spends most of her money on designer clothes and Edward … well, he's kind of the same as he's always been. He barely ever drinks and he doesn't care to go out much.

On weekends we sometimes take walks in the park, go to the movies or see Broadway plays. Sunday mornings we usually spend in bed reading The New York Times together. Every so often Edward drags me to piano recitals during which I'm frequently tempted to take a nap. In exchange for going to the recitals with him, I get to drag him to parties and to bars where I meet up with my co-workers. I better get off the typewriter now. Edward is grumbling that he'd like me to come to bed.

* * *

**THE END**


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